Chapter 4 (Part 2)
Cheng Zhao had renovated his mother's house, and it was already very stylish, with a suspended ceiling, beautiful light strips, and an antique screen in the entrance. But his mother refused to let him buy new furniture, saying it looked too new and wouldn't feel like home, and it would keep him awake at night. Cheng Zhao had no choice but to go along with her. The moment the old furniture was moved into the new house, the atmosphere immediately changed, becoming quite out of place: incense burners sat on the long table, and in the corner, a plastic vase with a red body and plastic lilies inside. Both the vase and the flowers were found by his mother. And then there was the dining table, covered with a piece of yellowed soft glass, with a small childhood photo of Cheng Zhao tucked into the corner. His mother had always hoped for a daughter, but after giving birth to three sons, she regretted raising the youngest son as her own. As a child, Cheng Zhao wore pigtails and flowery dresses—in today's terms, a transvestite. But it satisfied her, not him, but her mother. This small photo is a remnant of that period. When he was seventeen or eighteen, Cheng Zhao, hoping to amuse Gan Ling, had shown it to her and asked her to guess who it was. Gan Ling recognized it instantly. "Isn't it you?" Cheng Zhao exclaimed, "How did you tell? She looks so much like a girl!" "The teeth," Gan Ling pointed out with a pen. "They look wrong. They're so sharp, like an animal. Girls don't have teeth that ferocious." Cheng Zhao stared at his teeth in the photo, and the more he looked, the more they looked wrong. He lifted the soft glass, turned the photo over, and with his face facing down, finally felt relieved. The wontons were delicious. His mother had made them herself, with golden cauliflower and pork filling. Cheng Zhao ate two in a row and exclaimed contentedly, "So delicious!" His mother was pleased. "I only added a little salt and wine, not even MSG." These wontons brought back distant childhood memories for Cheng Zhao. He had first tasted these wontons with golden cauliflower and meat filling at Gan Ling's house, where her mother, Liu Xiao, had made them. He'd gone home and told his mother, and she'd learned how to make them, though she'd probably forgotten everything by now. "You eat," she said. "I'll go put away the laundry." "Okay." His mother went to work on the balcony, and Cheng Zhao sat alone at the dining table, deep in his wontons. His mother never sat by him, motherly, to watch him eat. He remembered her as a quick-tempered woman, impulsive and rarely patient enough to stop. It was with Liu Xiao that he first experienced the meaning of "gentleness." Cheng Zhao didn't object to his mother moving the old furniture into their new home. Firstly, he respected her feelings, and secondly, he sometimes had the illusion that...
Cheng Zhao had renovated his mother's house, and it was already very stylish, with a suspended ceiling, beautiful light strips, and an antique screen in the entrance. But his mother refused to let Cheng Zhao buy new furniture, saying it looked too new and wouldn't feel like home, and she wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Cheng Zhao had no choice but to let her do it.
As soon as the old furniture was moved into the new house, the atmosphere immediately changed, becoming quite out of place. There were incense sticks on the long table, and in the corner, a plastic flower vase with a red body and plastic lilies inside. Both the vase and the artificial flowers were picked up by my mother. And then there was the eight-immortal table we used for dining, with a piece of yellowed soft glass on the top, and a small childhood photo of Cheng Zhao tucked into the corner of the glass.
His mother had always hoped for a daughter, but she gave birth to three sons. Feeling regretful, she decided to raise her youngest son as a daughter. As a child, Cheng Zhao wore braids and flowery skirts. In today's terms, he was a transvestite. However, it wasn't him who was satisfied, but his mother.
This small photo is the remaining evidence from that period. When he was seventeen or eighteen years old, Cheng Zhao wanted to make Gan Ling happy, so he showed her the photo and asked Gan Ling to guess who it was.
Gan Ling recognized him immediately, "Isn't that you?"
Cheng Zhao was discouraged. "How did you tell? She clearly looks like a girl!"
"Teeth." Gan Ling pointed at Cheng Zhao with the pen in her hand. "The teeth don't look right. They look very sharp, like a small animal. Girls don't have such ferocious teeth."
At this moment, Cheng Zhao stared at his teeth in the photo. Sure enough, the more he looked, the more he felt something was wrong. He lifted the soft glass, turned the photo over, and faced his "face" downwards. Only then did he feel better.
The wontons are delicious. My mother made them herself and they are filled with golden cauliflower and pork.
Cheng Zhao ate two in a row and exclaimed in satisfaction, "How delicious!"
The mother was proud, "I just added some salt and wine, not even MSG."
These wontons brought back Cheng Zhao's distant childhood memories. The first time he ate this kind of wontons stuffed with golden cauliflower and meat was at Gan Ling's house. Her mother Liu Xiao made them. Then he went home and told his mother, and his mother also learned how to make them. Of course, she has probably forgotten it all now.
The mother said, "You eat, I'll go collect the clothes."
"Um."
While his mother worked on the balcony, Cheng Zhao sat alone at the dining table, engrossed in his wontons. His mother never sat beside him, watching him eat like a loving mother. In his mind, she was always a quick-tempered woman, impulsive and impulsive, rarely patient enough to pause. His first taste of the word "gentle" came from Liu Xiao.
Cheng Zhao did not object to his mother moving the old furniture into the new house. Firstly, he respected his mother's feelings, and secondly, he sometimes had an illusion that he was still living in Changwang New Village and Gan Ling's house was downstairs.
Whenever the Cheng family was cursing and slamming pots and pans on the floor, causing chaos, it was probably like a thunderstorm for the Gan family downstairs.
Cheng Zhao remembered that Gan Wenkang once came upstairs to persuade him, but his father responded by throwing a shoe at him. After that, the Gan family never dared to say a word again.
It must have been the autumn of the year when he was five. His two older brothers were boarding at school, leaving Cheng Zhao and his mother alone at home to endure his father's violent temper. One evening, the sky was gray and gloomy. His father sat by the living room window, drinking, the lights off, while his mother bustled about in the kitchen. Cheng Zhao usually avoided his father. Although hungry, he didn't dare go to the living room before his father went to bed. Instead, he rode the small wooden horse his brother had left him, which was placed between his room and the kitchen. Perhaps psychologically, he felt safer being closer to his mother.
Not surprisingly, my father was drunk again, and he and my mother were arguing fiercely about something, ultimately about money. Something in my mother's words irritated him, and he slammed his glass to the ground. Without anyone reminding him to follow the instructions, he quietly dismounted the Trojan horse, opened the door, and slipped out.
Wandering in the hallway, he felt no fear at all. Instead, he was grateful to be safe from the raging storm inside the house. He walked down a few steps and sat down, his hands clasped in his lap. His mind was blank, unsure of what to do next. He was hungry, and the aroma of food wafting from every household made him even hungrier.
Then, he saw Liu Xiao leading Gan Ling up from downstairs and stopped at 302. The light was dim. He sat there motionless, watching Liu Xiao take out the key to open the door. Suddenly, he envied Gan Ling because she had a quiet home to return to.
Before entering, Gan Ling glanced back for some reason and met Cheng Zhao's gaze, both of them stunned for a moment. Gan Ling tugged at her mother's sleeve, motioning her to look toward Cheng Zhao. Cheng Zhao then felt nervous, as if sitting on the steps was inappropriate and might be punished.
He should have left immediately, but perhaps because he was too hungry, he lacked his usual cleverness and stared blankly at Liu Xiao walking up while Gan Ling stood at the corner of the staircase, staring at him.
"Azhao, why don't you go home?"
Cheng Zhao remained silent. 402 A roar was heard at the right moment. Liu Xiao understood and, without further questioning, took Cheng Zhao's hand.
"Haven't you had dinner yet? Let's go to my house and eat."
At the Gan family's, Cheng Zhao ate fried shrimp and a steamed fish, which he had never eaten at home. Later, he learned that it was sea bass. Compared with the Cheng family, the Gan family was much better off. Gan Wenkang was a junior high school teacher, and Liu Xiao was an accountant at a large company.
Besides the hearty meal, Cheng Zhao also enjoyed the atmosphere at the Gan residence. It was a stark contrast to the troubled situation at his own home. Gan Wenkang loved to joke, Liu Xiao spoke softly, and the air was filled with a sense of ease and joy. No one talked about the noise from the Cheng residence overhead, and no one looked at Cheng Zhao with strange eyes.
From then on, whenever a fight broke out at the Cheng family, Cheng Zhao would slip out and knock on the Gan family's door openly. He would then be taken in by Liu Xiao, where he would spend three or four hours of warm time.
He and Gan Ling ate cookies and drank drinks together, drew with colored pencils, and of course stayed for dinner. For him, this was the most beautiful harbor.
Although Cheng Zhao tried not to pay attention to the noise upstairs, the thrilling, all-destroying noise was hard to block out. Whenever this happened, he would lower his head and paint, hiding his discomfort and guilt in his heart. He felt sorry for the Gan family's clean environment.
Gan Ling, his age, was a quiet girl, but that didn't mean she was clueless. She could see Cheng Zhao's guilt, but she never said anything. She took out picture books and shared them with him, telling him stories. She couldn't read yet, but she could tell stories vividly based on the pictures, which amazed Cheng Zhao. Gradually, the noise upstairs faded into the background, completely forgotten by the two of them.
Sometimes the farce upstairs would not end until late at night. Cheng Zhao was sleepy, so he slept on the sofa in Gan's house, accompanied by Liu Xiao, until Cheng's mother came downstairs to find her son. After thanking her profusely, she carried Cheng Zhao upstairs.
Cheng Zhao and Gan Ling attended the same kindergarten and later the same primary school, also in Xiaoxi Lane. The primary school was very close to their homes, so they didn't have to cross the street. Many children, after becoming familiar with the environment, began to go to and from school on their own.
By then, the two had already formed a deep friendship. Whether going to school or coming home from school, they would wait for each other on the way to and from school together. They were not in the same class, but during the short walk of just a few minutes, Cheng Zhao had a lot to say to Gan Ling. Gan Ling didn't talk much, but she loved to listen to him.
Time flew by, and they grew up quickly. In fourth grade, people started teasing them. Gan Ling didn't think anything of it, but Cheng Zhao, a boy at the time, was experiencing a period of strong self-esteem. What he couldn't stand most was his father, who would sip his wine and mock and criticize him in a sinister tone.
"The little toad who wanted to eat swan meat is back! Ah Zhao, stop dreaming. Teacher Gan doesn't look down on people like us!"
Cheng Zhao took the initiative to distance himself from Gan Ling, no longer visiting her home. In the mornings, he avoided Gan Ling and sneaked to school alone. After school, when he saw Gan Ling waiting at the entrance of the grade building, he ignored her and quickly ran over with his head down. Before long, he and Gan Ling became strangers.
However, he lived too close to the Gan family, so it was inevitable that they would run into each other. He could ignore Gan Ling and Gan Wenkang, but he could not ignore Liu Xiao. He gritted his teeth and called out "Auntie", then rushed upstairs as if fleeing, with Liu Xiao's worried eyes following behind him.
Liu Xiao never once questioned him, as if she fully understood that boys his age viewed friendship with girls as a scourge. She would make delicious dishes like vegetable and meat wontons, sugared rice cakes, freshly steamed crabs, fried meat patties, and seafood risotto, and she would bring them upstairs. She would then stand at the door, exchange a few words with Cheng Zhao's mother, leave the food, and leave.
"Azhao, Aunt Liu brought you some delicious food, come out quickly!"
Cheng Zhao savored the familiar taste, feeling a mixture of warmth and guilt. He hoped that one day in the future, he would have the courage to say "thank you" in person again.
Two years later, Liu Xiao fell ill and passed away. When the tragic news reached the Cheng family, Cheng Zhao felt as if the sky had fallen. At this time, he finally thought of Gan Ling and wanted to talk to her and share her sadness, as well as his.
But Gan Ling was missing. It was said that she was ill and had been hospitalized. Cheng Zhao always stopped by Gan's house on his way home, but it seemed no one was home. Occasionally, Cheng Zhao would run into Gan Wenkang in the hallway, head down, his face gloomy, something he dared not look directly at.
The Gan family, once as warm as a harbor, became silent and gloomy with the passing of Liu Xiao.
Soon, Gan Wenkang arranged for Gan Ling to transfer to another school and moved to the city with his daughter. They had already bought a new house in the city and had originally planned to wait until Liu Xiao recovered from her illness before moving.
That year, Cheng Zhao was 12 years old. He experienced the bitterness, desolation, fear, and regret of loss for the first time: it was all in vain. He and Gan Ling were lost in the same city.
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