Red beans, secretly thrown away, cannot convey my heart's desire.
Chapter Fifteen
The morning mist had not yet dissipated when Mo Xiaoyu was cooking porridge in the kitchen. She heard a commotion outside the courtyard gate. Looking through the window, she saw several servants carrying two heavy mahogany chests into the courtyard, the chests tied with festive red ribbons.
"Young Master Xie, this was specially sent by my young lady." The head servant bowed respectfully to Xie Yunzhi. "My young lady said that she noticed you didn't look well at yesterday's poetry gathering, so she specially found some top-quality medicinal herbs to help you recover."
Mo Xiaoyu's hand trembled slightly as she held the porridge spoon. She recognized the markings on the boxes—the logo of "Jishetang," the largest pharmacy in town. Lin Wan'er's purchase amounted to half a year's expenses for an ordinary family.
Xie Yunzhi stood in the courtyard, his blue robe fluttering slightly in the morning breeze. He remained silent for a moment, then finally nodded: "Please convey my gratitude to Miss Lin for her kindness."
The servants put down the box and then handed over an exquisite brocade box: "This is a calming tea personally prepared by Miss, who says it's perfect for when she's tired from studying."
After the servants left, only the two conspicuous mahogany chests remained in the courtyard. When Mo Xiaoyu came out carrying the porridge, she saw Xie Yunzhi staring blankly at the medicinal herbs.
"Young master..." she called softly.
He snapped out of his reverie, his gaze falling on the bowl of porridge in her hands, and suddenly said, "You can take these medicinal herbs."
Mo Xiaoyu was stunned: "This is too precious, this servant dares not..."
"It's alright," he interrupted her calmly. "I've never liked these tonics; they're just a waste of time. You haven't looked well lately, so you should take some."
He spoke casually, as if these valuable medicinal herbs were nothing more than ordinary objects. But Mo Xiaoyu's heart felt a pang of unease—he wanted to give the things Lin Wan'er had given him back to her.
At that moment, she suddenly remembered an event from a thousand years ago.
At that time, she had only recently taken human form and was weak, often falling ill. Yunxi searched the entire Three Realms for her, finally finding a ten-thousand-year-old snow lotus by the Jade Pool of the Queen Mother of the West. To obtain this snow lotus, he knelt outside the Jade Pool for three days and three nights.
"It's just a snow lotus, is it really worth the deity's fuss?" she asked, puzzled.
He gently fed her the snow lotus, his eyes tender: "For you, anything is worth it."
But now, he's casually giving away the medicinal herbs that someone else gave him. The difference between them made her heart ache so much she almost couldn't stand.
"Young master," she forced a smile, "this is Miss Lin's heartfelt gift, how could I possibly accept it..."
"Take it," he interrupted again, his tone brooking no refusal. "If you feel bad about it, then do me a favor."
He pointed to the study: "I need to organize some old books today, can you help me?"
Mo Xiaoyu had no choice but to nod. She placed the porridge on the stone table and followed him into the study. Sunlight streamed through the window, casting dappled shadows between the bookshelves.
Xie Yunzhi took a wooden box from the top of the bookshelf; a thin layer of dust had accumulated on the lid. Inside the box were some yellowed letters and old objects.
"These were left by my father," he said softly, his fingertips tracing the letters. "I've never had the courage to sort them out."
Mo Xiaoyu knelt beside him, helping him tidy up. When she touched a faded sachet, the jade pendant in her bosom suddenly felt slightly warm. A vague memory flooded her mind—
It was an afternoon a thousand years ago. She was playing by the Jade Pool when she saw Yunxi sitting alone in the pavilion, toying with a similar sachet in his hand. The Old Man of the Moon appeared behind him, sighing, "Since you can't bear to part with it, why not tell her?"
Yunxi smiled wryly as she put away the sachet: "Some sentiments are better left unsaid than expressed."
Memories brought tears to her eyes. She glanced up at Xie Yunzhi beside her; he was intently reading a letter from home, his profile appearing exceptionally gentle in the sunlight.
"Young master..." she couldn't help but ask softly, "Have you... ever had someone you couldn't bear to part with?"
His hand holding the letter paused slightly, his gaze still fixed on the paper, before he finally said after a long while, "In life, there will always be things we can't bear to part with."
His words were vague, yet they sent a jolt through her. She wanted to ask more, but he had already stood up: "Let's call it a day."
In the afternoon, Lin Wan'er unexpectedly came to visit in person. She wore a pale yellow dress, with a freshly picked peach blossom tucked into her hair, and was breathtakingly beautiful.
"Young Master Xie, are those medicinal herbs from yesterday still suitable?" she asked with a smile, her gaze lightly sweeping over Mo Xiaoyu.
"Thank you for your trouble, Miss Lin," Xie Yunzhi said calmly. "However, I have never been fond of tonics, and I fear I may be disappointing you."
Lin Wan'er's smile froze for a moment, then quickly returned to normal: "It was Wan'er's oversight. However..." She took out a small paper packet from her sleeve, "This calming tea was specially prepared by Wan'er; you should certainly do me the honor of trying it, young master."
This time, Xie Yunzhi did not refuse. He took the paper package and thanked him lightly.
Lin Wan'er smiled with satisfaction, then turned her gaze to Mo Xiaoyu: "This young lady is here too. Perfect timing, I brought a box of new tea; please try some."
She handed him a packet of ordinary green tea, a stark contrast to the calming tea she had given Xie Yunzhi. Mo Xiaoyu silently accepted it and softly thanked her.
"I heard you're all alone, young lady?" Lin Wan'er asked casually. "Do you have any relatives or friends? If needed, Wan'er can help you inquire."
The question was cleverly phrased, but it made Mo Xiaoyu's heart tighten. She looked up at Xie Yunzhi and saw that he was sipping his tea, seemingly oblivious to their conversation.
"This servant...has no relatives," she replied softly.
"That's truly pitiful," Lin Wan'er sighed, a hint of barely perceptible smugness in her tone. "But don't worry, young lady, since Young Master Xie has taken you in, we certainly won't mistreat you."
The use of "we" here is quite meaningful.
After seeing Lin Wan'er off, the courtyard returned to silence. Xie Yunzhi stood in front of the two boxes of medicinal herbs, his brows slightly furrowed.
"Miss Mo," he suddenly spoke, "you should accept these medicinal herbs."
She looked at him and suddenly understood why he had insisted on this—he didn't want to owe Lin Wan'er a favor. This realization made her heart ache even more.
"Young master," she said softly, "do you know... what red beans are?"
He paused slightly, then said, "Of course I know."
"Then, young master, do you know," her voice trembled slightly, "that red beans are also known as love-longing seeds?"
A thousand years ago, she planted a red bean plant by the Jade Pool. Yunxi asked her why she planted it, and she replied with a smile, "I've heard that men and women in the mortal world use it to express their longing for each other, and I wanted to see what was so special about it."
He didn't answer at the time, but gently stroked her hair. Later she learned that he had secretly cast a spell on the red bean plant, making it evergreen for a thousand years.
Now, looking at the scholar before her, who seemed to have forgotten his past, she said softly, "In my hometown, there's a legend that if you grind red beans into powder and use it in medicine, it can calm the nerves. It's more effective than any precious medicinal herb..."
After saying this, she turned and left without waiting for his reply. Tears streamed down her face the moment she turned away, dripping onto her clothes and leaving faint, deep stains.
She knew he wouldn't understand the deeper meaning behind those words. Just as he wouldn't understand how cruel a gift the medicine he casually gave her was to her.
Just as he would never know that a thousand years ago, that white-robed deity had knelt down to beg for a snow lotus for her, cast a spell on her red beans, and hidden his deepest love in silent protection.
As night deepened, Mo Xiaoyu sat alone by the window, holding a handful of red beans she had found from who-knows-where. The moonlight shone on the crimson beans, as if illuminating the moments by the Jade Pool a thousand years ago.
At that moment, Xie Yunzhi was lost in thought, staring at a packet of calming tea in his study. Amidst the fragrant aroma, he suddenly felt a strange flutter in his chest, as if he had forgotten something extremely important.
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