Chapter 44 It's Okay
That excellent student who was good at liberal arts never paid any attention to him.
When they passed each other, his beautiful eyes were always filled with questions and the person who was arm in arm with him.
When buying snacks at the convenience store, even if he helped him get something from the top of the counter, he would just look at him politely, smile and say thank you. But from that seemingly focused gaze, Mu Xu knew that the owner of those eyes didn't remember him at all.
His glance was merely a formality, a polite gesture. In reality, if Mu Xu had caught up with him the next second, Lin Jin would have simply been surprised to find this face unfamiliar and this person somewhat unconventional.
After Mu Xu met Lin Jin, his heart always seemed to be in trouble. It would beat violently one second, and then it would be as silent as if it had been drained of water the next second, which made him lose interest.
Sometimes he thought he didn’t dislike Lin Jin, but the next second he felt unhappy.
Mu Xu felt that something was wrong with him.
Ms. Qiao looked at the boy with a sad face and suddenly felt that her boy finally acted a little like a child, instead of being cold and indifferent all day long, like a little adult.
She asked, "Did that little girl Lin Jin choose the article?"
Mu Xu hummed, and said, "Lin Jin is a boy."
When Ms. Qiao heard this, her heart skipped a beat and she was petrified for half a second. Then she thought to herself: Oh my god.
Now it was Ms. Qiao's turn to look worried.
It's a good thing for your son to have a crush on you, but if it's a boy, then you probably can't express your feelings easily. If you express your feelings casually, it will cause a lot of trouble to the other person.
What's more, in the current context, same-sex love is very difficult.
The factors to be considered are not just money and character.
She said distressedly, "Son, I like you, but please be careful. Don't scare me."
Mu Xu froze for a moment and said in surprise: "I don't..."
Before he could finish his rebuttal, he began to soothe himself, and then he became quieter and quieter, and finally he raised his hands to cover his face, and shouted in anger: "Mom!"
Ms. Qiao was so shocked by the shouting that she clutched her chest. "Oh, Mom's here! You scared me to death! What a beautiful and wonderful little girl! She made even our little Mu blush so much."
Mu Xu's ears turned red from being amused, and he said in a self-deprecating tone, "Very beautiful and excellent!"
Mu Xu finally chose Quan Li.
Ms. Qiao said that liking someone doesn't mean blindly approaching them, but rather becoming better together with them. Especially for someone as outstanding as Lin Jin, he should work harder to be worthy of him.
She said: "In today's society where homosexuality is generally frowned upon, before you are able to provide him with money and security and ensure that he can feel at ease, don't let him know that you like him."
She always has a lot to consider: "You are both facing the college entrance examination, so don't bother him with your affairs. When you can't guarantee that you can completely control yourself and not disturb him, try to stay away. Because getting too close can easily lead to accidents. What he needs most now is the college entrance examination, including college in the future. What he needs most is a future, not love."
But what she said made sense: "So, when you can be completely independent and help him resist social prejudice, then express your feelings."
After listening to this, Mu Xu said, "He doesn't like men."
Ms. Qiao was speechless for a moment, and then she was silent until dinner. She suddenly put down her chopsticks and said to Mu Xu, "Whether he likes men or not is his business. Whether you like him is your business. You just need to become better first. What if, what if there is a chance?"
So, Mu Xu remained on the third floor, while Lin Jin remained on the second. As their sophomore and junior years progressed, their interactions became less and less frequent.
The academic workload has increased and the competitions have increased.
Sometimes Mu Xu was so tired from studying that he couldn't help but run downstairs, pretending to pass by their class casually, and then after seeing the handsome boy sitting in front of the exam table, he would return upstairs fully refreshed.
He could always get through a whole week with just one glance.
The senior high school teaching building is at the outermost part, and their corridor can no longer see the tall trees full of flowers, but it is the best place to watch the sunset.
Sometimes after dinner, Mu Xu would pretend to watch the sunset on the corridor, but in fact, his eyes would always secretly notice the thin young man embraced by the magnificent orange, yellow, red and pink sunset.
Whenever this happened, Mu Xu would feel that he was quite easy to satisfy.
He controlled his inappropriate thoughts and desires, and just took a look from a distance every day.
But it turns out that sometimes, even a small wish cannot be fulfilled.
At the end of spring in his senior year of high school, Lin Jin took a week off.
On the third day after Mu Xu's little wish was unfulfilled, he couldn't help but find Teacher Yang, who was still teaching his and Lin Jin's classes, and asked casually, "Teacher Yang, why did the top place in the liberal arts class change this week?"
Teacher Yang sighed deeply, and said with a distressed look on his face, "The child has asked for leave. I hope he can have a good rest."
As he said this, he almost cried.
That Friday, Mu Xu still took the No. 19 bus, but he got off the bus before he got home.
He had never followed Lin Jin home, but when they were on the way, he would try his best to choose the same way as him. So when he got off the station, he looked at the unfamiliar commercial street and the surrounding communities, and suddenly didn't know how to go.
But he still walked in the direction that Lin Jin and his family returned home as he remembered.
Then, while waiting for the light to turn green at the intersection, someone casually said, "There was a car accident here a few days ago. A couple died, leaving only their high school senior son and his grandmother to depend on each other."
“Poor thing.”
One of the middle-aged men also sighed, patted his child on the head, and said, "Did you hear that? Mom and Dad taught you to look at traffic lights just in case something like this happens."
The woman said, "Teaching is one thing, why use violence?"
She paused and said, "But it doesn't seem to be because of the traffic light. It seems to be because someone was driving under the influence."
"Yes," said the person who had started the conversation. "The driver was drunk, ran a red light, and hit the couple. It was a serious accident."
He pointed to the hospital fifty meters away and said, "It was so close, but they couldn't save him."
Mu Xu's heart almost stopped beating, and he walked towards the hospital woodenly.
At this time, people were obviously rushing home from school and get off work, and there was a lot of traffic outside, and everywhere was packed with people. However, Mu Xu was able to find Lin Jin in the hospital at the time when human activities were the most intensive.
That young man who was full of vigor and vitality, his eyes became dull after just a few days of not seeing him.
His eyes were dull and his eye sockets were red and swollen. He held the hunched old woman in his arms and gently comforted her like a little adult.
Even though his body was shaking, and he had to pinch his fingertips to slow down the shaking when he raised his hands, he still held on and patiently said to the old lady, "Grandma, Xiao Jin is still here."
Mu Xu stood there in the crowd, watching Lin Jin coax the old woman to sleep, letting her lean on him, for over an hour. Only when the old woman woke up did he calmly rub her numb arm, pull out some bread from his bag, and gently ask her to fill her stomach.
Seeing that the old man had calmed down a little and was no longer heartbroken, he took the information and picked up the two cremated urns, and with a pale face, he led the old man home.
Mu Xu followed behind him all the way.
His mind had long been numb, and even following them was instinctive.
Mu Xu stopped only after watching Lin Jin return home safely.
He had just stopped where he was, and before he even had time to turn around, his stomach and intestines suddenly started to ache. The pain was so severe that he broke out in a cold sweat and squatted down on the spot, holding onto the wall.
He was terrified, so terrified that he felt sick to his stomach and his whole body ached.
I was afraid that Lin Jin, who was such a happy boy, would suddenly face such a thing and fall into the pain and be unable to extricate himself.
What should I do?
Mu Xu couldn't think of a solution no matter how hard he tried. He just squatted there, his face buried in the shadows, his heart filled with fear, and even his back was covered in cold sweat.
Mu Xu had severe stomach cramps and weak bones.
Drops of sweat dripped onto the ground and gradually melted away.
At the same time, the door creaked.
As the garbage bag dropped to the ground, Lin Jin's hoarse voice and footsteps approached: "Are you... okay?"
Mu Xu didn't know whether she should be angry that he still cared about others even though he was in such a state, or should be glad that he was still so kind.
Mu Xu lowered his head, his features hidden in the shadows, and said, "It hurts..."
Seeing the cold sweat on his forehead, Lin Jin couldn't help but frown. He squatted down in panic, touched his head, and said softly, "Where do you feel uncomfortable? Don't be afraid, I'll take you to the hospital."
As he said this he was going to help him up.
Mu Xu grabbed him, said "I'm sorry" inexplicably, reached out to pull him over, and hugged him tightly.
He pretended to be weak and leaned on Lin Jin's shoulder, saying weakly, "Stomach problems are common. They will be fine after a while. But I need your help. Sorry for the offense."
When Lin Jin was in the most pain, he chose to be the most rude hooligan.
Then I tricked myself into the first hug.
His acting skills must be very good, so Lin Jin didn't even struggle. He just froze for a moment and then relaxed.
Lin Jin said in a hoarse voice, "It's okay, take it easy."
As he was speaking, his voice suddenly stopped.
Because while he was talking, the person holding him suddenly put his arms around his waist, and patted his back carefully, gently, and like coaxing a child, over and over again.
What should have been a presumptuous act was handled with a gentle soothing effect by him.
The boy's comfortable warmth crept across his thin clothing, soothing every limb and bone. Lin Jin, who hadn't slept in days, seemed to sink into the warmth of the blanket in this embrace.
The boy seemed to be in great pain, his head resting on his neck, and occasionally when the corners of his eyes rubbed against his skin, they would leave some moisture.
Lin Jin was lost in thought when he heard the young man's soft voice: "It's okay, it's okay, it will be fine, it's not uncomfortable."
Lin Jin knew clearly that he was saying that his stomach problems would be cured soon, but he put himself in the picture.
He let the boy gently caress his back. He had been holding back his tears and pretending to be shocked for many days, and now he finally found a way out.
There is no hospital that requires procedures.
There is no grandma to take care of.
The thing on his shoulders was very heavy, but now he had someone carrying it with him, and he was catching his breath.
Tears just fell on Mu Xu's shoulders.
Finally, the spirit that had been tense for several days relaxed through sobbing and I fell into a drowsy sleep.
As he fell asleep, Lin Jin rested his cheek against the boy's shoulder and heard a distant and extremely gentle voice: "Be good, have a good rest."
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