Chapter 33
As night fell, my brother and I squeezed into the small bed in Dr. Mori's clinic. The bed was small, but my brother and I were both thin, so it was only a little crowded.
Doing this in winter can bring just the right temperature.
"Why doesn't Rong return to the sheep?"
It's warm inside the quilt, but cold outside.
"Brother, you guessed it a long time ago, right? Do you really want to see me embarrassed?"
"Hehe~ That's not the case."
In the darkness, I pursed my lips, but finally couldn't help asking him, "Can I go to the sheep?"
"Why? It's obviously much safer there." He played dumb, so I understood what he meant and stopped answering.
Why don't you want to stay in Yang? The reason is simple, Dazai Osamu is not there.
It’s not that I haven’t been paying attention to his news these days. On the contrary, I always hear news about his little hobby from Feng.
From twice a month at first to twice a week now, the frequency is so high that I wonder if he will develop suicide into a habit like three times a day.
I have gone from being shocked to wanting to find him immediately to being calm now.
But I always have these worries in my heart
——What if he succeeds one day? What should I do if he succeeds?
What had he been through that I didn't know about?
If I have experienced the same thing, can I understand him and give him further advice?
Can I keep my brother here in this way?
But I realized a long time ago that I can't impose my ideas on others.
Because I am afraid that he is afraid, and he doesn't want me to be afraid that he is afraid.
So I never said to him; I want you to stay, stay with me.
I just tried my best not to rely on him, to prove to him that I could still live well without him, so that he could feel at ease and boldly complete his ideas and do what he wanted to do.
Maybe, to some extent, I am also a sensitive person.
…
Because I was lying next to someone familiar and the bed was clean and warm, I soon fell asleep.
Before I fell asleep, I heard someone sigh.
I wondered vaguely: Have I heard too many sighs recently?
*
Early the next morning, I stuck my head out from under the quilt and saw Dazai Osamu's face.
The weather today was very good. Due to some principle that I still didn't understand, the fine, almost invisible dust slowly fell in the sunlight, but it was not content to fall, and it swayed left and right with some magical force...
Finally, it fell on the white pillowcase and quilt cover, and naturally also fell on the person's hair, eyebrows and eyes.
A pessimist will see a half-full glass and say, "The glass is only half full." An optimist will see a half-full glass and say, "There is still half a glass of water."
I am not a pessimistic person, nor do I think of optimistic things. Seeing him still lying in front of me, I neither think: He must leave. Nor do I think: He is still here.
I just thought that his hair, eyelashes, and the hair on his face... caught those tiny, light, elf-like dust particles that were hard for others to see.
He still has injuries, but I just remembered now that I don’t know how serious his injuries are.
I must be the most unreliable family member, but I don’t feel guilty at all. The previous thought just reminded me that I should ask Dr. Mori about my brother’s injury.
So I got up slowly. He seemed to be disturbed. He opened his eyes and found it was me, so he turned over and continued to sleep.
Seeing him like this, I became bolder and got out of bed with a bigger move.
"What would you like to eat? Noodles or bread for breakfast?"
"casual--"
The tail note drags a bit, as if it hasn't woken up yet, and is sticky.
*
I don't know that someone turned over just to cover up his own unnaturalness.
No, who would wake up early in the morning and not do anything but stare at someone's face?
But in a flash, my thinking successfully made an incredible leap.
——So, although Rong doesn’t say it, she must think that I’m very handsome in her heart… Oh, there’s really nothing I can do. Rong must be very proud to have such a handsome brother, hehe~
Dazai Osamu selectively ignored the fact that because Dazai Suzuki had grown up in the Tsushima family, a place full of beauties, his aesthetic ability had gradually improved to the point of being vague, and he even thought that as long as a person looked normal, they were good enough.
*
I didn’t buy noodles or bread, but I bought soy milk and fried dough sticks.
When I passed by a flower shop, I saw two flowers that were so red that they were almost black. I inexplicably thought of a person's eyes, so I asked the shop owner to help me wrap them up.
But since I had already bought the red flowers, I couldn't favor one over the other. There happened to be two bunches of blue bell orchids nearby, which were pretty and lovely, so I bought them all.
I jogged back to Dr. Sen's clinic and opened the door. Dr. Sen was treating a patient. Although he smiled sweetly, he looked a little overbearing at first glance, but I was completely unaware of it.
Alice was found playing cat's tangle to amuse herself.
I quickly walked forward and handed the bell orchid to her.
"Is it for me? Wow! Thank you, Rongrong!...Then this one is for Rintaro?" She leaned over and looked sharply at the other bouquet of flowers behind me.
I bent my back straight, and when I heard her words I shrank a little unconsciously, and nodded awkwardly.
"I happened to see it in the flower shop."
Somehow, I didn't want to finish what I was saying, but for a moment I felt irritated by my embarrassment, and my voice became lower and lower.
Even though she said it so naturally when she gave the flowers to Chuuya before...
"If you don't want, I can..."
"No, I like it very much. I'm sure Rintaro likes it too, right? Rintaro?"
Dr. Mori turned his head and looked at me. I hid behind Alice in embarrassment, my face flushed.
Why on earth did I have to buy flowers? If it was my father standing in front of me, he would probably scold me for wasting money on such a flashy thing...
Why did Alice say it out loud? If she hadn't done that, wouldn't it have been enough if she had just accepted the flowers and said "thank you" politely to me? Why make it so embarrassing for everyone?
It's so embarrassing. I will think twice before sending flowers next time. I will never do it like today...
"Is that the bouquet of flowers behind the velvet? It looks really nice - can you show it to me?"
What?
What did he say?
This was totally different from what I expected. I couldn't help but look up at him stiffly and found that he was smiling brightly.
I pressed my tongue against my cheek very hard, lowered my head and slowly handed the flowers to him, and then I found that the newspaper used to wrap the flowers was deformed by me.
This was not good, so I carefully looked at him from the upper part of my eyes. Seeing that I was reluctant to let go, he winked at me encouragingly.
I made up my mind and stuffed the flower into his hand, then used a little force and it touched his hand.
I found that his hands were different from those of other people. Although they were as warm as those of ordinary people, they also had a strange coolness.
He saw that I was stunned for a moment, and seemed to understand what I was thinking and explained to me - this was just because some alcohol was used for sterilization.
——
Suddenly I heard a cough, and when I turned around, I saw it was Dazai Osamu. He seemed very unhappy and looked at me and Dr. Mori with cold eyes.
I was shocked and felt like a despicable thief who stole someone else's cake.
I picked up the breakfast I bought very uncomfortably, followed him and went back to the ward with him.
*
He bit the fried dough sticks hard with "crunch" and "crunch" sounds.
The sound even made me feel like he wanted to bite me like a dough stick. I felt extremely uneasy and nervously pushed the soy milk towards him.
But this action seemed to have angered him. He slammed the chopsticks on the table, grabbed my shoulders with lightning speed, and shook me back and forth.
"Long! Mori Ougai is a bad guy! A bad guy, don't be fooled by his appearance... The most important thing is, you actually gave him flowers! You have never given me flowers!"
…
I didn't hear anything else. He shook me so hard that I almost vomited out yesterday's dinner.
But he acted like a victim, hiding in a corner like a mushroom, muttering to himself
"I have never received a velvet flower. I have never received a flower, a velvet flower..."
Just like an angry young wife.
I held my head to relax for a long time. When I came to my senses, I saw his expression. For a moment, I couldn't care less about my nonsense.
I squatted next to him to see what was going on. I was shocked when I saw him. I could even see tears in the corners of his eyes!
I felt terrified, and for a moment I thought I had done something that was like destroying the world, otherwise my brother would not have had such a pitiful expression on his face.
I feel guilty that I accidentally signed many unequal treaties with him.
“I want flowers, too.”
"Sure, sure." I nodded like a chicken pecking at rice.
"Stay away from Morigulls from now on."
"Okay, okay."
"...hug me?" I hugged him, and found that his whole body was stiff.
"...Kiss?" He was hesitant but with a kind of excitement in his voice that I understood but was totally unwilling to comprehend.
"?" You'd better tell me what you want me to do?
"Here, here."
He tapped my cheek and even came closer to me. I was silent for a moment, then turned and left.
"Hey! Don't go. If you don't want to go, forget it!"
My fists are clenched tighter than ever before!
*
Now, Dazai Osamu was finally sure that his sister would not be deceived by the evil Mori, but unfortunately, because of this incident, not only did his image in his sister's heart become a little weirder, but he also lost something that made him regretful.
——For example, it takes a long, long time to rape a late-coming velvet flower.
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