The flames flickered
Even more nervous than Jinnan was Lin Jiaze. The Porsche in Jinnan's possession was his, and Xu Zhiyuan had just braked and driven right past the car's paint. If Xu Zhiyuan got angry and hit him, Lin Jiaze wouldn't be able to return home.
But Xu Zhiyuan wasn't that crazy after all. His coat was neatly dressed, and when he saw the other people in the car, he actually smiled politely.
But he did not make any further movement, just stood there, waiting for Jinnan.
Jinnan had no choice but to get off the bus.
The cold February wind blew into Jinnan's arms, making him shiver. The wind went up and down continuously in a short period of time, and his nose was frozen red.
Jinnan looked at Xu Zhiyuan and felt as if his legs weighed a thousand pounds.
How was he going to explain this to Xu Zhiyuan? Going out for dinner in the evening, although there was indeed some element of avoiding Xu Zhiyuan, Jin Nan didn't intend to not go home.
He just wanted to talk it out and see if he could find some solution to his current situation. If that didn't work, he would go home and face Xu Zhiyuan directly.
Jinnan had no intention of escaping, never. Although he was afraid of Xu Zhiyuan's anger, he was even more afraid that everything would end just like that.
So sloppy.
Xu Zhiyuan was standing there, wearing a coat that Jinnan had borrowed and worn, and it was very warm. The cashmere scarf seemed to be a gift from Jinnan, but Jinnan himself couldn't remember. He always bought whatever he liked as a gift, regardless of whether it was a holiday or a fake one.
He himself couldn't remember what Xu Zhiyuan had to do with him.
They say they are inseparable, but in fact they are very far apart. They have never even spoken to each other openly and honestly.
Looking at Xu Zhiyuan at this moment, Jinnan didn't know how to get there. The short road of a few meters seemed as long as a cross-sea bridge.
But in the end, he still walked to Xu Zhiyuan.
Xu Zhiyuan didn't say anything, put his hand on his shoulder, and stuffed the untied scarf into Jinnan's arms.
Still with body temperature.
Jinnan turned around and saw Chen Chen, the only one in the car who was not drunk, being forced to sit in the driver's seat of the Porsche.
"Jinnan, what are you afraid of? Brother Xu is such a gentle man, how could he possibly eat you?" Lin Jiaze whistled at Jinnan and encouraged Chen Chen, "Don't worry, just drive it like an Audi, or even an Audi Double Diamond."
"I've never driven an Audi before!" Chen Chen was at a loss whether to laugh or cry.
Jinnan said goodbye to them and got into Xu Zhiyuan's passenger seat. Xu Zhiyuan didn't ask where they had been or what they had done, but helped him fasten his seat belt and adjusted the air conditioning vents.
He said nothing, and Jinnan felt even worse than if he had been scolded.
"Xu Zhiyuan." Jinnan called him, "Why don't you ask me anything?"
In the rearview mirror, Chen Chen drove away first and honked the horn twice to greet them.
Xu Zhiyuan replied casually, with no intention of starting it.
"Is it useful for me to ask you?" Xu Zhiyuan said coldly, "You don't even want to communicate with me."
"No!" Jinnan immediately retorted.
Xu Zhiyuan stared at him, a look of emotion in his eyes that Jinnan couldn't understand. It wasn't anger, it wasn't pain or sadness, it was more like disappointment.
He disappointed Xu Zhiyuan.
Jinnan took a deep breath. He didn't know what to say to ease the atmosphere, so he could only pour out what flashed through his mind like pouring out beans.
"I left home at three this afternoon and asked the housekeeper to leave a message for you. I originally wanted to have dinner and play for a while before going back. I really didn't intend to stay so late."
"Yeah." Xu Zhiyuan sat back in the driver's seat, fastened his seat belt, and looked straight ahead.
There seemed to be an ocean between them.
The engine started. It was almost midnight and the city streets were extremely quiet. Street lights flashed across the roof of the car. Jinnan was fidgeting and holding his mobile phone tightly.
He had to say something, whatever he had to say, otherwise he might lose Xu Zhiyuan forever.
But, that was a kiss, not something that should happen between brothers, not between men. It was a kiss between him and Xu Zhiyuan.
How would he ask?
The car drove into the darkness in silence. When they arrived home, only the lights in the living room were left on. Xu Zhiyuan parked the car and got out first. Jinnan sat in the passenger seat and looked out the window. Xu Zhiyuan leaned against his car door and lit a cigarette.
He didn't come to open the car door, as if he was standing outside Jinnan's heart, waiting for Jinnan to open it himself.
Jinnan hurriedly reached out to unbuckle his seat belt. He felt panicky. If he didn't get out of the car now and talk things over with Xu Zhiyuan, he felt he was going to lose something.
But fate seemed to be playing a joke on him. The more anxious Jin Nan became, the more mistakes he made. When he finally untied the knot after a long time, Xu Zhiyuan had already left, leaving a faint smell of smoke in the air.
Jin Nan panicked for a moment. Did Xu Zhiyuan think he was running away? He really just didn't untie it for a moment.
Xu Zhiyuan's scarf seemed to have tangled his hands. Jin Nan sat in the car in a daze. Xu Zhiyuan had given him a chance, but Jin Nan acted like... he wasn't reflecting on it, nor was he taking it seriously.
Jin Nan really didn't know what to explain. Was he going to confess his feelings to Xu Zhiyuan? He was so embarrassed at such a bad time, and had done so many bad things. Now that he was discovered, he eagerly leaned over and said, "I like you."
Is he belittling himself, or is he belittling Xu Zhiyuan?
But the kiss was shallow, it was impossible to bite like that. What happened has already happened, and Jinnan has no way to refute it.
He could only admit it.
The question now is, how is he going to recognize it?
How should he confess to Xu Zhiyuan?
Xu Zhiyuan has already left.
*
Wash up, read a book, and turn off the reading light.
Xu Zhiyuan did the same thing hundreds, even thousands, of times in the same amount of time. His life had always been like this, a one-way street.
The only variable recently is the camera facing his bed.
The eighth day of the Lunar New Year, the bottom of February, a different day. Xu Zhiyuan was certain that he would be back at work tomorrow, and all the bodyguards monitoring him would be back.
But he wasn't sure if that person would come again.
Everything that happened last night was like a beautiful dream, igniting all of Xu Zhiyuan's fantasies like fire, and then quietly extinguished when the morning came.
Xu Zhiyuan didn't smoke much, only taking two puffs when offered a cigarette. He rarely needed nicotine to help him stay calm. But today, lying in the dark, he wanted to light up again.
The howling cold winter wind that poured in through the car window blew him all night. Xu Zhiyuan repeatedly warned himself not to act impulsively, but he still went too far.
He clearly saw the fear in Jinnan's eyes when he got out of the car. Jinnan was afraid of him, which was what Xu Zhiyuan didn't want to see the most.
How could this happen?
They were just yesterday... He was still fantasizing that Jinnan would treat him differently when he woke up, maybe shy or angry, anyway, he would clearly remember what he said and what promises he made.
Jinnan might feel awkward for a long time because of embarrassment, and then they will be deadlocked in the ambiguous relationship with the heat continuing to rise. Then Xu Zhiyuan will take care of everything first and end everything with a voluntary guardianship or a ring.
That’s what Xu Zhiyuan thought.
But Jinnan poured a bucket of cold water on his head, and Jinnan pretended nothing happened.
Jinnan said it himself, he doesn't lie.
The flame flickered in the darkness, a circle of red light quickly pushing to the edge of the cigarette holder. He polished the lighter, thought for a long time, and did not light the second one.
The room suddenly fell into deep darkness.
Xu Zhiyuan suddenly thought that Jinnan's love of drinking was also good. As long as he got drunk, the Jinnan who loved him would appear again, and he could have sex with her every time he got close.
Stealing a little bit, tasting a little bit, Xu Zhiyuan's bones ached just thinking about it.
He put out the cigarette and threw it into the trash can, then sat on the sofa by the window, not knowing how to sleep tonight.
Even though the house was well heated, he still felt a little cold.
Now as Nan said, Xu Zhiyuan is afraid of the cold.
In the darkness, the door opened. A glimmer of hope rose in Xu Zhiyuan's heart, but he extinguished it himself.
A rustling sound entered, and his quilt was lifted. There was a sound of fabric rubbing against the bed. The uninvited "thief" finally realized that there was no one under the quilt and sat up suddenly.
"Xu Zhiyuan, where are you?"
Imami's voice.
Xu Zhiyuan did not respond.
"Are you listening?"
Silence, still silence. Xu Zhiyuan waited for Jinnan's next move.
The person on the bed struggled for dozens of seconds, and Jinnan reached for the head of the bed, where the eavesdropping device was placed in the open since it was discovered by Xu Zhiyuan.
Jinnan, this is your last chance. You don't want Xu Zhiyuan to hate you, you want to tell him you love him. So don't be afraid.
Jinnan, don't be afraid.
He encouraged himself. In the past twenty years or so, Jinnan had never been afraid of or avoided anything. He was free from worries and was always the most comfortable one.
But at this moment, he was tied to love and wanted to pray for the courage to confess to the one he loved.
What responded to him was Xu Zhiyuan's body temperature still remaining on the fabric.
Turning on the switch, Xu Zhiyuan heard Jinnan take a deep breath.
He is a despicable, selfish, and unscrupulous villain, but he loves Xu Zhiyuan, he respects Xu Zhiyuan, and they are complete and equal.
"I'm sure you can hear me."
Jinnan closed his eyes, as if this could help him ignore his heartbeat that was faster than the falling rain. There were things that had to be said and things that had to be done.
"Xu Zhiyuan, did I kiss you yesterday? I want to say sorry. I shouldn't have forced you, monitored you, or restricted you."
The night was getting colder and colder. Xu Zhiyuan suppressed his urge to speak and remained silent.
Don't speak, he told himself, don't speak.
"But." Jin Nan took a long breath, "I'm sorry. If it happens again, even a hundred times, I will do it again. I will keep you close to me, restrict your freedom, and forcefully kiss you."
"You're afraid of me now, but it's too late. I've hinted to you many, many times."
At this point, Jin Nan chuckled softly. It was unclear whether it was because of his completely exposed feelings, or simply because of the shameful secret he had revealed.
He was no longer afraid. If Xu Zhiyuan wanted to leave, Jin Nan would let him go. Jin Nan didn't want a relationship that was destroyed by a kiss, even though he was always close to her.
But he still said to Xu Zhiyuan:
"I just blocked your card and took your car keys. If you leave this house, someone will be following you 24 hours a day."
"I'm sorry, Xu Zhiyuan." Jin Nan finally lowered his voice, as if mustering up the courage, and said, "I like you, I love you, I'm sorry."
A long, long time passed, almost a century. Jin Nankong's gaze wandered through the darkness, unfocused. He seemed to be crying, his cheeks cold.
His heart sank to the bottom, his tears slowly dried up, Jinnan wiped his face, he shouldn't have cried.
If he had been more patient with Xu Zhiyuan, if he had been nicer to Xu Zhiyuan before, if he had not been afraid of offending Xu Zhiyuan.
Is it possible for Xu Zhiyuan to like men? Is it possible for him to like her?
The flint slid past.
Jinnan heard a voice saying to him.
"Have you been drinking?"
Along with the sound, a flame appeared, flickering in the darkness, gently fluttering with the sound of a person's breathing.
Behind the firelight, the eyes were as fierce as a wolf's.
Jinnan couldn't hear the question, his mind and eyes were filled with Xu Zhiyuan. Xu Zhiyuan was always by his side, watching him, listening to the whole thing.
"Have you been drinking, Jinnan?" Xu Zhiyuan asked again.
"No," Jinnan said, "I haven't drunk a drop of alcohol."
"Honestly?"
Jin Nan swallowed hard for some reason and said, "The truth."
Xu Zhiyuan stared at the fire and thought for a long time.
Jin Nan, in the light, looked at him quietly, without hesitation or fear, only a sense of determination. He walked into Xu Zhiyuan's room with the mentality of going to the execution ground. He was ready and handed over all the power of judgment to Xu Zhiyuan.
He didn't think about the consequences at all.
Jin Nan once again surprised Xu Zhiyuan. He did not hide or escape. He returned to Xu Zhiyuan.
Then trust him again. One last time.
The next second, the flames went out, and Jin Nan heard the sound of metal being gently placed on the bedside. Suddenly, a strong force squeezed his shoulders, and Jin Nan felt dizzy, and he was pressed into the pillow.
Defenseless, he was completely enveloped by the rich scent of Xu Zhiyuan. A hot body pressed down, and a hand pinched his chin and cheek.
He heard Xu Zhiyuan's panting, with a hint of smoke that had not yet dissipated, very, very close.
"I want to correct one thing." Xu Zhiyuan said, "I forced a kiss on you last night. I can't blame you."
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