Chapter 48 The Courage of a Coward
No matter how polite Lin Jin was, he still felt a headache from the smoke.
He quickly asked him to take a shower, but worried about his health, he said: "Go take a shower first, and then go buy a few more sets of clothes. I'll transfer the money to you later. Is your stomach feeling uncomfortable?"
Zheng Shu was glad that he was not serious in normal times and was very skilled at playing the victim, but when he saw his cousin's worried look, he couldn't bear to tease him anymore.
He said seriously: "It doesn't hurt, I'm very strong, don't worry."
He went into the bathroom to take a shower, and lived here by throwing tantrums and playing the victim. But even though he was careful enough, he was still a rough man after all.
Even though he followed Mu Xu's request and watched him eat and sleep every day, he didn't notice that Lin Jin was becoming more and more depressed.
Every night when he stayed up late playing games, every time when he coaxed his partner, his cousin didn't dare to turn off the lights because of his mother, until he became numb to the text messages and lost his temper.
He also didn't know that his cousin often dreamed about his family in the middle of the night, and then failed to climb onto the balcony and fell back to the ground, then dragged his bleeding hands and feet back to the room. He also didn't realize that his cousin refused to go out because someone sent him photos of his aunt and uncle's death every day.
Because, in these moments, he was only busy with his own business.
So when he told Lin Jin that he was going to do an internship and planned to move away, he was stunned when he suddenly received the news that Lin Jin was moving.
Because he thought Lin Jin was fine.
Every time he saw Lin Jin, he always had a faint smile on his face, gentle as the wind, and never said a harsh word. However, when Lin Jin moved away, he suddenly realized that it wasn't that Lin Jin had gotten out of his predicament, but that Lin Jin was forcing himself to show his best side to him every time in order not to make him worry.
Let him stay here with peace of mind without having to worry about food and accommodation.
Lin Jin believed the excuse he made up at the time and thought that his dormitory was not good enough. He was afraid that he would not feel comfortable here and would move back to that dormitory.
He looked at the large amount of cash that Lin Jin had placed on the table for him, and the medicine box that he had not taken away from his room. The box was full, almost entirely filled with abrasion medicine and bandages.
Only then did Zheng Shu realize that it wasn't that Lin Jin liked to wear long sleeves and long pants, and the scrapes on his hands and feet that he'd caught at night weren't accidental. Rather, he got hurt almost every day, which was why he wore long sleeves and long pants to cover them up. And the medicine in the medicine box was so fresh because it was constantly replaced.
Zheng Shu didn't even dare to look at the money.
He took out his cell phone in shock and dialed the number. The call was connected quickly and there was silence on the other end.
Lin Jin's voice was soft and gentle: "Hello."
Zheng Shu cleared his throat and said in a dry voice, "Cousin, please come back. I don't want to do the internship anymore."
Lin Jin was a little surprised: "Is the work not good?"
"Well, I plan to stay for a few more months."
"Okay." Lin Jin said softly, "I've bought the house. You can just live there. The money should be enough. Will you feel any pressure after graduating?"
Zheng Shu covered his eyes and choked up, "Cousin, I was wrong."
Lin Jin was silent for a moment, then said soothingly, "I'm moving away just to change to a new environment and take a break. Don't think too much about it."
Lin Jin initially hadn't considered giving Zheng Shu the money, but later, when Zheng Shu came home drunk for some unknown reason, he collapsed on the sofa, tears streaming down his face as he said, "...Aunt, what should I do...I can't seem to handle this family well...Why do both the one who hits me and the one who gets hit blame me?"
Lin Jin listened to Zheng Shu's drunken words for a long time.
Because among those drunken words was his mother, the strong woman who dared to love and hate and acted decisively, and the aunt who once taught little Zheng Shu not to learn from his father and instilled in him the three views.
At dawn, Zheng Shu fell asleep under the quilt.
Lin Jin also went on a long trip after a long absence, took out some money, and then, in a flash, bought the house.
Lin Jin thought that he might just hope that Zheng Shu would not be forced by life to succumb to opinions that he did not agree with.
So he said, "I've bought the house, you can just live there. The money should be enough. Will you feel any pressure just after graduating?"
He added, "I moved away just to change to a new environment and take a break. Don't think too much about it."
Zheng Shu believed it. He always believed his cousin's words without any doubt, from childhood to adulthood.
He asked, "Really?"
"Well, I want to take a break. Please don't contact me recently, okay?"
After moving out, Lin Jin stayed in the darkness for a long time, feeling numb and confused. At a certain moment, he fell off the balcony, woke up in pain, covered his hands and feet, and suddenly felt that life seemed so boring.
So he began to look for a suitable way to end it, from the browser to the case, and finally to the bridge.
Then on the bridge, I saw Mu Xu.
He obviously had no contact with him, but when their eyes met, he suddenly felt a sense of grievance that he was not even aware of.
But what Lin Jin didn't know was that what he thought was an accidental encounter was never a coincidence.
Not long after Mu Xu moved out, he received a message from Zheng Shu, saying sorry that he had not taken good care of Lin Jin. He didn't know where Lin Jin had moved to. He just said that he wanted to change his environment and asked him not to disturb him before hanging up the phone.
Mu Xu was silent for a long time, neither saying that it was okay nor blaming anyone.
After hanging up the phone, he dialed the number he knew by heart for the first time.
The caller probably thought the number was unfamiliar and hung up.
Mu Xu called again stubbornly, and this time the call went through.
Lin Jin's voice was accompanied by a soft breathing sound: "Hello, who are you?"
Mu Xu didn't know what to say, whether to ask why they moved or where they moved to. He was silent for a long time until he heard the call again from the other end.
Mu Xu opened his mouth and said, "Lin Jin, long time no see, are you getting married?"
"ah?"
"I want to invite you to my wedding."
Lin Jin was silent. He looked at the unfamiliar phone number, thinking it was from his former classmate. He said, "Sorry, I'm busy right now."
The evening breeze is gentle.
Mu Xu said, "It's okay. I was presumptuous. How have you been lately?"
Lin Jin said, “Not bad.”
He was speaking with a bit of lack of interest, so Mu Xu asked softly, "Are you sleepy?"
"Um."
Lin Jin responded very quickly, as if he couldn't wait to hang up. In fact, he did so, saying "I'm going to sleep" very quickly before hanging up.
After that, Mu Xu never called Lin Jin again.
In order to keep quiet, Lin Jin turned off his cell phone.
Mu Xu never knew that someone could hide so well. He searched and searched, waited and waited, year after year.
Spring goes and autumn comes, flowers bloom and fall, and finally at that sunset, I saw a familiar figure I hadn't seen for a long time.
For more than twenty years, that heart beat for the same person every time, and during these years, he had seen his high spirits, his losses, confusion, helplessness, and self-abandonment.
The moment he saw him on the bridge, Mu Xu suddenly regretted it.
He didn't even notice how miserable Lin Jin was, nor did he even think about it.
He really thought that Lin Jin just wanted to change the environment and stay quiet.
So when they couldn't contact him, they all assumed he needed some space. Even when they were trying to find someone, they worried that if they called the police, Lin Jin would be upset, or that he might not know how to handle the situation properly.
As he watched Lin Jin walk onto the bridge, he was almost overwhelmed by regret and fear.
If, when he first discovered Lin Jin was sad, he had not maintained so-called courtesy and boundaries, but had recklessly and unexpectedly barged into his world and given him a hug every day, would he have avoided so much suffering afterwards? If, in every moment thereafter, he had ignored Lin Jin's sexual orientation and barged in like a robber, would Lin Jin have been happier.
Mu Xu thought, it would be great if he could accompany him earlier.
So he pretended to be calm, put his trembling hands behind his back, used a trick to trick the girl into coming over, and got the same marriage certificate as him.
He said, "Lin Jin, why don't we get married?"
He said, "Okay."
The next morning, the sky was gray.
When Mu Xu woke up from a distant memory, the room was still a little dim. He rubbed his eyes and opened them to watch Lin Jin lift the quilt and get into bed.
Seeing him wake up, Lin Jin was also stunned for a moment, then whispered: "Why are you awake so early? It's only six o'clock. Why don't you sleep a little longer?"
Mu Xu raised his hand and touched the black hair hanging on his chest and the swaying red rope pendant. His eyes moved upwards, looking at his somewhat hazy facial features, and finally fell on his rosy and slightly open lips. Then he held his wrist tightly and hugged him into his arms.
The hug was tight and rough.
It was like a nightmare, desperately grasping at the things that were lost and found again.
He rubbed against Lin Jin, half asleep and half awake, and asked, "Where did you go?"
Lin Jin was hugged around the waist, and his chest could only be pressed tightly against Mu Xu. The loose collar was tilted downwards at this time, and the shoulder on the side where he was lying was no longer covered by the cloth, revealing his fair and flawless skin. His soft black hair fell on the white sheets and skin.
And on Mu Xu's cheek.
He smoothed the hair off Mu Xu's face, and while stroking his short hair, he replied, "I forgot to turn off the light in the room. I went to turn it off."
Mu Xu hummed, and his breathing became steady again. Just when Lin Jin thought he was asleep, Mu Xu suddenly spoke in a low voice: "Teacher Lin, if I did something very rude, would you still want me?"
Lin Jin paused and asked, "Why do you bring this up?"
Mu Xu didn't respond, but asked stubbornly: "Will you still care about me?"
His warm breath fanned Lin Jin's collarbone, and his wolf-like eyes stared straight at his snow-white chest.
Lin Jin had no idea how tempting his appearance was to a man who had ulterior motives and had just woken up.
Beautiful collarbone, with faint red dots.
Lin Jin just thought that Mu Xu was talking about the fact that he married him even though he had Bai Yueguang.
Lin Jin thought about it and decided that he might be unhappy, but he probably wouldn't ignore Mu Xu. He would probably ask Mu Xu why she didn't tell him, but he probably wouldn't be able to lose his temper.
So he encouraged her, saying, "No, you can try it."
Before he could finish his words, he felt Mu Xu stand up, say sorry, then push him onto the bed and kiss him domineeringly.
In the dim light, ignoring Lin Jin's wide-open eyes, she held his fingers with one hand and carefully stroked his cheek with the other, intimately and gently.
Lin Jin felt his hot breath and instantly forgot what to do.
He was at a loss, not knowing how to react, yet he was also a little excited and overwhelmed.
He almost responded, then when his heart was about to explode, he struggled out of his depression and gasped, "Wait...wait, this is not good."
As he was about to get up and leave, he had just lifted the quilt when strong arms wrapped around his waist and carried him back.
Mu Xu confined the person to the bed, chased after those rosy and shiny lips and kissed them, kissing the person back step by step until he had tasted all the sweetness.
Finally, he stood up and looked at Lin Jin, whose eyes were wet and blurry, lying on the bed. He leaned over and asked in a hoarse voice, "Teacher Lin, what's wrong?"
Lin Jin swallowed and his breathing became disordered.
He slowed down and opened his red lips slightly: "Since you have someone you like, you shouldn't kiss other people casually."
"Hmm?" Mu Xu was puzzled. She paused kissing his ear, her hot breath hitting the tip of his ear. "Who told our teacher Lin that I like someone else?"
As he spoke, he kissed her ear all the way down to her neck.
Lin Jin raised his head slightly, revealing his beautiful white neck, and said in a trembling voice, "No matter who you are, you shouldn't do this."
Mu Xu's Adam's apple moved slightly, and he said, "Oh?" He rubbed the corner of his mouth, almost touching it, and said, "Teacher Lin, can you kiss me? Kiss me, and I'll tell you a little story about my secret crush."
Lin Jin's body faltered upon hearing this. His nose felt sore and his voice was hoarse: "Mu Xu, why do you seduce me when you like someone else?"
He let go of the hand that was grabbing Mu Xu's clothes, and looked at him with a pair of wet eyes.
Feeling wronged and confused.
Mu Xu gave up instantly.
He took the initiative to kiss her, and as he did so, he said, "The person I like is very beautiful. He is the most gentle, kind and strong person in the world. He can always tolerate everything and never loses his temper."
"Whether it was in high school, college, or even now, I hope he can learn to vent, be mean to others, not be so kind, not always carry everything on his own, and not make himself so thin."
He stroked Lin Jin's hair, chased after him and kissed his dodged cheek, kissed the corner of his wet eye, and said, "Teacher Lin, if I were in my senior year of high school and my classmate Xiao Lin was so tired that she fell asleep crying against me while following me out to take out the trash, she would say that she liked you."
She sucked his white earlobe and said, "If I had chosen to help that young man up and hold him in my arms when I told him not to listen to that idiot Fu Yigu."
Kissing his red lips: "If I had been a little wilder in my sophomore year, even after hearing Xiao Lin, who is now a college student, say that my kissing him was disgusting, I still pestered him relentlessly. If I had found Lin Jin before my internship at Zhengzhou University and asked him to accompany me, would Lin Jin have smiled more later?"
He held the bewildered Lin Jin in his arms, buried his head in his neck, and said, "Teacher Lin, I tell myself every day to stay calm and not scare you, but I'm going crazy from enduring it."
Lin Jin sank into the bed, his body disheveled yet seductively beautiful, his consciousness blurred yet clear, he just lay there in a daze, not saying a word for a long time.
It lasted uncomfortably long.
Mu Xu suddenly felt regretful and lost control.
He hugged him like he was holding onto a rope on the shore, and begged in a hoarse voice, "Teacher Lin, I'm sorry, can you please stop ignoring me?"
Lin Jin just felt a swollen and uncomfortable feeling in his head. He felt like he had eaten a whole bundle of oranges at the end of the year. They were so sour and astringent, so sour that his limbs felt weak and his heart felt swollen and uncomfortable.
He thought of the parent-teacher conference in high school and the dinner that followed.
Thinking of the hug at the doorstep.
Thinking of that caress in the sunshine.
Thinking of Zheng Shu who suddenly appeared.
Thinking back to that night in my sophomore year, when I thought my first kiss was just a dream.
Think of the words "marriage" on the bridge.
Thinking of the anti-theft nets that were suddenly installed in the house after he moved in.
Things that I once thought were coincidences now seem surprisingly coherent and reasonable when I put them together and discover they were man-made.
Every time he needed someone the most, Mu Xu was there.
Lin Jin blinked, gently grabbed his shirt, and murmured, "Mu Xu, you should have come to me earlier... I'm sorry for making you worry so many times."
Upon hearing this, Mu Xu's body stiffened. He lowered his eyes to look at Lin Jin, speechless for a moment, and said, "...You don't blame me?"
"What's the matter?"
"Blame me...forcing a kiss on you."
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