Chapter 41 Comrades in Chaotic Times 'Comrades'... well, where are you, naturally...?
The sun was already setting in the west, and the sky was tinged with a blood-red afterglow, casting long shadows on the majestic palace walls.
The heavy, vermilion palace gates creaked shut behind them, shutting out the atmosphere of despair that permeated the inner palace.
Deng Jie could smell the suffocating stench of blood on his body.
She forced herself to stay alert, so as not to need to ask Guo Jia for help, and walked straight down the jade steps in front of the palace gate.
Her footsteps echoed monotonously on the bluestone of the palace square. The setting sun's rays were dazzling and scorching, yet they did nothing to dispel the chill in her heart.
Step by step, she felt increasingly weak and powerless. The wind, carrying dust, only made her feel dizzy.
Guo Jia followed closely behind, step by step.
It's just a step away, yet it feels like being separated by countless mountains.
He watched her slender figure sway in the setting sun, as if afraid she might collapse at any moment. Several times he reached out, only to be forced back by her sudden straightening back.
They walked in silence, stumbling and staggering, until they finally made it back to their familiar little courtyard.
Stepping through the courtyard gate, Guo Jia turned to the kitchen first: "You rest first, I'll go boil some water."
Deng Jie gave him a cold glance. "Don't you need to report back?"
"Lu Hong will go." Guo Jia was somewhat relieved to see that she was still willing to talk to him.
Hearing the noise, Ayu Huai Niang led A Xiang out. She was startled to see Deng Jie covered in blood and was shooed back to the side room by Guo Jia.
Deng Jie stepped into the backyard. The locust tree still provided ample shade, the flowers were fragrant, and the water was flowing, but it could not heal the desolation in her heart.
She scanned every corner blankly, and found that this little world no longer gave her the same sense of security as before.
Guo Jia knelt in front of the stove, stuffing dry firewood into it; the sound of flint striking flint was particularly jarring in the silence.
He stared at the flames leaping from the stove, but what kept flashing before his eyes was the glaring crimson in the main room, the despair in her eyes as she knelt on the ground and met his gaze, and the hollow, distant way she slapped his hand away at the end.
A wave of self-blame overwhelmed his heart, leaving him feeling suffocated.
Based on his usual experience, Guo Jia had almost finished adding firewood and went into the bedroom to find Deng Jie.
Seeing that the trunk hadn't been opened, he rummaged through it and took out a clean garment, then called out to the courtyard, "Say hello, the water should be warm now, you..."
Looking at the empty backyard, my heart tightened.
"What are you saying?!" He instinctively rushed towards the front yard, but Ayu hurriedly came out to stop him: "Madam has not come out!"
Guo Jia composed himself and returned to the backyard with a heavy heart. Sure enough, he saw a huddled figure under the locust tree and behind the bluestone.
Although my heart was finally at ease, it still ached terribly.
He walked over quietly and sat down beside her. He leaned heavily against the warm bluestone and let out a weary sigh.
He turned his head to look at her. She buried her face in her knees, which were pressed together, revealing only her pale neck and her thin shoulders swaying slightly.
He wanted to touch her, but in the end his hand landed on the stone surface, feeling the last trace of warmth.
"...Where will Consort Dong's body be sent?" Her muffled voice came from her arms.
Guo Jia was taken aback, then let out a soft sigh of relief. "Generally speaking... they will be transported to the mortuary outside the city along with other rebels."
Upon hearing the phrase "mortuary outside the city," Deng Jie's head, which had been buried in his hands, moved almost imperceptibly.
A brief silence flowed in the lingering warmth of the setting sun.
"you……"
"I want to see my master," Deng Jie interrupted him first.
"Okay." Guo Jia immediately agreed. At times like this, Hua Tuo's comfort would be more intimate than her own.
"Take a bath first, change into clean clothes, and I'll go fetch you right away." He propped himself up on a stone, placed his clothes next to the warm bath, closed the bedroom door, and strode out of the courtyard.
When Hua Tuo arrived, Deng Jie had already changed into plain clothes, his wet hair was casually tied up, a few strands of hair stuck to his pale cheeks, and his eyes were red and swollen.
She approached Hua Tuo and whispered "Master," her voice choked with emotion.
Deng Jie led Hua Tuo straight to the study, then closed the lattice door behind him with a soft "click," shutting Guo Jia out.
Guo Jia sighed softly, turned around and leaned against a wooden pillar under the eaves, watching the twilight descend.
From inside the study, faint, intermittent sobs could be heard, mixed with Hua Tuo's heavy, drawn-out sighs.
He clenched his fist, then let it fall limply, and the back of his head slammed against a pillar with a thud.
When the study door opened again, Hua Tuo walked out with a hunched back. He exchanged an inscrutable glance with Guo Jia, lowered his head, and silently brushed past him, then staggered into the deeper alley.
Guo Jia watched that desolate figure disappear into the alleyway, and a heavier feeling settled over him.
Just then, a messenger from the Grand Commandant's office rushed in: "Chancellor, the Grand Commandant has an urgent order..."
Guo Jia took the bamboo slips, glanced at them, and put them into his sleeve. "I understand. Go."
He turned back, and the study was empty, with the door to the backyard wide open.
With a sinking feeling, Guo Jia walked through the corridor without hesitation to the locust tree, where she was indeed still sitting.
He slowed his pace, knelt down gently beside her, and looked down at her quietly.
“You don’t have to do this.” Deng Jie’s forehead remained pressed against his knees, without looking up at him. “I’m not thinking of doing anything rash.”
"I blame myself..." Guo Jia's voice lacked the sharpness he displayed in the palace; now it was hoarse and filled with heart-wrenching pain. "I shouldn't have acted on my own initiative and let you get involved in such a thing. I pushed you onto this dangerous path..."
"What does this have to do with you?" Deng Jie finally raised his head. "The imperial edict arrived directly, with overwhelming force, and there was nothing that could be done to reverse the situation."
The candles were not lit, and the twilight enveloped the backyard in a quiet and cold atmosphere.
Fortunately, the two were close enough to see each other's expressions clearly.
"Initially, I was the one who sent you to be the vanguard for Huashi... If I hadn't come up with this lousy trick of using medical treatment as a pretext, they wouldn't have targeted you... All the mistakes were my fault."
Deng Jie's eyes flickered, but his voice remained low, "Even if I am not here today... Consort Dong... and the child in her womb... cannot escape it, can they?"
"At least, I won't have to involve you." Guo Jia couldn't hide his true feelings and spoke frankly.
Deng Jie stared at him in disbelief. "You mean, as long as I didn't see it, I can pretend nothing happened?! Does that mean that as long as I can't see it, those things, those people... can all be pretended not to exist? How many other things like this have you kept from me before?"
She choked immediately, "...No, none of that matters. I'm not some god or deity. What use is it to me if you hide these things from me? Do you think I can reverse the course of fate..."
He clutched his head in pain, slammed it against his knees, and trembled uncontrollably.
Guo Jia looked at her writhing in pain, and his heart felt as if it had been struck by a heavy fist. He reached out to touch her, but then instead gripped the robe on his knees tightly.
“But to me…” he said with a somber expression, stubbornly asserting, “you are like a god or a celestial being.”
As long as you stay safe and sound, away from this bloodshed and filth... everything else, Yu Jia can ignore.
Deng Jie never imagined that he would have such thoughts, but upon reflection, he realized that he also regarded him as his only faith, and he couldn't help but burst into tears.
After a long silence, she finally managed to speak: "That Consort Dong... she's just a teenage girl... and the five-month-old, already formed fetus in her womb... how did you manage to make her a 'rebel' in your eyes... what have they done wrong..."
As he spoke, his voice rose higher and higher, his tone becoming increasingly fierce, "If Ji Ping succeeds today and Liu Bei launches a counterattack on Xuchang, then it will be you and me who will be trapped there! It will be Wenruo, it will be Minggong, it will be everyone on our side!"
That's the nature of power... the tighter you hold it, the less you can afford to let go; once you release it, you're plunged into an abyss!
“But you once risked your life to venture into a mountain stronghold with your brother for the sake of an unrelated village of villagers…” Deng Jie muttered stubbornly, his voice choked with suppressed anger, “Fengxiao… shouldn’t be this kind of person…”
As she spoke, tears welled up in her eyes again.
She would always remember that winter night when Guo Jia, in his early twenties, stood alone in front of the campfire in the mountain stronghold, holding a torch and a long string of wine jugs and bamboo sticks.
Behind him danced the cold blue flames, while in front of him gleamed the warm yellow firelight, their light reflecting off his stern and resolute face. He faced a hundred or so mountain tribes alone, his imposing aura like a divine warrior descending from the heavens. At that time, he was full of vigor and high spirits, possessing an awe-inspiring righteousness within him.
“That’s because you were in that group!” Guo Jia blurted out.
Then, his voice suddenly lowered, carrying an almost self-deprecating frankness: "It's just... I didn't tell you back then. You also said I'm narrow-minded..."
He finally placed his hand on her face, forcibly turning her to meet her eyes, which were filled with loneliness and vulnerability.
"...I'll tell you then, yes, I'm narrow-minded, so narrow-minded that I can't hold too much."
Jia became an orphan at the age of five. From the time he could remember, his daily struggle was how to survive the next day.
Every meal, every piece of clothing, is a matter of life and death.
Falling into the water and no one saves you, suffering from illness and no one cares, being bullied and no one protects you...
Every step he took was on the edge of life and death; there was no one to rely on, no one to depend on!
There are no parents, brothers, or sisters-in-law in this world who will unconditionally support me, no clan or family that will always cover for me; I only have myself!
Deng Jie's tears fell silently.
She knew he was talking about her. The reason she could conduct "free medical consultations" without any scruples was simply because her family was well-off and she didn't need to worry about survival. All her willfulness was also supported by her mother, brother, and sister-in-law. And the fact that he, a northerner, could learn to swim... only shows a glimpse of the reason.
She always felt sorry for Guo Jia's loneliness, which is why she supported him unconditionally, hoping to fill the void in his life with her meager strength.
He just didn't realize that this deep-seated unease and loneliness had already taken root in his heart and become his survival creed.
Guo Jia took her hand and counted her fingers, just as she had counted them that day: "My heart can only hold the four of you... because you are the only ones who have truly cared for me and asked for nothing in return."
Wenruo sent me to school and guided me into officialdom;
Brother Yuanming saved my life, trusted me, and helped me;
Your Excellency's kindness in recognizing and appreciating my talents, and your protection and favor towards me;
you……"
Knowing there was no need for further words, he gripped her fingers tightly, so tightly they trembled, and said, "Do you think I don't understand why you took the initiative to give her the anesthetic today?"
Deng Jie was so shocked by his words that he trembled all over.
Guo Jia's eyes dimmed, and he sighed inwardly, "So it is." He said bluntly, "You did it not only for her... but also for me. You are using your hands... to take the blame for me... Tell me..."
Tears welled in Deng Jie's eyes, and her knuckles clenched tightly.
“Say it, I don’t want you to take risks, just as you don’t want me to bear it alone… I just want to stay with you and protect our home, and I think you feel the same way…”
He recalled the look in her eyes when she lifted Consort Dong up, and his heart ached. He choked back tears, saying, "I never imagined you would try to share my burden in this way. This sin shouldn't be yours..."
Deng Jie shook his head, tears streaming down his face, "Don't say anymore... don't say anymore. We are husband and wife, one... how can we separate 'you' from 'me'..."
Guo Jia gently stroked her face and placed her hand on his chest: "A child... if we have one, then we have one; that is our blessing. If we don't... then we don't have one!"
Meeting Deng Jie's gleaming eyes, she said, "If this is truly a karmic retribution, then let it fall upon me: it is my fate... to be childless for life, and I will have no complaints!"
Deng Jie was stunned speechless by his vow. Finally, she opened her palm and pressed it against his chest, feeling his heartbeat. All the questions and anxieties were now impossible to utter.
He may be cold-hearted or stubborn, but he is so honest with her. What right does she have to use her own sense of "justice" to fight against him?
Deng Jie suppressed the hidden rebellion in his heart and leaned weakly against his chest. "Fengxiao..." He climbed up his neck and gently stroked it, sighing heavily.
Seeing that she had finally stopped resisting him, Guo Jia pulled her into his arms and held her tightly, savoring the tenderness he had regained.
“So be it…we were just… ‘fellow sufferers in troubled times’…right?” Deng Jie suddenly remembered a joke he had once made, which had now come true, and a bitter look appeared on his face.
"Whether it's retribution or hardship, I'm willing to share it with you... But for now, just leave me alone to be quiet."
Guo Jia reluctantly let go, took two steps back, but did not get up.
"What's wrong?"
"I'll stay with you." Saying that, she leaned closer to the rock, stretched out her body, and lay down. "'Accomplice,' well... naturally, wherever you are, I'll be there too."
Deng Jie pointed at him irritably. He pulled out a bamboo slip from his sleeve, covered his mouth, and let out a sentence through the gap: "I won't make a sound."
Deng Jie pulled the bamboo slip closer to examine it closely. It read, "Liu Bei has beheaded Che Zhou; the expedition will begin tomorrow."
"...Well, at least I have some peace and quiet now..." She handed the bamboo slips back to Guo Jia, a bittersweet feeling welling up inside her.
Guo Jia reached out and pressed her against his chest. "Then let's extend Jia's time a little longer."
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