89 Emperor Wu of Han Group Chat Incident
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1. Group name: Nine out of ten members are crazy, and the other one is sick (no auspicious photos) (for slacking off at work)
How can I have a home until the Xiongnu are defeated?! : [Desert Camel Dance.gif] We just broke into Xiongnu headquarters! The Chanyu's playlist is all remixes of "Tie the Horse"! @Uncle Wei Qing, were you this unrefined and enthusiastic when you attacked the Dragon City Group?
I love to eat everything. I am Wei Zhongqing: @The Xiongnu have not been destroyed, how can I have a home? They used to sing "I came from the grassland"... (I quietly transferred the group owner to someone who made money to help the people. I am the best in the world)
How can I return home if the Xiongnu are not yet destroyed? : I come from the Han Dynasty to tell you to go back to the grasslands.
I love to eat everything. I am Wei Zhongqing. And I stand on the grassland and look at Chang'an, and I see a country with peace and prosperity.
Specialist for the Tuen En Order Mass Mailing: It’s hard to comment, I wish him success!
The group leader, seeking wealth and aid for the people, said, "I am number one in the world." He rejected the invitation from Han Wudi, a member of the group, and patted the butt of the man who said, "How can I have a family if the Xiongnu is not yet destroyed?" and rewarded him with 500 kilograms of gold.
When it comes to making money and helping the people, I am the best in the world: Don’t invite strangers into the group, especially acquaintances who pretend to be leaders.
How can I have a home if the Xiongnu is not destroyed? : Well done, Ayan!
[How can I have a family if the Xiongnu isn't destroyed?! I withdrew a message and gave a thumbs up to "Laozi is the best in the world" for making money to help the people.]
The Lamb Without Hair: Huo Ayan, you've increased military spending again! How can we survive this?
When it comes to making money to help the people, I am the best in the world: Don’t worry, godfather, I have a new idea recently.
The lamb has no hair: dd.
Li Guang is hard to be granted: Can you let me listen too? I have lost my way again recently. I want to get rich @小羊无毛
Chicken soup master: Money is something outside of your body, it is a dirty thing. Once you get involved with it, you will become addicted.
Li Guang was not allowed to be appointed: Mr. Dong, if you have the guts to say this, don’t stand in front of me and worship the God of Wealth.
Chicken Soup Master: Taixue has no money recently.
Spinning and jumping, my pen never stops: [Live] Family members, who understands! General Li is looking for Ah Yan and is lost again! (In the camera, Li Guang is spinning in circles in the Imperial Garden)
Li Ling: Slander! My uncle was strategically surveying the terrain! (Retract and report the livestream)
Making money to help the people, I am the best in the world: ..., tell him not to come, I will go find him. Damn, this is the 800th time!
Gongsun He: [Overtime Notice] @Everyone I am a caged bird, I have long forgotten how high the sky is!
Making money to help the people, I'm number one in the world: Damn, overtime again! I quit! @Spinning Jump, my pen never stops. Someone, come with me to the north. There's a beautiful woman catching someone, and I'm going to give him a slap. Anyone who wants to go, bring your own mask.
The lamb has no hair: it is ready.
Everyone: +1
Chicken Soup Master: [Chicken Soup voice 60s] Heaven moves forward, a gentleman should work overtime without asking for pay~ Your Majesty is using the stars, the sea and big cakes to PUA us!
Du Zhou: [Werewolf God voice 20s] Prime Minister Gongsun was stabbed last night, and left no last words. Never mind, just a little news, he's not the first prime minister to be killed! Lord Huo, take me with you!
2. Group chat: The Liu family is fighting over the Enfeoffment Order
Zhufu Yan: [Mass Message] You have received a "Confirmation of the Division of the Fiefdoms of the Princes." Please give your approval before sunset, Liu clan members. If you are unsure, the Champion Marquis' whip is thirsty and awaits you.
Liu An (King of Huainan): @Master Father Yan, are you being polite? I was already dead, and you dragged me into this group.
Lord Father Yan kicked Liu An out of the group chat.
Zhufu Yan: @All members His Majesty has said that if you do not sign the Enfeoffment Order, the "Reduction of Feudal Powers PLUS Package" will be automatically renewed~, and the sanctions from Huo Sinong of the central government are waiting for you~
Liu Pengzu (King of Zhao): Signed, signed! By the way, can I transfer my third uncle's fiefdom into a school district house in Chang'an?
Lord Father Yan: You are dreaming!
Sang Hongyang: [Abacus clatters] @Lord Father Yan, please stop sending money! The three post horses have died from exhaustion! Don't you want money?
3. Late Night in the Finance Department
Sang Hongyang: [3am Enterprise WeChat] @All members wake up! That equalization and distribution system has crashed again! @Huo Yan, son, don't sleep anymore, can that bug of yours still crawl?
Huo Yan: [On shared screen] Director Sang, this is called a Python crawler! I'm already digging into the private pockets of the princes. Okay, I'm going to sleep. Damn, it's daybreak again. I'm taking the day off.
Zhufu Yan: (Initiating a voice call) Help! The King of Yan locked me up at the signing ceremony of the Enfeoffment Order! @Huo Yan, my son, save me!
Huo Yan (on vacation): ZZZ.
Lord Father Yan: 6.
4. Huo Yan’s circle of friends
13:00 Installing a car anti-collision system for His Majesty (Seven pillars of the Weiyang Palace were destroyed, but His Majesty survived, not even a leg was broken)
15:00 Teach Li Guang how to use GPS (Here I am, lost in Shanglinyuan for the eighth time. For the eighth time, I couldn't help but lead him into the stinky ditch. Damn, so annoying. I'll have to grab him by the collar next time.)
18:00 Helped Dr. Dong register for Weibo (don't ask, if you ask, it's to cultivate talents for old man Dong, and by the way, created a trending search #Liu Che Domineering Emperor Loves Me Greasy#)
10:00 PM Read Sima Qian's latest novels. Anything Sima Qian produces is guaranteed to be excellent. (Ma Qian, why is the cat in this novel based on me? Why isn't it the villain?!)
Comment:
Huo Yan: [Shared Location] Old Li! I installed a GPS on your electric bike. Where are you?
Li Guang: (Sends a photo of a desert camel) Ah Yan, where's the navigation system? How can I deliver documents in the Taklamakan Desert?
Huo Qubing: Don't go out if you don't have anything to do, @李广 your fuel bill this month is 648% over the limit! Are you driving your Wuling Hongguang like a star destroyer?
Li Guang: @Wei Qing General, I am lost again!
Wei Qing: (giving out red envelopes) Then take a taxi back~ (with Cao Cao travel coupons)
Zhang Qian: People will never forget that day. If it weren’t for A Yan, Li Guang would have taken me on a plane in the opposite direction, and we almost couldn’t fly.
Dongfang Shuo: I suggest Brother Li endorse the unethical map - "Lost? No way!]
Sima Xiangru: After all, he is missing.
5. The whimsical operation of liquor tax reform
Huo Yan: [Late Night @ All Members] According to big data analysis, the average monthly consumption of drunkards in Changan is 30 kilograms!
Sang Hongyang: So?
Huo Yan: [Shows up PPT] "Proposal on changing wine jars into blind boxes."
Sang Hongyang: The cost is too high.
Huo Yan: @Liu Che, Chairman, you will take 50% of the patent fees! (Send QR code to receive payment)
Liu Che: [Accepts the money immediately] Granted! Good Ah Yan, may your family prosper for three generations!
Sang Hongyang: 6
7. Liu Che's Metaphysics
Circle of friends.
Liu Che (The most invincible and handsome man in the world, the Emperor of Han, Liu Che!)
13:00 [My left eyelid twitched 88 times! Ziweixing tells me today is a good day to acquire South Vietnam!] @亲亲仲卿@亲亲去病@亲亲阿言
(Photo: Over-Photoshopped Ziwei astrology chart)
Like: Dongfang Shuo, Lady Li, Zifu
Comment
Huo Yan: Posting to Moments and then @ing people, isn’t that annoying!
Huo Qubing: The moon has been photoshopped into stars. Did my uncle get his eyelashes stuck in a brick?
13:01 Liu Che: [Forward link] "Be careful! Typing at 3:15 PM will cause you to lose merit!" @All members, please forward this! If you don't, you are not a Han Wu!
Huo Yan: I’m not dead!
Huo Qubing: Then I didn’t turn around, so what kind of person am I?
Wei Qing: He is a good man, and he is a treasure that can cure diseases.
Huo Yan: Ahem.
Wei Qing: And my precious Ah Yan. (Smiles)
Huo Yan: Uncle~
Huo Qubing: Uncle~
Liu Che: Zhongqing~ (Rose Rose)
Dongfang Shuo: Your Majesty, this is a marketing article written by this humble servant on his second account... (I received a reward of 100 taels of gold from Liu Che)
Huo Yan: Liu Che, you loser, go to hell! @Dongfang Shuo, spit it out!
13:03 Liu Che: [Livestream] Family! Using Xiongnu prisoners of war to consecrate the financial report! (splashing black dog blood.jpg)
Huo Yan: Don't you have to go to work? You're working on this stuff every day!
Huo Qubing: Ah Yan, let's go and rob the Xiongnu's BMWs~
Huo Yan: Coming soon~
Dongfang Shuo: [Panda head holding bamboo slips.jpg] Your Majesty! I observed the stars last night and discovered that you own a BMW! I suggest giving me a raise!
Liu Che: [Red Envelope]
Huo Yan: ...
Zhang Tang: @Dongfang Shuo is suspected of flattery and fined 200 coins. @Everyone's new rule: Flattery with more than 15 words will be taxed (attached: "Flattery Tax Calculation Standard.pdf").
Huo Yan: Well done! (Screenshot: Liu Che forwarded "One Success, One Hundred and Eight Ways the Huns Surrendered" at 3 a.m.)
Huo Yan retracted his words.
System prompt: Huo Yan was removed from Liu Che's circle of friends for leaking secrets (5 minutes)
Huo Yan: Humph.
Huo Qubing: It is not correct to say that I and my uncle should be taken with me. If I go there, the Huns will not even have time to show off their skills and will all go to see Changshengtian.
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