Chapter 17 Chapter 17-My damn suicidal spirit
After a day of sleep, I was woken up by the cicadas.
This palace maid has been avoiding me for the whole year since she was scared by me on New Year's Eve last year, so I was really surprised when I woke up and found that the first person I saw was her.
She turned around and met my eyes. She was stunned for a moment, then suddenly her eyes burst into great joy. She said anxiously, "Madam Shen is finally awake. After you fainted, His Majesty was furious and said he would beat Xiao Jinlian and Xiao Jinliu to death. Now they have been dragged to the palace. If it's any later, it will be too late..."
I was shocked when I heard this. Wasn't it Li Siyan who ordered me to be sent to the city wall? Why was he picking on Jinlian and Jinliu?
Frightened, I sat up straight, grabbed Chan'er's sleeve, and asked, "What's going on? Explain yourself!"
Seeing that no one was around, Chan'er lowered her voice and said, "The imperial physician came to see you, Madam Shen, and said that you fainted because you caught a cold. His Majesty felt that they had neglected their supervision, and in his rage yesterday, he..."
The more I listened, the more frightened I became. I immediately turned over and stepped down to rescue Xiao Jinlian and Xiao Jinliu, but I miscalculated the height and almost fell to the ground.
I stared at the place where I had just slept - that's not right! This is not my bed, it looks a bit like the couch in Li Siyan's study!
I quickly looked around and was completely stunned.
Damn it, isn't this the Imperial Study? "
Chan'er whispered, "Your Majesty felt that my lady's room was not warm enough, so he gave her the soft couch he often rested on."
I found it a little hard to accept, so I twisted my thigh and it hurt. I realized I wasn't dreaming.
Chan'er reminded me: "Golden Lotus and Golden Willow..."
Yes, I reacted with a start. Don’t worry about the Imperial Study for now. We can’t let Li Siyan kill this pair of idiots for no reason!
Wearing my underwear, I rushed to the main hall and shouted loudly, "Your Majesty!" I was also very playful, and pretended to say some polite words like "Madam, slow down and go back to rest." In fact, I wished I could run faster.
The palace maids didn't dare to step forward. Finally, Su Xing, who was guarding the gate, stopped me and said expressionlessly, "His Majesty has ordered that you are not allowed to leave."
"Who the hell do you think you are!" I pushed her aside and said angrily, "Jinlian and Jinliu usually call you aunt, but you watched me die without helping me, and you actually tried to stop me!"
Su Xing stumbled a step, stood up straight, and said calmly: "This is His Majesty's order. We servants cannot disobey. If I let you go, my own head will be in danger."
I gasped and confronted her. Su Xing refused to give in and asked Chan Er coldly, "Did you tell her?"
The cicada lowered its head.
Su Xing snorted, put his hands behind his back and said nothing.
I was stopped at the door and felt dizzy and weak. Today was a grand court meeting, and Li Siyan should not have dismissed the court yet. What should I do? Su Xing will never let me out unless he comes back, unless...
I glared at Su Xing coldly, then pulled Chan'er back to the imperial study.
Chan'er's voice was already tearful: "What should I do, my wife? I don't want Jin Liu and Jin Lian to be..."
I interrupted her and said, "Relax."
Chan'er was confused: "What is my wife going to do...hmm!"
My eyes flashed, and I used my fingers as knives and struck her on the back of the neck. Chan'er's eyes widened, and she fainted with a muffled groan.
Sorry, sister Chan'er, I'll just let you sleep for a while.
I put her on the couch, covered her with a quilt, took off her clothes and put them on myself, opened the window, and climbed out quietly.
There is one good thing about Su Xing, which is that she is very law-abiding. With her rigid mind, she naturally couldn't think of walking out the window.
I left the Purple Palace and saw that there was no one around, so I walked quickly towards the Ye Ting Palace.
I hope we can save this golden couple in time.
The midday sun was scorching. I walked for more than a quarter of an hour under the sun and finally caught up with the team dragging the two unlucky girls at the gate of the Ye Ting Palace. Leading them were two guards, who were the same group of people who had taken me to Ye Ting.
This is what they call enemies meeting on a narrow road.
When Little Jinliu and Little Jinlian saw me, they cried with excitement as if they had seen fairies and bodhisattvas.
Compared with their ecstasy, the two guards' faces were filled with despair. My name is well-known in the Purple Palace. Everyone knows that I am arrogant and domineering. When I get mad, I even dare to hit the emperor. I am definitely a crazy woman who cannot be provoked.
Seeing me approaching with such rage, like a hen protecting her chicks, the guard tried to threaten me, saying, "Mr. Shen, the execution of these two criminal servants was ordered by His Majesty himself. What? Do you want to disobey his order?"
I glanced at him sideways, then stood in front of Xiao Jinlian and Xiao Jinliu, put my hands on my hips, and sneered, "Don't scare me with His Majesty. I'm not afraid of him. Every wrong has its perpetrator, every debt has its creditor. I won't make things difficult for you. Go find Li Siyan and I'll talk to him myself! Go!"
The guard said angrily, "How can you trouble Your Majesty with such a trivial matter? Mr. Shen is too overbearing!"
I raised my chin, took a step closer to him, and sneered back, "Bully? Think about it carefully. I'm His Majesty's most indulged plaything. He didn't say anything, so why should you speak up for him? I'm telling you, if you don't do what I want today, I'll run into your sword. Consider the consequences!"
Not only the two guards, but even Xiao Jinlian and Xiao Jinliu were stunned.
This year I have been playing the role of an emotionless attendant in the Purple Palace, being polite, cordial and friendly. It has been a long time since I let myself go like this, making them forget my true nature - the most powerful female historian in Chang'an.
Although I felt sorry for these two unlucky guards, I still risked my life to save a pair of golds.
After a long standoff, the two guards finally chose to surrender.
The two of them looked depressed as if they had suffered a great injustice. They took Xiao Jinliu and Xiao Jinlian back to the Zichen Palace and asked the emperor to make another decision.
In this way, both of their lives were saved.
I was relieved, but then I remembered that I was still a patient. Symptoms of dizziness and blurred vision suddenly appeared. However, the medicine prescribed by the Imperial Hospital was quite effective. Although I still felt dizzy, I didn't stagger when walking like I did yesterday.
When we arrived at the Zichen Palace, we saw a huge crowd of people standing outside. Leading them was Li Siyan, who was wearing a dazzling golden brocade dragon robe and pointing his finger ahead as if cursing someone.
I said to the guard beside me, "Who's that kneeling there? He looks just like Pixel."
The guard said with a gloomy face: "Aunt Su Xing failed to keep an eye on Mr. Shen Qiju, she deserves to be punished."
I shook my head and said, "I don't think so."
Although Su Xing is annoying, she is also following the orders of the Dog Emperor, so it's not her fault.
I pushed aside a group of palace maids and eunuchs, climbed up the stairs, and asked Li Siyan, "Why did Your Majesty punish Aunt Suxing?"
Hearing my voice, Li Siyan turned around and asked in surprise, "Why are you here?"
Seeing me leading the guards and the two bound women, he immediately understood what I had done. He raised his eyebrows and sneered, "You're sick, but you're running around. Are the lives of two little palace maids worth running around like this?"
Little Jinliu visibly shuddered and curled up into a ball.
I patted her head and said to Li Siyan frankly, "Your Majesty thinks it's not worth it, but I think it's worth it. Human life is precious. I hate watching others die inexplicably."
Li Siyan lowered his eyes, probably realizing that I had a hidden agenda when I talked about my unclear intention to die.
I stared into Li Siyan's eyes and continued, "Your Majesty, please don't punish irrelevant people because of me. It was my own decision not to call the imperial physician. It had nothing to do with these two stupid kids. Jumping out the window and escaping was also my idea. There's no need to blame Su Xing and Chan'er for this."
Su Xing didn't even move when I called his name. He knelt on the ground and said loudly, "It was my fault that I let Mr. Shen out. Your Majesty has punished me."
Li Siyan laughed and said, "Look, you put so much effort into saving someone, but they don't appreciate your kindness."
His smile, coupled with these lines, always reminds me of the evil and arrogant villain in the picture book.
If he is a villain, then I must be the most decent of the decent, the kind of passionate and righteous female historian who radiates the light of righteousness.
I tossed my hair back and said seriously, "I don't care whether she appreciates it or not. This is my own logic. Even if she wags her tail and admits her weakness to Your Majesty, I still think she did nothing wrong."
"Oh, since they are both innocent, then who is wrong?" Li Siyan asked me with a smile.
"Of course it was Your Majesty," I calmly pointed out his problem. "Yesterday, Your Majesty dragged me to the city tower in the heavy snow. And today, Your Majesty wouldn't let me leave the Purple Palace, so I took the risk and climbed out the window."
Li Siyan laughed so hard that tears came out: "It's been a long time since I saw you seriously distinguish right from wrong. You are still so smart."
I glared at him and said, "If you don't want to argue, then don't argue. Just let these two go!"
Li Siyan said, "If you beg me, I will release you."
Such a good thing actually happened, so I immediately said, "Your Majesty, please release Little Jinlian and Little Jinliu."
Receiving Chan'er's suggestive look, I added, "...and Chan'er and Su Xing."
I have to say that after being in the palace for almost two years, I have become much calmer. I bow my head when I should, which saves me a lot of unnecessary trouble.
He also learned how to stroke Li Siyan's fur to satisfy his self-esteem as an emperor, so that he would be a little calmer and not get angry all the time.
We are taming each other, like two hedgehogs walking around each other's armor. On the surface, we are a pair of peaceful king and minister, but in fact, we are still two completely different types of people and will never be able to truly understand each other.
The contradictions that are as deep as an insurmountable chasm are buried deep down and will erupt sooner or later.
After asking Li Siyan to release the two golds, I wanted to go back to my room to change clothes, but the dog emperor grabbed me by the back of the collar and pulled me back like a chick.
He gritted his teeth and asked me, "Where do you want to go now?"
I was puzzled and said, "I'm going back to the room to change clothes."
He grabbed the back of my collar and pulled me towards the imperial study, saying, "No need for that. Qingfu has moved all your belongings into the study. I'll allow you to live and sleep in the study until you recover."
His tone sounded very happy, as if he was bestowing upon me some extraordinary grace.
The hairs on the back of my neck instantly stood up, and I quickly said, "Absolutely not! The Imperial Study is a place for supplies, how can it be used as a bedroom for a humble official like me?"
Damn it, who wants to sleep in his study? He's not worried about me sneaking over to his desk in the middle of the night to look through military secrets, I just think his couch is too disgusting!
The dog emperor frowned and suddenly said something that shocked me: "If you don't want to sleep in the Imperial Study, do you want to sleep in the Inner Palace?"
I almost spit out a mouthful of blood: "You!"
Seeing that I was about to fall, Li Siyan quickly turned over my shoulder to check on me, a hint of worry flashed in his eyes.
I took two deep breaths, blinked, and said, "I'm fine, just dizzy."
Seeing him so close to me, his noses almost touching, his warm breath spraying in front of me, I jumped back with a big step, alert: "I have a cold, don't let your majesty get sick."
Li Siyan certainly wouldn't believe my excuse. He reached out and touched my forehead, sneering, "Now you remember you're sick. Just now, when you were running around the palace, you were so strong that even eight horses couldn't stop you. Alright, hurry up and get on the couch, and don't hang around outside."
The moment I was told to sleep on his bed again, I was totally unwilling to do so.
But seeing that Li Siyan was determined not to let me escape, I had no choice but to compromise and said, "But I can't rest under your Majesty's nose. Your Majesty, can you bring me a screen?"
As a good owner, Li Siyan, apart from not allowing me to leave the palace, was always responsive to my requests. When he heard I wanted a screen, he nodded readily and called Qingfu to come and say, "Go to the storeroom and bring her the screen embroidered with mountains and rivers that the Longxi Jiedushi sent last year."
Qingfu's eye twitched noticeably, and he reminded her, "That screen is very valuable..."
Li Siyan said indifferently: "It's okay, I have a lot of valuable things, go quickly."
Qingfu had no choice but to take a few eunuchs out to open the warehouse and move out the legendary expensive screen.
I don’t care whether it’s expensive or not, it’s in his study anyway.
But the rarity of this screen still exceeded my expectations.
Some furniture cannot be called furniture, its exhibition attributes far exceed its practicality.
──For example, this majestic screen king in front of me.
Qingfu personally stepped forward and carefully removed the brocade cover protecting the screen. My eyes were dazzled and I almost fainted at the sight of the vast expanses of embroidered landscapes.
"This... this screen is the work of Master Han!" When I saw it clearly, I was so shocked that I collapsed on the couch. I couldn't recover for a long time. I stared at the landscape painting by Chu Xiuyungui, muttering to myself, "Oh my God, Master Han burned all his scrolls during his lifetime. There are only a handful of his calligraphy works left in the world, and they are worth a fortune. How... how did this huge screen appear out of nowhere? It's embroidered, it's truly a masterpiece of craftsmanship, there's nothing like it in the world..."
My whole family loves literature and painting. We still have many literary treasures hidden in our home. However, even if all the calligraphy and paintings in the home were tied together, they would not be as good as a casual piece by Mr. Han. When I first saw such a masterpiece, I felt like a cat that accidentally walked into a rat's nest, and I didn't know where to put my hands and feet.
Qingfu looked at me with disdain at my lack of ambition and said in a sardonic tone, "Mr. Shen Qijiu has a good eye. This landscape painting was indeed painted by Mr. Han during his lifetime. Lord Chai found it and embroidered it into a folding screen. Now that His Majesty has shown mercy and given it to you, why don't you thank him quickly?"
In contrast to my obsession, Li Siyan was indifferent to this priceless screen and even showed a confused expression of "what's so good about this thing".
I doubt he even knows who Han Dajia is. After all, he is the most uneducated emperor of this dynasty.
But seeing how much I cherished his screen, Li Siyan's vanity was greatly satisfied. However, he still refused to admit it. He slowly sat back at the desk, picked up the water cup and shook it, pretending to be casual and said: "It's just a screen. I have plenty of them in my warehouse."
I couldn't hear what he said anymore. I just stared at the screen in fascination, drooling. Look at the distant mountains, the clouds stretching across the fields, the green pines and cypresses, wow...
Qingfu walked around behind the screen, knocked my head in frustration, nodded in the direction of Li Siyan, and said silently: Kneel down and thank you.
I was too lazy to kneel, so I said obediently, "Thank you, Your Majesty," while continuing to appreciate the great work of art.
Oh my! Such skill in painting, such artistic conception, and the poem inscribed therein are all so well-written! When will I ever be able to achieve such skill in writing? ...
When Li Siyan heard me thanking him, he couldn't sit still anymore.
He strode over to me in his dragon robe, squatted down beside me, and asked me, "Do you like this screen very much?"
Feeling someone approaching me, I finally gave him a look and happened to catch a glimpse of the Dog Emperor squatting on the ground with his legs apart, his posture like a farmer working on a ridge. I suddenly felt that the elegant culture had turned into vulgarity, which was extremely disappointing.
In our family, if classmate Shen Xiaochuan dared to squat in such an indecent manner, my aunt would beat him so badly that he would cry and call for his daddy.
Noticing my look of disgust, Li Siyan was stunned for a moment and changed to a slightly more serious sitting posture. My expression eased a little and I turned to look at the screen again.
The dog emperor stared at me blankly and said unnaturally, "What's a screen? I have other good things here. Do you want to see them?"
Qingfu's eyelids twitched again.
I said casually, "No, thank you, Your Majesty."
Although I rejected him indifferently, Li Siyan was not discouraged.
He was certain I hadn't heard him clearly, so he cleared his throat and said in a louder voice, "My warehouse is full of gold and jade. Since you've been so well-behaved lately, I'll allow you to pick out a few of your own."
I hummed perfunctorily.
The Dog Emperor was born in a humble family and thought that gold and jade were valuable things. But I was used to seeing my family members throwing gold and jade aside and holding books and scrolls with great interest, so I never had much interest in these shiny little things.
Seeing that I had no reaction, Li Siyan calmly stood up and left. After a while, he brought an exquisite gilded object and walked in front of me.
He sat down with his legs together and placed the golden vessel on the soft couch I was temporarily borrowing.
I looked at the cumbersome and gorgeous jewelry box, then looked at the arrogant dog emperor, and felt that I couldn't quite understand this behavior.
Is he showing off? His big gold box?
Li Siyan was also observing my expression. Seeing my bewildered expression, he thought I was overwhelmed by the magnificence of the box. He smiled with satisfaction and said, "If you like it, take it and play with it. I have many more."
No, I don’t like it. I’m stunned by the nouveau riche’s unfashionable aesthetic.
In order not to knock over this glittering golden treasure box that embodied the emperor's vanity, I cautiously moved aside and said sternly, "It's too valuable. I can't accept it."
Not only can I not accept it, I don’t want to accept it.
This kind of blatant display of wealth is simply destroying my aesthetic sense. My eyes hurt after looking at it for too long.
Moreover, the things given by the emperor are all stamped with the royal seal. They cannot be sold or melted, and you will be held accountable if you lose them. It is best to burn three incense sticks in the morning and evening to offer them as a family heirloom. But my mother's family has been ruined by the dog emperor. What's the use of his broken box?
Li Siyan waved his hand and said, "Don't be so rigid. You are my attendant, and I cannot treat you unfairly."
I sincerely suggested, "Wei Xizi is also your Majesty's attendant, so your Majesty should give it to him."
Li Siyan was choked by my criticism and all the reasons in his heart were stuck in his throat. He stared at me for a long time.
I blinked my dry eyes and wanted to turn around and continue studying the screen.
Li Siyan's bad temper gradually began to ferment. His dark eyes stared at me intently and he said coldly, "I give you something, and you have no room to refuse."
Seeing that he was about to shove the golden box into my arms with a look of unease on his face, I had no choice but to tell him the truth: "...Your Majesty, even if you gave it to me, I have nothing to put it in."
Li Siyan was stunned: "Don't you have any jewelry?"
I shook my head and said, "When has Your Majesty ever seen me wearing a hairpin?"
In order to observe mourning for my father, my head has always been bald. The hairpins and earrings given to me by the palace were given to Xiao Jinlian and Xiao Jinliu by me, and I didn't keep any of them for myself.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Li Siyan suddenly realized and called Qingfu over, saying, "Go to the storeroom and get some more jewelry for her to choose from.
For the first time, I saw shock on Qingfu's otherwise calm old face.
I vaguely sensed the dog emperor's excessive enthusiasm for me today, and my heart shuddered. I grabbed Qingfu and said, "No need. The palace gives me jewelry every season according to the quota for fifth-rank female officials. I just don't want to wear it because I have to observe mourning."
Li Siyan frowned and said, "Why observe filial piety? Qingfu, go open the storehouse and bring her some gold hairpins."
Gold hairpin!
I took a deep breath and stared at Li Siyan in a daze. An inexplicable fear spread to every part of my body.
What is he doing?
Gold hairpins are valuable. According to palace etiquette, only ladies of the fourth rank and above are qualified to wear them. But he gave them to me without blinking an eye. What is he doing?
I didn't dare to think too deeply, and instinctively shouted loudly: "I don't want it!"
No matter what his purpose is, we can’t accept it, absolutely not!
He was stunned by my yelling, and looked at me with confusion, like a dog that was slapped by its owner for no reason.
He said unconsciously: "Why not? If you don't like hairpins, there are other jewelry to choose from."
He seemed to realize that his tone was too full of flattery and ostentation, so full that it seemed a little unbecoming of an emperor. He quickly resumed his arrogant tone and said, "You are also a woman, but you don't care about your appearance all day long. You don't even have any decent jewelry. You are simply embarrassing me."
I immediately rolled up my sleeves, slammed the table and stood up, saying coldly, "It's not the end of the three-year mourning period for my father, so I can't observe the mourning period, but now I don't even have the chance to take off my hairpin and show my filial piety. I am your attendant, not your servant. Don't force your rags on me like it's a gift. I don't want these rags of yours. Even clay has some character. Li Siyan, don't go too far!"
After I finished cursing, I leaned back on the couch with a cold face, exuding an aura of "don't bother me, fucking!"
From the corner of his eye, Qingfu's shocked expression slowly turned into despair.
This time Li Siyan finally understood, and his face turned gloomy almost instantly.
I pretended to be furious, turned my face away and said nothing, just observing his reaction out of the corner of my eye.
After a long moment, a glimmer of sadness flashed across his molten iron eyes. He turned away and said in a conciliatory tone, "Then forget it."
I caught a flash of grievance in his eyes, and my anger rose again. He felt aggrieved? Why should he feel aggrieved? He was the one who forced me from the beginning, and now he was being pretentious. What logic did that make!
Suddenly remembering that I was still lying on his couch, I turned over and packed up my clothes and daily necessities.
Anyway, we have already fallen out, so I don't have to sleep on this disgusting soft couch anymore. I feel sick when I think about the dog emperor sleeping on this broken bed.
The dog emperor quickly regained his usual arrogance, sat beside the couch, and watched me busying around quietly, with a burning fire in his eyes.
He asked, "What are you going to do?"
"Of course I'll go back to my own room. I'm afraid of dirtying His Majesty's bed by staying here," I said.
This remark angered Li Siyan again. He sneered, grabbed the gold jewelry box and threw it to the ground, saying coldly, "I am the emperor. This world belongs to me. Doesn't your house belong to me too? Not only the palace, but also your family's houses and land outside the palace, your life, and the lives of your entire family are all mine. I pity you and indulge you a little bit, but you still dare to be so arrogant. You really have forgotten your own name."
He was obviously furious, but he was still pretending to be calm. If it were in the past... I bit my lip. He would have punished me to light the stove in the imperial kitchen.
He said he felt sorry for me? I thought it was absurd. I knew that everyone in the world had a heart of compassion, except the dog emperor.
I calmly replied, "You still have the nerve to pity me? You're obviously the more pitiful one."
"What did you say? I'm pitiful?"
He seemed not to have heard what I said clearly. His expression softened a little, and he frowned and said, "Are you sick? Is your brain burned out?"
I shook my head seriously and said, "No, I really feel sorry for you. You have no family, no friends, no rivals, only a group of loyal dogs."
I smiled and leaned closer to his face and said, "Your Majesty, when it comes to human love, I'm much luckier than you. Although I don't have any family, when my parents were still alive, I was their most beloved child, cherished like a jewel for so many years. What about you? Has anyone ever truly loved you well?"
"Probably not," I raised my chin in contempt. "Don't tell me about your mother. She just had no choice."
Before I could finish my words, Li Siyan's hand grabbed my neck like lightning, his eyes flashing with cold anger. He stared at my sick, flushed face and warned me coldly, "Chen Ying, stop now."
He used quite a bit of force, but not to the point of strangling me. My neck felt extremely uncomfortable, and all the blood rushed to my head, making my already groggy head even more dizzy.
But even so, I still stubbornly rubbed salt into his wounds: "You sympathize with me... Ridiculous... I'm in mourning for my father, it's my own will... I have the best parents in the world... Do you think you deserve my pity?..."
Ever since the gold jewelry box fell to the ground, Qingfu's expression has never been normal. Seeing Li Siyan coming to strangle me, he sighed in despair, and three big words were written in every wrinkle: Here we go again.
He trotted over and whispered, "Your Majesty, please calm down. Shen Qijulang is ill and unconscious, so she said these nonsense. She will regret it when she wakes up."
Perhaps he was waiting for Qingfu's advice, Li Siyan let go of my neck and threw me hard onto the couch.
I fell into a pile of soft quilts and started coughing violently.
As I coughed, he said coldly, "Yes, you are sick today and your mind is not clear. I will not bother with you. If you dare to talk nonsense like this again in the future, I will drag you to the palace and put you in solitary confinement until you shut up."
"I know what I said. I did it on purpose." I said hoarsely, "I was disrespectful to your mother. Why didn't you punish me?"
Li Siyan said coldly: "If I punish you, who will keep track of my daily life?"
So, you're just pampering me like a pet?
As I coughed, my eyes swept over the golden box that he had thrown in two pieces, then over the gorgeous screen, and finally fell on his bed.
A flash of lightning flashed through my mind, and I suddenly asked softly, as if possessed by some strange force:
"Your Majesty, are you reluctant to punish me?"
Li Siyan was stunned: "What are you talking about?"
I gathered my messy hair, struggled to sit up straight, looked up at him with misty eyes, and said, "I want to ask Your Majesty, if you are simply reluctant to punish me."
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