Chapter 67: Survival
I don’t know how long it took, but the shackles on my limbs loosened, my body felt lighter, and a pair of strong arms carried me away from the stone bed.
I no longer had the strength to resist. My whole body felt soft and sore, like a doll without any joints.
While I was half asleep and half awake, something hard was stuffed into my hand.
His sticky voice came close to my ear and coaxed me, "Yingying, open your eyes."
My face was as pale as death.
He seemed to have regained some consciousness, and gently squeezed my palm and said, "You want revenge on me, right? I'll give you a chance."
I opened my eyes a tiny bit, the helplessness in my heart made it impossible for me to face the cruel scene I saw, but he forced me to open my eyes and look into his eyes. The man looked at me with a burning gaze, like a lone wolf in the wilderness.
Lowering my gaze, I saw something in my hand: a long iron rod with a branding iron on the tip. It was already red-hot and emitting a thin stream of heat.
Li Siyan wrapped my hand so that I wouldn't be unable to hold the iron rod due to weakness. He guided me and pressed the red iron on his shoulder.
A slight sizzling sound drifted past my ears, and the pungent smell of burnt flesh soon filled the air.
I was so terrified that I was shaking all over, my hands and feet were weak, and I couldn't utter a word. The branding iron touched my body. The scene was so horrifying that I almost fainted at the mere sight of it. But Li Siyan didn't even blink. Despite the great pain, he still held my hand without hesitation and let the branding iron stay on his shoulder for a long enough time.
When the iron rod was removed, a red and swollen mark with the Chinese character "ying" written in official script was revealed on his smooth, firm shoulder covered with thin muscle.
"That's fair."
He said calmly, "Even if I go to hell, I will drag you with me."
According to ancestral rituals, only household slaves and evildoers who committed heinous crimes would suffer the pain of being burned by branding irons.
He was cruel to me and ruthless to himself.
It seemed that after doing this, the two of us had formed an unbreakable bond.
That night, there was a heavy rain in Qi and Lu. Li Siyan's boat was moored at a pier, and it went up and down all night, like a cradle for a sleeping baby.
Although I was extremely tired, I still had a nightmare all night. I dreamed that I was running for my life in Furong Garden, not knowing where I came from or where I was going. Dozens of feet away, Li Siyan was sitting on a tall Wusun horse, holding a bow in one hand and an arrow in the other, slowly aiming at my vest.
A strong sense of fear immediately took over my body. I didn't dare to think too much. There was only one instinctive thought in my mind: run.
I was running wildly in the wilderness, and Li Siyan was following me slowly on horseback, looking as scary as a ghost.
Whoosh, an arrow flew past my ear, and another arrow hit my feet steadily. I was so scared that I tripped over an old tree in a panic and fell into the mud.
There was no pain in the dream, but when this mountain-like oppressive feeling approached, I instinctively curled up into a ball and tears fell from my eyes.
"Please..." I heard my voice trembling like a little animal.
He looked down upon me, lifted my chin with an ebony longbow, the corner of his mouth curved into a small hook as if smiling, but his eyes remained cold.
He asked me, "Do you still dare to run away?"
I cried and shook my head.
He smiled again, moved his longbow down, and untied his belt.
The sky is the curtain and the ground is the mat.
I screamed and woke up from my dream.
It was raining heavily outside the window, and the house was silent. Li Siyan was lighting a crane copper lamp, holding ointment and a small needle, and treating the tattoo on my ankle.
He seemed to have not slept all night. He sat stubbornly at the head of my bed, taking care of some physical matters for me, as if he was afraid that as soon as he closed his eyes, I would slip away from his hands again.
The ointment recipe prepared by the Imperial Hospital was effective immediately. I moved my ankle and it didn't hurt as much anymore.
Li Siyan gently placed my legs on the soft pillow beside him. He seemed like a different person and was very kind to me. He pointed at the heavy rain outside and teased me, saying that every time we fought, it would rain heavily, and maybe God was also watching the show.
In the light, his cheeks were sunken, and he looked much thinner than before. The brand on his shoulder was still a shocking red, but he didn't seem to care.
What he cares about is my submission and obedience.
I can be sure that this is the effect Li Siyan wants. I was tortured so hard by him that I felt really hurt. What is more painful than the physical discomfort is the psychological torture. Even if Li Siyan opens the palace gate to let me out, I dare not move even a step.
I am not as ruthless as he is, and I am doomed to fail miserably in this fight.
It's ridiculous that I actually thought I could tame him. I really didn't know my place.
Just as I was lost in thought, he tentatively reached out and covered the back of my hand.
There were thin calluses on the palms of his hands, a touch that I was very familiar with.
My body stiffened, but out of fear, I tried my best to relax.
Li Siyan sighed with satisfaction, and under the halo of the copper lamp, he gently took me into his arms.
"I really miss you."
I hummed softly, my body shaking unconsciously.
He studied my face, stroked my chin like a kitten, and said with a smile, "That's good."
With slender fingers, she picked up a plum candy and handed it to my mouth. Li Siyan brought a small plate from the side, which was filled with the snacks I usually like to eat.
──Expensive fresh fruits, various kinds of sweet and delicious malt candies, and even a dozen crispy fried noodles.
I looked at the golden and crispy noodles and my heart sank.
This kind of food for the poor could never appear in front of the emperor. How did he know that I like to eat dry noodles?
"You...did you torture Xia Fugui..."
I asked hesitantly.
Upon hearing this, Li Siyan placed the flower-shaped white glaze dish on the bedside, smiled gently, and said, "I didn't do that. Was there any need to hit him? I just used you to scare him a little, and he confessed everything."
"What about the twig?" I lowered my eyes.
"She's locked up downstairs," Li Siyan tapped the bedpost. "This girl is quite protective of her master. I wanted to kill her, but I spared her for your sake. You'd better not let me down."
I also wanted to ask about the safety of Zhang Zhi, Zhang Qian, and everyone else, but I didn't dare to, for fear that I would say something wrong and upset him, and that even if he was fine, he would become ill.
Seeing that I was hesitant to speak, Li Siyan's eyes darkened slightly. He used his fingers, which were covered with sugar, to push aside the hair that hung down from my forehead. He looked into my eyes and said calmly, "When you left, didn't you think that you would implicate others?"
"I thought about it," I said, "That's why I made so many preparations and hid myself well so that you wouldn't find me."
"Well," he nodded, his expression gentle, not angry: "How stupid."
Seeing me looking at him, he said, "Why, do you have anything else to say?"
I asked quietly, "I want to ask, what are you going to do with me?"
The glass cup was placed back on the table. Li Siyan lifted my chin and said with a frivolous smile, "What should I do? I want you to stay by my side forever, sleeping with me in life and death, and never leaving the Purple Palace."
"What if I don't want to?"
I said softly.
I know I shouldn't say such a depressing thing when he's in a good mood, but I can't help it.
He was too greedy. He wanted to be tied to me in this life and the next. He never thought about how I could stay by his side with peace of mind when I had a blood feud with him.
Li Siyan's fingers brushed across my lips: "...It doesn't matter if you don't want to, as long as I am willing."
Two lines of tears flowed silently from my eyes.
"Why, why won't you let me go?"
"I'm not pretty, nor am I good at speaking. You're the emperor, with six harems of beauties and three thousand beauties. You'll definitely be able to find someone like me. They'll surely be delighted to have your affection, so why do they have to cling to me?"
By the end of the conversation, he was already sobbing.
I have lost the energy to be angry. I just feel tired, endlessly exhausted, like a lonely boat on the sea, not knowing where to go, only drifting hopelessly, facing the unknown storm.
Li Siyan hugged me from behind and held me on his lap, his voice extremely hoarse.
He said, "I don't know either. I only know that, as you said, I can't leave you. You've been running away for over a year, and I've been searching for you like a walking corpse for over a year. It wasn't until I caught you that I felt alive again."
"So, don't mention the contraceptive soup anymore." His palm caressed my belly as if unintentionally. "I want to have a child with you. They say that if a woman has a blood-related child, she will willingly go into prison."
Later, no one made contraceptive medicine for me anymore.
Li Siyan practically tied me to his belt, literally. He watched me closely wherever I went and wouldn't let me out of his sight for a single moment.
He was still very busy, busy dealing with official documents sent from Chang'an, but in the intervals between dealing with the documents, he would hold me on his lap, staring at my belly with his eyes, his gaze deep.
——It’s like an impatient child who has obtained a new seed and buries it in the soil eagerly, and goes to the clay pot every day to see if it has sprouted.
Besides, he planted more than just one seed.
Every night on the boat, he would press me down on the bed and toss me around like an animal trying to impregnate its favorite female. Doctor Fan's nourishing yin soup would flow into my mouth like water. If I showed the slightest bit of disgust, I would immediately receive something from Xiaozhi or Zhang Zhi.
So many years have passed, and Li Siyan's way of dealing with me is still so simple and rough. He knows my character best, and knows that I have a clear distinction between love and hate, and I am soft-hearted and flexible. Although I seem tough, I can actually be subdued with just a little threat.
All the sharp corners in the cabin that protruded outside were covered, and the tables, cabinets, and even the walls were covered with thick fur blankets. In addition, scissors, paring knives, and candle holders were all confiscated.
Considering that I like calligraphy, Li Siyan was merciful and left me a set of four treasures of the study, but the inkstone was replaced with a much softer material, and I couldn't tell what it was.
Although I had the four treasures of the study, I didn't write once during the month I was on the boat.
I don’t want to write or draw. Li Siyan’s cabin is luxurious and comfortable, but when I was really in it, I felt extremely desperate.
I thought sadly that I would never be able to walk out of this cage for the rest of my life, unless one day the Li family's kingdom was overthrown by righteous men. When I was at my wit's end, Li Siyan would kill me and then carry my body into the coffin.
I used to dream of being buried in the Shen family tomb as an unmarried girl a hundred years later, but now I don’t want to do that anymore. I feel dirty.
That day, I was drugged and acted in such a lowly and humiliating manner in front of Li Siyan. I even clung to the neck of my enemy who had wiped out my entire family and begged for mercy. I wonder how the ancestors of the Shen family would feel when they saw me. And the tattoos on my body... only criminals and slaves would have such marks.
I don't deserve this surname, and the Shen family shouldn't have an incompetent daughter like me.
Sometimes, life is just a breath of fresh air. Half of my energy comes from my beloved family, and the other half comes from the literary bones of the historian. Now both halves have been crushed by Li Siyan. I really don’t know how to survive.
Once the breath is gone, people will become more depressed day by day.
I sat by the window all day, staring blankly out through the gap in the window paper, or being held on Li Siyan's lap, listening to his chatter. It felt as if all the energy in my body had been drained away, like a moving tombstone.
Li Siyan also noticed my abnormality and nonchalantly teased me, "You've been too honest and become a goose."
I shook my head slowly, thinking what a stupid goose! The geese raised in Shen's ancestral home in his hometown are much more energetic than me, flapping their wings and chasing people all over the mountains and plains.
But I was just saying it in my heart. My face remained expressionless and I let out a soft "hmm" from deep in my nose.
Seeing this, the smile on Li Siyan's lips gradually disappeared, and his eyes became sinister again.
I was completely unaware of this. My lifeless eyes were fixed on the distance, my back was hunched, and I snuggled in Li Siyan's arms.
The intricate and gorgeous skirt is like a dahlia blooming in early summer, a vibrant silver-red color, which makes the skin look as white as snow, bright and charming. There are carpets everywhere in the house, so there is no need to wear shoes or socks. I put my ankle aside, and the tattoo on my ankle is clearly visible.
The room was silent, with only the sound of our two breathing in the air.
Li Siyan put down his pen, lowered his head and looked at me carefully. The longer he looked, the more confused he became, as if there was a strange girl lying in his arms.
He frowned slightly and said, "You haven't scolded me for many days."
"Your Majesty has done nothing wrong, so why should you scold me?"
He pursed his lips and suddenly said, "I strangled all the rabbits you raised to death."
I nodded to show that I understood.
"I also killed Xie Xiu Niang who insulted you."
I was silent for a while, then whispered, "Why bother?"
He added, "I brought your brother into the palace to be an official, but he didn't want to, so I used you to force him to do it."
"The emperor's order is hard to disobey."
I stayed in his arms calmly and dazedly. I wasn't angry, nor did I point my finger at him and call him a beast. I just stared straight ahead like a dead water and responded in a perfunctory but gentle tone.
What he didn't understand was that being angry also requires strength. If a person's passion is extinguished, even the most basic emotions of joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness will no longer exist.
Normally, I would have argued with him, but now it seemed so pointless. My clamor would only amuse him, and what else would I feel but righteous indignation? It would be better to just let him be, and let him do as he pleased.
While I was in a daze, he turned my head with his hand and said softly, "...Don't pretend to be heartbroken, Chen Ying, you are not that kind of person."
I mechanically raised the corners of my lips and smiled: "Your Majesty, don't you like me to be more well-behaved?"
"I find you cute no matter what you do." He lowered his eyes and said, "But I still miss you more when you were full of energy. Back then you were also thin, but your cheeks were as round as a cat's. I don't know what you were fighting with all day long."
It turns out that this is how I am in his mind.
The beliefs are strange, lively, and especially vivid when angry.
Maybe he hasn't realized yet that when he broke my wings, the woman he loved, Shen Ying, had already been killed by him.
At this moment, he was completely unaware, muttering to himself, "...It's okay, you were just scared by me. After this period of time, I will make you the Queen, allow you to visit your relatives and friends, and let your friends return to Mingzhou."
I hummed softly again.
Outside the porthole, there were crows flying and the setting sun was blood-red. Looking around, there was a towering city on the left and vast mountains on the right. The huge dock was empty with only guards on duty. I glanced at the flags flying on the dock and slowly closed my eyes.
Time flies so fast, we arrived in Luoyang in the blink of an eye.
Most of the Yellow River shipping only goes as far as Luoyang. Going further west, one will encounter the dangerous Yellow River. Li Siyan's ship is almost a seagoing ship with a deep draft, so it can't go any further.
He decided to travel by land, and countless palace maids, officials, and entourage had arrived at the post station a few days ago to wait for him. The ceremony was grand and the procession stretched as far as the eye could see. He held me in his arms and carefully placed me in the emperor's black and gold carriage.
The emperor's tour is a rare event, but for me, it is just like moving from one cage to another.
I had no time to admire his luxurious car. As soon as I got in, I fell into a deep sleep.
I've been becoming increasingly sleepy lately.
I would sleep for several hours at a time. When I woke up, I would be dazed, eat, and take medicine. After that, I would go back to sleep. Occasionally, I would be woken up by Li Siyan and accompany him to do some dirty things. I was also at ease and ready to fall asleep at any time.
Li Siyan didn't think there was anything wrong at first. He just thought that I had been traveling a lot recently and was exhausted, so I could sleep whenever I wanted. But later he found out that something was wrong. My sleep time had far exceeded what an adult should have.
"Get up, baby." He patted my back gently, trying to wake me up.
I opened my eyes in confusion and saw him holding a plate of pastries and trying to feed me: "You should eat something."
I stared at the greasy and delicate little fruit, and suddenly my stomach churned and I vomited all over the floor.
He hurriedly shouted, "Someone, call Old Man Fan over here!"
While calling for help, he wiped the dirt off the corner of my mouth. I felt so uncomfortable that tears came out. I pushed him away with trembling hands, grabbed the spittoon and started coughing violently.
The carriage stopped suddenly and hurried footsteps were heard outside.
I have a bad stomach, and this was not the first time I vomited on the way back to Chang'an. At first it was because of seasickness. Later, Li Siyan took back a book of spring paintings I had drawn and showed it to me in order to be intimate with me. I only took a look at it, and the nightmare came to my mind, and I vomited loudly in front of him.
He looked very helpless at that time, like a child who had gotten into big trouble for a prank. He didn't even bother to care about my misconduct. He just circled around me and patted my back which was arched in discomfort.
I never saw that spring picture book again.
Doctor Fan took my pulse skillfully, his brows furrowed beneath his high crown.
"What's wrong with her?" Li Siyan asked.
Doctor Fan hesitated, "...The pulse is normal. The Imperial Concubine must have been exhausted from traveling for so long, and coupled with overeating and insufficient exercise, her spleen and stomach are out of balance."
Catching a glimpse of the emperor's slightly disappointed expression, Doctor Fan calmly swallowed the second half of his sentence, "She is not pregnant."
Being an imperial physician is definitely a high-risk profession. Not only are they forced to listen to the gossip between the emperor and his favorite concubine, but they are also not allowed to tell anyone about it.
At the beginning, when Li Siyan said that if he couldn't cure her, he would let the entire Imperial Medical Bureau be buried with her, Doctor Fan would still be symbolically scared. Later, after hearing such stupid remarks many times, Doctor Fan had learned to let it go in one ear and out the other, and his emotions were not affected at all.
Judging from his indescribable expression, he probably thought that Li Siyan and I were a pair of lunatics.
Damn it, what kind of crappy game of chase is this? It’s so tiring!
Doctor Fan politely respected my symptoms, prescribed some food-digesting formula for me, and then ran away with his medicine box in his hand.
Once he ran away, I could only stare at the emperor.
The silver charcoal burned slowly, and the hollow auspicious beast charcoal basin emitted soft heat, but I still felt cold, so I pulled a brocade blanket over my head and face.
Li Siyan was silent for a while, then said, "I wanted to take you to Furong Garden to relax, but you're not feeling well right now, so you should go back to the palace first."
"It's up to your Majesty."
He could see that I was distracted, but he didn't dare to say anything harsh to me. After hesitating for a moment, he left on his own and said, "Since you're feeling upset, I'll make you something light."
With a slight sound, the car door was locked heavily. I covered my face with the blanket and heard my own soft sobs.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
