During the period of recuperation, Xiao Yuanmu seemed to have mastered the skill of sweet talk without any instruction.
Every day when Song Xuanhe wakes up, he always gets a kiss the second he opens his eyes. Then Xiao Yuanmu, who has just woken up, says in a hoarse voice: "I heard that people who get a good morning kiss every day will have the happiest day."
Xiao Yuanmu always eats less than Song Xuanhe. Recently, he eats even less because of his injury. Although he doesn't eat much, he is still keen on cooking despite his injured leg. His favorite thing to do every day is to watch Song Xuanhe finish the meal he cooks and then praise it for being delicious. Whenever this happens, he will say, "I hope I can cook for you for the rest of my life."
Maybe because of the injury, he even had less work to do, so he went to bed earlier than usual. During this period of time, he would fall asleep at the same time as Song Xuanhe. Before the two of them fell asleep, he would always look at Song Xuanhe with his beautiful eyes and then smile, "It's great to have you."
After a few days like this, Song Xuanhe once suspected that Louis showed Xiao Yuanmu some books like "Secrets of Love Talk" or "How to Please Your Partner", but he couldn't find it after searching the entire apartment.
Just before Song Xuanhe began to wonder whether Xiao Yuanmu had changed his nature or was reborn again, Xiao Lin came to the United States from Country D.
His health was still not very good, but when he appeared in front of outsiders, no one could tell that he was seriously ill. If it weren't for the system's reminder, Song Xuanhe would not have been able to see how weak he was.
Xiao Lin came to Xiao Yuanmu's apartment alone. There was no Mrs. Xiao and no bodyguards with him. His usually serious face was still serious and he still had the same imposing aura.
He greeted Song Xuanhe first and said, "I've heard about you for a long time, Mr. Song. If there is a chance in the future, I hope we can chat."
Song Xuanhe nodded with a smile, called "Uncle" very politely, and then waited downstairs.
He thought that Xiao Lin came here specially to chat with Xiao Yuanmu for a while. After all, a lot of things happened recently, including his youngest son's legs being amputated, the two brothers each claiming that they were framed by the other, and Mrs. Xiao's sudden illness.
However, Xiao Lin went downstairs in less than fifteen minutes, again. He said hello politely to Song Xuanhe and left.
Song Xuanhe watched him enter the elevator, then immediately turned around and went upstairs.
In the study, Xiao Yuanmu stood by the floor-to-ceiling window, his back straight and his features cold and hard. He just lowered his eyes and looked out the window, as if he was staring at a pile of ants, his eyes indifferent and calm.
This was an expression that Song Xuanhe had not seen for a long time. It should be said that this was an expression that Xiao Yuanmu did not show in front of him.
Song Xuanhe stood at the door for more than ten seconds, and Xiao Yuanmu didn't respond at all, so he could only call him.
"Xiao Yuanmu."
In most cases, when the two were facing each other alone, Song Xuanhe would call Xiao Yuanmu by his full name, while Xiao Yuanmu would call him Xuanhe and Hebao depending on his mood. But more often they would just stare at each other silently, because Song Xuanhe would notice with just a glance, and then he would omit the name and the two would talk directly.
At this moment, hearing Song Xuanhe calling his full name, Xiao Yuanmu's eyelashes trembled, and his eyes, which were shrouded in black mist, gradually regained their spirit, and then his gaze focused on Song Xuanhe, who was standing at the door with his back to the light.
He paused, then asked, "How did you get up here?"
Xiao Yuanmu's voice was a little hoarse, as if someone who had not spoken for a long time suddenly spoke, or as if he finally calmed down after sobbing for a long time, but his voice still revealed his emotions.
Almost immediately, Song Xuanhe noticed that Xiao Yuanmu was in a bad mood.
He thought of Xiao's expression that seemed a little gloomy before he left, and he couldn't help but feel worried. He walked quickly towards Xiao Yuanmu, but after he had taken two steps, he heard a voice in his mind: "Don't go over there. 】
Before he had the chance to ask why, Song Xuanhe heard the system say: [Xiao Yuanmu's emotional value is indeed very low at this moment, but there is no point in you going over there now. It's good that you can comfort him now, but what about fifteen days later? Have you forgotten that you will leave him in fifteen days? Compared with his current mood swings, I think his mood swings in ten days will be more serious. At that time, you will not be able to comfort him. Letting him get used to it at this time will be beneficial to improving his immunity. 】
Song Xuanhe paused when he heard this, ignored the system, and continued walking towards Xiao Yuanmu.
"Don't come over here."
Xiao Yuanmu turned around and faced away from Song Xuanhe. His voice was a little deep and still a little hoarse.
He said, “I want to be alone.”
This was the first time Xiao Yuanmu refused his approach, Song Xuanhe thought in a daze.
The system's words did not stop Song Xuanhe, but Xiao Yuanmu stopped him.
"What happened?" Song Xuanhe stood there in a daze for a long time before asking in a low voice.
"I just want to be quiet for a while." Xiao Yuanmu didn't turn around, and there was a hint of fatigue in his tone: "Let me be alone for a while, okay?"
Hearing this "OK", Song Xuanhe couldn't refuse.
He nodded, and after realizing that Xiao Yuanmu couldn't see him, he said hello again.
After speaking, Song Xuanhe stared at Xiao Yuanmu's back, expecting something in his heart, but Xiao Yuanmu did not move and had no intention of turning around.
Song Xuanhe pursed her lips even tighter, then turned around and walked out step by step.
For some reason, before he reached the door, he suddenly remembered a dream that had been repeating itself over and over again in the past few nights.
In the dream, he was still a child. His parents took him out for a picnic. There was a little girl who wanted to fly a kite with him. He chased the little girl away and made her cry.
The mother came over and asked him, "Why did you chase that kid away?"
He replied: “I don’t like her.”
My mother disagreed: "Didn't I tell you to be nice to your friends?"
He held the kite in his hand, which was taller and bigger than him, and pouted, "But she is not my friend. I don't know her."
"Then you can treat her as a new friend you just met." Mom smiled and rubbed his head, and asked curiously: "But Mom thinks that little girl is very cute, why don't you like her?"
In the dream, he pouted and answered loudly: "I already have someone I like, so of course I can't like anyone else."
The mother looked very surprised, but there was a smile in her eyes: "Then baby, can you tell me who you like?"
"Xiao Yuanmu."
Whenever Xiao Yuanmu's name was spoken, Song Xuanhe would wake up.
This was a dream, but it was also one of the few memories he had with his parents. The only difference between the memory and the dream was his answer when his mother asked him why he didn't like the little girl.
As I recall, his answer was: Because he didn’t want anyone to play with his kite, he liked it very much.
In the dream, the answer became Xiao Yuanmu.
In the dream, after he answered, his mother immediately said something with a smile, but at that time, he was about to wake up and could not hear clearly.
So in the past few days, Song Xuanhe was wondering what his mother would say to him if she knew that he was with Xiao Yuanmu.
He thought for a long time but could not think of anything, because although the memory of his mother was deep, it was too long ago, so long that he could not have more than ten years to understand each other with his parents like other children.
In his memory, his mother had always been gentle and kind, but when he grew up, he realized that most mothers were gentle and kind in front of their children. His few memories were not enough to fully piece together a person's character.
So on the day he turned eighteen, he returned to the house where he lived with his parents for the first time, and found three diaries in his mother's room, one written when his parents were in love, one during pregnancy, and another one that his parents left together after he was born, recording his growth.
My parents’ love diary records their deep love, the countries and roads they traveled through, and their feelings for each other.
The mother's pregnancy diary records everything from the surprise of knowing she was pregnant to every detail before he was born. Every entry reveals a mother's anticipation and love for the child in her belly.
His growth diary is filled with his parents' expectations of him. Their expectations of him are very few, completely different from the expectations of other children's parents that are so many that they put pressure on the children. They hope that he will: be happy, kind, brave, never regret, have the ability to love and be loved, and then relive for them the countries and roads they traveled when they were in love.
More than that, they wanted him to know how much they loved him.
Song Xuanhe had somewhat forgotten how his eighteen-year-old self felt when he saw these things. But he remembered clearly that day he took the three diaries to his parents' grave and told them that he would not let them down. After he graduated from college, he would definitely revisit the path they had taken and fulfill their wishes.
——Retracing the countries and roads that his parents walked when they were in love is what his parents expected and also the promise Song Xuanhe made on the day he became an adult.
This promise was once Song Xuanhe's belief, the belief that supported him to move forward alone.
So at first, Song Xuanhe had no doubt that he would return to his own world.
But as time went by, the things he firmly believed in began to waver. After that dream, he even wondered, if he broke his promise to his parents, would they be disappointed in him? I will still understand and bless him, because although he failed to do the last one, he did achieve the one that he always thought he might never be able to do - the ability to love and be loved.
Song Xuanhe was very confused. He didn't know whether "revisiting the path his parents had taken" was more in line with his parents' expectations of him, or "having the ability to love and be loved" was more in line with his parents' expectations of him.
These days, he has been struggling between these two choices all the time, but when he saw this door, he suddenly remembered what his mother said to him when he was a child and told her that he liked the kite very much and didn't want to share it with others.
"Since my baby likes this kite so much, will you protect it well?"
He naturally answered yes.
His mother became serious and said to him, "Xuanhe, liking something is a very serious matter. You can be interested in painting, and then put down your brush after a few days. You can be interested in model airplanes, and then put them aside after a few days, but you can't say you like it."
"Like is an expression of your love for a person or a thing. It means that you are willing to give up many things to firmly protect the love you have. Are you willing to give up your model airplanes and tank cars for this kite?"
Perhaps frightened by his mother's serious expression, he thought for a long time and finally answered, "No."
"Then you can't say you like it, baby, but it's normal that you don't know what love is now. Mom just wants to tell you that if one day you meet someone you like and you are willing to give up many things for them, whether it's a person or a thing, then you must persist, because only when you persist can you get love."
"You know what? Baby, if you can find something and someone you love, then you will become a great person. Mom hopes you can be that kind of person, but you don't need to look for it specifically to meet Mom's expectations, because that is your life."
This memory was so old that when Song Xuanhe recalled the complete memory, his red eyes were far less than the speed at which he turned around.
At this moment he suddenly figured out the problem that had been bothering him. Rather than him walking the same path his parents had walked, they might hope to see him find a lover to accompany him for life, because compared to their expectations of him, they always hoped that he could bravely make decisions for his own life.
Xiao Yuanmu heard the footsteps becoming lighter and lighter, and heard that the study became quieter after every breath he took. The light in his eyes also dimmed a little.
He suddenly remembered what Xiao Lin asked him:
"You love Song Xuanhe, does he love you?"
"Are you sure he loves you?"
"Even if it's confirmed, can you be sure that you will be together forever?"
"The Xiao family has no precedent for same-sex couples, and they will not make an exception for you. Those clan members live by the old rules. In order to maintain the old traditions, they can even ignore many things. Can you guarantee that your persistence can protect your lover?"
"Xiao Yuanmu, you are still too young. Do you think you can protect him for a while or for a lifetime?"
"If anything unexpected happens to you, Song Xuanhe, who caused you to be unable to leave behind a legitimate heir of the Xiao family, will become the target of public criticism. I know all about the dispute between you and your brother. He failed because he was incompetent, but he is also a member of the Xiao family. To be honest, I had expected you to treat him like this, so I am not disappointed. However, you are so open-hearted to a man you are not even sure if he truly loves you. You are almost exposing your weaknesses to the whole world. I am very disappointed."
"Xiao Yuanmu, I'm your father. Even though we don't spend much time together, I know you very well because you are very much like me. Ask yourself, do you really think Song Xuanhe loves you as much as you love him? If so, why do you stay by his side so carefully, as if you are afraid that he will run away in the blink of an eye and feel insecure?"
Xiao Lin asked questions one after another, but Xiao Yuanmu didn't answer any of them, but he was still feeling agitated inside.
It wasn’t because of what Xiao Lin said, that he felt Song Xuanhe didn’t love him, but because he was afraid that he couldn’t protect him.
Xiao Yuanmu lowered his eyes and looked at his trembling hands. A black mist shrouded his eyes, and the shadow blocked the light in his eyes.
Xiao Lin said a lot of things wrong, but he was right about one thing—if anything happened to him, Song Xuanhe would definitely become the target of public criticism.
But despite this, he also...
The sound of receding footsteps suddenly paused, and the chaotic and gloomy thoughts in Xiao Yuanmu's mind were paused along with the quiet study. He put down his raised hand, his long eyelashes trembling slightly, waiting for some sound to put everything back on track.
I don’t know how long it took, maybe a few seconds, maybe a few minutes, or maybe even longer, Xiao Yuanmu heard footsteps on the wooden floor, making a clicking sound, which made him hold his breath.
"Xiao Yuanmu." Song Xuanhe's clear voice sounded, and Xiao Yuanmu subconsciously straightened his back. He said, "Did your father say something to you? That's why you are a little sad now."
Xiao Yuanmu pursed his lips slightly, his hands at his side trembled slightly, and he said nothing.
"Didn't you say that I wouldn't make you sad no matter what I do?" Song Xuanhe took a step closer, standing half a step away from Xiao Yuanmu, looking at his back: "If you want to be alone, but I don't want you to be alone and must stay here, won't you be sad?"
Xiao Yuanmu clenched his shaking hands into fists and answered in a hoarse voice, "No."
"Will that make you unhappy or angry with me?"
"Won't."
"What if I hug you?" Song Xuanhe stepped forward and hugged him from behind, "Will you chase me away?"
Xiao Yuanmu shuddered, and after a few seconds he answered, "No."
"Not now, or never?"
Song Xuan's warm chin was resting on his shoulder blade, and her chin trembled slightly when she spoke. The tremor went up along his spine, spreading to his surroundings, and even his blood and bone marrow trembled slightly.
"……forever."
Song Xuanhe laughed, hugged him tightly and said, "Then just pretend I don't exist and continue to be alone."
Xiao Yuanmu raised his hand at his side slightly, then put it down imperceptibly, and then hummed softly.
Song Xuanhe just hugged him from behind, silently without saying a word, and accompanied him.
Xiao Yuanmu stood by the window and suddenly realized that looking at the street downstairs alone was a completely different feeling from looking at the street downstairs with someone hugging him from behind.
The noise from all kinds of pedestrians coming and going turned into a bustling one. The old fountain in the central park refracted light under the light, which was beautiful and warm. The cityscape of Y city before one's eyes went from boring to beautiful everywhere.
The warm body temperature coming from the person behind him made Xiao Yuanmu very greedy. The gloom in his heart had been dispelled little by little, but he was reluctant to let Song Xuanhe let go. He just wanted to maintain this posture as long as he could.
There was never a moment when Xiao Yuanmu could feel Song Xuanhe's love for him from the peace and tranquility before him.
Xiao Lin asked him whether Song Xuanhe loved him as much as he loved him.
Xiao Yuanmu was not hurt by his words, because he never thought that only equal amounts of love could keep them together. Whether he loved Song Xuan more or Song Xuan loved him more did not bother him, because he knew that they loved each other, and that was enough. If he pursued more, it would become greed.
Greed will never have a good end. Xiao Yuanmu knew this before his first rebirth. He would not do worse after his second rebirth.
But when Song Xuanhe hugged him, he suddenly felt that sometimes being a little greedy might not be a bad thing.
For example, now, without saying anything, he knows that Song Xuan loves him.
Compared to Xiao Lin’s assumptions used to wage psychological warfare, companionship at this moment is more important than anything else.
However, he suddenly became unsure whether he could accompany Song Xuan for as long as he expected.
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