Chapter 1 Chapter 1-This man is the beginning of my bad luck
I am a historian. I go to work on time every day and love to eat Yu Lu Su Shan.
As I crouched in the corner of the history museum, shivering and holding my breath to listen to the noises outside, my second uncle ran over to me with his sleeves gathered up, smiling and saying, "Yingying, tomorrow is a day off. Let's go to the East Market as a family. I'll buy you some Yu Lu Su Shan."
I almost fainted. Outside, there was a fierce struggle for power and the royal family was playing out a bloody drama of brothers killing each other, and he actually had the mood to discuss desserts with me!
The noise continued until the afternoon, when it finally calmed down a little. I plucked up the courage to open the door and grabbed a passing eunuch to ask what had happened. The eunuch told me that the Fourth Prince had usurped the throne, chopped off the heads of his two brothers, and sat in the Xuanzheng Hall. He was now working with a group of his followers to force the Prime Minister to submit.
The more I listened, the more shocked I became, and my jaw slowly dropped.
It's so damn unpredictable.
The old emperor passed away just the day before yesterday, and several princes started fighting in front of the coffin today. What a group of filial sons and grandsons. If their father knew this, wouldn’t they get angry and come back to life?
Besides, the Fourth Prince Li Siyan usually seems to be silent, but I didn’t expect his rebellious posture to be so smooth and fluent...
I immediately turned around and reported the news to my brother: "Brother, did you hear that? The Fourth Prince..."
My brother, maintaining his dignified composure, replied, “Oh.”
After a pause, he developed an occupational disease and stood up to pick up a pen, muttering as he did so: "This is a big deal, I have to write it down."
Seeing him so calm and composed, I wanted to grab his arm and shake it wildly: "Brother, aren't you afraid? This is a power grab! If you're not careful, you'll lose your head!"
My brother asked in confusion, "They are making trouble for themselves, what does it have to do with us historians?"
Perhaps because he felt I had brought shame upon our family of historians, my father sternly scolded me, "Your brother is right. Just open a Chinese history book and see which emperor succeeded to the throne peacefully. As historians, we should remain calm when faced with major events and not wander around the room."
I felt a little aggrieved, so I ran to the door and eavesdropped. I heard my father calling me from behind, "Sit down and finish your work for today!"
Before he could finish his words, there was a knock on the door of the History Museum. The knock was regular and stereotyped, the way it was knocked in the palace.
I opened the door and saw an old eunuch who was unfamiliar to me.
The eunuch's face drooped like an old Shar-Pei dog, and his eyelids drooped.
His voice was shrill. After looking around, he said to my father, "The new emperor has requested an audience with the editor of the History Bureau. Lord Shen, please come with me."
My father didn't move.
The second uncle raised his eyes and greeted him politely.
"The new emperor has ascended the throne, and we are very worried. Please tell us, Grandpa Eunuch, whether His Majesty will summon all the officials to the throne, or will he only look for my brother?" He asked with a smile.
The eunuch said calmly, "All the officials are standing in the palace now. His Majesty suddenly remembered Shen Bianzai and must want to ask what should and should not be written in the national history of this dynasty."
Second Uncle's face turned pale.
I saw my father's back, which had been bent from working at the desk for a long time, suddenly straighten up, and the entire history museum fell into dead silence.
My father didn't refuse or struggle. He just nodded and said politely, "Wait a moment. Let Chen say goodbye to my daughter."
He turned to me, a rare warm smile appearing on his serious face.
As I stared at him with bewilderment, he hugged me tightly and said softly, "Yingying, if you lose this job, go to Luoyang and live with your aunt. She will take care of you until you grow up and get married."
He paused, then continued, "...You must remember that for generations in my Shen family, studying history is also about cultivating the mind. As a human being, we should look up to heaven without shame and look down upon the earth without embarrassment. Our ancestors also taught us to come and go with a clean record, without regrets."
My job? I wondered, I was a girl. Although I could get a monthly salary as a historian, it was just an assistant job. If I lost it, I lost it. Why did I need to give special instructions?
I haven't seen my aunt who married and moved away to Luoyang for many years. Why does my father bring this up for no reason?
At that time, I didn't understand the reason, so I just agreed casually: "Oh."
After saying that, my father left, his light red robe fluttering in the wind, and he walked alone into the palace that was as ferocious as a giant beast. In my nightmares many years later, I would still see this scene. He walked away without looking back, and was eaten away by the giant beast bit by bit, inch by inch. What did he leave behind? Only those light words: I am not ashamed of heaven when I look up, and I am not ashamed of the earth when I look down. I come and go with a clean record, and have no regrets.
In this way, he arranged the rest of his daughter's life, and then straightened his ancestral back to welcome the final glory of being a historian.
Not long after my father left, it was my second uncle's turn.
My second uncle also left me some words, but they were much more practical than my father's. There were three in total.
First, he asked me to tell my aunt to send her ten-year-old son to the ancestral home in the countryside to be raised by relatives, so that she could remarry as she pleased.
Second, the housing prices in Chang'an East City may fall, so it is better to sell the house in Anyifang as soon as possible and move somewhere else.
Finally, he hid some private money in a dog hole on the side of the room where Zhao Er, the servant in the back room, lived. It contained about two taels of gold and a jade ring. He gave the jade ring to me, his niece, and the gold to my aunt.
I panicked and said, "Uncle, if you tell me any of these things, I'll kill you with a knife!"
Second Uncle laughed loudly, "If I could really become the soul that died under her knife, that wouldn't be bad either."
"It's a pity that I can't take you to Yu Lu Su Shan again. You can go alone from now on."
He touched my head, tears welling up in his eyes.
It was not until this moment that I realized something was wrong. Fear suddenly spread out, strangled my throat, and made my limbs unable to move.
The voices of my father and second uncle lingered in my mind, and a terrible guess slowly took shape in my heart.
I remembered the story my father told me when I was just starting to learn. In the Spring and Autumn Period, the Jin official Zhao Dun killed the emperor and killed three historians in order to change the history books. Judging from what my father and second uncle said, could it be that we just happened to encounter this kind of crazy emperor that only appears once in a few hundred years?
What he just said to me were his last words!
"Uncle, you can't go!" My lips trembled violently, and I grabbed his arm so hard that even his clothes were deformed. "Xiaochuan just passed the exam, he needs you, and Auntie too, how can you bear to make her sad!"
My normally talkative second uncle was silent this time. I was isolated and helpless, so I turned around and yelled at my brother: "Brother, why are you standing there? Hold my second uncle back!"
My brother didn't say a word. I looked at him blankly, tears welling up in my eyes.
The eunuch with the shrill voice pushed the door open again.
His face was grim and his eyes were indifferent, like a ghost that had crawled out of hell to take lives, coming to the human world to look down at his next prey.
I don't know where I got the courage from, but I grabbed my second uncle with one hand and the crane-shaped copper lamp stand beside me with the other, and said fiercely, "Get out of here! We're not going to see some idiotic emperor. If you dare touch my second uncle, I'll fight you to the death!"
The eunuch glanced at my lamp stand and said indifferently, "I respect the Shen family's generations of integrity, so I didn't use force. I let you go with dignity. If you don't want this respect, just say so. There's no need to do such a crude thing."
I didn't buy it and waved the lamp stand with all my might, like a lone man blocking a pass for ten thousand. But my elegant and easygoing second uncle said, "Yingying, don't be reckless. Put the lamp down."
I said anxiously: "He wants to kill you!"
Second Uncle didn't take it seriously. He calmly brushed off my fingers that were clinging to his sleeve and comforted me, "Don't be afraid, Yingying. Think about it, being comfortable will go down in history, which is a good thing for us historians and well worth it."
I kept shaking my head, tears streaming down my face.
What's the point of leaving a name in history? It's for future generations to see. I just want my family to live well in the sunshine of Chang'an City, and record every little thing that happened in this city in books. My ancestors have lived this way for generations, so why can't my father and second uncle do the same?
But I couldn't keep him. After being torn apart by two or three eunuchs, my second uncle still left. He faced the dazzling sunlight of the Daming Palace, laughed loudly, and left with his clothes shaken, as generous as the Yan people on the banks of the Yishui River.
He had been a historian all his life, and this was the first time he stepped into the turbulent and unpredictable history. I looked at his back, crying at the top of my lungs, and almost vomited my heart out.
The voice was so shrill that it didn't sound human.
I was madly trying to rush up to see the emperor with him, but the guards at the door shoved me to the ground. My face was covered in tears, and I choked up as I climbed up. My brother suddenly said to me, "Yingzi, forget it."
His hand fell lightly on my shoulder, like a feather.
His words were shorter than those of my father and second uncle. Perhaps he had nothing to say, or perhaps he knew that saying more was useless. "Take care," these were the last two words my brother left me.
It was only half a day, not even enough time for me to write a poem, but it took away three of my loved ones one after another.
The history museum, a single room, was empty and silent. I huddled in a corner, hugging my knees, my body shivering with cold. Countless thoughts swirled in a chaotic tangle. Father, my second uncle, and my older brother were all gone, leaving me alone. Should I listen to Father and go to Luoyang? What would I do next? Would this happen to me too? Would it?
If it really is my turn, what can I do?
After a long time, the door of the History Museum opened a crack. I looked up and saw the eunuch who looked like an impermanent eunuch appeared again. He was high above, full of compassion and ruthlessness. Looking at the sobbing young lady in front of him, he said slowly: "His Majesty said that anyone who can breathe in the History Museum should be brought to the palace. Now you are the only one left here, Miss Shen, please come this way."
His voice was sharp, like a silver knife cutting through a jade plate, or like a saw, silently splitting the top of my head.
I looked around in confusion. Yes, I was the only one left in the history museum now.
My eyes swept across the layers of stacked books, and those tangled thoughts were all torn apart by me. I thought, people have destiny. After reading too many records, you will find that things in the world are nothing but birth, old age, sickness and death, and the alternation of prosperity and decline. What you will do in your life and who you will love are often destined from birth. So, I can only stride forward along my own path. My father has walked this road, my second uncle has walked this road, and my brother has walked this road, and now it is my turn.
In an instant, I made up my mind, raised my sleeves, wiped away my tears, and said, "Take me with you."
He blindfolded me and took me to the Xuanzheng Hall.
There were many court officials standing in the Xuanzheng Hall, young and old. They were the heart of the empire, all familiar faces to me, including the prime minister who had presided over the compilation of history and the uncles I had met in the Ministry of Personnel. But at this moment, they could not bear to look at me.
My brain was buzzing, and I tried my best to keep my body steady as I walked step by step into the magnificent and spacious hall.
How many times have I dreamed of becoming a proper female historian and attending court with my father? But I never expected that this would be the situation when I went to Xuanzheng Hall for the first time.
Although I was mentally prepared, I still couldn't stop trembling when I saw the glaring pool of blood in front of the temple.
Is this from my father, my second uncle, or my brother?
From then on, red became the color I hated the most. I hated the vermilion Daming Palace, the crimson official robes, and the dog emperor sitting on the throne with his hands stained with blood.
Behind the pearl curtain, the young emperor looked at me expressionlessly. He had a handsome face, a fierce expression, and a pair of beautiful phoenix eyes, which he inherited from his biological mother of humble status.
Those eyes reflected a small part of me—a woman with messy hair, red eyes, no dignity at all, and looking like a mad woman.
"Why is it a woman?"
His displeased voice slowly came from the upper seat, echoing in the empty hall.
The eunuch who brought me here stepped forward respectfully and replied, "Your Majesty, the Shen family is a family of historians. Her name is Shen Ying, and she was the last compiler in the history museum."
Seeing my pitiful appearance, the eunuch finally felt a little sympathy and whispered, "Mrs. Shen is fifteen years old now. Her father and brother are both dead. There are only a pair of orphans and a widowed mother in the next room left in the family."
"Hmm."
After looking me up and down, the dog emperor waved his hand in a disinterested manner: "Take her away. How can a little girl like her be considered a historian?"
"What kind of emperor are you?"
I suddenly raised my head, pointed at him and cursed sharply.
Everyone in the room was shocked and the ministers were in an uproar.
The eunuch wanted to rush over to cover my mouth, but I pushed him to the ground with great force.
The rage that outraged the heaven burned through my sanity and also burned away my last bit of composure as a historian. I collapsed and didn't want to pretend anymore. Now I am the craziest madwoman in the entire Chang'an City. Fuck loyalty to the emperor and patriotism. Just because there is a dog sitting in the Xuanzheng Hall, do I have to bow to the dog?
Let him dream his own long life!
I spat at him, using the harshest sound a human voice could muster, cursing at the top of my lungs: "Woman? So what if I'm a woman! I knelt before the Grand Historian and swore an oath. I compiled the eighty-year history of this dynasty. My ancestors have served as historians for thirteen generations since the previous dynasty, and their loyalty and bravery are known throughout the world. What a joke! You, a traitor who stole the country and killed his brother, are worthy of asking me what kind of historian I am? Li Siyan, let me tell you, we historians live with an unashamed conscience, recording our achievements and faults for thousands of years. You can kill us, but even if you kill thousands of other historians, you still can't stop the world from talking!"
A huge force hit my back, and the eunuch gasped for breath and called two strong men to press down my head.
The strong man attacked without mercy. The last words of my voice were still hanging in the air when my face hit the cold and hard bricks. My mouth ached and the taste of blood spread in it. But even so, I still struggled with all my strength, just because - damn it, I haven't cursed enough!
Ever since I took my first step out of the History Museum, I never thought I would be able to walk out of the Xuanzheng Hall alive.
"Our dynasty has brought peace to the world with benevolence and filial piety. Emperor Gaozu and Emperor Taizong worked tirelessly to establish the laws and regulations of our ancestors. Now it has only been eighty years since we came to power, and the body of the late emperor is still warm. You actually did something as outrageous as killing your brother, and you are not afraid of being struck to death by a thunderbolt!..." I broke free from the shackles and cursed angrily.
"Stuff her mouth, quickly!" I don't know who came up with this wicked suggestion.
My teeth were pried open and a handkerchief was stuffed into my mouth roughly.
The blood blurred my eyes, and my world turned into a thick red. I couldn't make any sound and couldn't see anything, but my ears were still pressed against the floor tiles, and because of the solid sound transmission, they became extremely sensitive. Tap, tap, tap, I heard someone approaching me step by step, the footsteps were clear.
"Let her go."
It was the voice of the Dog Emperor.
"Your Majesty..." The strongman who was holding me hesitated, "This girl is very fierce."
The Dog Emperor repeated coldly: "Let her go."
The strong man did not dare to disobey the order. After hesitating for a moment, he let me go.
Seeing the new emperor approaching, the strong man was afraid that I would do something desperate, so he broke both of my arms before letting me go.
As expected of someone serving in the imperial court, his moves were precise and fierce. I felt an unbearable pain and nearly fainted on the spot.
Hold on, Shen Ying, hold on.
I clenched my teeth tightly, beads of sweat dripped down my cheeks, and I gasped as I told myself: I'm going to die anyway, so I must bite off a piece of flesh from the dog emperor before I die.
Amidst my heavy breathing, the Dog Emperor walked towards me with a look of strange interest on his face.
A black boot stained with mud and blood turned over my face. The emperor leaned down, looked at me carefully with his sharp fox eyes, and suddenly laughed out loud.
This smile was terrifying and as chilling as a poisonous snake spitting out its tongue.
He leaned close to my face and said with a grin, "Four historians in one family, all of them are tough guys. What a loyal and brave family."
I whimpered and twisted my body, trying to get up.
He was still laughing, pointing at the pool of blood and saying, "...Do you see that blood? That was shed by the first historian who came up. Oh, that must be your father. I asked him to improve his writing style and not write nonsense like regicide and power grabbing in the national history, but he refused to do so. So I had to sentence him to death in court. The poison I used was quite decent, only bleeding from all seven orifices, but his body was still intact."
He said it so easily, so nonchalantly, even with a touch of perverse smugness. I hated him so much that blood almost came out of my eyes. But there was also a hint of disbelief in my hatred. How could such a devil exist in this world? Isn't he afraid of going to hell?
"The second one to come was your second uncle. He was smarter. He didn't refuse outright. Instead, he dropped his book bag all over the floor and tried to persuade me to change my mind. I got tired of hearing it and wanted to order him to be killed, but he had already sensed it and before he could do anything, he hit his head against the pillar over there and died. He was quite smart."
He pointed to the large vermilion pillar beside him, which was splashed with dark blood and had already dried.
"Then there was your brother. When he saw the blood, he understood everything. He said nothing, only asking to commit suicide. Although I felt sorry, I granted his wish."
"Then it's you. I didn't want to embarrass you, but I didn't expect Miss Shen to be so quick-witted. She's worthy of being from a family of historians. She said it so well that I feel ashamed." He reached out and pulled the handkerchief out of my mouth, and said with a smile, "Tell me more. I love to hear it."
I suddenly got angry and bit his finger hard.
He killed my father, my second uncle, and my brother, but that wasn't enough; he also wanted to humiliate me! It was full of condescending and contemptuous ridicule, how cruel.
I bit down hard. If the strong man beside me hadn't rushed over and pinched my cheeks open, I might have bitten the dog emperor's palm bones through.
He groaned, looking at his bleeding finger with a look of surprise and confusion: "...Aren't you a historian? You actually bite people."
He laughed again and said sarcastically, "Those men in your family are not as brave as a young woman. Such trash can die, so let them die. It's not a pity."
I responded with a more ferocious bite from him, which he dodged swiftly and kicked me aside.
The eunuchs shouted in a clamor, "Your Majesty is injured! Quick, call the imperial physician!"
I spat out his dirty blood and decided to use my traditional skills as a historian: verbal attack.
In the chaotic hall, my voice was high and sharp, as sharp as a knife, tearing the eardrums of the ministers and tearing apart the peace they tried so hard to whitewash.
"Li Siyan, you're nothing but a bastard! A night-drinking scumbag in the Ye Ting Palace. Your lowliness is etched in your blood and bones. Do you think you can wash it off? Ha, it's true that rats born of rats can dig holes. You can't win the throne, so you can only use despicable means to kill the emperor and steal the country. You are just like your vixen mother. Isn't it disgusting!"
I know I won't survive today, so I only curse in a provocative way.
Li Siyan was born in a poor family. Her mother was just a low-ranking slave in the Yunting Palace. She was once favored by the king and secretly gave birth to a child in the Yunting Palace, but she died young due to illness caused by overwork. This has always been a sore spot for the gloomy Fourth Prince.
Sure enough, when I revealed the darkest scar, his expression suddenly changed, from calm and composed to that of a ferocious and violent beast. He said viciously, "Are you crazy? Shut up!"
No, I won't shut up. Before the guards could catch me, I fell to the ground, my forehead bleeding, and continued to curse regardless: "I have to say this today, come and kill me if you dare! Everyone in the imperial city knows that your mother is just a criminal daughter of an official, and it was because of her seduction of the emperor that she gave birth to a bastard like you. Everything is obvious! That's why you are afraid of us historians, because everything you do will be cursed by thousands of people and your infamy will last for thousands of years! But you can't even face us directly. You are just a cowardly man. Bah, what kind of emperor are you! Even if I go to hell, I will watch with my own eyes how the three generations of the country will perish in your hands!"
"Chen Ying! You're looking for death!"
I am good at scolding people, and no one can last three rounds under my scolding.
I succeeded in pissing him off—a king who had just usurped the throne and desperately needed to create a profound image.
He finally reached his limit, drew his sword, and put it against my neck, staring at me with his flaming eyes filled with burning murderous intent.
I also looked at him coldly, with a hint of contempt in my smile, and my lips silently pursed into two shapes: rat.
In the empty hall, we two faced each other, phoenix eyes facing almond eyes, and fierce hatred collided where our eyes met.
No one retreated even half a step, like two beasts baring their fangs at the King of Hell.
The stalemate lasted for a whole cup of tea, but he still hadn't cut my throat. I got tired of waiting and said coldly, "Why, you don't dare to kill me?"
The tip of his sword moved, and I closed my eyes, waiting to be sent home by the cold steel sword.
My father and brothers all thought that I would survive this storm and flee far away to Luoyang, away from the right and wrong of the royal family. But as the family motto says, we should live with a clear conscience and leave with a clean record. The women of our Shen family never disdain to live in humiliation.
Personally, I will not regret my choice today. I just feel it is a pity that if I die, no one will tell my aunt that my second uncle hid two taels of gold as private money in the dog hole.
The tip of the sword did not pierce my throat, but turned slightly and cut off a tuft of my scattered hair.
I opened my eyes and saw the Dog Emperor squatting in front of me, staring at me with narrowed eyes.
I was stunned. What was he trying to do?
He dropped his sword and pulled my head up by my hair, until it was level with him. I struggled, but his grip tightened, nearly ripping my scalp off.
He whispered to me, "Although you deserve death, I don't want to kill you. Wouldn't it be too easy for you to just let you die?"
My eyes widened in horror.
"You said you wanted to go to the underworld and watch me destroy our country, but I don't think that's necessary. You can just stay comfortably in the inner courtyard and watch me, a lowly villain who killed your father and brother, work hard to govern the country and restore it. Wherever I go, I'll be hailed with long live the emperor, and a hundred years from now, I'll be revered by the people." He said, emphasizing each word, "Just watch from the sidelines."
"Bullshit!" I was so angry that I was shaking all over. "I feel sick to my stomach if I can stay with you for even a moment!"
He sneered, "That's perfect! The more disgusting you are, the happier I am. I've just ascended the throne, and I'm in need of someone to write the diary. This is a prestigious position that everyone covets, so I'll let you do it."
Who wants this disgusting gift!
I didn't want to waste another word with this moody psychopath, so I struggled to raise my dislocated, painful, and weak hand to pull out the hairpin on my head.
"Chen Ying, there are other people in your family, right?"
He suddenly pulled out a lock of my hair and said maliciously, "Female relatives, uncles, parents, brothers, even if you are from a poor family, there should be at least a dozen people together, right?"
My hand that was pulling out the hairpin suddenly stopped, and the blood in my body instantly ran cold. I was like a stone statue, unable to move.
The Dog Emperor admired my shocked expression and laughed even more happily.
He reached out and plucked my hairpin, tossed it far away, and said excitedly, "Chen Ying, scolding in public is a serious crime, punishable by death according to the law. What do you say, I'll execute all your family members?"
I completely understood what he meant, and a vague wail came from my throat.
From ancient times to the present, those who committed suicide due to disobedience due to their integrity have never brought disaster to their families. He did such a heinous thing and even killed three historians. But just because I cursed him a few times in court, he threatened to confiscate my property and exterminate my clan!
"You..." I was trembling all over and couldn't say a word.
He loosened his grip on my hair, wiped his hands on my clothes in disgust, and let me fall heavily to the ground with a dull thud.
He snorted coldly, "You're right. I'm indeed a despicable villain who wants to kill anyone who doesn't obey me. You can curse me however you want, but you shouldn't curse my mother. She's just a woman with a miserable life, but she's a thousand times better than you sour Confucians who talk about morality and justice."
"Chen Ying, if you commit suicide now, I will immediately order the killing of all the remaining members of your family, leaving no one within the five generations of mourning alive."
"If you still want them alive, then you should obediently move to the Purple Palace and write my daily records for fifteen years. After fifteen years, I will let you return to the History Bureau. You can write whatever you like, whether you write honestly or not. I won't change a single word. You choose."
He stood up, sheathed his sword, and waited for my answer.
I couldn't answer him. Blood was flowing from my forehead, and the taste of rust in my mouth was getting stronger and stronger. I lay on the cold ground, with unbearable pain in my arms.
His words echoed in my ears like the devil's whispers.
I lay on the cold floor of Xuanzheng Hall, wondering, how could this happen? Just this morning, my second uncle had smiled and said to me, "Niece, tomorrow is a day off. I'll take you to eat Yu Lu Su Shan." Outside, the cries of killing were deafening, yet inside the History Museum, there was still tranquility.
I thought I could live this happy, ordinary life forever. One day, I'd be granted a royal hat, become the first female historian in the imperial court, marry my childhood sweetheart, and we'd save up to buy a small, half-new house in Anyifang. I'd have three children, teach them to read and write, and make them the most delicious Yu Lu Su Shan (Snowcapped Dew Pastry) in the world...
But all of this is gone, gone.
Time slipped away little by little, and I knew I had no choice.
The anger in my heart was deflated, and I could no longer find the strength to say a word. Like a broken little knapsack, I quietly rotted in the dust and mud. Perhaps the happy and lively Chen Ying disappeared from this moment, and what was left in the world was just a broken skin that could not control itself.
After all, the world with people who love is the real world, and the world with devils is called hell.
Li Siyan should be waiting for my reply, but I had lost the strength to speak, and my consciousness gradually became blurred until I fell into a dark quagmire.
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