Chapter 223 Loneliness is the norm in life
There were three of them on the way to the airport, but she was the only one left on the way back to the village.
Zhu Yingning did not play music in the car and drove back to the village quietly.
It was exactly 1:30 in the afternoon when she arrived in the village, an awkward time between being too late for lunch and too early for afternoon tea. She was debating whether to just make herself a bowl of instant noodles, hesitating over the box of instant noodles Wen Wenxu had left behind when she heard someone outside the house call out, "Xiao Zhu—Is Xiao Zhu home?"
"Here!" She ran over.
A villager stood at her door and said, "The Party Secretary wants you to have dinner at his house."
"Ah." She was stunned for a moment, then quickly agreed, "I see. Thank you for the message. I'll be there in two minutes."
She went into the house to find a bottle of white wine to visit the guest. After all, it is not good to visit the guest empty-handed.
The person at the door finished delivering the message but didn't leave immediately. When she came out with the liquor in her arms, he was still lingering at the door. He glanced into the empty room, pointed his index finger inside, and asked curiously, "Xiao Zhu, I heard from the Party Secretary that Xiao Shen and Xiao Wen returned to the big city to take up their new posts today. Is that true? I see this room is completely empty."
"Yes." Zhu Yingning nodded.
The man then asked, "Then why didn't you leave?"
Why didn't she leave?
The answer to this question was simple, but explaining it to her was complicated. She thought for a moment and replied, "Because I still have things to do."
"Oh - is it about pork e-commerce?" the man guessed.
She smiled and replied, "Yes."
We went to Wang Shengju's house with the wine. His family had already finished eating, and his wife was in the bedroom putting the child to sleep. Wang Shengju pointed to two freshly cooked dishes on the table and said, "I cooked two dishes myself. They're simple. Don't mind."
Seeing that she brought wine, he added, "With just these two dishes, how can I have the nerve to drink your wine? And it's the middle of the day - no, no, no."
After some evasion, with no success, the wine was set aside. Sitting opposite each other, Wang Shengju made two cups of strong tea for her and himself, which they ate with the meal. After about ten minutes of eating, he finally opened up and asked her, "It must have taken you a while to get used to them leaving."
She smiled wryly and replied, "Yeah."
It's human nature, and it takes some time to adapt to separation.
Wang Shengju sipped his tea like a glass of wine and shook his head. "The poverty alleviation work of the past few years has indeed been very effective, but as you can see, we still can't retain people in the village. What a pity... We can't keep young entrepreneurs, nor can we keep young cadres. Every once in a while, the higher-ups send people down, and everyone works hard for a while, but eventually they leave, one after another, just like the annual grass flowers by the roadside, born in spring and dead in winter."
"...Yeah." She was of course aware of this phenomenon, so she sounded heavy-hearted. She also knew that Wang Shengju had worked in the village for so many years and must have a deeper understanding of this aspect.
"What you have chosen is not an easy one," he asserted.
After saying this, he picked up a spoonful of meat, put it in his mouth to chew, and swallowed it with a sip of tea. Then he put down his bowl and chopsticks, raised his eyes to look at her, and said in a serious and joking manner: "Although we are of the same level, I am so much older than you. I am shamelessly arrogant and call myself your senior. As your senior, in this situation, it seems that I should give you some effective experience or advice, but I don't have that kind of things. All I can give you is one sentence - Yingning, loneliness is the norm in life."
**
After leaving Wang Sheng's house, Zhu Yingning did not go home immediately, but drove to the town to watch the live broadcast room.
People only have more free time to watch livestreams on their phones on weekends, so livestreaming hours are the opposite of other jobs. The more holidays there are, the more overtime is required. She bought some drinks for the busy livestreamers, walked around, and seeing no problems, she went back to the farm.
After going back and forth like this, the whole afternoon passed. When she returned home in the evening, it was already dark. She dug out the instant noodles that she had not been able to buy at noon from the cardboard box left by Wen Wenxu and made herself a bowl.
A single ceiling lamp hung above the dining table. Normally, it hadn't felt dim when there were many people around, perhaps because the sound of voices filled the gaps in the light. But now that she was alone, Zhu Yingning realized how limited the lamp's illumination was. She'd have to find someone to fix it tomorrow. She silently made a note of this and continued slurping her tasteless noodles.
In addition to darkness, there is also a feeling of emptiness.
She had never realized before that this house that served as their dormitory was so big. When Chen Fei and Wen Wenxu were there, especially Wen Wenxu's big physique, all the furniture looked like Lilliputian furniture when squeezed into the house. The whole house was so cramped that even basic movements like two people walking side by side were difficult to perform.
Now that they were gone and most of their belongings had been moved out, the house seemed bigger than ever before, so big that she suddenly understood why Xu Sirui was afraid of both the dark and ghosts.
Thinking of Xu Sirui was like thinking of a test paper that had never been graded. She sighed softly, glanced at the dark screen of her phone, and subconsciously reached out to open it. Her fingertips were hovering over the fingerprint unlocking icon, but she thought and moved away.
Their last substantive conversation took place a few months ago when they were volunteering in a county school.
It wasn't an earth-shattering conversation, there was no argument, everything was peaceful, she just told him her decision to stay for a year.
Xu Sirui was stunned for a moment, then smiled and said, "I thought you were going to say something... If you want to stay, of course I support you."
I support you.
I support you.
These were undoubtedly pleasant words, but she did not want to say something so optimistic, nor did she expect such a pleasant answer.
Zhu Yingning lowered her eyes, staring at her nails, and continued, "One year is just my current plan. If after a year... I mean if—if I think the village still needs me, I might stay on. I can't say how long this will take, maybe two years, maybe three years, maybe even longer... maybe a lifetime."
She pursed her lips and looked up at him, "I'm ready to dedicate my whole life to this position."
There is no doubt that they have a close relationship, but there is indeed no clear identity between them, so there is actually no need for her to tell him such an important decision. She can just take it one step at a time as before, and wait for the time to come. After all, this is what Xu Sirui himself has allowed, isn't it?
But Zhu Yingning couldn't treat him like that.
The better he treated her, the more she liked him, and the more she felt that he had the right to know the major trends in her life and avoid risks in advance accordingly.
She didn't want to hinder his future. After all, this was a very practical issue. If she simply served in the village for two years, like Chen Fei and Wen Wenxu, and then returned to the provincial government for a position, or was transferred to the central government through various formal channels, then she and he would undoubtedly still have a future to look forward to. But if she needed to work in the village for three to five years or even longer, this future would become extremely illusory.
Unlike her grassroots profession, Xu Sirui's work required innovation: new talent, new technologies, and new ideas. Only large cities could meet these requirements; cities were the fertile soil for his career. He might be able to open a branch in Beijing or the provincial capital of Province G, but he absolutely couldn't set up a company in the remote countryside where she worked. That would be absurd and irresponsible to everyone involved.
To put it bluntly, the professions they are engaged in are fundamentally contradictory.
If they are together, do they have to live apart for the rest of their lives?
She could accept a long-distance relationship, but only on one condition: it had to have a clear end date. If it had no end date, what difference would long-distance be compared to being widowed? Regardless of whether she could tolerate it, it would also be unfair to Xu Sirui.
If they are not in different places, does it mean that one of them should give up his or her current career, which he or she deeply loves, to cater to the other?
She couldn't give up herself to please Xu Sirui, nor did she want to see Xu Sirui give up himself to please her.
After seeing clearly the path she wanted to take, she suddenly realized that Wang Shengju was right: loneliness is the norm in life. Even if she hadn't broken up with Zhang Jiacheng at the time and had continued dating him smoothly until now, they would have inevitably separated due to incompatible career plans.
The same is true for Xu Sirui.
They weren't even really together, but the reality between them had already cut off this possibility.
She didn't say anything too specific at the time, but simply told him, "Xu Sirui, I know you support me, but this isn't something that can be solved with just 'support me'. I hope you'll think about it carefully...at least for a few months before telling me your decision."
She looked at him with a complicated gaze and spoke softly, "Let's not contact each other for the next few months. I'm afraid my unintentional actions will interfere with your decision. You're right. When I'm with you, I always have moments when my emotions overwhelm my rationality... but this is not right before making an important decision. I don't want to use these actions to interfere with your thinking. I hope you will think it over carefully not for me, but for yourself."
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