Chapter 33 Chapter 33 - Fudge
The official explanation for a granted marriage is that it is a marriage designated by the emperor himself and is a great reward.
According to the rules of arranged marriages in this dynasty, the emperor had to send a congratulatory gift in addition to the imperial edict. The person being arranged to marry would gain both fame and fortune, a sure win. The only drawback was that it was more troublesome to get a divorce.
I felt that Brother Meng and I should not get divorced, so I was justified in pressing Li Siyan to grant us a marriage.
Li Siyan didn't expect that I would actually dare to make this request. After a brief trance, the violent energy in his body erupted. I felt the familiar tightening of my collar, and he grabbed me again.
His feet were dangling in the air, his heavy breathing pounded on my cheek, and he gritted his teeth and said angrily, "Ask me to allow you two to live together as a pair of wild mandarin ducks? Chen Ying, you really are dreaming. I gave you face, and you dare to take advantage of me!"
"Yes, I'm just being too arrogant." I laughed and said, "You said you want whatever I want, so I'm telling you, I don't want your dirty stuff. I just want an imperial decree granting me marriage, marrying me to Meng Xu in front of the whole world."
"You ungrateful, crazy woman!" He was so angry that his face turned blue, his hands trembling, and he gripped my clothes until they were deformed. "Two years without any news, why don't you give up? You want to be with him, right? Fine, I will send him to exile outside the Great Wall tomorrow, and you two can go to the yellow sand dunes and suffer together!"
"That's better. I never intended to stay in Chang'an anyway!" I confronted her fiercely, "Exile me if you want. We'll be a pair of Liang Yan in Jiangnan and a pair of Bai Diao in the frontier. Beyond the imperial capital, there are vast mountains and seas, in the north of the desert and the south of the Yangtze River, in the Western Regions and Nanzhao. There's always a place for us to stay. You're selfish and suspicious, vicious and irritable. I've had enough of your torment over the past two years. You want me to stay in Chang'an and continue to work for you? Dream on!"
"Chen Ying, you're looking for death!"
His eyes were red and his teeth were almost bleeding. He seemed to be trying hard to endure the pain of listening to these heartbreaking words. The hand that was grabbing my collar was shaking even more violently.
I sneered and said, "If you can't do it, then you can't do it. Why bother pretending to ask me to make a wish? You're pressing on my wound, let me go."
Wei Wan'er, standing by, was already stunned and collapsed to the ground. Seeing Li Siyan so furious, her lips trembled and she murmured, "Your Majesty... Your Majesty, please calm down..."
He had no intention of calming down, but instead gave Wei Wan'er a cold look. Wei Wan'er turned pale and was at a loss after being looked at by his merciless gaze.
I also winked at her secretly, signaling her to leave quickly. She pursed her lips, bowed silently, and walked away quickly.
Before leaving, he gave me a look that said "I wish you all the best."
I felt relieved and turned back to my battlefield.
To deal with Li Siyan, throwing a tantrum is useless, and begging for mercy is useless. The best strategy is to win over his heart. I understand that Li Siyan has not completely given up on me. Now we are like two crickets in a fighting arena. Whoever loses the momentum will have to compromise.
So even though I was physically weak, I still forced myself to stay strong and fight him until both sides had played all their cards before the winner could be determined.
We confronted each other for a long time, and Li Siyan's anger subsided a little.
As if he finally remembered that he was holding a weak patient, he loosened his grip, took two steps back, and clenched his fists again. He looked at me and said, "I hate it most when my things are taken away by others. If you must leave Chang'an with that adulterer, you don't have to leave the palace. Just stay here until you figure it out."
Not everyone in this world plays chess obediently and is willing to accept defeat. Some people cheat when they can't win, and if they cheat and still can't win, they overturn the table.
I gritted my teeth and steeled my resolve, revealing my final trump card in this narrow battle.
"You are the emperor, of course you can go back on your word," I said to him, "but don't let me look down on you too much."
Li Siyan sneered, "When have you ever considered me? What difference does it make to you whether I'm a gentleman or a villain? Since nothing I do will change anything, why should I act like a dog, listening to you and trying to please you?"
I ripped open my clothes, revealing the blood-soaked bandage, and said fiercely, "I saved your life twice!"
I have been waiting for Li Siyan here for a long time. Originally, this fight could have been avoided. I could have just taken some things, shut up and left the palace, but I don't want that.
I know Li Siyan. This man has no bottom line in his heart and will do anything to achieve his goals. He may let me go today, but he may catch me back tomorrow. No matter how fast I run, I can't be faster than the horses of the Yulin soldiers. It will be easy for him to catch me back.
Therefore, I want him to grant me a marriage with Meng Xu, and marry me to Meng Xu in front of the whole world. Then, no matter how shameless he is, he will not be able to break up the marriage that he has personally granted me.
The anesthetic seemed to have worn off. My temples were throbbing, and the blood in my body was flowing faster. I gasped and shouted, "The woman who assassinated me today was here to settle an old score with the late Crown Prince. Her knife was meant for you, but I blocked it for you. I saved your life. Do you understand?"
"I won't let you take this blow in vain. You can have as many pearls, jade, and treasures as you want, but don't try to disgust me with other demands. Granting me a marriage? You're dreaming! Even if I have to bear the infamy of repaying kindness with enmity, I won't do as you wish!"
"You're trying to fool me with jewels and riches?" I chuckled and pointed my finger at him. "Is your life worth just this much? Li Siyan, you don't know that I saved you once ten years ago. You've already repaid me with evil, and now you want to do it a second time?"
Li Siyan was stunned for a moment. He frowned at me and asked, "What are you talking about?"
I said, "With your poor memory, you deserve to be fooled by Wen Baibi. If I hadn't given you the jewelry so you could consult a doctor, the grass on your grave would be three feet tall by now."
Of course he didn't believe it, and retorted sarcastically: "Shen Bianzhuan claims to be noble, but he actually did something like pretending to be a good person?"
"It wasn't Wen Baibi, and it wouldn't be you either." He paused, looking at me with a playful look. "I've investigated this matter, and everyone said that no young ladies entered or left the palace that day. So I knew long ago that the one who saved me was just an ordinary palace maid passing by."
I was so shocked that I blurted out, "You knew Wen Baibi was lying? Then why did you still cooperate and marry her?"
But he figured out the reason the next second: what else could it be? No woman in the dynasty could match Wen Baibi's gorgeous and shining background. Li Siyan's regime was unstable, and marrying Wen Baibi could win over countless military and political forces, which would be a hundred benefits with no harm.
I didn't know what to say. My hands and feet were cold, and the fear that had been weighing on my heart returned. Did Li Siyan really care who saved him? Judging from his nonchalant expression, he probably didn't care. If he didn't care about this favor, then I... could I really use this bargaining chip to exchange for the little bit of guilt he had?
No, I made up my mind: the matter of arranged marriage has been proposed, and there is no turning back. Even if I am not very sure, I will try my best.
"So... you married her not because of fate or kindness, but simply because of her family background?"
"What else?" He raised his lips and said, "No matter how you look at it, she is the best choice."
I wiped my face and helplessly realized that I had never really understood Li Siyan. He was too contradictory, combining extreme self-esteem and inferiority. Whenever I thought he was arrogant and willful, he would reveal his surprisingly calm and calculating side. Whenever I thought his behavior was normal, he would suddenly go crazy in front of me.
It was as if there were two forces pulling at each other in his heart. The rational and cold side was clamoring to kill me or send me out of the palace, while the willful side was desperately pulling him back, trying to keep me by his side, weakly arguing: She will change her mind one day.
He pushed me away several times, but in the end he found ways to come to see me. It was probably the result of this tug-of-war, with the two sides in his heart fighting fiercely, so his behavior seemed so divided.
However, when it came to getting married, he made a completely rational decision, without any superficially claimed emotional factors involved. From beginning to end, it was only pure self-interest.
I suddenly felt tired and thought to myself, why not just stop arguing with him about who is right and who is wrong, or who owes whom a favor. Li Siyan is a selfish, schizophrenic lunatic, he won't care.
I was lost in thought when Li Siyan suddenly said, "Besides, that pearl flower is crudely made, ugly in shape, and of poor quality. It couldn't possibly have come from the dowry of a lady from an aristocratic family like yours. It's probably just the property of an unknown palace maid. I don't want to search for a needle in a haystack to find an insignificant person. So, let's leave it at that. Do you have anything else to say?"
I was just feeling down for a moment, but then I was pissed off again. I jumped up and yelled, "Bullshit! That's Xianjiangxuan's best-selling style! I bought it with my New Year's money. If you don't want it, you can give it back to me. You took my things and still despise them? That's way too much!"
My family was indeed not rich back then. My mother was seriously ill, and it took all the money my father had saved for many years to see a doctor and buy medicine. The whole family lived frugally. I bought that pearl flower with the New Year's money given by my second uncle. I loved it so much back then that I gave it to Li Siyan on impulse. I even covered myself with the quilt and felt heartbroken for several times. Seeing that he ignored my kindness, I was so angry that my lungs were about to explode. Damn it, I should have let those eunuchs beat him to death and put an end to it.
Li Siyan's eyebrows furrowed again: "It was quiet for a while, why are they acting up again?"
"Shut up!" I shook my head fiercely. "I'm telling you, every day there are water delivery carts coming in and out of the corner gate of the Ye Ting. The gaps between the water jars are just big enough to fit a thin little girl. That's how I entered the palace. That's why you can't find me, because I didn't take the right path. If you don't believe me, go ask Xia Fugui and the water delivery driver to see if I'm right."
Li Siyan still looked at me with a frown, without saying a word.
"When I met you, I was with Xia Fugui. He was wearing a ragged linen shirt and a turban. His shirt alone cost five pieces of cloth. You were even worse off. He had cloth shoes, but you only had straw sandals. Furthermore, those eunuchs had torn your clothes, leaving you looking like a beggar from the East Market." I described you sarcastically, "When have I ever seen such a dishonorable person? I was moved by pity and rescued you, but I never expected that I would end up raising a tiger to cause trouble."
Li Siyan's face turned slightly pale, and his fingers were curled in his sleeves. I could see that he was shocked and was trying hard to suppress his shock.
"Don't believe it? If you don't, just take my pearl flower and ask the owner of Xianjiangxuan if my name is on their sales records that year..."
"That's enough."
"Why didn't you tell me all this before? Do you want to see me laugh at you?"
Li Siyan interrupted me softly, his hands clenched into fists, his voice trembling slightly.
The unspeakable pain was rudely exposed to the sunlight by me. He was shocked, angry, and perhaps a little ashamed.
"What's the use of telling me? Can you give my father's life back to me, or forgive my crime of scolding him in front of the emperor?"
I laughed sarcastically. "To be honest, I regretted it. I regretted why I went to the palace to look for my father that day. I regretted even more that I saved you out of kindness. The first night I was thrown into the palace, I thought about confronting you, but in the end I gave up. Why? Because I didn't want to admit that I saved you, a scumbag who repays kindness with hatred."
When he heard the word "regret" from my mouth, his angry expression suddenly disappeared and his handsome face turned pale in an instant.
I have used many words that I think are particularly vicious and sharp to scold him, but no word has ever had such great offensive power. A slight regret can defeat him completely.
I looked at him and felt a surge of painful pleasure in my heart.
He and I are incompatible and our five elements clash, so every time we clash, both of us suffer losses, and this time is no exception.
We confronted each other for a long time, so long that I felt a new round of stinging in my shoulders. I thought to myself, the emotions have been expressed well, it's time to end it.
I leaned against the door railing tiredly and said, "Li Siyan, do you know how painful it is to be stabbed in the bone?"
He was stunned for a moment and opened his hands as if he wanted to support me. I looked at him and dodged away calmly.
He silently withdrew his hand and said, "I'm sorry."
I didn't move and calmly accepted this apology that was two years late.
"You owe me so much, I've lost count,"
"Li Siyan, please grant me marriage. It's an imperial decree, and it's final. There's no room for regret for either of us. From now on, you don't have to keep pestering me, and I don't have to worry about it. Isn't that good?"
"Is this the method you came up with?" Li Siyan remained noncommittal: "You think too highly of me."
"So what do you want? We should have an end. Why don't you send me to the frontier, or let me join the delegation to Japan? It's been two years, you should have had enough. Let me go, I'll take it as a plea."
He lowered his eyes: "Is the person around me so unbearable?"
I didn't answer.
He also fell silent, and the two of them were speechless.
Time passed by little by little. I lowered my head and watched the patterns of the stained glass windows being cast on the blue bricks, and then slowly moving to the east.
Waiting is the most anxious thing. In my opinion, the time Li Siyan takes to think seems very long. I clearly understand that the rest of my life depends on his thoughts, so any slight change in expression on his face makes me extremely distressed.
After a long while, he suddenly smiled and said, "You want to grant me a marriage because you're afraid that I will continue to pester you, right?"
I felt that there was nothing to hide, so I nodded.
He slowly walked up to me, gently placed his hands on my hair, brushed it, and said, "You haven't forgotten what happened that night, right? Otherwise, you wouldn't be so... anxious."
He guessed it.
I confessed, "Because I took hangover pills."
"I see." He laughed self-deprecatingly again, "No wonder you looked so clear-headed and sharp-tongued that night. It turns out you were completely sober."
"Your Majesty doesn't want me to remember it, so I'll just pretend it never happened."
"Okay, then forget everything I said."
He finally said, "You win, I agree, not because of your clumsy performance, but because I have done so many bad things, and I want to be a gentleman in your eyes once in a while.
"Now, take the imperial decree granting the marriage and get out of here."
The Dog Emperor had told me to get out many times, but had pulled me back many times. But this time, he really told me to get out.
After a cup of tea, I urged him to finish writing the decree of marriage, and handed the paper documents to the Secretariat and Qingfu. Only then did I feel a huge stone in my heart fall to the ground.
"Are you satisfied?" Li Siyan put away the pen and ink and asked indifferently.
I raised the only arm I could move, bowed to him properly, and said, "Thank you."
Thanks to him for his moment of clarity, and thanks to me for my wonderful emotional outburst.
He didn't say "no need to greet" and just walked away.
He walked a long way and suddenly stopped, turned his head and looked at me.
Then, he turned and left resolutely.
Even from such a distance, I could still see his eyes clearly. It was a look of both longing and despair, as if he was looking at something he had liked for a long time but would never get. Knowing he couldn't get it, he had to cut his losses in time and only took one last greedy look, just one glance.
"Go away, dog emperor."
I whispered to his back, "I'm free."
He didn't look back again, but straightened his back and walked out, walking faster and faster, until he disappeared from my sight.
I lowered my voice, not knowing what to feel.
──After realizing that there was no possibility between us, this man who always said he loved me maintained his last bit of dignity in front of me, his attitude was as arrogant as the first time I met him.
Li Siyan was born in a humble family, but he has an extremely strong self-esteem, which often makes him say and do things that are inconsistent with his heart.
His mistake was exposing his weakness to me—if he hadn't been so hesitant and said he wanted me to make a wish, would I have come up with the idea of an arranged marriage? You see, I checked him in one go.
I can't help but sigh: emotions make people lose their rationality.
Wei Wan'er lifted her skirt and slowly walked to my side, watching Li Siyan's back with me.
After a long pause, she sighed and said, "Your Majesty is actually quite pitiful."
"He's quite pitiful," I smiled. "But what does his pity have to do with me?" "Well, I really have to leave this time," I said to her. "We'll meet again if we're lucky."
"Okay, we'll meet again if we're lucky." She also said goodbye to me.
This time, Qingfu didn't prepare a car for me, but only sent Hu Yueer to lead the way for me.
The two years of my palace life seemed extremely long in my memory. At the beginning, I deliberately did not remember the people and things in the palace walls, because I believed that they were a group of mediocre and snobbish puppets who kowtowed before the imperial power. But after two years of getting along with them, I found that they were not as annoying as I thought. Jinlian and Jinliu, Chan'er and Xiaodie, Suxi Huiyue... They are all flesh and blood people with joys and sorrows.
I asked Hu Yue'er, "Where is your home?"
He was stunned and said, “In a rural area outside Chang’an, why is Madam Shen asking this?”
"Nothing, I'm just thinking about where to go next," I said.
"Where are you going?"
"Yes, I don't want to stay in Chang'an anymore. I want to go to more places, record more local customs and interesting things."
Hu Yue'er scratched his hair and asked in confusion, "But hasn't the Shen family been historians for generations? Will Madam Shen not write history in the future?"
This touched upon my sore spot. I was silent for a moment, then shook my head and said, "Yes, I won't go to the History Museum anymore. I want to stay away from Your Majesty. I'll make a living by selling manuscripts and writing letters."
“Oh…” Hu Yue’er seemed to understand and said, “I don’t understand anything about writing, but Madam Shen is a good person, so she must be good in everything she does.”
"Thank you." I said with a smile, "Please come and buy the legend I wrote when the time comes."
"Of course, of course."
Hu Yueer escorted me all the way back to Shengyefang. When we arrived at the entrance of the square, he said goodbye to me and said that he had to go to the East Market before curfew to bring some things to Grandpa Qingfu.
"Your house is the third house at the entrance of the alley under a big elm tree, turn left at the second intersection and then right at the third intersection," he said. "Remember that."
"No." I said honestly.
Hu Yue'er glanced at the sun, his eyes filled with difficulty.
"You should go back before you miss curfew." I said sensibly, "I'll just ask someone for directions."
Hu Yueer left with many thanks. I caught a kid who was chasing a dog on the roadside and bribed him with a piece of candy to lead the way for me.
The child shook his head and asked me with a smile: "Where are you from?"
"I just came out of the palace. I walked a long way and I'm exhausted."
The child said: "You are talking nonsense. The palace is full of sisters wearing beautiful dresses and tall hats. You don't look like one at all."
I lowered my head and looked at my gray clothes... I was wearing them two years ago when I scolded the emperor in the Xuanzheng Hall. There was still dried blood on my sleeves. Hmm... it definitely didn't look like I was from the palace.
He looked at my clothes and said in a daze, "Could it be that you are a palace maid?"
I patiently explained, "I'm not a palace maid, so I'm Chen Ying. I used to be a recorder. You know what a recorder is? It's the person who records what the emperor does every day..."
Unexpectedly, when the child heard the word "Chen Ying", he suddenly stopped and stared at me blankly with his eyes wide open.
"What's wrong with you?" I asked, "Am I that famous?"
The child suddenly screamed at the top of his lungs: "Help!"
Before I could come to my senses, the child ran away with tears and snot flying all over his face.
Leaving me alone in the mess.
"Look, she is Chen Ying, the very bad and powerful she-devil." Two little kids lay on top of the earthen wall, pointing at me and whispering.
"Three heads, six arms, seventy-two transformations."
"Oh, that's scary... She's looking over here! Run!"
I:……
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