Chapter 26
The moon alone does not shine on him.
Song Jinyu was stunned.
It took him a while to come to his senses. The doll's face was expressionless, and Jiang Hui could only hear his incoherent voice, "How...how...is this possible? A man...and a man...how could they..."
Jiang replied, "Brother Song, you still discriminate against homosexuals?"
Song Jinyu's voice was strained, "This isn't about discrimination, and I don't discriminate against that, it's just that how could I possibly..."
He swallowed hard. "Xiao Ji and I don't have that kind of relationship."
It seems strange when you think about it.
Jiang Hui was a little helpless. Seeing Song Jinyu's expression, he didn't know whether he should speak or not. After thinking for a while, he couldn't help but ask, "Don't you think the way Brother Xiao looks at you is unusual?"
Song Jinyu said, "What's so special about the way he looks at me? It's like he's looking at a dog."
Jiang recalled, if Xiao Ji looked at Song Jinyu like she was a dog, then what were they? Less than dogs?
Many issues in relationships are blinded by those involved; judging from Song Jinyu's expression, she seemed unaware of the situation. Although Jiang Hui was younger than Song Jinyu, he knew more than she did.
He said, "Anyway, I won't eat or live with my best friend, or want to be with him all the time. Guan Yu and Zhang Fei wouldn't do that either. You want Brother Xiao to coax you and go along with you, but how can friends be so accommodating? You can't just want to be friends with him on one hand, and on the other hand, expect him to do things that go beyond friendship."
"Actually, I can sense that Brother Xiao likes you. If you don't like him, then you should make it clear to him. When it comes to feelings, playing games won't be good for either of you."
-
Xiao Ji couldn't resist finishing work early.
The weather was foggy, so he bought some yarn, intending to learn how to knit a sweater for Song Jinyu. The bluestone slabs in the courtyard by the entrance were wet, and the fallen leaves on them hadn't been swept away yet, leaving a mottled yellow carpet on the ground.
The lights were off inside. Xiao Ji opened the door and looked around, only to find that Jiang Hui had already left, and Song Jinyu was sitting by the window looking outside.
The lights came on.
Song Jinyu turned around and saw the man standing in the entryway taking off his coat. The light shone on his face, and his eyebrows and eyelashes were damp with the chill of late autumn brought from outside.
"Xiao Ji".
Song Jinyu called out to him, "Don't you have anything you want to say to me?"
Xiao Ji paused, hung his coat on the rack, and then pressed the hand sanitizer to wash his hands.
"say what?"
“You know perfectly well,” Song Jinyu muttered.
"What do I know perfectly well?" Xiao Ji moved closer to Song Jinyu, picked him up from the windowsill, and closed the window that was letting in the wind. "What do you want to hear me say?"
Song Jinyu plopped down in his palm, the scent of hand sanitizer filling her nostrils. He cursed, "You're so mean, you did it on purpose."
Xiao Ji asked knowingly, "What did I do on purpose?"
Song Jinyu sniffed, "You deliberately said those things, deliberately treated me coldly, and deliberately called Jiang Hui to keep me company and let him say those things to me. You played the good guy, and I became the bad guy."
After saying that, he kicked the man's finger. "You came back so early today, you must have planned it all along, happily waiting for me to walk right into your trap."
He wasn't very strong, but Xiao Ji's fingers couldn't help but twitch.
His throat was a little dry.
"So you're planning to walk right into a trap?"
Song Jinyu glared at him, "Why should I walk into your trap? You expect me to tell you everything, you scheme against me in every way possible, just waiting for me to admit it. And what about you? You're high and mighty, and then when I can't help but beg for mercy, you pitifully give me a little bit of affection?"
"That's not what I meant..."
Xiao Ji held the doll; its light weight felt like a thousand pounds in his palm.
"It's not that I don't want to say it, it's that I'm afraid to say it."
"I'm scared."
"Because I don't know if you're nice to me because of our childhood friendship, or because of something else."
"I'm even more afraid that if I say it, we won't even be able to be ordinary friends."
Song Jinyu spat at him, "I don't believe you for a second. One minute you're cold to me, the next you're acting like nothing's wrong. What else could it be but stringing me along?"
“I didn’t catch you…” Xiao Ji said, “Actually, I didn’t want to talk to you in the first place, but you kept hanging around me.”
She always looked at him with that kind of gaze; even the hardest heart would melt at that sight.
"If we're talking about fishing, you're the one who fished me."
He had originally resolved to be indifferent, but when Song Jinyu appeared in front of him, he eagerly sidled up to her again like a dog.
Song Jinyu's eyes widened, wondering how someone could distort the truth to such an extent.
Xiao Ji continued, "You keep saying you're ignoring me, but you keep hanging around me, using all sorts of tricks to go against me, just so I'll go and coax you, right?"
Song Jinyu instinctively retorted, "You're talking nonsense."
Xiao Ji lowered her eyes and met his gaze.
His eyes were long and narrow, a pure black that was somewhat cold, and when he looked at someone, he could see into their heart.
When he looked at her, Song Jinyu turned her face away.
Xiao Ji thus brought out that hidden, dark part of his heart.
-
Song Jinyu knew that many people liked him and he had received a lot of praise since he was a child, but friends are only temporary. People come and go, but Xiao Ji will always stand behind him.
He always acted with a clear conscience and had an open and honest heart. His only selfishness and darkness lay with Xiao Ji.
When the soul left in the first female BJD doll was completed, Song Jinyu remembered his sleepwalking.
Those memories were bizarre and fantastical, his mind filled with meaningless screams and howls, the drawn-out sounds seeming to come from afar, sometimes near, sometimes far, lowly enticing him forward, forward... out of the bedroom, out of the living room, and onto the balcony.
The voice kept urging him to take a step forward, for if he was willing to take that step, he could find liberation and freedom.
A hand grabbed him from behind.
Song Jinyu grabbed Xiao Ji by the neck, and the two rolled on the balcony. Xiao Ji's back hit the floor, and a long wound was torn from the flower stand next to him.
The voice in his mind told him to kill Xiao Ji, and the force in his hands grew heavier and heavier until he was embraced by the thin boy with bloodstained hands.
“Song Xingxing…”
"Wake up."
Even though Song Jinyu's eyes were closed, she saw a pair of dark eyes, and a star lit up the chaotic night.
Xiao Ji never spoke.
Leaving aside the fact that Song Jinyu almost killed him, and the fact that his back injury took a month to heal, let's just say that Song Jinyu almost jumped off the second floor.
Song Jinyu's sleepwalking lasted for many years. At first, the voices tempted him to jump off a building and commit suicide. Xiao Ji always appeared at the last moment. Later, the voices tempted him to kill Xiao Ji.
The small fruit knife was chosen by Zhou Qingwen at the supermarket; it had a star pattern on it. Song Jinyu tucked the gleaming knife into his pocket as he knocked on Xiao Ji's door.
He remembered nothing but those dark eyes.
Although it was black, it appeared in his mind like the brightest star, like the newly risen moon.
He wants to gouge out the stars, he wants to pluck the moon from the sky.
Xiao Ji then tied him up with a rope, their hands and feet bound together, using the most primitive means to entangle them, waiting for the voice in Song Jinyu's mind to fade away.
As dawn broke again, he, who had forgotten everything, was taken back to his room.
Xiao Ji never says anything.
No one but himself knows how he spent countless quiet nights.
Later, when they went to the temple, Song Jinyu stood at the entrance, unwilling to go in, while Zhou Qingwen devoutly offered incense before the Buddha.
He circled around and came to a quiet side hall. The sutra pillars mostly obscured his figure, but through the fluttering ribbons, he could see Xiao Ji's dark eyes.
The long-bearded monk said, "I have a way to help him. This pendant and the bracelet are interdependent. The pendant can suppress his illness, but it needs the bracelet to restrain it. However, there is a side effect: if he dies, you will not survive either."
Song Jinyu saw a light shine in his dark eyes.
Prayer ribbons fluttered in the wind on the fence, and the sunlight was so bright that it was hard to open one's eyes.
Xiao Ji kowtowed three times earnestly before the Buddha.
Later, Zhou Qingwen appeared, put the pendant on him, and threatened him, "Song Jinyu, if you dare to take this off, I'll break your legs."
On the way back, he asked Xiao Ji, "What did you wish for just now?"
Xiao Ji said, "You're so stupid, I pray to Buddha to let you get into a good high school."
He then asked, "What's that in your hand?"
Xiao Ji shook the cinnabar in his hand. His wrist was as white as porcelain, and the cinnabar was conspicuously red. As his wrist fell, it disappeared into his sleeve.
The uncreased cuffs conceal a secret.
"I just saw someone selling them inside, so I bought one on a whim."
fraud.
Song Jinyu thought to herself.
Xiao Ji never says anything.
But Song Jinyu always forgets everything.
His mind was like a filter, filtering out all the bad memories.
He walked forward cleanly, leaving Xiao Ji alone with those tainted memories.
-
It started raining again.
The rain was so light, so fine, like cow's hair. It fell silently on the leaves and on the grass, just dampening the ground without a sound.
It gets damp again.
Then they converge.
Then they converge again.
It bent Song Jinyu's back.
Xiao Ji had taken so much for him, and all he did was despicably try to possess him.
Those dark eyes watched him for countless days and nights; he became a lamp, he became the moon.
But one day, the moon stopped shining on him.
Song Jinyu was more terrified than anyone else. He was at odds with Xiao Ji and made things difficult for him at every turn. Anyone who knew the two of them felt that they didn't get along.
They became mortal enemies.
The more ruthless Song Jinyu acted, the longer Xiao Ji's gaze lingered on him. Sometimes he would try to coax him, as if they had never become estranged.
He felt like he was being a masochist, but he couldn't shake the feeling, so he went through this cycle again and again, finding it sweet.
But that's not enough.
He wants much more than that.
He wanted Xiao Ji to watch over him forever.
All I could do was watch him.
Occasionally, Song Jinyu's mind would sharpen, and he always felt that Xiao Ji was waiting for him to speak.
But what could he say?
To say he had twisted thoughts? To say he had a dirty heart? Or to say it was the moon he longed for in his dreams every night?
The moon alone does not shine on him.
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