Chapter 28 Self-Punishment: Are you trying to gain pity or punishing yourself? ...
Pei Ji looked at Yu Man, who was touching her empty sleeve and looking up, enduring her grievances. His heart softened and ached, and a dense, persistent pain welled up inside him.
He knew her better than she realized.
She has always been the type of person who exaggerates even the smallest grievances.
This reminded him of the old festival of filling the granary.
Every household makes rice cakes, a symbol of a bountiful harvest, and exchanges them with relatives and friends. Outside the Pei family's house, there are always many rice cakes that look like they were made by the young daughter.
Every time she happened to come by, she would come over, pick up a piece and eat it, saying, "This is sweet, you don't like it." Or, "It looks soft, but it's a bit sticky when you eat it, you don't like that either." In short, he never liked what others gave him.
She ate it all up, glancing at his reaction every now and then, before finally feigning surprise: "Oh dear, I accidentally ate yours. How about... I buy you another box? I'll cook it myself."
He knew that, given her personality, she might make a promise this time and then forget about it.
Fortunately, half a day had passed, and the lively atmosphere of the Filling the Granary Festival was drawing to a close. He finally saw the plate of freshly baked, rather irregularly shaped rice cakes outside her kitchen. Her face was still covered in soot from the stove, and her eyes were sparkling as she looked at him.
He picked up a piece and put it in his mouth. The taste... wasn't very good. The rice flour wasn't ground finely enough, leaving a slightly grainy texture, and the sugar was unevenly distributed; one bite was cloyingly sweet, while the next was rather bland. She had indeed never made this kind of sweet cake before.
"Is it not tasty?" she asked immediately, hands on her hips.
He swallowed it almost without hesitation, reached out, and wiped the ash from her cheek with his fingertips, saying with certainty, "Delicious."
Yu Man's eyes darted around, then she suddenly stretched out her hand, brought her face closer, and showed him a tiny, almost negligible red dot on her fingertip, her tone as pitiful as could be:
"It's nothing, it doesn't hurt at all." She paused, then emphasized, "After all, I ate your rice cake."
Look, here we go again.
He couldn't help but feel a surge of tenderness, and a helpless chuckle appeared on his face.
He even knew clearly that her feelings for him at this moment might not be as deep or as unreserved as she appeared.
But so what?
He still cherished and loved her, no matter what her intentions were. Even if she only had that inexplicable possessiveness, he was willing to submit to her, because at least he was always the one standing beside her.
The next day, he went to the best bookstore in the county town and bought her the most popular novels of the time, ostensibly as an apology.
The person whose little wish had been fulfilled smiled with great satisfaction and generously said that the wound no longer hurt and that she had forgiven him.
...
Pei Ji pulled himself out of his reverie, ignoring the gazes and sounds around him. He stepped forward, bent down, and wrapped his arms tightly around her waist. After a moment, he lifted her up in his arms, his movements carrying a subtle, tender affection. He brushed his cheek against her hair, his chin almost touching hers, his Adam's apple bobbing as he uttered three words with difficulty: "...I'm sorry."
His voice was low and heavy, carrying lingering fear and deep self-reproach.
Yu Man was taken aback by his sudden action and instinctively hooked her arms around his neck. Hearing his apology, she looked at his taut jawline and the complex emotions churning in his deep eyes, and suddenly felt that she might have overacted a bit?
She symbolically raised her hand to wipe the corner of her eye, which actually had no tears, then remembered something and quickly asked, "Where are we going?"
"Let's go home." Pei Ji hugged her and turned to leave this place of trouble, clearly not wanting to stay here any longer.
At the same time, several calls rang out.
Gu Qiu stepped forward quickly, hesitating to speak: "My lord..."
Chunyu Zhi, on the other hand, exclaimed exaggeratedly, "Hey?! Pei Ji! We just arrived! Your blatant forgetting of your friends for a pretty face is too obvious! Who is this young lady? Aren't you going to introduce her?"
Pei Ji did not stop walking, as if he had not heard anything.
Yu Man, who was being held firmly in his arms, tensed up the moment she heard the word "home"! Home? No way!
She had finally made it to the prefectural capital, just finalized the business deal with Zhenxiulou, and most importantly, she hadn't even seen the Pinzhenhui, the gathering place for all the finest delicacies in the prefectural capital! If she were to be taken directly back to the county town, wouldn't her trip to the prefectural capital be a complete waste? Her business had only just begun; she couldn't afford to give up halfway!
"I'm not going home yet." Yu Man's expression changed instantly, and she quickly spoke, her voice feigning weakness, but her tone was very firm.
Pei Ji paused, looked down at her, and asked in his eyes.
Yu Man adjusted her position in his arms to make herself more comfortable, nodding vigorously and saying earnestly, "Really! I... I haven't finished my business in the prefecture yet! I can't go back now!"
Just kidding, what's a little grievance? A strong woman's career is definitely the most important thing!
Pei Ji remained silent for a moment, seemingly debating the truthfulness of her words. Finally, he sighed almost inaudibly and gave in.
“Okay,” he replied, turning around with her in his arms. Instead of heading down the mountain, he walked towards the villa where he had settled in the prefectural capital.
Inside the villa, Li Heng was leisurely flipping through a newly collected book of culinary anecdotes in his temporary residence when he heard an unusual commotion outside. Curious, he summoned his subordinates and asked, "What's going on outside? Why is Lord Pei making such a fuss?"
The subordinate respectfully reported, "Your Highness, Pei Ji has returned with a lady, and they seem... to be in a great hurry."
Li Heng gave an "Oh," his voice rising at the end, and his face immediately lit up with interest. With a wife? And in such a hurry? This wasn't like the kind of thing Pei Ji would do. He had a strong urge to rush over and see what was going on, but remembering he needed to conceal his identity, he reluctantly sat back down and waved to his men, "Go check it out again, but be careful not to get caught."
He stroked his chin and muttered to himself, "Interesting, really interesting." It seems this trip to the prefecture capital will offer more than just delicious food; there will also be unexpected excitement to see.
On the other side, Pei Ji carried Yu Man directly into his main courtyard and settled her on a soft couch by the window. The female physician who had been waiting immediately stepped forward to pay her respects.
"Show her." Pei Ji's voice still carried a lingering chill.
The female physician carefully examined Yu Man. Aside from a slight fright, most of the injuries were superficial; her wrists had some abrasions from being dragged, and the most serious was the slash mark on the back of her neck, which was noticeably red and swollen. The physician took out some medicine powder to reduce swelling and bruising and carefully applied it to her. When it came time to check for any other hidden injuries and to remove her outer robe, Pei Ji was still standing by the bed, his brows furrowed, his gaze fixed on Yu Man without blinking, showing no intention of looking away. The physician hesitated, wanting to speak but holding back.
Yu Man felt extremely uncomfortable under his gaze. What was this guy doing? She couldn't help but glare at him: "...Get out!"
Pei Ji then realized something was amiss, pursed his lips, turned and left the inner room, standing guard outside the door.
When the female physician came out, she explained that there was nothing seriously wrong and that he only needed to apply the medicine as prescribed. Pei Ji nodded silently, asked the physician for a jar of the powder for treating abrasions, put it in his sleeve, and then went back inside.
Yu Man had already straightened her clothes and was leaning against the soft pillow, her dark eyes staring straight at him without saying a word.
Pei Ji sat down on the embroidered stool beside her couch, his gaze falling on the glaring red swelling on the back of her neck. His Adam's apple bobbed slightly as he asked softly, "Does it hurt?"
Upon hearing this, Yu Man immediately reached out and gave him a light shove on the shoulder, her tone utterly self-righteous, with a hint of settling scores: "It hurts! Of course it hurts!" She began to ramble on, "You have no idea how cold and damp that dungeon was, with bugs in the haystacks! I was terrified, didn't get any sleep, didn't eat enough, and was even held to my neck by a half-dead man, before being knocked unconscious and dumped in the middle of nowhere..."
She was unaware that Pei Ji's men wanted to kill her without her consent, and only focused on her life in the dungeon and the men in black.
The more she talked, the more she felt she had suffered terribly, concluding, "In short, I didn't sleep well and I didn't eat enough!"
Hearing her complaints, Pei Ji felt as if his body, which had been immersed in cold water, was finally able to catch his breath. Then, realizing that she hadn't eaten yet, he immediately stood up and said, "I'll go get you something to eat."
Yu Man nodded subconsciously at first, then shook his head violently.
She reached out and grabbed his sleeve, stopping him from leaving. "Pei Ji."
“I’m here,” he replied, his voice low and gentle.
Her clear gaze met his eyes, a hint of scrutiny in her eyes: "You told me before that you went back to the academy to prepare for the exams." She paused, her tone still calm, but she posed the core question, "Then why... are you no longer at the academy, but here in this prefecture? It can't be that the teacher specially sent you out on a errand, and you ended up in this prefecture with so many people?"
She had promised Chen Jingshu she wouldn't reveal her visit, and her eyes seemed to say, "You lied to me, I need an explanation."
Pei Ji met her gaze in silence, the candlelight flickering in his deep eyes, reflecting her clear image. He didn't look away, but leaned slightly closer, closing the distance between them until their breaths were audible. His voice was low, carrying a helpless honesty, yet cleverly avoiding the question she most wanted to know:
“Xiaoman, some things… involve many complexities and reasons, and cannot be explained in just a few words.” His gaze was calm. “But I can promise you that once this matter is settled, I will return to the academy and prepare for the provincial examination with peace of mind.”
Yu Man was stunned for a moment, looking at his face so close to hers, her mind in turmoil. His words, though seemingly a promise, sounded so empty when considering his current methods. She couldn't tell whether they were sincere or just another, more subtle form of reassurance.
[Warning! Plot change!] The system's sharp notification sounded in her mind: [Target character Pei Ji's inclination to abandon the 'abandoning literature for martial arts' main plot is as high as 99%! Host, he seems... serious?!]
Yu Man was a little dazed. Had she heard correctly? Pei Ji, the male protagonist in the original story who was destined to make a name for himself on the frontier and embark on the path to becoming a famous general, was saying he wasn't going to the frontier? What would happen to the plot then? Wouldn't all her previous mental preparation and plans for "everyone to be well" have been for nothing?
She pursed her lips, gazing at him, her tone carrying a barely perceptible hint of urgency and confusion: "Pei Ji, putting aside our relationship, among the people I know, you are indeed... the most outstanding." She frankly acknowledged his excellence, her eyes filled with genuine bewilderment, "But I don't understand, what exactly do you want to do? What are you thinking about your future..."
She wanted to know what kind of schemes and ambitions this man, whom she had known for many years and who had inexplicably acquired the identity of a so-called male protagonist, harbored deep in his heart.
"As far as I am concerned," he began slowly, his voice not loud, but with a resolute certainty, "the path of officialdom, the pursuit of wealth, military achievements, and even the way of commerce are all essentially the same." Pei Ji's gaze calmly fell on her face, his voice steady yet carrying a confident tone.
He leaned forward slightly, getting closer to her, his breath almost audible, and continued, his tone carrying an arrogance that Yu Man had never heard before: "Wherever my heart leads, that's the path I'll choose."
Yu Man: "..." The first half of the sentence sounded quite plausible, but the latter part, "where the heart leads"... why does it feel like he's faking it?
But she had to admit that Pei Ji at this moment had shed his usual carefully maintained image of a gentle, scholarly man, revealing an inner sharpness that was exceptionally captivating. She pursed her slightly dry lips, her heart pounding uncontrollably, and, as if possessed, followed his words, her voice much softer than before:
"Then...where is your heart?"
She regretted asking the question as soon as she finished; it was too direct and felt like she was deliberately jumping into a trap he had set.
As expected, Pei Ji chuckled softly upon hearing this. A clear smile spread across his deep eyes as he gazed intently at her, answering without hesitation in a gentle and tender voice:
"In the eyes, in front."
Four words, clear and unambiguous.
Yu Man blinked. She had to admit that anyone would blush at the sight of such a handsome and gentle man. She felt the heat spreading rapidly from her cheeks to her ears, and quickly touched her nose, pretending to be serious.
[Host, calm down! Calm down!] The system issued a sharp alarm in her mind. [It's all just sweet talk from men! Sugar-coated bullets! Don't forget he's the male lead in the original story! Have you forgotten his deception? Have you forgotten the dungeon? You've forgotten—]
The system's incessant chatter came to an abrupt halt.
Because it heard its host, after a brief moment of shyness and mental blankness, suddenly remember something, and abruptly raise its chin, speaking to the person opposite it in a demanding, slightly spoiled tone:
"Then I want to be the Prime Minister's wife!"
If you can't be a military general, then be the best civil official.
Pei Ji was clearly taken aback by her sudden remark, which was completely unashamed of and filled with anticipation in her eyes. He paused for a moment, then slowly raised his hand and naturally placed it over hers, his fingertips intentionally brushing against the tip of her nose. His voice was low and chuckled:
"good."
A single word carries immense weight.
Yu Man was tired soon after finishing her light dinner. She lay on the bed and closed her eyes, still thinking about the accounts she hadn't finished settling.
For example, what exactly is his identity?
Why must we go to the border?
And who are those men in black?
She put aside her many doubts for the time being, and with the familiar scent beside her, she couldn't resist the drowsiness and fell into a deep sleep.
Once Yu Man's breathing had stabilized, Pei Ji got up, tucked her in, changed the mosquito repellent, gazed at her for a moment, then turned and left, carefully closing the door without making a sound.
Gu Qiu was already waiting in the corridor. He presented a paper lantern that had been prepared beforehand with both hands and whispered, "My lord, those people have all been captured and imprisoned separately. What should we do with them?"
Pei Ji took the lantern, its dim light illuminating half of his handsome profile, the gentle smile vanished. He didn't stop, leaving only a command: "Interrogate them first, pry them open. Wait for me to return."
Gu Qiu's heart skipped a beat, and he bowed in response, "Yes." He understood that his lord would personally handle the aftermath, and he could almost foresee the fate of those who dared to defy him. He bowed and watched the figure carrying the solitary lantern disappear into the night.
...
Chunyu Zhi and Jin Chuchuan were assigned to two rooms in the same courtyard. Just as they were about to fall asleep, a servant's respectful voice came from outside the courtyard: "Young masters, the master requests your presence."
They rose and straightened their robes, exchanged a glance after leaving the house, and followed their servants along the winding covered corridors for a while before stopping in front of a brightly lit house. The door was open, and the servants bowed and withdrew.
Chunyu Zhi, being impatient, was the first to step into the room. He immediately saw Pei Ji handing a small celadon jar to a servant standing beside him, and calmly instructing, "The medicine is still too strong. Change it to another one."
His gaze shifted to the desk, where a valuable sandalwood box sat. Inside, however, was only a yellow amulet, its edges slightly tattered and stained with dust.
Almost instantly, Chunyu Zhi's mind flashed back to the young woman's aggrieved words, "I lost the amulet." He looked at the thick, impenetrable night outside the window, then at the paper lantern on the table, still damp with night dew, and couldn't help but blurt out, "You went to find it yourself?" In this pitch black, just to find such an inconspicuous, even somewhat shabby, amulet?
Jin Chuchuan, standing beside him, didn't look at the talisman, but his sharp gaze was locked on Pei Ji. He suddenly uttered two words coldly: "Madman."
Chunyu Zhi was taken aback by what he said, not knowing what he was cursing. Following his gaze, he saw that Pei Ji's left hand, which had been hidden in his sleeve, had been exposed at some point. There were several fresh, flesh-rolled knife marks on his forearm, with some brown powder haphazardly sprinkled on them and the bloodstains not yet completely cleaned.
On a small table to the side lay a short blade, thin as a willow leaf, gleaming coldly. The blade was stained with blood and had no sheath.
This is enough to show that the wounds were not inflicted by others, but were inflicted by Pei Ji himself.
But why?! Is it self-harm?
Jin Chuchuan's gaze swept over the medicine jar in Gu Qiu's hand, which Pei Ji had just rejected, and a mocking smile curled at the corner of his lips: "In ancient times, there was the Buddha who cut off his own flesh to feed an eagle, out of compassion for all living beings. You, Pei Ji, are injuring yourself today to test medicine, and what is your purpose?"
"Should I win the beauty's pity or punish myself?"
His words were incisive, directly exposing Pei Ji's hidden, almost obsessive thoughts.
Pei Ji did not respond, neither admitting nor denying, as if the knife scars were not his own, and as if he felt no pain. He only instructed Gu Qiu again, his voice devoid of emotion: "Go first, find someone to modify the prescription as I said." He paused, then added, "Add some herbs to lighten the scars."
Chunyu Zhi was so shocked he couldn't speak. He looked Pei Ji up and down again, as if he were seeing this person for the first time. The Pei Senior Brother he remembered was such an arrogant and unfathomable person. When had he ever acted in such an... indescribable way? He couldn't help but click his tongue and say, "You... are you still the arrogant Pei Senior Brother I know? Could it be... that someone has really replaced your soul?"
Pei Ji finally spared his gaze, giving the two of them a brief, indifferent look before steer the conversation back on track, his tone flat and even: "Speak, what is the purpose of his summoning you to the prefecture to find me?"
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