Chapter 27 - He Can't
After Wei Wan'er locked herself in the room for two whole days, I brought a large pot of good wine from outside the pass and knocked on her door.
After knocking the cup, I felt that I might not have made enough, so I asked Xiaodie to make another pot for me.
Xiaodie refused: "No, drinking is bad for your health."
I said contemptuously, "You are really a tender cucumber. It is better to hurt your body than to hurt your heart."
Xiaodie said stubbornly: "I don't think it's a good thing. Aren't you hurting Cairen's body and making him sad?"
This damn girl!
I went to find Ruiyin again, but she refused even more bluntly, and advised me to go back to the house to get some snacks to make up for the lack of wine. I thought it made sense, so I followed her advice and went to prepare some pickled radish shreds. As soon as I brought the plate back to the house, I saw her stealthily putting her silver hairpin into the wine, and then she picked up the wine pot, poured a little on her handkerchief, and sniffed it.
I was speechless for a moment. It seemed like this guy was on guard against me.
Seeing me coming, she was not embarrassed at all, and calmly put away her handkerchief and said, "It's not that I don't trust Madam Shen, I'm just afraid that the people in the imperial kitchen have overlooked something and mixed in some unclean things."
I smiled dryly: "It's only right to be more careful."
She gave me a meaningful look and said, "Yes, I should."
Ruiyin has been looking at me in a very strange way these past two days, which makes me feel a chill down my spine for no reason.
I didn't dare talk to her anymore. I shuddered and hurried to find Wei Wan'er with the wine jug.
"Drinking to drown your sorrows?"
Wei Wan'er widened her eyes, looked at the inordinately large wine jug, and then looked at me.
I enthusiastically promoted it: "Guanwai Laobaigan is lingering and spicy, perfect for treating relationship problems. One cup will make you forget your worries, two cups will soothe your sorrows, and three cups won't stop until you're drunk."
Wei Wan'er said sullenly, "I appreciate your kindness, but forget about drinking. It's not a big deal. I'll be fine after a few days."
I said seriously, "Don't believe any nonsense like time is a cure-all. It's all lies. You know, when His Majesty first ascended the throne, he killed my father, my second uncle, and my brother. I thought I'd let it go after a few years, but now two years have passed, and my hatred for him hasn't diminished at all."
I am born to be a comforter. I know very well that big truths are very pale to sad people. Only when you are worse off than them will they feel that compared with this unlucky person, my misery seems acceptable.
Sure enough, Wei Wan'er was shocked by my misery.
She said, "I just came to Chang'an last year, and I only heard a little about your experience. I didn't expect... I didn't expect you to really..."
To have both parents dead and to bear a blood feud is like soaking bamboo shoots in coptis water—utterly bitter.
"Yes," I held my chin in my hand, poured myself a glass of wine, and drank from it. "My brother died when he was just forty. He was the third place winner of the imperial examination, chosen by the late emperor. He rode a tall horse to attend the Qionglin Banquet, and the whole street was filled with people waiting to be his son-in-law... He read the classics for twenty years and was terribly pedantic. He always talked about serving his country and his emperor, but he was unlucky and didn't meet a kind emperor who understood him."
Wei Wan'er fell silent. After a moment's thought, she gently patted my back and awkwardly consoled me, "Don't be sad. His Majesty must have regretted it. I heard he posthumously bestowed many honorable titles upon the three heroes of the Shen family. Your brother will find comfort in his afterlife..."
I shook my head. "There's no point in regretting it. Can he swim upstream on the Forgotten River? Can he resurrect my family? He can't. So no matter how many posthumous titles he receives, I won't remember his kindness. Forget it, let's not talk about this little misfortune of our family. Let's drink."
Wei Wan'er picked up the jade cup, shook the amber liquid inside and asked, "Is it just you and your brother in your family this generation?"
I replied, "I have a cousin who is a few years younger than me and is studying at the Imperial College."
Wei Wan'er blinked her eyes. "You have such a small family. Are all the people in Chang'an like this?"
"Of course not. Other families have many sons and daughters, but my family is small because our family precepts forbid taking concubines. The women in the family are not in good health, and the men feel sorry for them, so they usually use fish maws." I said frankly.
Wei Wan'er nodded confusedly and suddenly asked me, "What is a fish maw?"
"It's... it's something on fish... that's used to... well, it won't make you pregnant anyway."
"Why don't you have children?" the curious baby asked.
I described to her the working mechanism of the extra part in men and the key points of implementing contraceptive measures.
The more I talk about it, the more awkward it becomes. Why should I, an unmarried girl, have to explain this kind of thing?
The charming young woman's face flushed red, and she jumped up in shame and covered my mouth: "How could you say this to me!"
I was completely stunned. She covered my mouth and I struggled, whimpering, "Why are you shy? You're already married, okay?"
Wei Wan'er said aggrievedly, "I... although I entered the palace, I never slept with His Majesty!"
I shrugged, "Never slept together? How is that possible? Does he chat with you under the covers every night?"
"How do you know?"
The air suddenly became quiet.
I opened my mouth stupidly, staring at her red face, trying hard to find some cunning expression of a successful joke on her face, but there was none. Wei Wan'er looked as upright as if she was going to Mount Tai to offer sacrifices to heaven and earth in the next second.
"Why don't you believe it? He really didn't touch me." She said righteously: "And it's not just me, no one else has touched me either."
Oh my god, this is shocking gossip!
I was so shocked that I had no appetite for drinking. I put my cup aside and held her tightly, repeatedly asking, "Are you really not sleeping with him? Has he not slept with anyone else? Is he not capable?"
Wei Wan'er didn't understand why I refused to believe her. She was so angry that she pushed my hand away and said awkwardly, "This matter is not glorious, why are you telling anyone about it?"
I was suddenly enlightened and shocked: "Holy crap, it turns out he's really no good!"
At this moment, an idea flashed through my mind: If I offer him my exclusive Indian aphrodisiac secret recipe, will he be so happy that he lets me go?
I excitedly began to ask Li Siyan which step was wrong so I could prescribe the right remedy. Wei Wan'er jumped up again and covered my mouth: "You are not allowed to slander His Majesty!"
I wanted to open her beautiful head and pour out the accumulated water inside: "A beautiful woman like a flower is placed in front of him and he doesn't make a move. What else can this be?"
Wei Wan'er said, "He said he would have to wait until the Queen was pregnant before he could have sex with us concubines because... because he didn't want me to take contraceptive soup every day, and he said it was harmful to my health..."
I almost rolled my eyes when I heard that. "Silly girl, men can lie. You're just listening to his nonsense. It's true that contraceptive soup is harmful to your health, but there are always more solutions than problems. At the very least, can't he go to Taiye Pond and catch a fish, remove its swim bladder, and put it on the hook?"
"He is His Majesty, the Emperor. How can he use... can he use..."
Wei Wan'er is not as shameless as me, and she really can't bring herself to say some harsh words.
I saw her eyes gradually turning compassionate - all her excuses sounded like she was trying to forcibly protect the fragile self-esteem of a weak man.
For the first time in my life, I felt a subtle sympathy for Li Siyan. I raised my glass and sighed, "What a pity! Such a good emperor died young... Oh, enough, enough, can't I just stop talking? Stop hitting me, it hurts..."
After all my trouble, Wei Wan'er felt like she had thrown everything into chaos.
The girl was easily deceived. Although she didn't say it, she had already silently accepted the fact that Li Siyan was no match for her. She raised her cup and drank it all in one gulp, crying as she swallowed, "All living things suffer."
I said optimistically: "A toast to suffering!"
However, neither of us could drink much, and before we had even finished a pot of wine, we saw little figures dancing hand in hand in front of us.
In order to prolong the time of sobriety, I taught the good baby Wei Wan'er a drinking game, the simplest one: first play finger-guessing to determine the winner, and then the winner asks the loser a hot and private question. If the loser doesn't want to answer, he or she has to promise the winner something.
I asked Wei Wan'er with a thick tongue if she understood. Wei Wan'er shook her head and said confidently: "I can do it, come on!"
I won the first round, and I asked her if she had a boy she liked in her hometown. She thought about it and said yes, a distant cousin of hers. She met him once during the ancestor worship ceremony, and he was very handsome.
"What happened next?" I asked her.
Wei Wan'er sighed and said, "My family is a prominent clan in Julu, and his is just a small business family. Naturally, we are not a good match. I was picked out and sent to the palace, and he married the illegitimate granddaughter of a wealthy man from the same hometown."
She won the second round and asked the same question again: What about you? Do you have a sweetheart?
Of course I said yes. His name was Meng Xu. He was the youngest second-class Jinshi that year. He was my childhood sweetheart and now he is the chief secretary in the Secretariat. We were engaged, but it was later interfered with by the dog emperor.
Wei Wan'er cried out, her head raised. "You actually have a childhood sweetheart, and they're engaged?"
"Yes, he treats me very well." I raised my head and drank a glass of wine. "According to the original plan, I should have married him this year."
Wei Wan'er nodded dejectedly: "What a pity, His Majesty will not sit idly by and watch you marry someone else."
I snorted, "Of course he's mentally unhealthy. He can't stand seeing other people being affectionate. It's a problem and needs treatment."
I was originally filled with righteous indignation, but then I thought, even the dog emperor is incapable of it, so why should I bother with him? No, I showed a lewd smile and called Wei Wan'er with drunken eyes: "Come again!"
In the third game, I won again.
I asked her, "Does your Majesty like Wang Funiang?"
Wei Wan'er shook her head: "No."
"Wen Baibi?"
“Not really.”
"Who does he like?" I thought about the other candidates in my mind. "Which girl is so unlucky that he would fall for her?"
Wei Wan'er burped and said seriously, "If I don't tell you, then I won't tell you."
I threatened her: "According to the rules of the order, if you don't tell me, then you have to promise me one thing."
"you say."
I didn't expect her to agree so readily. I thought for a moment and said, "You are a concubine and you can't do anything too disgraceful. How about this? I'll let you go. Let's go to the Taiye Lake and pick some flowers. I'll teach you how to make bonsai."
Wei Wan'er became interested. "Bonsai? I've seen them in Xingzhou, but back home they only use branches for bonsai. Do people in Chang'an actually use fresh flowers?"
I began to ramble on in all seriousness, "Yes, there's a flower viewing event in Chang'an every year. I went once, but I was unlucky. My flowerpot happened to be placed next to the Yaohuang peony of the eldest daughter of the Cheng'en family, and it looked down upon by her flowers."
"My bonsai skills were taught to me by my former neighbor, an old lady. She said that life is full of disappointments, but as long as there are flowers in the vase and trees in the yard, she feels that life is not so difficult."
The alcohol hadn't completely burned Wei Wan'er's brain. Although her heart was moved, she hesitated for a moment: "There are palace restrictions..."
I stood up shakily and said, "It's okay, I'll go by myself, you just wait here." Then I turned and left.
"Why……"
"I'll be right back!" I laughed heartily and spun around happily. At the bedroom door, I bumped into Ruiyin who happened to be passing by. I was startled and quickly helped her up and asked, "Are you okay? Is everything okay?"
Ruiyin stood up with difficulty, glanced at me, frowned and said, "Are you drunk? Where are you going?"
I chuckled and said, "I'm not drunk, I'm quite sober. See you later."
Before she could stop me, I had already run out of the room with great interest.
It was a mid-spring night with the stars hanging low in the sky. I had drunk a lot of wine and my eyes were dizzy. I actually saw double the stars and three moons as big as pancakes.
I grabbed the big brother from the Imperial Guard who was trying to grab me and said with a smile, "Look, March is in the sky, a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical phenomenon. The dog emperor is about to be in big trouble."
The eldest brother of the Imperial Guards felt as if he had been kissed by a venomous snake. His muscles tensed with panic, and he ordered his deputy general, "She's not quite right. Quickly take Concubine Wei... forget it, and report directly to His Majesty."
I said dissatisfiedly, "There's something wrong with you. I'm kindly teaching you how to watch the moon, and you're saying there's something wrong with me?"
The big brother of the Yulin Guard had already jumped several feet away and was secretly observing me from the side.
"Tsk, forget it if you don't want to watch it." I rolled my eyes.
"Life is like a dream, why bother to work so hard? The ancients walked at night with candlelight, and for a good reason! I miss you so much in Chang'an, so much... Brother, father, mother, second uncle and aunt... I miss you again..."
I was probably really drunk. I stumbled towards the flower forest, mumbling whatever came to my mind, reciting poems I had read before and calling out to my family whom I would never see again.
Occasionally I would curse the dog emperor very dirty. For the first time, I overcame my psychological barriers and cursed out the extremely dirty word "dog shit-eating Turkic slave". After cursing, I felt that every pore was relaxed. I was stunned at first, and then I praised myself excitedly: Wow, Chen Ying, you are awesome, curse me again!
"Li Siyan, you shit-eating Turkic slave!"
I am full of heroic spirit and let out a long roar with my sleeves waving.
The sound drifted far away to the Taiye Lake, startling countless birds.
This is what is called "the mist rises from Yunmeng Lake and the waves shake Yueyang City."
I felt so good after scolding him, and all the anger in my heart was gone. I put my hands on my hips and laughed, then raised my fist and raised my glass to the three moons in the distance: "Let's drink together!"
"I am not a Turk."
A sinister voice suddenly came from behind.
I don't know when, those sneaky Yulin guards disappeared, and the moon in the sky became four. I looked up in amazement at the four moons spinning and jumping, and felt that astronomy was really profound.
Eager to share my great discovery with someone, I pulled the man behind me with the sinister voice over and pointed to the sky, saying, "Look! April is in the sky. This is a bad omen, a very bad omen. At best, the emperor will die suddenly, at worst, the dynasty will change. I have to notify the Imperial Astronomical Observatory immediately... Forget it, it's too late. I should go straight to the Ministry of Rites and ask them to start preparing the coffin."
I didn't know what I was babbling about, and neither did the guy who caught me. He looked up at the sky, then down at me, his brow furrowed like a "川" character. "What do you mean by 'April in the sky'? Have you been drinking again?"
I blinked drunkenly, not recognizing him. But in the spirit of information sharing, I said seriously, "I'm not lying to you. I've learned a lot of great secrets today. Tonight, we're lucky enough to enjoy one... no, four bright moons together. I'll reveal one to you, and don't tell anyone."
The other party asked: "What did you know?"
I shook my head proudly: "I'll tell you this and scare you to death. You know Li Siyan, right? He's the emperor. The whole world belongs to him."
"Know."
I leaned over and lowered my voice, "He can't do that down there!"
To make it more believable, I raised my arms in front of my chest, made a big split, and jumped left and right, looking like I was performing some strange ritual.
The other party was not scared to death by me.
The other party was silent.
After a while, the other party grabbed my hair and tried to drag me away.
I was horrified, waving my hands and feet to protect my fragile scalp, and angrily said, "What's your attitude! You bad guy, I want to take back my big secret!"
He let go of my hair and grabbed me by the back of my collar, pulling me in front of him. He gritted his teeth and said, "Then I'll tell you a big secret: your secret is a lie."
I was so angry that my lungs were bursting with anger. I angrily spewed out four idioms: "You are talking nonsense, you are lying, you don't listen to others, you are a wicked person! You can say I am lying, but you can't say my big secret is false!"
He slapped me three times on the cheek and said coldly, "Shut up! Say another word of nonsense and I'll throw you into the Taiye Pond to feed the fish!"
I was stunned. He hit me? Even my father never hit me!
I immediately counterattacked and gave him a powerful Shen-style right hook, hitting him in the lower abdomen.
He accepted it silently and said coldly, "This won't happen again."
I was silent for a second, then I felt something was wrong. Who the hell was he? Why should I listen to him?
So I jumped up and started to harp on again: He really is no good. If you don't believe me, just go ask any concubine. The thing has never been opened. If a man's bird is not opened, it is probably useless...
Maybe what I said was too credible, so he didn't throw me into Taiye Lake to feed the goldfish. Instead, he just stood with his hands behind his back and listened to me chatter quietly.
I got even more excited: "Oh, you have to say that the inheritance of the royal bloodline is a big problem now. You say he is not good enough but he still takes in so many concubines. Isn't it like an old eunuch marrying eighteen concubines and not being afraid..."
He remained silent, watching my performance quietly until he finally got fed up with my nagging and interrupted me in a harsh tone, saying, "Why don't you stay in Xuanwei Hall? What are you doing out here?"
"I'll pick some flowers." "You're so ignorant! Haven't you seen flower arrangement before?" I pushed him aside with disdain and said generously, "Forget it, forget it. I'm giving you my big secret for free. I'm very busy tonight. I won't waste any more time talking to you. Goodbye."
After saying that, she pushed him aside with her butt and walked away with a swagger.
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