Chapter 5
I look really ugly when I cry, because I once accidentally saw myself in the mirror while crying - my face was red, my nose was full of snot, and my bangs were strands due to sweat.
From then on, I found it increasingly difficult to bear my own crying.
Now, I was seen, seen by the hated Tsushima Shuji...
I felt like I was petrified, and the screams in my heart would probably deafen someone's ears if they could hear them.
My body was in a confined room, but my heart was already going mad in the wilderness.
I say it again, I hate Tsushima Shuji, Tsushima Fumi, I hate Tsushima Shuji!
After Tsushima Shuji put his hand on my back for a while, I uttered the first syllable "...hiccup"
I, I actually!
I guess my face must be blushing now.
It was probably the first time for Shuji Tsushima to comfort someone. When he heard my hiccups, he was stunned.
Then, Shuji Tsushima held his belly and laughed.
He. Laughed. Up!
At that moment, I even thought of where to bury him. That's it, as long as I kill the only witness, no one will see me thinking about it in the middle of the night and making myself cry.
After all, this was just my imagination. The reality was that I hugged myself silently with my back facing him - as long as I didn't see it, it didn't happen.
"Why, why are you crying? Hahaha..." He wiped his tears and asked me intermittently.
Why don't you hold back your laughter?
"......I..." My voice was still filled with tears. I didn't dare to speak again after saying just one word.
He finally laughed enough and squatted down beside me, putting a hand on my shoulder.
I felt very uncomfortable because, apart from my mother, no one in my family had ever been so intimate with me - so, he was the one who was most likely to take advantage of me, right?
I knew I must look very ugly now, so I suppressed my embarrassment and asked him with a thick nasal voice, "Do you have any paper?"
He frantically rummaged through his clothes, and thanks to the servant who prepared his clothes, he actually found a pack of paper.
*
After waking up from the runny nose, I calmed down.
In fact, this was the first person who asked me why I was crying since I was four years old.
When my mother saw me crying, she would just remain silent. She even refused to touch my head - she thought I was a nuisance.
When the servants saw me crying, they seemed to be in great trouble. They frowned, looked me up and down, and brushed the dust off my body with heavy movements - which made my abrasions even more painful.
Every time my father saw me crying, he would scold me. He would ask me, “Can crying solve problems?” “If I were like you, I would have cried countless times.” His original intention might have been to make me stop crying - but unfortunately, I was a clumsy child and did not understand what he meant.
My brothers and sisters would laugh at me when they saw me like this. They would whisper to each other, they would laugh at me for crying so ugly, they would behave just like my father - they would always stand on my father's side.
However, I still have to hate Tsushima Shuji. Who am I crying for?
After wiping his nose and tears, he still looked at me, as if expecting me to give him an answer. After all, I was crying for no apparent reason and he couldn't understand why.
Seeing the way Tsushima Shuji was looking at me, somehow, the words on my lips changed again.
“I don’t like confinement rooms”
He blinked his eyes and said, "Huh?"
"It's scary in the confinement room." I didn't want to meet his eyes.
It is said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. This is terrible. If others could see what I am thinking from my eyes, they would definitely think that I am such a dirty and filthy person.
If Tsushima Shuji knew what I was thinking just now, he would definitely think that I was trying to please my father in order to gain his favor.
He must think I'm a bad kid.
"Oh, so that's how it is. I also think the confinement room is scary."
But you used a declarative sentence! You are not afraid at all!
He seemed to be amused by the expression on my face again and he laughed out loud.
I gradually felt that my opinion that I disliked Tsushima Shuji, which was different from that of the rest of my family, was completely correct.
"Really? If it weren't for the fact that Rong was here, I would have wanted to hang myself on the first day I arrived." He made a face at me.
Although I said I would take care of him, apart from serving him a meal once, I didn't seem to have done anything else for him.
But, how abominable.
"Rong really helped me. If it weren't for Rong, my 'senior', I would have suffered a lot."
I recalled my first experience of being locked up here, and compared it with his. I suddenly felt that I had done him a great favor, so I puffed out my chest with pride.
"So, Velvet is really amazing. She was able to do something that I couldn't do with ease."
I half covered my lips and coughed embarrassedly
This guy is quite good at talking. Of course I know I am very good.
We put our heads together as if we were whispering to each other.
It's like instinct for me to distinguish the sound of the wind from that of human beings. It's like knowing a friend for many years. I know it's him the moment he speaks.
So, I haven't made the mistake of confusing other people's voices with the sound of the wind.
My family actually believes in God, but I don’t think the wind is the god we worship.
What kind of god would keep saying "Run faster so I can blow that leaf down"?
[I don't have to run that fast to create ripples on the water]
[I have to work a little harder than you to blow-dry this little girl’s hair]
…
What kind of god would have the leisure to play with tree leaves and a little girl's hair?
If such a god really exists, then this world is probably doomed.
sure.jpg
I hesitated. I wanted to tell Tsushima Shuji that I could hear the sound of the wind, but I had a feeling that this was not allowed.
In my mind, a vague old voice told me […don’t tell anyone…] Don’t tell anyone what? Don’t tell anyone what?
The voice gave too few clues. Did it consider whether my little brain could figure it out?
But if I don't tell him, no one in my family, no one in the world except me, will know that the wind can talk.
Pretty pitiful, isn't it?
Hmm...
I don’t know, some people can know what others are thinking even without looking into their eyes, while some people cannot know what others are thinking even if they can see through their eyes.
Tsushima Shuji happens to belong to the former category, but he hasn't cheated to the level of mind reading, so now he can only see that you want to tell him a secret that no one else knows, but he doesn't know what kind of secret it is.
He is not in a hurry because he thinks that sooner or later you will take the initiative to tell him this secret.
Why not? He is the only "revolutionary comrade" who has ever been in the confinement cell with you.
*
I decided not to tell Tsushima Shuji this secret. That voice has much more credibility with me than he does.
I looked him in the eye and wanted to get the best for myself.
"Hey, Shuji, can I sleep next to you tonight?"
The moonlight shone on Tsushima Ebi's eyes, reflecting soft spots of light. The face that looked 80% like Tsushima Shuji was filled with a cautious request.
Shuji Tsushima never realized so clearly that he had a half-sister.
Tsushima Shuji leaned against the wall and patted the empty space beside him. I knew that he agreed.
So I quickly moved on. Since he would leave me sooner or later, why not enjoy the benefits he brought me now?
As for the problems that come after that... leave them to me in the future!
…
"Shuji, you have mushrooms growing on your body."
"…That's not mushrooms. It's because I haven't showered for three days. That's why I smell it."
…
"Oh" I moved to the side
…
"Xiuzhi, I can't sleep, I'm afraid of that tree"
Tsushima Shuji turned to look at me speechlessly, "Do you still remember that I am the patient now?"
"...I don't remember." I thought for a while, and said to him seriously, "You can lean on my shoulder." Tsushima Shuji was silent. He seemed to be thinking about life, maybe he was doubting his sister's IQ.
But he thought quickly, because after a while he happily decided to lean on my shoulder.
"Xiuzhi is so thin." I sighed as my bones hurt from being hit by his chin.
He closed his eyes, but he was clearly still awake. "You're talking about me, aren't you? You pressed my hands so hard yesterday that they became numb, so I woke up so early."
I looked at him in surprise. I wasn't sure about my own weight, but it shouldn't numb his hands... No, did I lean my head on him yesterday?
"No?"
…
He stopped talking again, and I wondered if he was asleep, but I didn't want to open his eyes to see if he was asleep or not.
"Forget it, the patient should just have a good rest." I muttered softly.
I also leaned my head against his, hoping that he wouldn't be woken up easily, although I wouldn't feel guilty if he was woken up now.
Well, it's already dark now. If it were me, I would have been asleep for a long time at this time in the past. I'm sure Tsushima Shuji would be the same, not to mention that he is still sick now.
In fact, I have no idea about being sick, so I naturally don't think a high fever can kill people. Although I know that sick people need to be taken care of, in my case, the most that I can do is just help get meals or something like that.
Now I have to thank that presumptuous servant and Tsushima Shuji's tenacious vitality, otherwise the first living thing I raised in my life would have been killed by me.
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