Chapter 29: Fluffy But I Feel So Unwilling
No way...
No, no, no, no.
His heart was filled with desperate wails. He moved slightly and stood at an angle where he could see her facial features clearly, wondering if he had seen her wrongly in the previous glance.
But it is absolutely true.
She is crying.
To say she was crying isn't quite accurate; it's more accurate to say she was studying and she was weeping. The test had already been proofread, and she was flipping through the textbook and exercises, refining her notes. Her movements were smooth and quiet. If it weren't for the tears streaming down her face and the table covered with more wet tissues than he'd used to wipe his nose, he'd find it hard to believe she was actually crying.
As for why she was crying, seeing how she was studying so hard in the middle of the night without sleeping, Xu Sirui felt that he would be a fool if he still couldn't guess it.
Catching a girl secretly crying in the middle of the night, for reasons that were largely his, he felt a mixture of emotions: surprise, panic, awkwardness, embarrassment, bewilderment... But upon closer inspection, beneath all these emotions, there seemed to be a subtle tinge of satisfaction. It wasn't his fault; he'd cried in front of Zhu Yingning so many times. Though he kept it to himself, he'd always felt the ache, feeling like he could pick up the shame he'd suffered in her presence, throw it in a basket, and sell it at the wholesale market. Finally getting back on his feet, witnessing her heartbreak, he couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction.
Xu Sirui was shocked by his own twisted and chaotic mentality. He felt that he was on the verge of becoming abnormal, so he quickly shook his head to get rid of the feeling of An Shuang.
The shake of his head was too big, and Zhu Yingning realized it belatedly and slowly looked towards him.
Meeting her gaze, his body stiffened, his chaotic emotions vanishing in an instant, leaving only panic. He raised his hand, paused, then lowered it again. He wanted to say something but found himself at a loss for words, so he could only stare at her in silence.
Under normal circumstances, Zhu Yingning would probably be embarrassed, but she had been crying for so long that her face was numb and her mind was numb. When she found Xu Sirui standing there, she was only slightly surprised. With tears still on her face, she asked in a whisper, "Why are you up?"
"I slept too much during the day and now I can't sleep." He answered in the same whisper.
"oh……"
During the conversation, he had already walked to the desk, folded his arms, and leaned against the wall, staring at the round whorl of hair on her head - her hair grew fast, and in just a month, it had grown from a buzz cut to a fluffy hedgehog head - he sighed softly and said helplessly, "Didn't you say you were happy for me during the day?"
It even touched him for a few seconds.
It turned out to be a lie.
She looked up at him, rubbed her eyes, nodded and said, "I am indeed very happy for you."
"...Really?" He chuckled softly and squatted down until he was at eye level with her. He stared into her eyes as if studying her seriously and teased, "I didn't notice."
Zhu Yingning glared at him weakly, then lowered her head and stared at her fingers. "Human emotions are complicated. We can't just have one mood. You did well in the exam, so of course I'm happy for you, but..." As she spoke, her voice got choked up. Her throat felt like it was clogged with cotton, sticky and blocked. After a long effort, she finally squeezed out the second half of the sentence, "But I feel so unwilling to accept this..."
Tears dripped onto her clasped fingers, wetting her knuckles and seeping into the gaps between her fingers.
Xu Sirui was stunned. It's not like he hasn't met people who valued grades. In the past, there was a boy in their key class who fell from second to seventeenth in a test. His parents punished him by making him kneel in the living room for a whole night and not allowing him to eat. The boy must have been suppressed for a long time and committed suicide by swallowing half a bottle of sleeping pills that night. There was also a girl whose parents were divorced. Every time she fell behind in a test, she would use a compass to carve the word "correct" on her arm. Compared with these examples, Zhu Yingning's emphasis on grades was nothing. It's just...
Her expression was very clear when she said she was unwilling.
It was not to meet her parents' expectations, nor was it because she was under external pressure, but simply because she wanted to succeed.
I am unwilling to be surpassed, I am unwilling to be inferior to others, and I am unwilling to be inferior to others. That's all.
He had very little experience in comforting others, and he racked his brain for a long time, trying to find something to say, but in the end he just pulled a tissue from the table and handed it to her dryly.
She took it without hesitation and started wiping her nose.
After wiping his nose, he continued, "Since the first day of school, I have never ranked other than first in the exam, except today."
Although their school has limited level and few students, it is not easy to always maintain the first place. After hearing this, Xu Sirui really admired her.
"I feel like I've tried my best and done everything I could, and I didn't take this exam lightly. But... you didn't even review, yet you still easily surpassed me." When she said this, the corners of her mouth curled up and she wanted to cry again.
He was both amused and helpless: "That's what you said... I'm not having it easy either, okay?"
"Have you been reviewing secretly without telling me?" she asked, sniffing, with a pitiful expression.
"Not really," he explained, wanting to laugh. "But my mom has been enrolling me in tutoring since kindergarten. While you were feeding the chickens, ducks, cattle, and sheep on weekends, I was taking all sorts of tutoring classes, from Olympiads to programming to sports and musical instruments. To be honest, I learned everything your teachers teach ages ago, and our school's exams are even harder than yours."
At this point, he realized he had a consoling thought, so he rambled on: "It's normal that you didn't do as well as me on the exam. It's not because you're incompetent, or because you didn't work hard enough, it's just because you didn't have the right study environment. If you came to live in the city for a while, you might even do better than me."
After saying this, she thought that this reason was perfect and Zhu Yingning must not be sad anymore. However, she frowned, froze for a few seconds, and started to laugh again.
Xu Sirui was shocked by her. He hadn't expected her to cry so loudly, even though she wouldn't stop. Just as he was about to offer some comfort, he heard her sobbing, "If it's like you said, everyone out there is so amazing, then I won't be able to get into university no matter how hard I try."
"you……"
He hadn't expected Zhu Yingning to have such a divergent mindset. He was practically in tears and laughter when he heard that. He reached out his right hand and gently nudged her forehead, pushing her drooping head upwards. He said arrogantly, "Are you stupid? Are you looking down on yourself or me? Not everyone can be as awesome as me. Having educational resources is one thing, but having a brain for learning is another. People like me who can fully utilize resources and unleash their brainpower are rare, after all. Besides, the fact that you've always been number one proves that you have a brain for learning, too. You just lack the resources. What's there to worry about?"
After pushing it, he realized that her hair was very soft. The palm of his right hand still had the fluffy touch of her hair. He couldn't help but look at his palm.
This time she seemed to be comforted by his words. She wiped away her tears and lowered her eyes in thought.
Seeing that she seemed to understand and stopped crying, Xu Sirui finally breathed a sigh of relief. He realized that he had talked too much and his throat was even drier, so he stood up and began to look for a cup of water.
The cup of water happened to be on the desk, so she handed it to him.
Xu Sirui took it and patted her head again to confirm the feel. He found that it was really soft, so he quickly rubbed it while she was not paying attention.
"Don't cry." He said softly, then turned and walked to the kitchen.
When he finished drinking water in the kitchen and went to the bathroom, Zhu Yingning had already turned off the lights and lay down. Xu Sirui felt much more at ease. If she continued crying, he really didn't know how to deal with the situation.
**
It is said that illness comes like a mountain and goes like a thread. It was not until Thursday that Xu Sirui recovered a little and continued to go to school with a sick face.
Perhaps because he hadn't been to school for several days, he found that his classmates became a little unfamiliar. He couldn't say exactly what was strange about them, but he just felt very awkward.
It was not until the end of morning reading get out of class and Zhou Tianrui spoke to him that he discovered where this strange feeling came from.
Zhou Tianrui said: "Xu Sirui, I didn't expect you to have such good grades and be such a nice person. After being treated like that once, you are still so open-minded. I have changed my opinion of you." After saying that, he gave him a thumbs up.
"ha?"
Xu Sirui felt completely baffled.
"Don't be so arrogant." Zhou Tianrui patted his shoulder with a laugh. "Didn't your math test paper get thrown away before? I didn't expect you to be willing to lend it to everyone for proofreading during this midterm exam. If I were you, I would definitely hold a grudge. You look so stubborn on the surface, but actually..."
Xu Sirui had to interrupt his increasingly bizarre words: "When will I lend the test paper to--"
Before he finished speaking, he figured it out. He turned to look at Zhu Yingning beside him and almost laughed out loud: "It's you?"
He had only lent his paper to her, and since she had a criminal record, it was obvious she was taking the initiative again to help him smooth things over with his classmates. Although he didn't care where his paper was and probably wouldn't look at it again, the feeling of having it touched by the entire class still made him feel nauseous. Just imagining it made him feel dirty.
The culprit was so confident that he was exposed, and he nodded and said, "I asked for your consent, have you forgotten?"
"When did it happen? I have no recollection of it."
"On Monday night before you go to bed."
Xu Sirui tried to recall it, remembering that he'd been half asleep at the time and only heard her ask if she could lend him the test paper to check her answers, but he didn't catch the rest of the sentence. What had he said then? He seemed to have said, "Sure, whatever you want." Damn, so he really had agreed to it himself.
Xu Sirui was speechless.
Zhu Yingning even consoled him: "The effect this time is very good. Based on my observation, many classmates have gradually changed their views on you. I believe that you will be able to fully integrate into the class soon."
"...Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"?"
For a moment, he almost thought she was being sarcastic, but Zhu Yingning's tone when she said "You're welcome" was so serious, and she turned back to sorting out her textbooks, so serious that it was hard to associate the word "sarcastic" with her. He gradually became convinced that she was simply not very good at reading people's expressions. To put it bluntly, she just couldn't understand good words and bad words.
For some reason, Xu Sirui suddenly wanted to verify this guess. He stretched out his arms and legs, half-lying on the table, and called her curiously, "Hey, Zhu Yingning."
She turned half of her face towards him and asked him what was wrong with her eyes.
"Has anyone ever told you that you're a bit of a saint?"
She really looked puzzled. "Virgin Mary? The Virgin Mary?"
"right."
Her face flushed slightly, and she smiled modestly: "Her realm is too high. I'm not that good. I still need to keep learning."
This answer was so typical of her, revealing a sense of naiveté, a deadpan wit that didn't understand what was being said, and a deadpan humor that was almost too serious. Xu Sirui's suspicions were confirmed, and she couldn't help but bury her head in her arms, her shoulders hunched, and she began to laugh silently.
Zhu Yingning didn't know what was wrong with him. She frowned and looked at him for a moment. Seeing that he couldn't stop laughing, she simply stood up her textbook and turned around to do her own thing.
**
It must be said that Zhu Yingning's "saintly" attitude was somewhat useful. Throughout the day, several classmates in the class took the initiative to talk to him. Although the topics they talked about were nothing more than "Which school did you go to before?" and "You must be in a key class," which Xu Sirui was completely uninterested in and even thought were a waste of time, compared to the throwing of test papers and dismantling of chairs a few days ago, this boring conversation was not unacceptable.
Xu Sirui, however, was generally a solitary person, too lazy to actively engage with others after class. Aside from urgent needs, he usually stayed in his seat reading or leaned against the corridor railing to catch the breeze.
What surprised him was Zhu Yingning. She was usually nowhere to be seen after class. She was either helping the teacher correct and collect homework, or helping classmates with trivial matters - helping girls braid their hair, explaining homework to studious classmates, stopping naughty boys who bullied girls in the same class. In short, she was very busy, like a brick, being moved wherever she was needed.
Some people help others because they are embarrassed to refuse them, but Xu Sirui can see that Zhu Yingning helps others because she really enjoys it. She is happy to see others on the right path. He doesn't know what role she was in her previous life. He often suspects that she is the reincarnation of Lei Feng.
Incomprehensible, he thought.
However, today, perhaps inspired by the conversation that night, after class she did not run around to show her love, but sat in her seat and studied hard.
The workbook she was working on was the one distributed by the school. Deep in the mountains, there were no other study materials besides the textbooks and workbooks purchased collectively by the school. Xu Sirui watched her work for a long time, but he endured it again and again and didn't tell her, "It's useless to work on these exercises."
He glanced over her test. Judging purely by the sheer volume of the paper, she'd only gotten a few more questions wrong than he had, and she'd also achieved full marks in several subjects, just like him. But Xu Sirui knew that was just appearance. He'd scored 100 because the perfect score was 100, while she'd scored 100 because the maximum amount of knowledge her teacher had given her was 100. If they were to work on a more challenging test together, he was sure he'd still get a perfect score, but she wasn't sure. In short, what she needed wasn't a solid foundation, but improvement.
Go beyond the improvement of existing teaching staff.
**
At night, Yang Ji was sitting in the studio playing with the crew, and was having a great time when he saw the curtain opposite him suddenly being lifted, and Xu Sirui walked straight in.
"Oh, what a rare visitor! What's up? Is there something wrong?"
There are many men in the crew, and places with many men tend to have strong body odor. Xu Sirui dislikes their smelly feet and doesn't come here easily, so it's not an exaggeration to say that they are rare guests.
The rare visitor pinched his nose and waved his free hand in front of it, practically carving the word "disdain" into his forehead. He fished a piece of paper from his trouser pocket and tossed it to Yang Ji across from him, his tone as commanding as ever: "Your fourth episode videotapes are almost ready to be mailed out, right? When you go to town, please call my mom for me. Here's her number."
He had enough points, so a phone call wouldn't be a big deal. Yang Ji took the note and, remembering how he'd been jealous and angry about not contacting his family, he teased him with a smile, "Why, do you miss your mom? Do you want to reconcile with your family?"
"Bullshit." He rolled his eyes. "I just wanted her to send me something."
"Let me make it clear first, things that improve your life are not acceptable."
"It's not about improving my life." He glanced awkwardly towards the corner of the shed, cleared his throat a few times, and then said, "I just want her to send me some school supplies. Ask her to send all the exercise books in my room, especially the difficult ones. Send more."
Upon hearing this, everyone in the studio suspected that there was something wrong with their ears. Someone jokingly said, "Xu Sirui, you're really good. You've really succeeded in your transformation. Do you start to like studying?"
"Get lost! It's none of your business."
Xu Sirui felt a little embarrassed. This decision was a complete brain drain. He had written down the phone number and came here on a whim. He really couldn't stand being teased. After confirming that Yang Ji would ask someone to make the call for him, he hurried out, opened his nose, and took a deep breath of fresh air.
There is nothing good about the mountains. There is no toilet, no air conditioning, no internet. The only thing is that the air quality is good, much better than Beijing, which is always covered in smog.
He stood there with his hands on his hips, feeling the purification of the energy of heaven and earth, and then slowly walked back into the house.
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