Chapter 9 (Part 2)
After shopping, the two went home. Gan Ling still took the bus. The last bus to Xiaoxi Lane was at 9:30, so she usually arrived at the bus stop ten minutes early to avoid missing it. It was almost ten o'clock when she returned to Changwang New Village. The old neighborhood was mostly inhabited by elderly people who went to bed early, and the neighborhood was quiet at this time. The silver-gray streetlights were obscured by lush camphor trees. Only 60% of the lights were on, which deepened the eerie feeling of the path. However, the security in this area has always been good. Gan Ling relaxed her nerves and quickened her pace. There were no streetlights in front of Building 24, and the porch light had just broken down a few days ago. No one had reported it yet. Usually, young people took the initiative to do such things. Gan Ling made a mental note to remember to call the property management to report it tomorrow. She was about to walk into the building when she suddenly smelled smoke. A figure walked out of the darkness, startling her so much that she took two steps back. The figure realized that he had scared her and immediately stopped. "Gan Ling." Hearing the voice, Gan Ling calmed down and said angrily, "What are you hiding here for?" Cheng Zhao came out, holding a heavy bag. "Waiting for you." "What's going on?" "I brought you some food." Cheng Zhao handed the bag over. "My friend brought back some soufflés and cheese from Xinjiang, all your favorites." Gan Ling didn't take it. "How could I eat so much by myself?" "Don't you have your dad and the caregiver?" "They don't like sweets." Gan Ling lowered her head. "Don't send me anything anymore." Cheng Zhao took a step closer to her. "What's wrong?" "Nothing. It's getting late, you should go home." Gan Ling tried to pass by him, but he stopped her. "Gan Ling, can we talk?" "...Let's talk by the river." The two of them walked towards the river, one in front and one behind. The river was on the east side of the community, separated by an iron fence. During the day, many elderly people sat by the river, fishing with their rods in the water, whiled away the day. It was late at night, and the river was quiet and deserted. Gan Ling arrived at the shelter behind the nursing home. It was small, with a wooden bench where she could sit, but she chose not to sit. Instead, she stood facing the dark river. Cheng Zhao was right behind her, clutching a heavy shopping bag. "Is it because of what I said last time?" Cheng Zhao spoke first, placing the shopping bag on the bench and twisting his wrist secretly. Gan Ling said, "It has nothing to do with that." "Then why?" "I still have the bill for the bookstore renovation. You undercharged me by over 20,000 yuan. I wanted to pay you back, but you refused. You keep sending me things. It's hard for me to feel at ease with you like this." "Let's just stay friends..."
After shopping, the two went home. Gan Ling still took the bus. The last bus to Xiaoxi Lane was at 9:30. She usually arrived at the station ten minutes in advance to avoid missing it.
It was almost ten o'clock when we returned to Changwang New Village. The old neighborhood was mostly inhabited by the elderly, who went to bed early, and the place was completely quiet. The silver-gray streetlights, dimmed by the lush camphor trees, were only sixty percent operational, adding to the eerie feeling of the path. However, the area was known for good security, so Gan Ling relaxed and quickened his pace.
There is no street light in front of Building 24, and the porch light broke down a few days ago, and no one has reported it yet. Usually, young people take the initiative to do such things. Gan Ling made a mental note and decided to call the property management to report the problem tomorrow.
She was about to go into the building when she suddenly smelled smoke and a figure walked out of the darkness, frightening her so much that she took two steps back. The figure realized that he had frightened her and immediately stopped.
"Gan Ling."
Hearing the voice, Gan Ling calmed down and said angrily, "Why are you hiding here?"
Cheng Zhao came out, holding a heavy bag in his hand, "Waiting for you."
"What's up?"
"I brought you some food."
Cheng Zhao handed over the bag. "My friend brought back these puff pastry and cheese from Xinjiang. They're all your favorites."
Gan Ling didn't answer. "How can I eat so much by myself?"
"Aren't there your father and the nurse?"
"They don't like sweet things." Gan Ling lowered her head. "Don't send them gifts anymore."
Cheng Zhao took a step closer to her, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. It's getting late, you should go back soon."
Gan Ling wanted to pass by him, but he stopped her. "Gan Ling, do you want to talk?"
"...Let's go to the river and talk."
The two walked towards the river, one in front and the other behind.
The river lies east of the residential complex, fenced off by an iron fence. During the day, many elderly people sit by the river, fishing with their rods out to the surface, whileing away the day. Now, late at night, the riverside is quiet and deserted.
Gan Ling came to the shelter behind the nursing home. The shelter was small and there was a wooden bench where she could sit, but she didn't sit down. Instead, she stood facing the dark river. Cheng Zhao was right behind her, carrying a heavy shopping bag in his hands.
"Is it because of what I said last time?" Cheng Zhao spoke first. As he spoke, he put the shopping bag on the bench and twisted his wrist secretly.
Gan Ling said, "It has nothing to do with that."
"Why is that?"
"I still have the bill for the bookstore renovation, and you undercharged me by over 20,000 yuan. I wanted to pay you back, but you refused to take it. And you keep sending me stuff. It's hard for me to feel at peace with you."
"We're still friends, right?"
"Friends have to give and take. I can't just take advantage of you. I don't have anything to give you."
"You're doing me a favor by letting me accompany you to look for books."
"What did you get?"
"I'm relaxed and in a good mood."
Gan Ling was amused, "You really are..."
She smiled and the atmosphere eased.
"You've always known what I'm thinking, right? I didn't dare to tell you because I was afraid you wouldn't agree, and then we might not even be friends anymore... I was really afraid of that."
Gan Ling remained silent. Light from the buildings on the other side of the river shone brightly, making their eyes sparkle. The river flowed silently in the dark night. When they were children, they had come to this pavilion before, on nights like this, one hiding behind a pillar while the other searched. For some reason, Cheng Zhao was usually very boisterous, but when he was with her, he would become a different person, even when playing games, quiet and still. They seemed to have a tacit understanding, no need for shouting; a glance, a whisper, and they understood each other clearly.
Gan Ling was stunned to realize that so many years had passed. However, no matter how the world changed, the person next to her always gave her a sense of familiarity and security.
Did she ever think about living with him? Yes, but after much thought, she concluded that she couldn't.
There was a time when she had dreamed of him. When she was a teenager, he would ride the bus and walk with her. She thought it would be wonderful to live like this for the rest of her life. But in less than a year, her dream was shattered by reality.
Now, neither her mind nor her heart could allow her to recapture the fantasy of adolescence. Apart from a little childhood affection, there was no longer any connection between them. They had already embarked on two completely different paths. She wondered how Cheng Zhao could not see this.
Perhaps he valued friendship more than she did, and was more nostalgic for the good old days. Thinking of this, Gan Ling's heart softened again. Cheng Zhao, who was a master of business, also had a naive side, which was rare after all.
"Cheng Zhao, I always considered you a friend, but just a friend. We are really not suitable."
"If you are not satisfied with me, I will change it."
Gan Ling was helpless. "Don't be so childish, okay? Some things can't be changed just because you want to. Besides, if you change them, will you still be Cheng Zhao?"
"I can……"
"You are you. You don't have to change anything for me. What you need to do is find a girl you are compatible with. Don't waste your time on me."
"I do."
"I don't want to."
"It's my business if I'm willing!" Cheng Zhao suddenly raised his voice.
"Be gentle!"
Cheng Zhao approached Gan Ling, almost touching her. Gan Ling stepped back a little to keep some distance.
"You've said so much, but you missed the most important thing. You don't care about my feelings for you at all." Cheng Zhao's voice suddenly became hoarse. "Gan Ling, I love you. I have loved you for many years."
Gan Ling's heart trembled slightly. In fact, she knew it all without him saying it, but when he really said it, she was still shocked. But that was all. She didn't let the momentary emotion get to her head and soon sobered up.
If he had heard this sentence when he was eighteen years old, if he had not been scared off by Gan Wenkang at that time, if he had resisted the pressure and come to her, would the result be different from now?
"Don't be silly." She said softly, her tone almost hypnotic, "Go back."
When she turned around, Cheng Zhao reached out and hugged her fiercely, with her face pressed against his chest.
Gan Ling was startled. This was the first time in their lives that she and Cheng Zhao had such close contact. For a moment, she thought she was in the arms of a man she didn't know. This man had an unfamiliar scent: a mixture of male hormones, the fragrance of laundry detergent, or perhaps the perfume he'd sprayed that morning, a slight hint of sweat, and tobacco.
Perhaps because they had been together since childhood, Gan Ling had never felt that Cheng Zhao was a threat. She could feel that he had always looked up to her, so she felt safe. However, he suddenly became dangerous in front of her.
She should have been angry, but she wasn't. After calming down, she even took a deep breath of the scent in Cheng Zhao's arms. This scent separated the 32-year-old him from the 18-year-old him, making Gan Ling realize how much he had grown. He was no longer the boy who looked up to her; he was already a mature man.
"Gan Ling."
Gan Ling heard the vibration of her name in Cheng Zhao's chest, as if a strange and new power was surging in his body. For some reason, she suddenly panicked, raised her head and pushed him away.
The two of them were facing each other, so close that they could hear each other's breathing, which was unstable.
Gan Ling sorted out a clue in the chaos, "You, you smell like cigarettes."
Cheng Zhao burst out laughing. She was always like this, liking to avoid the important issues.
He tenderly promised, "I can quit smoking."
Gan Ling turned her head away, not looking at him. "I had a colleague before who also quit smoking. He became very irritable and started buying things recklessly. Later he started smoking again, and only then did his mood stabilize."
"I mean what I say."
“Who can guarantee that?”
Cheng Zhao reached out again, and Gan Ling stepped back cautiously. However, this time, Cheng Zhao didn't pull her. Instead, he placed his hands on her face. In the distant light, she saw his eyes, bright and clear, with a strange light flickering in them. Gan Ling was not unfamiliar with such a look.
“How do you know if you don’t try?”
Cheng Zhao whispered, lowered his head, and decisively pressed towards Gan Ling's face.
He was almost about to kiss her, but Gan Ling pulled away. She panted slightly and whispered, "Don't do that!"
She used a condescending tone, and Cheng Zhao heard it. He stared at her blankly for a while, seeing the disgust on her face. He let go of her, took a few steps back, said nothing, and walked away without looking back.
Gan Ling wanted to ask him to remove the plastic bag from the bench, but she opened her mouth but nothing came out. His back was stiff and straight, filled with anger as he walked away. Silently, Gan Ling picked up the food. As she lowered her head, she felt a sudden pang of sadness. She knew she had stabbed Cheng Zhao.
She walked slowly towards Building 24, her mind filled with Cheng Zhao's bright yet heavy eyes staring at her. She couldn't shake them off, and her whole body suddenly felt hot, as if something in her body was awakened.
The house was quiet; Gan Wenkang and Wu Juan were both asleep. Gan Ling didn't turn on the lights, relying entirely on her sense of smell to get in. She groped her way to the living room sofa, slowly sat down, and stared blankly in the darkness for a long moment.
When you escape one mountain, another one will appear. In the final analysis, life is a process of having your path constantly blocked by mountains.
Since escaping is useless, then take the initiative to choose a mountain to climb. Gan Ling thought of the tailor-made person Kong Yu recommended to her today. Perhaps she should give her bestie a call.
Why not Cheng Zhao? This question made Gan Ling stay in the darkness for a while longer.
She wanted to live a free and unrestricted life, and Cheng Zhao was willing and able to give it to her. She believed that living with Cheng Zhao would be very happy and relaxing, and there would be a long-lost passion. The feeling she had just had in Cheng Zhao's arms could prove this.
But people change. If one day his feelings for her change and he starts to get tired of her, it will be a disaster for her and she may not have the strength to stand up again.
So, try finding a stranger. At least she will always remain alert and keep a proper distance, not letting herself get too deeply involved. Then, if one day she needs to withdraw, she won't be in such a mess.
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