It's finished.
When this thought popped into my head, I felt a little lost.
Originally, it wasn't planned to end today; it was supposed to continue with one update a day to drag things out. But yesterday, I suddenly couldn't take it anymore.
I don't want to delay any longer. Continuing like this will only torment you and myself.
I want to end this story.
The story is coming to an end.
Don't hesitate any longer!
Let us launch a grand charge towards the inevitable death!
So I got up and started writing, and kept writing until 3 a.m. before going to rest. I continued writing after waking up in the morning.
I wrote almost 10,000 words today, in bits and pieces, including deletions and additions.
I felt exhausted and sleep-deprived, and I felt lightheaded.
But finally, I finished writing and published all four chapters in one go.
As I write this, I'm still debating whether to wait a little longer, but in the end I've decided to end it here.
There's no need to dwell on it any longer.
I've been saying this for a long time:
"A story, once it has a beginning, should also have an end."
This is difficult.
But I finally succeeded.
It's really difficult to keep going from around 600,000 to 700,000 words when nobody started reading, and to keep going until now, when it's almost 1.5 million words.
There was no positive feedback; I wrote it but no one read it, and no one commented.
I was walking in the dark, surrounded by abysses, and I had no idea how to proceed.
The results have been declining without any improvement.
My mind has been constantly teetering on the edge of collapse and sanity.
My friends who were with me didn't understand and advised me to cut my losses as soon as possible, saying that cutting my losses was the best option.
I understand their thinking, and I've also witnessed a friend successfully start a business after cutting many books.
I'm envious too.
Seeing their achievements, I really want to have them too, and it makes me feel terrible.
As you all know, I am currently overseas, more specifically in Africa.
Life here isn't very pleasant. I'm just one of the millions of people who go out to work and make a living, only in a slightly unusual place.
I... want to go back to China.
For some time now, I've had this idea that feels like an obsession.
I hope my next book will be a success so I can go back to China to write full-time. I don't want to keep wandering around abroad.
But I also know that it's very difficult, really very difficult.
The clearer my mind is, the more painful it is for me.
I've always been a little unlucky, and I've never encountered any lucky events. My luck has always been terrible.
Will I really be able to make a difference with my next book?
I have no idea.
The reason I'm unwilling to abandon this book is that I don't want people to think of me as an author who likes and is used to abandoning projects.
I don't want that kind of reputation to fall on my head.
This choice is difficult and very challenging for me.
But I still made the choice.
There are mountains ahead; you must take a detour.
But I just don't want to turn around.
Keep going!
So they climbed up and made their way up the mountain.
And now, we have reached the summit.
One must climb to the summit to survey all the lesser peaks below.
To others, it's just an insignificant little hill, but to me it's a towering peak.
We did it!
No matter who asks me, I can answer with my head held high.
"I kept my promise."
"I have not broken my promise to my friends."
"I gave this story an ending."
Thank you to all the readers and automatic subscribers; I am truly grateful for your presence.
Towards the end of writing this book, I realized I wasn't actually writing it for myself anymore.
My main motivation for continuing is that I don't want to let you down.
You believe me, trust that I will give this story an ending.
I don't want to betray this trust.
And now... I can finally take a break.
You might think I'm exhausted now, or even considering giving up writing altogether.
This is incorrect.
I was really, really tired, but I never thought about giving up writing the book.
I just don't want to turn!
There's no reason to give up after just one fall.
The failure of just one book cannot break me!
I will continue writing.
Life goes on, and so does the struggle.
Perhaps I can't be considered a fighter, I'm just someone who's naturally unwilling to bow down.
Let's continue to walk together in the future.
Please allow me to take a short break for a few days.
See you in the next book.
Next time, I'll write a happier story.
(Actually, I won't be away for long, the side story of this book isn't finished yet...)
(I'll share more of my thoughts on this book after I've finished writing it.)
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