With my remaining life, I will redeem you for eternity.
The blood moon's eerie light fell upon the scorched earth, staining the broken walls and ruins a chilling dark red. I knelt in this graveyard of gods and demons, my fingertips sinking deep into the blackened soil, yet I felt no pain. Compared to the gaping hole in my heart, what was this physical suffering?
The cold laugh of Ling Yuan as he left still echoed in my ears. He said Yun Xi had traded his life for mine. Yes, that eternally silent god, he didn't even ask me a single question, and just like that, he turned into countless specks of light in my arms and vanished into the world.
I slowly raised my hand, looking at the jade pendant in my palm. It lay there quietly, its warm luster appearing exceptionally gentle under the blood-red moonlight. Just now, the warmth it emanated was so much like the temperature of Yunxi's fingertips, that touch that always carried a coolness, yet gave me an unparalleled sense of peace.
My tears have run dry. Last night's heart-wrenching sobs took away all my weakness. Now my eyes are dry and aching, but I can't shed another tear. Perhaps my heart died with him.
I gently pressed the jade pendant against my chest, where it felt empty, leaving only a void filled with regret.
"Yunxi..."
My voice was hoarse beyond recognition, yet it stood out sharply against the deathly silence of the ruins. The name rolled across my tongue a thousand times, each time bringing a new wave of pain.
"From this day forward, Mo Xiaoyu will live for you."
As I uttered those words, I felt the jade pendant warm slightly, as if in response to my vow. Yes, a wisp of his spirit still remained, within this jade pendant he never parted from. This was Heaven's final mercy upon me, and my only reason to live.
I struggled to my feet, my legs numb from kneeling for so long, and I nearly fell. Leaning against a broken stone pillar beside me, I looked around at this once magnificent temple. Every brick and tile here bore witness to his existence and was imbued with his presence.
Memories flooded back like a tide, but this time it wasn't a heart-wrenching pain; instead, it was a fine, persistent ache, like countless needles pricking my heart, an endless torment.
I remembered the moon-white dress he dressed me in when I first took human form. He tied the intricate safety knot on the sash so carefully, yet his fingertips trembled slightly. At the time, I only thought he was clumsy, but now I understand how much restrained affection was hidden in that trembling.
I remember every stormy night, he would sit alone outside the barrier, letting the wind and rain soak his white robes, all to protect the timid black carp in the pond. And I, on sunny days, would always chase after Ling Yuan to see some dazzling starry sky.
I remember the hangover soup he made for me when I came home drunk. At that time, I was only focused on describing the beautiful scenery of the Milky Way and Ling Yuan's wit, oblivious to the deep pain hidden in his eyes. He could have stopped me, could have scolded me, but he only softly said, "As long as you're happy."
"How foolish I was..." I muttered to myself, my fingers unconsciously tracing the patterns on the jade pendant, "mistaking your deep sea for a shallow stream."
Each memory is like a dull knife, repeatedly cutting into my heart. But I no longer run away; instead, I let these memories overwhelm me. This is the punishment I deserve, and also the motivation for me to live. I will remember every detail, remember how he silently protected an ignorant me for a thousand years.
I bit my fingertip, and a bead of bright red blood seeped out, gleaming eerily in the moonlight. With my finger as a pen and my blood as ink, I carefully traced his outline on the scorched earth.
I could draw the curve of his eyebrows and eyes with my eyes closed. Countless times, I hid behind the screen and secretly sketched his profile during those late nights when he was reviewing the books of fate. Back then, I only found it boring; now I understand that those were the most precious times of my life.
But when the wind blew, the blood-red outlines faded away.
I wasn't giving up, so I drew it again. This time I was even more meticulous, even carefully depicting the cloud patterns on his robes. I remember he loved wearing that white robe embroidered with flowing cloud patterns; when the robes fluttered, it was like clouds drifting in the sky.
They've dispersed again.
I drew again and again, biting my finger until I ran out of blood. One after another, poignant flowers bloomed on the scorched earth, each one a drop of blood from my heart. The pain in my fingertips brought me back to my senses, reminding me of the sins I had committed.
"I will find you..." I whispered to the empty ruins, my voice unusually firm, "No matter where you are, no matter what the cost."
As I drew his eyebrows and eyes for what felt like the umpteenth time, footsteps sounded from behind me. The footsteps were light, yet carried a unique rhythm; it was Ling Yuan.
I didn't turn around, but I knew who it was.
"You're leaving already?"
Ling Yuan's voice, tinged with his usual sarcasm, sounded particularly jarring in the deathly silence of the ruins. I could imagine his expression at that moment—a nonchalant smile, as if everything in the world were merely playthings in his hands.
My finger froze in mid-air, and a drop of blood fell onto the outline I had just drawn, spreading out in a dark red hue.
"What's left if we don't go see the place where he finally vanished?"
My heart clenched. Knowing it was a trap, my feet involuntarily turned in the direction he pointed. Even if it meant utter destruction, I had to see where Yunxi had last stayed.
It was an exceptionally desolate clearing, the scorched earth an unnatural black, as if burned by the most intense flames. Familiar divine energy fluctuations still lingered in the air, proof of Yunxi's last existence. Every grain of dust here had been imbued with his aura.
I knelt on the clearing, my hands digging deep into the scorched earth. His scent lingered in the soil, faint yet unmistakable. I breathed it in greedily, wanting to etch this last trace of him into my memory forever.
"I'm sorry..." I pressed my forehead against the scorched earth, my voice choked with emotion, "I'm sorry..."
I apologized again and again, knowing he could never hear me again. But besides these three words, I didn't know what else to say. A thousand words were condensed into these three words, yet they felt so light, unable to bear even a fraction of my regret.
Ling Yuan stood not far away, coldly watching my disheveled state. The moonlight shone on his dark robes, making him appear like a king of the night. He was always like this, detached and indifferent.
"Now you know you regret it?" He chuckled, his voice carrying an ambiguous meaning. "Too bad, it's too late."
I ignored his taunts and focused solely on sensing the lingering essence in the soil. That faint fluctuation of divine power felt like guidance, yet also like a farewell. It was telling me that Yunxi was truly gone, but not entirely vanished.
When I finally stood up, my eyes had regained their composure. Since tears couldn't undo anything, and regret couldn't change the past, I would make amends through my actions.
"You're right," I turned to Ling Yuan, my voice completely flat, "It's too late."
He seemed surprised by my answer, raising an eyebrow and a hint of astonishment in his peach blossom eyes.
"So," I continued, each word clear and firm, "I'm going to use the rest of my time to do what I need to do."
I took one last look at the empty space, imprinting his presence deep in my heart. Then I turned and left without looking back. Every step I took was firm, without stumbling or hesitation.
Ling Yuan's voice came from behind him, tinged with amusement: "Where are you going?"
I didn't answer. Where I go isn't important; what matters is that I'm going to find every possible way to bring him back. To the ends of the earth, to the netherworld, I won't give up.
My footsteps crunched across the scorched earth. Each step felt like a blow to my own heart, a painful yet clear-headed reminder that I was still alive and had a chance to atone for my sins.
I know the road ahead is long and the hope is slim. But since his soul has not completely dissipated, and since the jade pendant can still sense his presence, I will not give up. I will travel throughout the Three Realms, searching every corner, to collect the scattered fragments of his soul.
After walking quite a distance, I couldn't help but look back.
The ruins looked especially desolate under the moonlight, like his figure over the past thousand years. And I, once the only vibrant thing in his life, ultimately became the sharpest knife piercing his heart.
I clutched the jade pendant tightly in my palm, feeling its faint warmth. This warmth reminded me of his embrace when he shielded me from calamity, of his fingertips as he fed me divine power, and of his smile as he vanished in his final moments.
"wait for me."
These two words were so soft they were almost inaudible, yet they came with all my might. This wasn't a farewell, but a promise.
The long night is not over, and the road ahead is unknown. But I know that from this moment on, Mo Xiaoyu is dead. What remains is merely a soul that existed for Yun Xi. I am no longer the carefree black carp in Yaochi, but a seeker burdened with sin and hope.
The blood moon still hangs high, casting a long shadow over me. The shadow is thin yet straight, just like my heart at this moment.
There will be no turning back.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com