Chapter 53: The worst disaster
Because my mother died early, I don’t know how ordinary couples spend their holidays, but I know it’s definitely not like me and Li Siyan.
I was wearing a silly biti gauze skirt, holding a small gold-painted shawl that was a must-have for wealthy ladies, and stood in the middle of the small kitchen of the Purple Palace with a confused look on my face, watching the man in front of me roll up his sleeves and burn firewood in an unfamiliar manner.
Weird, too weird. I rubbed my brows, pulled over Xie, the steward hiding behind the door, and asked him in a low voice, "Is the emperor having a hysterical attack?"
Manager Xie frowned in pain, bowed to me three times respectfully, and finally said "My wife is blessed", and ran away before I could react.
Blessed? I slowly turned my head and saw the emperor happily kneading the dough again. I wondered what kind of illusory blessing this was.
"Don't just stand there, come and help me." After he finished kneading the dough, he picked up the knife and started cutting the fish.
Light a fire, knead the dough, and then cut the fish...
I kind of understood what he was doing, but the answer was so bizarre that I found it hard to convince myself to believe it.
In front of the smoky stove, Li Siyan exuded the joy of labor and was busy having fun.
I walked up to him seriously, held down his kitchen knife, and asked:
"Li Siyan, do you want to make me some cake?"
A quarter of an hour later, the Dog Emperor and I sat down at the dinner table together.
Li Siyan said, "I haven't done it for a long time, so I'm a little rusty. You can try it.
The steamed buns were fragrant and glutinous, served with fish sashimi and okra. I took a bite and found that the quality had reached that of a private chef in a wealthy third-tier family.
I was dumbfounded: "...How could you know this?"
It is said that a gentleman should stay away from the kitchen. People at that time thought that cooking fire was a dirty thing. Most of the children of noble families in Chang'an had never even stepped into the kitchen. I never expected that Li Siyan's cooking skills were so good. The shock it caused to me was no less than when Qingfu picked up the pipa and sang "Zhaojun Yuan" for me.
Li Siyan was very pleased with himself. He happily picked up another piece of fish fillet for me with his chopsticks and said in a forced nonchalant manner, "In the past, I had no one to rely on, so I had to do everything myself."
"How many surprises do you have that I don't know about?" I quoted a line from a very popular palace novel on the market.
"There are many more. I'll show them to you one by one later." He smiled and said, "Your man is different from those playboys out there. He knows a lot of things."
Although I don't think making steamed buns is a remarkable skill, seeing him so proud, I still gave him a token compliment: "That's amazing."
At this time, Da Mi came over following the scent and rubbed my legs flatteringly.
I broke off a piece of cake and handed it to her. Da Mi smelled it and left disappointed.
Li Siyan said sourly, "How could I give the cakes I worked so hard to make to her so easily?"
I said, "How dare you, an emperor, be jealous of Daming? Besides, you didn't even finish the cakes I made."
"Who said I didn't finish it?" He raised an eyebrow. "I always eat everything you send me."
I was shocked again: "Have you finished eating?"
"...Last time, I cooked it half-cooked on purpose to show you my displeasure. It was so unpalatable that I couldn't even swallow it... You... You actually finished it?"
He said frankly: "I have even eaten the cold steamed buns in the palace, so why should I be afraid of this? Besides, what you made is not too bad. Although it looks ugly, at least it still tastes like a Hu pancake."
I was speechless and took a big bite in silence, thinking that the Dog Emperor was not only blind, but now his tongue was useless.
He chatted with me while eating, from the national tax situation this year to the prime minister's new nineteenth concubine.
Ever since I resigned from the post of Emperor Qianlong, I have gradually distanced myself from various national affairs. I only know that the world is relatively peaceful now, and Li Siyan's tax collection is going smoothly. From what he said, he is thinking about how to do something practical to benefit future generations.
I chewed okra and mumbled, "Tax cuts, land reclamation, water conservancy, pick any one."
He laughed and said, "If it were that simple, anyone could be the emperor."
"These things are the most likely to enhance your reputation," I said. "Your throne was not won with honor. If you don't make some achievements, when future generations compile history and judge your merits and demerits, you will undoubtedly be labeled a tyrant."
His smile grew even brighter. "Yingying, are you worried about me? Are you worried that I'll have a bad reputation in the future?"
Damn it, you’re being too sentimental!
I was so disgusted by the word "Yingying" that I slammed my chopsticks on the table and said, "I don't want to eat anymore!"
What happened next, of course, was that Li Siyan was humble and tried to coax me back to the table.
After the meal, he took me out for a walk and walked along the palace road to Lingqi Palace.
Lingqi Palace is located not far to the east of Zichen Palace, with its back against Wangxiantai. It was used for residence and entertainment when it was first built, but gradually fell into disrepair due to the lack of concubines in the harem of the previous emperor.
After Li Siyan took over, he thought about reopening it, but because of the cost, he never started construction. It was only recently that he slowly began to renovate it.
When I looked over, I saw that the palace was indeed under renovation, and the courtyard was full of weeds. Li Siyan thought the silk shoes I was wearing were too thin and it was not easy to step on the prickly weeds, so he simply picked me up horizontally in his arms and walked in with big meteor strides.
The moment he picked me up, a gossipy personality split out of my soul and flew into the air to overlook the scene: the young and handsome emperor held his canary affectionately, and the canary was as stiff as a straight wooden stake.
If this canary were someone else, I would have excitedly recounted this scene a thousand times, then distributed it to all sorts of gossipers with great emotion. But unfortunately, this unfortunate canary is me...
It's so shameful, I just want to find a crack in the ground and leave this terrible world.
"Do you like it here?" Li Siyan walked to the front of the hall and asked me with his head down.
The Lingqi Palace was much smaller than the Zichen Palace, consisting of a main hall and two side rooms. Not only was it small, but the decor was also shabby. Having lived in the magnificent Zichen Palace for a long time, I didn't feel anything when I looked at it, so I casually said, "It's okay."
He put me down and said, "Then I will give it to you."
"Seal...seal it to me?" I was so shocked that I almost fell down.
Li Siyan said calmly, "You keep asking me to find you a concubine. I'm so tired of hearing it that I'll just grant your wish. This place is only a small door away from the Purple Palace, so it's convenient for traveling back and forth. It's quite nice."
He continued, "The consort needs to be given a title. The position of queen is already taken. I intend to give you the title of Imperial Concubine."
"ha?"
I stood there stupidly, my mouth slightly open, looking idiotic.
Li Siyan thought I was dissatisfied, frowned and said thoughtfully: "If you insist on being the queen, wait a few years, and I will arrange it for you when the time comes."
"No!" I waved my hands quickly: "The current Queen is very good, please don't depose her."
"Alright." He tugged at my bun again and said, "Don't be too happy too soon. The concubine is just to hide our identity. From now on, you will still live in the Purple Palace."
"Thank you, Your Majesty." I saluted him in a daze.
I looked up and saw that he had a reserved look on his face, as if he was expecting something. So I tilted my head and thought for a moment, then stood on tiptoe and kissed him on the side of his cheek.
He really satisfied my wish. The dog training book said that if a dog does good things, you should reward it promptly so that it will continue to please you next time.
Li Siyan touched his face, as if savoring the fleeting touch.
In front of the old palace, he put his arm around my shoulder, coughed, and said, "In order to confer the title of Imperial Consort upon you, I will inevitably have to mediate with the eunuchs..."
I said, "Then I don't need a concubine. I think being a talented person is good enough."
Seeing Li Siyan frowning unhappily, I sighed in frustration and gave him another kiss: "...Is this okay?"
Li Siyan was slightly satisfied at this point. He held the back of my head and asked for the reward he felt he deserved in his own way.
Finally, he bit my earlobe and whispered, "Be good, and I will give you the best thing in the world."
I said okay, if you want me to listen to you, you have to listen to me too.
We tested each other's ability to tame each other. Every time we gave a little benefit or moved a little further away, we would make sure that the other party had fallen into our trap, without realizing that a collar had been quietly put around our necks.
The tug of war in love is just like this. The repeated tug of war makes the relationship more chaotic, like a war that hurts both sides.
A few days later, the imperial edict for the relocation of the palace and my aunt's reply arrived in my hands. I tossed the imperial edict aside and Zhenzhen opened the latter with great fanfare. My aunt's reply said that everything was fine at home, and she added a few repetitive words, such as how they would be happy only if I was doing well, and finally said to me: You must live a good life with the emperor, don't be willful, and serve the emperor well...
I was not happy at all after reading it. The letter was stiff, serious, and the pronunciation was in a roundabout way, which was definitely not my aunt's writing style.
Feeling depressed, I walked around the room angrily and ran to the imperial study to settle the score with Li Siyan, asking him if he had forced my aunt to write something against her will. Li Siyan denied it flatly and praised my aunt for being sensible and the only normal person in the Shen family.
I got even angrier, and he unknowingly led me astray: "You think I'm abnormal? Then why do you hug me and chew on me every day? Isn't that cheap?"
Li Siyan didn't care: "It's okay. Have you heard the folk saying that one bed can't make two different people? You are abnormal, and I am abnormal too. This is how we are compatible."
"What did you say?" I was confused.
He continued, "The letters you wrote the other day to the second daughter-in-law of Marquis Wu'an and to that guy from the Censorate have all been delivered today. From now on, give them directly to Huiyue and ask her to find someone to deliver them for you."
"Oh..." I was distracted again: "Thank you."
"What about the letter I sent to Meng Xu?" I asked him.
Li Siyan narrowed his eyes and said, "I've already set off and will arrive in Jiangnan next month."
A few days ago, after much persuasion from me, Li Siyan reluctantly agreed to help me deliver a letter to Meng Xu.
But you are only allowed to send it this time. From now on, we will cut off all ties and never have any contact with each other again.
And I agreed calmly.
Now that things have come to this, I have nothing else to ask for. I just hope that he is safe and sound. It would be even better if he could find a good partner.
Sometimes I suddenly feel that maybe I don’t love Meng Xu very much, but I’m just used to him. If another person with a good temper has been with me for ten years, I would also develop feelings for him. The essence of love is selfishness and possession, and I don’t feel any jealousy at all about Meng Xu finding other ladies.
Before sending the letter, Li Siyan asked me why I married Meng Xu in the first place.
I told him that we were old friends, knew each other well, had similar cultural levels, and shared interests and hobbies... Everyone thought we were a match made in heaven, and it would be an apology to the matchmaker if we didn't get married.
After a long and rambling conversation, Li Siyan accurately grasped the key point: "...In other words, you two were not in love when you got married."
I was stunned and said, "Of course, what kind of affair could an eight-year-old girl and a ten-year-old boy have? You have such a dirty mind!"
He laughed heartily, full of the triumph of a victor: "I am the one who has seen the lewdness, but when I was ten years old, I already understood everything I should have understood."
I looked at his mean face, my fists hardened, and I really wanted to smash his dog head filled with yellow waste.
The days passed in a chaotic manner, late autumn, late autumn, early winter, midwinter...
The seasons change, everything becomes bleak, and this absurd year is about to pass. Will next year be any better?
The knowledge I already knew could not give me the answer, so I had to seek help from the immortals. I went to Chongwenguan and borrowed the notes of the Book of Changes, and used them to calculate my own fortune.
If I hadn't calculated it, I wouldn't have known. Once I did, I was shocked. My luck this year, last year, and the year before last was very bad. It will be slightly bad next year, and extremely bad the year after.
It was so sad that I pinched my philtrum and threw the calculated result into the fire.
Due to bad luck, my escape plan was postponed indefinitely.
Running away requires the right time, place and people. Now even the right time is not met, so what's the point of running away?
During this period, Wen Baibi visited the Purple Palace once, found a way to get the emperor away, and asked me again if I needed her help. I just shook my head and told her that I was not ready yet.
She expressed her understanding and said frankly that escaping death was the last resort of a desperate gamble. Unless one could no longer endure it, it would be better to endure it first.
She also asked me if Li Siyan had relaxed his control over me. I scratched my head in thought and said after a while, "...I guess I have relaxed..."
I have always been a casual person, and I don't have a strong sense of purpose in doing things. I just rely on my nature of loving freedom to do things in front of Li Siyan every now and then, and try to gain some small power of my own.
Thanks to my unremitting efforts, I can now occasionally move to Lingqi Palace to stay for a few days. Li Siyan also reopened the theater left by his grandfather and often took me to see new performances.
Since the mainstays of the Jiaofangsi have redeemed themselves and married one after another, the quality of this batch is not as good as before. I got bored after watching it a few times. I even asked Li Siyan where Xie Xiuniang had gone, as she sang the best.
Li Siyan had no idea where a young singing girl from a music school had gone, so he asked the music officer. The officer replied that Xie Xiuniang had followed a powerful businessman and was said to have gone to the northeast with her husband to do business.
I sighed with regret: "The average level of beauty in Chang'an has dropped a level."
The singing and dancing were nothing special, so Li Siyan called in a troupe from South City. I recognized the female character on the stage at a glance. Isn't this the strong-willed concubine in the adaptation of Femme Fatales?
This time she played a gentle and affectionate woman, with eyes as clear as water and tears in her eyes... She started a sad love story with a scholar... The more I read, the more I felt something was wrong. I grabbed the script and took a look. There were four big words on the cover: Dreams through the Small Window.
"You published this? And turned it into a play?"
Li Siyan said enthusiastically, "Yes, I think your writing is very good and should be shown to more people, so I published the two copies you left behind."
I almost couldn't catch my breath.
What are you doing!
However, even more confusing things were yet to come. Li Siyan told me that he had compiled a collection of my old poems and gave a copy to every minister with a daughter in order to gain some fame for me so that he could elevate my status in the future.
I just felt a buzzing sound, and all the blood rushed to the top of my head.
Gaining fame? What kind of fame? Back then, I was a passionate young woman who loved to criticize current affairs and be cynical about the world. Now that I’m no longer passionate, I feel bad just looking at it. He even compiled it into a collection and distributed it everywhere!
The constipated expressions of the ministers when they received the poetry collection appeared in my mind, and my eyes went dark. I wished I could die on the spot with blood splattered all over my body.
Li Siyan was completely unaware of this and even felt that he had done something very proud.
"Since you are good at writing, you should write more. I like the way you concentrate at your desk."
I don't know what scene he was recalling, the corners of his mouth curled up slightly, and he came over to pull my hand, but I quickly avoided it.
I said angrily, "I've stopped writing! I threw my pen name into Qujiang. Who allowed you to spread my poems? Now everyone in Chang'an knows that I once determined to overthrow the court and tear apart the rotten sky of the country, ah!"
Li Siyan, the illiterate idiot, praised me highly: "What's wrong? I think it's well written. It's magnificent to read, very..."
I rushed over to cover his mouth out of shame: "Please stop talking!"
The matter ended with Li Siyan apologizing to me. As compensation, he called my aunt and Xiaochuan into the palace and reunited us. Only then did I reluctantly forgive him.
The meeting was scheduled for a snowy day. A small door was opened in a corner of the Purple Palace. Several eunuchs led the two men in, leaving behind a series of neat footprints in the snow.
After not seeing each other for several months, my aunt looked much more haggard. Xiaochuan had grown taller and looked more mature than a young man.
I asked him how his studies were going, and he said he didn't want to enter the court anymore and was planning to quit the Imperial College and follow his former teacher to travel around the world and record the local customs.
My aunt remained silent, obviously agreeing.
"But will the emperor agree to let you leave Chang'an?" I asked the most important question.
"No." Xiaochuan said, "His Majesty has given us a steward and a group of guards. He won't let me go easily."
"Let's discuss it later." I pressed my brows and said, "I'll try to beg him... maybe there's still hope."
When my aunt heard the word "please" come out of my mouth, tears welled up in her eyes. She looked out the window, and the snow-white color reflected in her pupils.
I didn't know how to comfort her, so I looked at the scenery outside the window with her. Unfortunately, the weather was not good. In a moment, the sky darkened, the wind outside the window was howling like crying, and snowflakes hit the eaves, making a slight noise.
"It's snowing again," I said. "This year's snow is much heavier than in previous years."
"Yes," Xiaochuan also said, "There are frequent reports of snowstorms in various places, especially in the Huaibei area. A classmate of mine happens to have his ancestral home in Yangzhou. He said that the snow was not heavy in previous years, but this year it was a disaster. The crops were severely damaged, and many people were killed or injured."
I was stunned. "Is it really that serious? No wonder the emperor has been working all night these past few days, not returning home until midnight every day."
After he came back, he hugged me and fell asleep immediately. He got up early the next morning to go to court. He could only say two or three words to me that day.
I was just about to sigh when I suddenly thought of Meng Xu and broke out in a cold sweat.
How could I forget, isn’t Yangzhou just on Huaizuo?
I stood up with a bang. "I sent a letter to Meng Xu a month ago, but I haven't received a reply yet. Could it be that Meng Xu encountered some kind of accident?"
Xiaochuan was also surprised and hesitated, "Perhaps the cold weather delayed the delivery?"
I held onto the back of the chair and slowly sat down, the fear in my bones seeping out bit by bit.
It was because of me that Meng Xu was demoted to Yangzhou, leaving his hometown and facing a bleak future. If he were to die in Jiangnan again this time, I would never forgive myself.
I couldn't care less about avoiding suspicion at this moment. After hastily sending my family away, I hurried to the imperial study and asked directly, "Your Majesty, Meng Xu is in Yangzhou and hasn't replied in a month. Was he affected by the snowstorm?"
Li Siyan had a mountain of memorials in front of him, and now he was asking a servant from the Secretariat to pass on a message to two of his men, who had dark blue marks from working for a long time.
Seeing me coming suddenly, he showed a hint of surprise, but after hearing what I said, this surprise quickly disappeared.
The servant bowed to me and then awkwardly withdrew. I ran to Li Siyan and hurriedly continued, "...Meng Xu is a kind-hearted man who always leads the charge in times of disaster. Did he...did he really meet with any misfortune?"
"You came to me just to ask about Meng Xu?" He put down his pen. Perhaps because of disappointment, although there was a smile on the corner of his mouth, his eyes were cold: "Chen Ying, you really have deep feelings for him."
"Don't think so dirty," I grabbed his arm, my anxiety evident in my expression. "He's still my brother after all, and he was exiled to Jiangnan because of me. Put yourself in his shoes. If there was no news about your brother, wouldn't you be worried?"
Li Siyan coldly shook me off and said, "Of course I wouldn't. I killed my brother with my own hands."
"But Meng Xu... is your subject!" I said, "He's been loyal and toiled for his country and his people for so many years. Now that he's gone, it shouldn't be hard to ask about him..."
He grabbed my chin with an indifferent and arrogant look, lifted my face, and said condescendingly, "Meng Xu is just a nobody. How can I care about his life or death? He is an official of the imperial court. No matter how heavy the snow is, it can't hit him. Even if he is dead, it is his own fault."
"After a great disaster, there will be great chaos. I'm very busy and don't have time to play the game of finding someone with you." He let go of me, suppressed his anger, and pointed to the door for me to go out. "In Jiangnan, rebels have teamed up with the victims to attack the government. Every day brings bad news. The officials in Yangzhou failed to provide disaster relief. They all deserved to die."
What did he say? They all deserved to die?
My heart suddenly sank and I stared at him blankly, as if I had never known him before.
I thought he was a good emperor. Although he was a little mean to me, he always cared about the people and knew how to cherish talents when he met good ministers. But I didn't expect that he really didn't care about the lives of his subordinates at all.
What are we, his subjects, to him? Just tools for governing the country? If we're no longer useful, we deserve to be thrown away?
"What about you?" Extremely disappointed, I calmed down. "The country is about to be defeated, and the heavens have sent disasters as a warning. Jiangzuo has never seen such heavy snow. Could it be that the grievances of the loyal ministers you murdered are unresolved, and so the spirit of the Snow God has been enraged?"
The late crown prince, the crown prince’s grandson, my father, my brother, and many others who were persecuted by him until their families were destroyed.
I would like to believe that it was their pain and anger that brought about this heavy snow, as if that would prevent them from disappearing.
Li Siyan looked up at me, his already unfriendly expression becoming even gloomier.
"They couldn't defeat me in life, and even after death they'll be nothing more than a bunch of weak, sickly ghosts," he sneered. "It's just a snowfall. If I can't even handle this, how can I sit on the throne?"
I gritted my teeth and said, "You really don't have any remorse at all?"
"I can't worry about that right now. Once the storm is over, I will issue an edict of self-criticism, grant amnesty to the entire nation, offer sacrifices at the Imperial Ancestral Temple, and pray for good weather and good harvests."
After saying this, he looked tired and his voice softened. He touched my head and said, "Okay, go back to the inner hall first. Don't go out for the next few days. It's cold outside."
I stood up silently, my body trembling slightly, and my hands in my sleeves were clenched into fists, almost breaking my palms.
I haven't hated that much in a long time.
Amnesty, offering sacrifices to heaven, confessing one's sins, these things he mentioned are all routine procedures after a disaster, and the perfunctory attitude is evident in his words.
In other words, apart from these, he had no other feelings.
I thought that since he liked me, he would feel a little guilty, guilty for taking someone else's life because of his own greed, and would restrain himself in the future.
But he didn't.
He just felt that those he killed were defeated and not strong enough, so they deserved to die.
Including my father and brother.
So what if Heaven sent down a disaster? He would just issue a few decrees to deal with it casually. Did he really care about the common people who were displaced by this? Not necessarily. He thought these poor people who had lost their homes were rebels and troublemakers, and his words were surprisingly cold-blooded.
At this moment, I woke up completely as if a large bowl of cold water was poured on me.
──Wen Baibi is right. This person is not worth my slightest bit of softness. He is rotten to the core.
What's the point of him doting on me during our daily interactions? Someone who truly loves me wouldn't be indifferent to my pain, nor would he disrespectfully mock my deceased loved ones.
It's ridiculous that I was briefly moved by the fact that he saved me when my life was at stake.
I dragged my heavy steps slowly out of the imperial study. Outside the palace, heavy snow was falling like goose feathers, covering the blue bricks with white snow. In the chaotic world, only the vermilion palace walls stood tall, as red as blood. This was the true background color of the imperial palace.
Cruel, indifferent, winner takes all, no warmth at all.
I don't want to be patient for a moment.
I just want to leave.
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