Chapter 65 Breakup
In the evening, Yan Yi took Bai He to Qi Lang's apartment.
Because he didn't know where to go, he couldn't let her go back alone. The mental evaluation report was like a knife stabbing into his heart.
He fed her the antidepressants prescribed by the doctor, then knelt beside her bed, holding her face, feeling so heartbroken that he wanted to kill himself.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”
Apart from apologizing, Yan Yi didn't know what to do.
Bai He was surprisingly calm and helped him sit up. "Don't tell my parents, don't tell Xiao Jing and the others, and don't tell Qi Lang. I don't want them to worry, and I don't want my roommates to treat me like a patient. Do you understand?"
Yan Yi was in tears, emotionally broken: "It's my fault."
Instead of bringing her happiness, he put so much pressure on her that she suffered from depression.
What a jerk you must be to do such things!
He slapped himself hard several times.
Bai He quickly grabbed his hand and said, "Forget what you promised me? Don't hurt yourself."
"Okay... okay, I won't do it again. I was wrong." Yan Yi nodded guiltily, tears streaming down his face.
Bai He held his face and wiped his tears with the back of her hand: "You, I didn't cry, why are you crying?"
"My heart aches, sister," Yan Yi said desperately. "I want you to be happy, but things always go against my wishes. I feel so powerless..."
"Don't blame yourself, I'm actually fine." She held his face and comforted him, "Don't be sad, I'm sad too when you're like this."
Even now, she still cares about his emotions.
In the past, Yan Yi took advantage of her personality... to bully and control her again and again.
He felt so guilty that he wanted to shoot himself.
"Take your medicine properly, and there shouldn't be any big problems." Bai He said to him, "I don't feel very sad. It's just that sometimes... when you provoke me, I feel uncomfortable. The rest of the time, it's fine. We've been together for two years, and most of the time we've been happy."
Bai He forced a smile at him and patted his shoulder, "Just get through this period together, and everything will be fine."
"I've never brought you happiness. I've only felt pressure." Yan Yi held her in his arms. "I keep saying I love you, but actually... I love myself more. I'm selfish..."
Yan Yi finally understood why Qi Lang chose to leave.
He knew Bai He's inner struggles too well, and he couldn't bear to make her suffer, so he left...
Yan Yi asked her, "My love makes you feel suffocated, right?"
"To be honest, a little." Bai He admitted, "I don't know how to repay you. I try very hard to make you happy, but no matter what I do, you are not happy. First, I feel very sorry for Uncle Yan."
Yan Yi was crying and shaking his head vigorously.
From the day she learned of his feelings, Bai He carried the cross of guilt, which he put on her personally.
In the name of love, imprison her, bind her, kidnap her.
How cruel.
He even forced her to forget the person she had loved deeply for so many years, and drove her into moderate depression.
That night, Yan Yi did not stay overnight. He stroked her face and said softly, "Have a good rest tonight. I'm going back to school first."
Bai He asked him, "Aren't you going to stay?"
"You're not afraid of ghosts now, are you?"
She shook her head: "I'm no longer afraid."
"Then I'll go back first, Bai He. I won't accompany you tonight." Yan Yi's voice was hoarse. "You should get a good night's sleep. Tomorrow is a brand new day."
"Then don't think too much." Bai He looked at him worriedly, "I'm really fine."
Yan Yi's eyes were red. He nodded and left the room.
When leaving, the girl's relieved breathing could be clearly heard.
Yes, she needs her own space, she needs to breathe freely.
But Yanyi didn't even give her that...
He leaned his back against the wall and bit his hand hard, almost making it bleed. However, the pain of torn skin was nothing compared to the excruciating pain in his heart.
Under the moonlight, the boy walked aimlessly on the street like a ghost, with empty eyes.
Pain corroded his soul. He walked alone to the beach, watching the waves crashing against the shore and listening to the roaring tide...
It turns out that he was the most selfish one. From the moment Bai He hugged him in front of the morgue that night, from the moment he bit off her arm...
Yan Yi began his "revenge" plan against her, torturing her in the name of love. She was sincere to him, loved him, but in return she was "bitten" again and again by this wolf cub.
Does he really love him, or is it just a perverted possessiveness stemming from boundless hatred?
Yan Yi closed his eyes in pain and walked towards the beach step by step.
End it, end her suffering completely...
It was not until the cold sea water covered his feet and the piercing pain drilled into his heart that Yan Yi suddenly came to his senses. He staggered back two steps and fell awkwardly on the beach.
No, no no!
Hasn't he tortured her enough?
Do you still want her to regret and suffer for the rest of her life?
Yan Yi fell on the beach, his whole body stiff and unable to move. He looked at the pure white moonlight on the distant coastline, which was as beautiful as the night when he first met her.
He looked up at the bright moon, called out to his sister, and cried bitterly.
…
After that night, Yan Yi rarely contacted Bai He on his own initiative, and never came to see her again. Of course, it wasn't the kind of thing where he lost contact. Occasionally, when he saw a strangely shaped cloud in the sky, he would take a picture of it and share it with her.
Bai He occasionally photographs roadside flowers. In the spring, she participated in a Hanfu Club spring outing, donning her beautiful chest-length ruqun (a traditional Chinese dress) and taking numerous photos at Lakeside Park. Of course, as a professional photographer who has won numerous international awards, Bai He often photographs beautiful women in Hanfu.
Zhan Xinyue took a quick photo of Bai He, in which she was taking pictures of other girls with a camera. Bai He sent the photo to Yan Yi, with a giggling emoticon.
Lily: "Does it look good?"
1: "It looks good. I like it."
Lily: “[Hey hey]”
1: "It's been a long time since we last met. Do you want to see me?"
Lily: "Sure, I'm free tonight."
1: "Can we meet at the lakeside pavilion at six in the evening?"
Lily: "Okay."
Yan Yi put down his phone, took a deep breath, and walked out of the medical school building with the printed copy of the offer email he had just received in his hand.
Looking up at the clear blue sky, Yan Yi closed his eyes, feeling the breeze caressing his face, like the gentle touch of her hand.
At dusk, groups of students would pass by the plank road in the center of the lake from time to time, posing for selfies in the sunset.
Yan Yi made the appointment in a crowded place like the Lakeside Pavilion, probably because he was afraid that she didn't want to be alone with him.
In fact, Bai He was not that afraid of him. They had been dating for more than two years, so there was no need to be so cautious.
As long as he gave her some space occasionally and didn't cling to her too tightly, Bai He thought that other normal dates or interactions were fine.
Bai He arrived at the pavilion in the middle of the lake, and Yan Yi was already waiting there.
He was wearing a gray sweatshirt, which well outlined his tall figure. His hair seemed shorter, his sideburns sharper, and he looked thinner, with his eye sockets sunken deeper.
Bai He walked over generously and patted his left shoulder in the way Qi Lang often teased her in the past. When he turned around, she appeared on his right and smiled at him: "Long time no see, kid."
Yan Yi looked at her with a smile in his eyes. He controlled his urge to hug her and pulled her to sit down. "It's been a long time since we last met. It's almost summer."
"how are things?"
"I'm still the same. How about you, sister? Do you feel happier?"
"I'm fine, too. I'm not particularly happy, nor am I particularly unhappy," Bai He said. "Last month, I received a WeChat message from Fu Siwei saying he found a good job."
"Um?"
"He also said that you had met him." Bai He stared at Yan Yi.
"Yes, I did. I apologized to him in person," Yan Yi said in a deep voice. "I wanted to gain his forgiveness. I even thought it wouldn't matter if he beat me up. But he didn't. He said the past is like smoke and he doesn't care about it anymore. Now he just hopes you don't take it to heart."
"Well, he told me that he forgave you and told me not to feel any burden." Bai He lowered his eyes and said, "It's a good intention. I can't help but appreciate it."
"Nothing else matters." Yan Yi looked at her. "You feel comfortable, that's the most important thing."
Bai He nodded: "I have been taking my medicine properly. I don't feel the same depression as before the New Year, but I haven't encountered any particularly happy things. Life is ordinary and it's okay."
"You used to love to laugh, but now you laugh less."
"Yeah, maybe it's because I've grown up. The older we get, the fewer happy things we have. It's also a very helpless thing."
“No, it’s not because of growing up.”
Yan Yi thought sadly that it was because the person who could bring you happiness was not by your side.
"Let's not talk about this anymore." Bai He held his face, "Let me see, you've lost weight, maybe you haven't been eating well."
"No, I might have been exercising more recently," Yan Yi said. "I've been trying to stay in shape. I hope I'll look more handsome when I see you again."
"It doesn't matter. In my eyes, you look beautiful no matter what."
"Our sister is good at coaxing people." Yan Yi smiled lightly, "It's been so long since we last met, do you miss me?"
Before Bai He could answer, Yan Yi immediately denied what he said, "No, no, I shouldn't have asked like that. It doesn't matter whether you want to or not. This is not important..."
He didn't want to put any pressure on her anymore. It really didn't matter whether she loved him or missed him.
Yan Yi just hopes that her illness will get better soon.
Depression... can kill people.
I dare not even think about it.
Bai He also noticed the boy's sensitivity, came over, kissed his face gently, and said softly: "How could I not miss you."
He wanted to kiss her back, but restrained himself and only nuzzled the corner of her lips: "Whether I'm a competent girlfriend or not, our Bai He is a very competent sister, so I still hope you treat me as your brother."
"What? What you said means that I am not qualified to be a girlfriend."
"No, how dare I." Yan Yi stroked the corner of her lips with his fingertips, his eyes filled with deep affection. "Bai He, from now on, let's just be brother and sister again."
Bai He stared into his eyes, trying to figure out whether he was joking or serious.
"What do you mean, is Hajime breaking up with me?"
"Yes, we are breaking up." Yan Yi said gently, "But it's not because of a breakdown in our relationship, nor because you are not good enough. I think... we should be brother and sister again, and then we can separate so that there will be less pain and tears. I don't want to see you cry anymore, ever again."
Bai He looked at him in confusion until he handed her the offer from Harvard Medical School: "I got into Harvard Medical School, and I'm going to study for both a master's and a doctorate."
Bai He took the printed page of the offer and read the English on it. He was sure that it was an offer to accept him. He screamed with excitement.
“Ahhhhhh!”
"You are simply amazing, doing great things in silence!"
"When did it happen? When did you take the exam?!"
"I took the IELTS exam before the Lunar New Year. I hadn't made up my mind at the time, so I just gave it a try," Yan Yi explained. "I started preparing the materials two months ago, including a letter of recommendation from a professor at my college, and I only received a response today."
"Oh my god! Ah, our Yan Yi actually got into Harvard! It feels like a dream!"
"So happy?"
"I'm so happy! This is the happiest thing I've experienced in the past six months! I'm going to tell Mom and Dad! They might even faint from joy!"
As she spoke, Bai He took out her phone and, with trembling hands, was about to call her mother. Yan Yi held her hand and said, "There's no rush to share the good news now. Let's continue with the topic we were talking about."
"What was the topic just now?"
"..." Yan Yi looked at her helplessly, "I'm breaking up with you, Bai He."
"Ah, this..."
Bai He then remembered and asked doubtfully, "Is this the first sword strike after landing, to kill the one you love first? Is my sister no longer worthy of you now?"
"That's not possible." Yan Yi was amused by her and rubbed her head. "What are you thinking about!"
"Then why did you break up with me?"
Yan Yi held her hand and lowered his head to pick at her fingernails. "First, I'm not sure when I'll be able to finish my studies and come back. The road ahead is unknown, so I can't make any promises or guarantees to you. Secondly, your illness... is ultimately because of me. I can't let it go, and I can't forgive myself. Even if you say it's okay, I can't get over this. Finally..."
He tried very hard to express the last reason honestly...naturally...calmly, but when it came to his lips, he couldn't say it.
He wanted to return the mole on her face that he had missed.
"Finally, I think being your brother and sister is happier than being your lover." Yan Yi endured the pain in his internal organs and said reluctantly, "Let's go back to the past and let each other go."
Bai He felt a little disappointed. After all, the relationship they had had over the past two years was not fake. She and he had experienced very intimate physical love and had seen each other's most private side...
"I never thought that Yan Yi would dump me." Bai He clutched his chest. "Are you sure? I'll give you one last chance to take back what you just said. I'll pretend I didn't hear it."
Yan Yi said helplessly: "I won't take it back."
"Ah, you...!" Bai He hit him angrily. He quickly held his head and used his back to bear the girl's anger.
"Asshole, asshole, asshole! Getting into Harvard is such a big deal, and you're breaking up with me! You heartless bastard!"
As they were talking, many classmates at Huxinting looked over. Firstly, the word "Harvard" was too heavy a burden, and secondly, although breaking up after getting a job was common, few had such a straightforward reason.
Yan Yi blushed and held her hand: "I'm sorry, but I really feel that we are no longer suitable."
At this point, Bai He couldn't help laughing. Seeing her laugh, Yan Yi also laughed.
She straightened his collar and smoothed out the wrinkles: "Okay, okay, it doesn't fit anymore, just go away. I won't be a burden to you anymore, you little brat."
Yan Yi also reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear, looking at her with affection: "After I leave, take good care of yourself. Remember to eat breakfast, don't eat junk food, don't stay up late playing games, learn to wash your clothes by yourself, and...you're going to an internship soon in your senior year, so be more careful about everything in the workplace..."
There are still so many things I'm worried about...but if I ask him to count the earwax one by one, I don't know where to start.
I had to give up.
Bai He's eyes were a little red. She hugged his waist, buried her head in his neck, and breathed in the scent that belonged to them.
"I can take care of myself, and so can you. Don't worry about me."
Yan Yi nodded vigorously.
"If I agree to break up with you, it will allow you to focus on your studies and not worry about me over there all the time." Bai He said, "Then I agree."
Yan Yi closed his eyes and hugged her tightly for the last time.
In the summer, Yan Yi and Bai He returned to Nanxiang City and spent their last summer vacation before their separation.
The two returned to their long-lost sibling mode of getting along, feeling relaxed and comfortable. Bai He's mood improved a lot, and even Tang Xin noticed it, saying that the little girl was obviously much more cheerful than during the Chinese New Year.
Bai He said that was a must, the annoying guy was finally leaving, and from now on she would have a big room of her own and no longer had to share a room with the annoying guy, so of course she was happy.
Tang Xin scolded her for being heartless. Yan Yi was gone and no one knew how many years it would take for him to come back. Not only was she not sad, she even celebrated with drums and gongs. She felt that Yan Yi had taken care of her in vain for so many years.
"What? He takes care of me? It's obviously me who takes care of him in every way."
"They're all working people, but they're still acting like little kids. The older sister takes care of the younger brother, and the younger brother takes care of the older sister. Can this really be considered a win or loss?"
"We must fight!"
The whole family happily spent this peaceful summer with Yan Yi.
In early September, Bai Xincheng and Tang Xin saw Yan Yi off at the airport. He never had much stuff with him, so he only carried a black backpack and stood at the entrance of the security check.
Tang Xin said, "Your sister said she's afraid she'll cry later, so she won't come. Your uncle and aunt are here to see you off."
Yan Yi nodded: "Last night, I told her not to come."
He had made her cry too many times, and this last time, Yan Yi didn't want to see her cry.
Before leaving, Bai Xincheng hugged Yan Yi and whispered in his ear, "Dad knows everything."
Yan Yi suddenly looked at him.
"It doesn't matter. When you come back and become a truly capable man, I can rest assured and hand over my most precious treasure to you."
"uncle…"
"Silly boy, I have always been your father."
This sentence made Yan Yi completely unable to hold back and his eyes turned red.
The broadcast urged people to board the plane, so Yan Yi had no choice but to walk in, looking back every few steps. He looked back at them repeatedly, waved, and said his final goodbye.
He entered the security checkpoint, and Bai He, who had been hiding behind a pillar, finally appeared and came to her mother, who hugged her.
With tears in her eyes, she watched the pure white figure being swallowed up by the surging crowd.
…
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