Chapter 40
For some well-known reasons, I was lying in bed again.
Dazai Osamu is peeling apples now.
Because we parted on bad terms last time, our relationship has been strained ever since.
He peeled the apple very carefully, and after a while he actually peeled a little rabbit out, which undoubtedly attracted my attention.
But he peeled it, waved it in front of me twice, and ate it directly! He ate it directly!
"Brother, I've wanted to tell you this for a long time. You can be really stingy sometimes." I said this expressionlessly.
"Well, there's nothing I can do about it. You know, that's just who I am."
"I don't care, I want it too."
He spun the knife in circles with the tip of the knife pointing upwards. “If you want to ask for help, you should have the attitude of asking for help—”
"I'm a patient now. I'm still angry about what happened last time. Don't push your luck."
"Okay, okay," he raised his hands in surrender, "It's just a little bunny made of apples, is there any need to be so serious..."
"snort"
…
There was no need to be so serious. I knew I would lose something very important, but I didn't know when it would happen.
As I said before, if you treasure something too much, it will depreciate.
But knowing that it will inevitably be lost, how can you not feel that every time you glance at it, it may be the last time?
Because of this, every time he appears, it's like he's saying goodbye to me, but I can't let him know this secret ceremony.
"I want to wear a bandage on my face like you do." I looked at the bandage on his left cheek and said, "It feels very interesting."
"No - OK, if you do the same I won't be the only one and it won't be cool."
"This excuse is really... asking for a beating. What can you do to me if I insist on pestering you?"
"Not so good, but I might have to help one more person tie the bandage... Haha, you can't even tie your hair properly, and you want to try this difficult bandage."
I was silent.
Since I don't need to go to the battlefield anymore, I haven't tied my hair for a long time. I usually let it down, so naturally I forgot that I don't even know how to tie it.
"My rabbit."
He handed me the apple bunny he had peeled. “Although I don’t want to admit it, it’s very well peeled. I like it very much.”
I looked at it carefully for a while and then took a bite. "Just now she said she liked me, but now she eats me mercilessly and cruelly. It turns out that women are deceitful."
He wiped away the tears from the corners of his eyes hypocritically.
No, even though the apple has become the shape of a rabbit, it cannot change the fact that it is still an apple in essence. If it is kept for a long time, not only will its taste deteriorate, but it will also deteriorate.
I ate without guilt.
*
"So what happened next?" He was asking about what happened after I fired several shots at Lan Tang.
"Later, thanks to my recent experience in Mafia, I was able to react and let myself fall first, so I didn't get disfigured."
"After the smoke cleared, I found Mr. Lan Tang falling down with his eyes rolled back. I guess it was because Mr. Lan Tang was trying his best to control himself, otherwise I would not have survived."
"But now, well, at least I'm alive. Although my whole body is scarred by Mr. Randou's ability, it's no problem! I can still continue my work!"
…
"I'm sorry." His voice was as soft as a mosquito's. If you didn't listen carefully, you couldn't hear it at all.
"Um?"
"I'm sorry." He pursed his lips and lowered his eyes. "I seem to always be late. I'm not by your side every time, and I always let you face those bad things alone."
"I promised to protect you when I left, but it seems I haven't been able to do so."
…
It took me a while to remember the apple in my mouth. I took a bite and suddenly felt that the apple was very juicy.
"Why do you have to explain so much?" Given his personality, shouldn't he just say 'I'm sorry' and that be the limit?
...He didn't say anything, but his eyes were obscure and difficult to understand.
Why did he add two more sentences to explain? It was probably because of his guilt. To him, the result of taking Rong away capriciously was actually that Rong had to suffer constantly.
Even if Xun was unhappy at the Tsushima family, at least she could eat well and wear good clothes.
There was no way he would be shot, no way he would face an out-of-control psychic alone, and no way he would let Velvet be kidnapped by human traffickers.
And all this was just because of his momentary willfulness as an older brother, which pulled Rong's life off its original track and onto another unpredictable path.
"Actually, I should be the one to feel sorry." I'm sorry for holding Dazai Osamu back. Because of me, he has a weakness and has become a burden.
If he hadn't brought me along, he would have certainly lived a much more carefree life on his own, and he wouldn't have had to go through this kind of apology that made him sit on pins and needles.
...How have I deserved this?
"I'm sorry that I don't have enough ability and make you worry about me. If I can be more useful and smarter, I will be able to help you sooner or later."
I accidentally choked when I said this, causing the whole sentence to be a bit disjointed.
But whenever I thought about the fact that he had said it, my sense of victory and defeat arose.
...Maybe this is what I have wanted to say for a long time, otherwise why did it come out of my mouth so quickly?
*
I hate my own stupidity all the time. As long as I realize my mistake, I will find that I am a hopeless case.
I want to be more useful and let Mr. Mori value me because of my own abilities. I want to be more powerful and alleviate my brother's pain and make him happy.
I hope I can be so great that no one can match me. I hope I can solve all problems. I don’t want to be abandoned. I hate others sighing in front of me.
That sigh terrified me more than the harshest criticism—it was a direct denial of who I was, my gifts, and my future.
…
"What the hell?! That's not what I thought. I don't like my brother at all! I don't like these little things that only children can be coaxed by!"
I can't be so weak, I need to be stronger and grow up faster, I need to...
Dazai Osamu suddenly hugged me, and at that moment I felt the hot wetness on my shoulders.
I couldn't hold it back any longer, so I grabbed onto Dazai Osamu's shoulders and burst into tears uncontrollably. "I, I love my brother the most! In this world, my favorite, most favorite, brother!"
"I don't want my brother to leave. I want him to stay by my side! Why can't even such a small wish come true? Why can't I get anything? Why is it that if I get something, I will definitely lose it?"
"This is--the most disgusting thing!"
I don't need to look to know that my face is wrinkled.
"Longhua doesn't like to become an adult at all. She doesn't want to grow up so quickly. She likes to be happy for a long time just because of a piece of candy!"
…………
…
Dazai Osamu stroked my back, again and again.
He didn't say anything, very silent, but the burning yet cool temperature on my back reminded me of something.
So my burst of tears gradually turned into soft sobs, "You, you...can you stay with me forever?"
He remained silent, and I understood his answer to all this. "So I hate my brother, even though you know it's okay even if you lie to me."
Dazai Osamu whispered in my ear, "But you know I can't do this. Once I make this promise, it's very difficult to fulfill it."
"Of course I know that, but it is precisely because this promise is difficult to fulfill that we place great expectations on the person who made it."
"Then I advise you not to easily believe the person who made this promise. Such people are very rare. There are many people in this world who can't even stick to a small habit."
"Not to mention this kind of verbal commitment that lasts almost a lifetime."
"...Oh." I was silent. We still kept hugging each other. I said immediately, "Then I can be less greedy. I don't want my brother to die, okay?"
He chuckled. "Lunti's request is really willful. Matters of life and death are not something I can control. Besides, we are now in Mafia."
…
I said, "You were crying, weren't you?"
"No," he denied.
I turned my head and kissed the side of his face, feeling the coolness on his face and "crying."
...salty.
This is the fulfillment of a promise made long ago.
"The way my brother cried... is he cherishing his SSR? It's hard to come across it in the future. If I had a camera... I really want to take a picture of it."
I stroked his cheek and felt sorry.
He didn’t look uncomfortable at all, but his whole body was stiff. “…You cried too, because you cherished SR, and you cried much louder than I did.”
I stiffened too.
"Tsk, in the end I was the one who revealed more stuff, right? So cunning."
"Well... it's okay, right? Because I'm Xiaorong's brother, so Xiaorong can say she likes me loudly..."
I stared at him, as if I wanted to make a hole in his face. He could only surrender and said helplessly, "Okay, okay, I like velvet too, very much."
"Tsk, are you coaxing a child?"
"When are you leaving? Seriously, you're so annoying here."
"Also, stop playing with my hair."
He finally put his hand down and said, "Alright, alright, I'm leaving now... I never thought that one day my sister would dislike me. I'm so miserable."
"I thought you knew I disliked you."
*
A few more days passed.
"Mr. Lan Tang, we meet again."
"Alas, I am sorry for what happened last time."
"It's okay. I'm glad to be able to help Mr. Lan Tang."
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