58 It’s a shark, it’s a bean paste!
Huo Yan: Here comes this damn thing again.
The Han people had one day off on every five days, getting up at Mao and resting at Shen. Most officials who lived far away from their offices had to get up at Yin, which was between 3 and 5 in the morning. This schedule was considered devilish in later generations, but the Han people had a curfew, and except for some people who liked to make trouble, everyone generally went to bed early, so it was not a big deal.
This made things difficult for Huo Yan, because he liked to work hard at night. Not only did he have a lot of inspiration at night, but the barrage of comments was also extremely active.
He stayed awake all night, tossing and turning in the kitchen of the Wei Mansion. Even the oil lamp had a small lamp placed on it, in which was boiling beeswax, and Huo Qubing yawned and stirred intermittently.
There was a small stove nearby, with a small clay pot on top. Spiced wine had been steeping for three days and three nights. As soon as it was opened, the aroma filled the air. Shi Ye, who was adding wood, straightened his back. Huo Qubing also sniffed, and they both cursed in unison, "What a waste!"
Xiao Piaoliang also sneezed.
Huo Yan rubbed his nose innocently, then added butter to the fragrant wine and brought it to a boil, adding more butter fat each time it came to a boil. After a few boils, he removed the heat and simmered it gently. He let it cool until it softened into a paste, and the box of facial cream was ready. Without giving it much thought, Huo Yan scooped a spoonful and applied it to Huo Qubing's chapped hands. This facial cream resembled later generations' vanishing creams; it spread easily with a gentle push.
"This pot goes half to my brother and half to my uncle."
Huo Yan wiped Huo Qubing's hands before leaving contentedly, and filled a large bowl for each of Huo Qubing and Wei Qing.
Huo Qubing claimed he wasn't that squeamish, but he rubbed his hands, which were covered with grease, onto his clothes like a cat. He didn't like the feeling of his hands being greasy.
Huo Yan snorted, took the big bowl, placed it in front of Huo Qubing, grabbed the restless cat's paws, and wiped it with another big spoonful.
Huo Qubing pursed his lips and stared at him silently.
Huo Yan knew for sure that he would be soft-hearted and would not fail to appreciate his kindness, so he was fearless.
When he glared at him, Huo Yan deliberately lowered his eyebrows, pretending to be gentle and concerned. "I spent a long time looking for this recipe. Brother, you didn't wear gloves or apply medicine. Chang'an is dry and cold in winter. What can I do if your hand has a bloody wound an inch long?"
Huo Qubing knew that he did it on purpose, but he really couldn't do anything to Huo Yan.
"Don't worry."
Under the flickering light of the oil lamp, Huo Yan looked up and smiled slyly, "Brother, you've applied it, so I won't worry."
Huo Qubing's hands were covered with girl's facial cream. He suddenly pinched his face, opened his slender fingers, and rubbed the facial cream all over half of Huo Yan's face.
"Ayan needs to work on his skin, otherwise he's too thick."
Huo Yan's smiling face froze, his round almond-shaped eyes fluttering with a rare daze. He covered the half of his face that was covered with smudges, took two steps back, and tilted his head to ask Xiao Piaoliang and Shi Ye, "Hey, what the hell? Did my brother just call me shameless?"
Shi Ye rolled his eyes and didn't want to pay attention to him.
Huo Yan puffed up his cheeks and accused Huo Qubing, "You don't love me anymore!"
Huo Qubing stood up and covered the other half of his face with paste.
[Moody, erratic, and unpredictable.]
[Look at how spoiled he is.]
[When his brother said something to him, he would hum.]
[I don't blame him. Throughout his journey, whenever he wanted to do something, Qubing always helped him.]
[Everyone spoiled him, but Qubing spoiled him the most.]
…
Huo Yan hummed and hawed for a long time before he started applying lipstick again.
With cinnabar added, it's lip balm; without it, it's facial balm. Logically, he should slowly add the red pigment ground from cinnabar, then add clear oil, stirring thoroughly. However, cinnabar contains mercury, which can be harmful to the human body if exposed to excessive amounts over a long period of time. Wouldn't adding cinnabar to lip balm be like poisoning the body?
He put down the cup containing cinnabar and replaced it with dried powder of pomegranate flowers and rose juice.
Suddenly, a rich aroma filled his nostrils. A faint scent of medicine and flowers filled the air. Huo Yan picked up a small spoon, dipped a little of the freshly made lip balm into it, and spread it between his fingers. The originally slightly greasy lip balm, after being added with the dried powder from the pomegranate and rose juice, instantly took on a delicate hue. The colors of the pomegranate and rose blended together, much lighter than the cinnabar.
“This one doesn’t seem red enough.”
Shi Ye stretched his neck to look into the pot. Huo Yan was about to add pollen when he saw the barrage and stopped.
[Please don't add it, this color is just right.]
[It's not that the redder the better, honey.]
[Yanzi has a talent for color matching.]
[Add it up, make ten or eight of them, and make a lip gloss gift package.]
[Who wants just one lipstick? More is better, of course.]
[Next, I'll make eyeshadow palettes, facial creams in various scents, and makeup powders in various colors. Yan, please send Mom the link.]
[Lip balm, facial cream, rouge, makeup powder, bath soap, eyebrow pencil.]
[I also need nail polish. I can't give up halfway through anything.]
Watching Ah Yan do handicrafts every night for three hours is really relaxing.
…
After Huo Yan added the pollen and beeswax once, he scooped out a spoonful and placed it in a bowl. He then added more pollen and poured in a lamp and a piece of beeswax. He carefully controlled the variables and brewed a dozen different shades of color. He divided the lip balm into pre-prepared large bowls, just like distributing food in the cafeteria. He then packed the dozen or so bowls into his own box and left them alone. Seeing this, Shi Ye immediately picked up the black stone, ochre, azurite, and malachite powders he had ground with a stone mill a few days ago and spread them out in front of Huo Yan.
Huo Yan's eyes flickered back and forth between the colors. Finally, he took a deep breath, took a small amount of cinnabar powder, dipped his fingertips in a little butter, and slowly blended the powder into a paste. The black paste was dark in the light of the oil lamp. Huo Yan placed the small lump in a small ceramic bottle and silently looked at the barrage.
[Add some ochre.]
Huo Yan decisively pinched a handful and noted the ratio. The ochre powder took on a warm brownish-red hue. Huo Yan added the ochre powder and the ochre powder to the beeswax, stirring evenly with a small wooden stick. As he stirred, the powder gradually blended with the beeswax, forming a reddish-brown paste. Huo Yan drew a line on the stone leaf, pinched his face, and examined it for a few seconds before nodding with satisfaction.
[Not bad, it would look better with some sparkle.]
Huo Yan's mind moved. He took out some pearl powder from the box and made a third paste. This time, he applied it to his hands. The pearl powder instantly melted into the paste, giving the skin a soft sheen, like twinkling stars in the night sky.
[My little genius Ah Yan is awesome.]
[Genius baby.]
[Baby, I'm blowing you a kiss on behalf of my brother.]
Huo Yan was so delighted by the comments that he coughed and covered his red ears. It was as if a mechanism had been opened and he began a crazy debugging experiment.
When the cock crowed three times and the servants came to call them to court, Huo Qubing stretched himself and straightened up. As soon as he raised his hand, he saw the powder on his arm. As expected, it was his younger brother who had scratched himself and the stone page all over. Seeing that he was asleep, he also gave him a hairstyle.
"Ah Yan." He pushed Huo Yan, but Huo Yan was still asleep, turning his head away, covering his ears, and acting like a spoiled brat. He had no choice but to apply a cold handkerchief to his face. Huo Yan shuddered, dazed, and looked up, calling him "Brother." Only then did Huo Qubing see his face, painted like a cat, and his big red lips. His expression relaxed, and he took hot water to wipe Huo Yan's face, "Wake up, according to common sense, we should have news about your uncle today."
Huo Yan, roused by Huo Qubing's call and the cold handkerchief, finally emerged from his slumber. He faced his brother's anxious, yet somewhat helpless gaze. He blinked his aching eyes, trying to dispel the last vestiges of sleepiness. Then he realized his awkward situation—his face had been painted in a riot of color, and he had forgotten to wipe it off. His mouth twitched slightly as he took the handkerchief and began to wipe it himself.
Huo Qubing quickened the pace of wiping Huo Yan's face, while also not forgetting to wipe off the traces of makeup on his hands.
After the two of them had packed up, they hurriedly put on their attendant clothes and went to the palace.
In the inner court, the atmosphere was as oppressive as the dense clouds before a storm.
Liu Che's face was so gloomy that water could drip out of it.
The minister in charge of military intelligence stood trembling in the center of the court, his voice trembling slightly, "Your Majesty, apart from the General of Chariots and Cavalry, no reports have been received yet. Of the other three armies, Gongsun He never encountered the Xiongnu, Gongsun Ao's entire army was annihilated, and General Li Guang's army was not only annihilated, but even General Li Guang was captured and has only just escaped."
After he finished speaking, he knelt down, leaning against the cold stone slab, not daring to even raise his head.
The whole room was in uproar. These were all advocates of war, but discussions were still going on. One wondered what kind of uproar would be caused if the news reached the outer court.
"The Xiongnu's path was narrow and dangerous, and they rode and shot arrows at the same time. The Chinese cavalry could not stand up to them."
If it was any other general, it would be fine, as it was their first time on the battlefield and the main force was not with them. But General Li was a veteran, a veteran with half his life experience!
Liu Che's brows were stern, full of anger towards Li Guang.
"He spent a lot of food and supplies along the way, but in the end his entire army was wiped out. Why didn't he die with them?"
Liu Che grew increasingly furious as he spoke. He suddenly stood up and roared, "I entrusted them with important tasks, gave them elite soldiers and generals, and provided them with ample food and fodder, and this is how they repay me? Send an order, and have Li Guang commit suicide!"
The ministers in the court all knelt down and lowered their heads to beg for mercy.
"Your Majesty, calm down."
Huo Yan was behind the attendants, feeling sleepy and dizzy, but when he heard Liu Che say the word "suicide", he straightened up, shuddered, and felt himself awake. He looked around and saw only Huo Qubing and him standing straight as onions. He peeked up and saw Liu Che's eyes, which could be described as a nuclear explosion. He immediately dragged Huo Qubing to kneel at the end of the table. Huo Qubing was also dozing off, so he was dragged to his knees by him. Half awake and half asleep, he lifted his eyelids, looked around, and whispered to Huo Yan, "Is my uncle going to kill someone?"
Huo Yan didn't know, but he thought it should be.
They listened to Liu Che cursing while guessing the answers like poor students comparing the answers to a listening comprehension test.
Finally, the attendant in front couldn't help it anymore, secretly turned around, with a look of reluctance on his face, and whispered, "General Li Guang has lost, and there is no news about your two uncles, why are you still so happy?"
Huo Qubing was completely confused. His uncle had fully equipped Li Guang's horse, so how could he lose?
Unlike Huo Yan's impulse to strangle Li Guang to death, he carefully analyzed the possibility of Li Guang losing, but no matter how he thought about it, he still had no idea how he would lose.
The Huns have evolved? Can my uncle still win?
He was rarely worried, and began to overestimate the fighting power of the Huns in his mind, calculating the possibility of Wei Qing winning.
Huo Yan couldn't laugh anymore, his face looked a little stiff.
Lao Li led a fully equipped cavalry and still lost! How could someone be so weak? Is he really that good at losing? Then can he still surround the enemy? Then there are only 10,000 of my uncle's men left. How can they kill the Xiongnu?
He now inexplicably sympathized with Liu Che. If he were not currently without an official position, he would have loudly told his uncle to kill Li Guang with a shark! Damn, what a waste!
[It’s okay, uncle can do it!]
When Huo Yan heard someone pleading for Li Guang, he wanted to curse, and Huo Qubing also stared at the court officials who were begging for forgiveness for Li Guang.
Go to hell, he’s not your uncle, you don’t feel sorry for him, right?
Seeing that the calls for Li Guang to pay gold to ransom the prisoners were getting louder and louder, Huo Qubing finally couldn't hold it any longer. If he only had to pay gold after a defeat in the future, who would be willing to fight properly? In the long run, how could military discipline be maintained?
He stood up at the end of the Shizhong and could not help but retort, "The lives of these ten thousand soldiers are a heavy responsibility for the country and family. Who can Li Guang be worthy of? Military orders are like mountains and must be obeyed. General Li should be punished according to military law and must be severely punished."
Liu Che had made a mistake. If Huo Qubing had spoken publicly a few years later, he would have considered it carefully before speaking. However, Liu Che could not find a reward and was eager to achieve his goal. He asked them to become attendants at a young age. Unfortunately, Huo Qubing had a clear distinction between love and hate and had not yet learned to restrain his edge. He was obsessed with maintaining military discipline. To win a battle, military discipline must be enforced, and he disdained any compromise.
The court suddenly fell eerily silent, all eyes fixed on Huo Qubing. The officials who had been clamoring for Li Guang to pay a ransom for Huo Qubing were surprised by the child's boldness in contradicting them. Many of the officials, including some familiar faces, showed a touch of embarrassment. Sang Hongyang signaled to Huo Yan to help Huo Qubing leave.
Once again being the center of attention in the court, Huo Yan sighed, Huo Qubing, you are up to something stupid again.
You forgot that my uncle was also on the battlefield, and that the two defeated Generals Gongsun were both closely related to us. This is tantamount to genocide.
But it really makes me feel relieved. It's just a drag, not as good as shark or bean paste.
So he ignored Sang Hongyang's warning, slowly straightened up, raised his clenched fist, and shouted, "The money for his redemption is not enough to feed the livestock in this war! To strengthen our army, we should kill Li Guang!"
A few more hairs fell out from under Sang Hongyang's wig. Zhufu Yan, who was standing beside him, chuckled and said, "Master Sang, your hair seems to be thicker today."
Sang Hongyang glared at Zhufu Yan fiercely, secretly annoyed that Zhufu Yan was still teasing him at this time, but he couldn't get angry, so he could only turn his gaze back to the center of the court.
Liu Che frowned slightly. He didn't expect Huo Yan to join in the fun, but he couldn't hide the curve of his lips.
This is such a relief. Li Guang, that old useless worm, deserves to be killed! If he can't be killed, at least he can satisfy his craving!
Zhang Tang swallowed his plea.
Huo Qubing knew that his younger brother would definitely support him, and his heart was filled with fighting spirit. He held his head high, like a victorious bird.
Huo Yan was as arrogant as a piece of dead pork that was not afraid of boiling water. He lowered his head and added fuel to the fire, saying quietly, "If we spare Li Guang today, will other generals who are defeated in the future follow suit? Then our Han army will become a pile of loose sand. Those who try to defend him are harming the country."
Zhufu Yan's eyes lit up, and the old man's beard trembled as he praised Huo Yan, "They are just pretending to be noble and harming the country!"
Huo Yan nodded. "Li Guang has wasted countless money. As a veteran general, he has achieved nothing. Anyone who talks about saving Li Guang is harming the country."
Then they started to curse by quoting from classics. The corners of Liu Che's lips were raised high, and he couldn't suppress it no matter what. Just cursing like this felt good!
The court officials who had been pleading for Li Guang finally came to their senses. One of the more senior officials stepped forward, looking at Huo Qubing and Huo Yan. He said slowly, "You are being disrespectful! General Li Guang has fought for many years and made great contributions to the Han Dynasty. Although he was defeated this time, you shouldn't take his life so hastily. If you do, it will chill the hearts of the other soldiers."
Huo Qubing sneered, his attitude arrogant, and said loudly: "Your Excellency, this is wrong. General Li Guang's soldiers are all dead, where is his heart?"
If defeat could easily be redeemed with money, where would military discipline be? How could soldiers fight to the death on the battlefield?
Before he could finish his words, Huo Yan gently pulled the corner of his clothes, signaling him not to act rashly.
Huo Yan chuckled, his eyes meeting Liu Che's. He bowed slightly and said, "Did my brother say to kill him? According to military law, he should be severely beaten with a hundred sticks. However, the generals are tough and will recover quickly, which is not enough to appease the public anger. How about this, let them donate all their wealth to buy a few small plots of land for the families of the soldiers who died in battle."
Huo Qubing was dissatisfied, but Huo Yan held his hand tightly.
Liu Che's gaze fell on Zhang Tang. Zhang Tang, who had been silent, stepped forward decisively. He cleared his throat and said, "Your Majesty, I believe this matter deserves long-term consideration. General Li Guang's crimes must be punished, but there's no need to rush to sentence him to death. It would be better to strip him of his official position first, and then let Junior Minister Huo handle the rest."
Everyone likes to compromise. When Huo Qubing agreed not to kill anyone, they thought that Huo Yan's suggestion of beating the man with dozens of sticks and donating some of his family property sounded good too.
Liu Che listened to Zhang Tang's words and nodded slightly, thinking that this method was feasible. He looked at Huo Qubing and Huo Yan and said, "Did you understand what Zhang Tang said? If you are satisfied, you can go down first."
Although Huo Qubing felt somewhat unwilling, he also knew that this was Liu Che's biggest concession and the biggest victory he and Huo Yan could achieve.
Huo Yan bowed directly to Liu Che and dragged him away.
Arriving at the East Pavilion, Huo Yancai said, "Brother, you and I have been crippled by my uncle. Mom will beat us both up soon."
Huo Qubing frowned, "I forgot about my uncle and uncle Gongsun."
Huo Yan punched him and said, "Don't tell me you regret it."
Huo Qubing shook his head, "No regrets."
Huo Yan laughed.
"As long as you don't regret it, it's fine. As for whether you want to be hammered or not, it depends on my tongue."
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