recall
Many, many things seem limited and unclear from Xun's perspective, but from Dazai Osamu's perspective, they can be seen clearly.
There is another family in the area where the Tsushima family is staying.
That day, his father took him to entertain guests as usual, and it was also on that day that he met the young master of that family.
"Let me go, I can walk on my own!"
The young master struggling in his father's hands was like a wild cat that refused to admit defeat, trying hard to grab the human who was holding his neck.
This scene was really interesting, and the young master successfully attracted Tsushima Shuji's attention.
They sneaked out while their fathers were discussing business.
*
"Do you know anything about people with special abilities? It doesn't matter if you don't know. I just wanted to talk about it. It is said that there are many people with special abilities in Yokohama. I must go and see them."
"A person with superpowers is someone who possesses magical powers. Some can go up to the sky, some can go down into the ground, and some can kill others with a single "bang."
The young master saw Tsushima Shuji's worried look and showed a look of disdain, "What's so good about this place? It's better to go out and see the world and the magical superpowers."
"Anyway, I will definitely leave this house. It won't be long. I will run away from home very soon!"
"Ah hey hey!" Tsushima Shuji exclaimed upon hearing such "treasonous" remarks.
The young master looked at him with disdain and said, "What's there to be surprised about? I can't stay in a place like this for even a day. I'll leave as soon as I'm fully prepared."
The young master also warned him, "If you tell this to others, I will take revenge on you!"
*
The young master and his father left the Tsushima family soon.
For some reason, Tsushima Shuji did not tell anyone about this matter, and even secretly hoped that the young man could successfully run away from home.
While waiting for news from the young master, Tsushima Shuji entered the confinement room for the first time.
To be honest, Tsushima Shuji was no less afraid of the confinement room than anyone else in the family.
Even my father was afraid of the confinement room, but it was precisely because of this ridiculous similarity that my father seemed so pathetic.
The father was so afraid of the confinement cell that he almost never set foot in that area, but he was willing to use it to punish his children!
Look, his sister was frightened just by her father's expression. How pitiful! I heard that she has been put in the confinement cell twice?
Tsushima Shuji glanced at his father quietly and sighed unconsciously. It seemed that she would have to go in for the third time.
At this moment, Tsushima Shuji felt relieved from the bottom of his heart.
It may sound immoral, but Tsushima Shuji was very grateful that his sister could accompany him to the confinement room, even though he couldn't help feeling sad and guilty deep in his heart.
*
As soon as he entered the confinement room, Tsushima Shuji began to feel scared unconsciously.
It felt like a huge rock was pressing down on his heart, making it hard for him to breathe. He even felt like he had stopped breathing.
So scary, so suffocating, so depressing...
Fortunately, there was another person in the room—his sister.
He did have a fever at the time, but the reason was actually just to make himself spend these three nightmarish days in a daze.
The effect was quite good. He felt like he was split into two halves, one half was burnt and confused, and the other half was looking around calmly.
He noticed his sister move carefully towards him, albeit slowly, but there was a change.
Are you scared?
Out of guilt, Tsushima Shuji accepted his sister's approach, and more or less hoped that his sister would cry so that he could comfort her and alleviate his guilt.
What a pity. This sister is probably special. She seems to be satisfied just by being close to me.
He used his usual funny face to communicate with the sister, even though he didn't want to talk at all and just wanted to have a good sleep.
This sister is a good listener. She was very quiet when he was talking, but her eyes were looking at Tsushima Shuji to let him know that she was listening.
Somehow, seeing his sister like this, Tsushima Shuji suddenly wanted to tell her about the young master he had met.
By the time he reacted, he had already said it. Feeling frustrated, he quickly changed the subject, but still looking forward to his sister's reaction.
As time went by, he kept talking just to make himself less embarrassed.
It seemed like my sister couldn't stand him wasting her voice like that, so she started to share something of her own that seemed a little interesting, reluctantly.
They are small things, like a tiny dandelion seed that floats in from the window, ordinary, but different.
What is the difference?
It doesn't seem to be anything different, except that maybe my memory was very good at the time. I didn't remember anything else, but I remembered the dandelion seeds.
She looked like she had no idea what to say next, so Shuji Tsushima sympathetically let her sleep.
Normally it would be easy for a person with a fever to fall asleep, but Tsushima Shuji woke up again and again. This was due to his insomnia and the fact that he always had nightmares.
——She is crying.
He tentatively placed his hand on her back and patted it.
…Hahahaha, hiccups, she hiccuped! Hahahaha…kind of funny and cute feeling hahahahaha
*
Soon, Tsushima Shuji and his sister left the Tsushima family's confinement room.
One day, he hid in a corner, hoping to scare the adults who came in, but he never expected to hear his father discussing the little boy next door with others.
Has the boy escaped?
In a trance, he jumped out, using the movements he had rehearsed many times.
But his father slapped him in the face, contrary to his usual practice.
Eh? Why is that?
He looked up and saw his father's serious face, and for a moment he understood why his sister was so afraid of his father.
He left the room laughing.
Somehow, he recalled the mole on the corner of the young master's mouth and the light that flashed in his eyes when he talked about leaving home.
He had noticed a remote house a long time ago when he was playing hide-and-seek with the servants at home. That place was basically the edge of the Tsushima family.
He didn't know what he was thinking at the time, he just ran there with all his might.
When he climbed up the tree trunk to the wall and saw the street outside, he began to be afraid again.
It is desolate, there is no one here, as if all the desolation of the world has gathered here, even the grass is yellowing.
In such a world, can I really find anything?
He retreated.
He could no longer stay in the Tsushima family, and he also had no place to stay in the outside world. For a moment, he felt like he had been abandoned by the whole world.
He thought about ending his own life.
——It was this world that didn’t want him first.
…
His sister rescued him, but he really couldn't muster up the energy. However, in order not to make her worry, he still comforted her.
He was rescued, but he saw more and more clearly the evil intentions of the Tsushima family. Gradually, he even developed a stress reaction to everything in this family.
He tried to escape once again, but still succumbed to his own cowardice. The world was so big for a ten-year-old child.
He looked at the deserted street and felt as small as the helpless dust in the air.
He found a hemp rope and when he put it over his head and was about to suffocate, he actually felt a sense of relief as if the dust had settled.
As expected, he is such a person who is rejected by the world, right? He can actually feel at ease when he is about to leave the world.
Before he lost consciousness, he thought of his sister, Rong...will she come again this time?
She is here.
It was expected yet also unexpected, his heart felt like a sponge soaked with water, soft but heavy.
"Well, Rong, do you think it's really necessary for people to live?"
…
My sister is a person with special abilities. Do we have to leave together? As a brother, I will definitely take care of her. The price is to give him some courage or an excuse to stay in this world.
Velvet agreed.
*
It was already the next morning when he realized what he had said.
“Ahhh! What did I say? I’m still a child myself. If I take Fluffy away, she will definitely suffer a lot!”
…
"If only, if only I died, it would be fine, right? That way, Rong wouldn't have to suffer, and I could be free. Rong wouldn't blame me, because, because, Rong couldn't possibly blame me!"
He found sleeping pills from a sleepless servant.
He was discovered.
…
Xu is angry, or disappointed.
Don't give me that look, don't be disappointed in me. "Just listen to my explanation..."
“Don’t make promises to others lightly.”
He was stunned. He really wanted to tell Rong that this was not a promise he made casually and that he made up his mind to say those words.
But what right did he have to say that? He was the one who made the promise, and he was the one who ran away first.
After that day, he often felt regretful.
He wanted to apologize to his sister, but every time he saw Tsushima Ebi's eyes, he hesitated.
The look in her eyes when she saw him was no different from the look in her eyes when she saw her brothers and sisters who bullied her.
Does she really need an apology from me?
He escaped again.
*
There was a fire.
Tsushima Shuji excitedly opened the window, and wow, the confinement room was on fire again, what a show!
As another window was opened, Tsushima Shuji noticed Tsushima Rong, whose eyes were also shining with excitement.
He was afraid to see Tsushima Rong's eyes, but there was still a gleam of happiness in Rong's eyes. He was dazed for a moment. This was the first time he saw Tsushima Rong so happy.
He realized this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
"I'm here to fulfill my promise."
This time, I won't run away.
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