Chapter 110 Visiting Old Friends in the Snow, Seeking Enlightenment in the Heart's Lake
Another cold snap brought heavy snow, blanketing Chang'an in white. The snow on the palace roads was cleared overnight to make paths for carriages and horses, but many places within the palace walls and gardens remained covered in silver and silent.
Li Chengqian refused the palanquin, donned only a black cloak, and trudged through ankle-deep snow, alone, through the familiar palace paths, toward Qixia Garden, which appeared particularly desolate and lonely in the snowstorm. His guards followed at a distance, not daring to approach.
The garden gate was ajar, unattended, as if the owner had anticipated the uninvited guest, or perhaps it was simply the way it was, neither questioning those who came nor turning away those who left. Li Chengqian pushed open the gate and entered, the snow crunching softly under his feet. The garden was even more tranquil, save for the soft rustling of snowflakes falling on the plum branches and bamboo leaves. The carefully tended flowers and trees were now covered by a thick blanket of white snow, revealing only a few stubborn outlines.
He walked straight to the waterside study. The window was half-open, and a warm orange light shone through, like a lighthouse on a lonely island amidst the swirling snow.
Wang Yi was sitting on the warm kang (a heated brick bed) by the window, a book open on a small table in front of her, and a cup of tea steaming beside her. She seemed oblivious to the wind and snow outside the window and the footsteps of the visitors, still immersed in her own world, her profile under the lamplight appearing serene and...distant.
Li Chengqian stopped at the door, not immediately going in. He looked at the figure that seemed to have been forgotten by time, and a complex mix of emotions welled up within him. For so many years, to avoid suspicion, and because of their respective identities and circumstances, he had deliberately distanced himself, even forcing himself not to think of her. But when she was right before him, this familiar scene, this seemingly timeless tranquility, instantly shattered all the defenses he had built up over the years.
The images of playing with his younger brother Li Tai in their childhood, his mother's gentle smile, his father's earnest expectations, Li Xiang's innocent calls, Wu Meiniang's restrained and resolute gaze, the endless scheming and attacks in the court, his uncle Changsun's seemingly respectful yet cunning eyes, and Li Zhi's increasingly blurry and unfamiliar young face... all these images intertwined and collided, ultimately turning into a deep weariness and... confusion.
He did so much, schemed so much, carried so much, even at the cost of growing estrangement from his closest relatives and driving his younger brother to his death (at least that's what he thought), all for... what? Was it all for that cold, destined-to-be-lonely throne? If he stopped now, compromised with the powerful families, yielded to his uncle, or even... showed more "brotherly tolerance" towards Zhinu, would everything be different? Could he, as his father hoped, smoothly take over the empire, become a peaceful and stable ruler, and then hand over a relatively peaceful empire to his son?
The moment this thought took root, it coiled around his heart like a poisonous vine, bringing a sharp pain and a deeper emptiness. No, no. He had witnessed how powerful families exploited the common people, manipulated the court, and molded princes into power-hungry beasts. He couldn't stop. If he stopped, how would he settle the score with Li Xiang? If he stopped, what would become of the price he had paid over the years? If he stopped, how could he face those from humble backgrounds whom he had promoted and on whom he had placed his hopes? If he stopped, would he, Li Chengqian, still be Li Chengqian?
But...why am I so tired? Why does my heart feel so empty? Why does even the uncle I once respected the most, who is now secretly plotting against me, make me feel a stinging pain of betrayal? Why does looking at Zhi Nu's eyes, which are becoming more and more like my mother's, make me feel an indescribable panic?
“Since Your Highness has arrived at the door, why not come in? The wind and snow are bitterly cold.” Wang Yi’s calm voice came from inside the study, without surprise or fear, as if he were just making a routine visit.
Li Chengqian took a deep breath of the cold air and stepped inside, bringing with him a chill.
Wang Yi put down her book and looked up at him. Those were still the same clear, all-seeing eyes, devoid of any emotion. The years had left few traces on her face; only her detached, otherworldly aura had grown stronger.
Li Chengqian took off his snow-covered cloak and casually draped it over the back of a chair, then sat down on the edge of the kang (a heated brick bed) opposite her. A small table separated them, along with the rising steam of tea, and also the chasm of years and their different social statuses.
For a moment, no one spoke. Only the crackling of the fire and the falling snow outside the window.
"Master... how have you been all these years?" Li Chengqian finally spoke, his voice a little hoarse, breaking the silence.
"Thank you for your concern, Your Highness. Everything is as usual." Wang Yi's reply was extremely simple. She picked up the teapot and poured him a cup of hot tea. "Your Highness braved the snow to come; is there something you need?"
Li Chengqian took the teacup. The warmth emanated from the porcelain, but it couldn't warm his heart. He looked at the tea leaves unfurling in the cup, remained silent for a long time, and then whispered, "I... just feel a little tired."
These words don't sound like something a powerful crown prince, about to rule the world, would say; they sound more like a weary traveler finding shelter in the snow.
Wang Yi didn't respond, but just looked at him quietly, waiting for him to continue.
“Li Tai is dead,” Li Chengqian said suddenly, his tone calm but carrying a heavy, dull pain. “I did not kill him with my own hands, but he died because of me. Before my mother passed away, she made us swear an oath… but in the end, I still… let him go that way.”
He paused, seemingly trying to see a ripple of emotion on Wang Yi's face, but she remained calm.
“Now, Zhinu… my younger brother, how old is he? He’s also being pushed to the forefront, becoming a pawn in someone else’s hands, used to deal with me.” Li Chengqian’s voice carried a hint of suppressed anger and bitterness. “And this person is actually my uncle! My mother’s brother, the one who once supported me the most!”
He raised his head, his gaze fixed intently on Wang Yi, his eyes filled with confusion and a rare vulnerability: "Master, tell me, was everything I did—eliminating the powerful clans, consolidating imperial power, even… at the cost of drifting further and further away from my family—right or wrong? If I stop now, will it… bring peace to my family and stability to the court? Will… there be no more Li Tai, no more Zhinu pushed to the opposite side of me?"
He finally voiced the deepest confusion and wavering in his heart. With Wu Zetian, he needed to maintain his strength and decisiveness; before his father, the Emperor, he needed to project confidence and competence; in the eyes of the court officials, he had to be the cold and wise crown prince. Only here, before this woman who had once guided him yet seemed forever detached, could he shed all pretense and reveal the softest, most hesitant corner of his heart.
Wang Yi listened quietly until he finished speaking, after which the study fell silent again, with only his slightly rapid breathing being heard.
After a long silence, Wang Yi finally spoke, his voice still steady, yet seemingly carrying a power that pierced through the fog: "Your Highness already has the answer in your heart, why ask others?"
Li Chengqian was taken aback.
"Your Highness's question of 'right and wrong' is not definitively answered. In Your Highness's heart, eliminating the powerful clans and consolidating imperial power is for the long-term benefit of the nation, to fulfill the Empress's unfulfilled wishes, and also to fulfill your own ambitions. This is the path Your Highness has chosen, regardless of right or wrong, only a matter of choice." Wang Yi's gaze seemed to penetrate into the depths of his soul. "As for stopping... does Your Highness truly believe that stopping will bring peace?"
She gently shook her head: "As long as the powerful clans remain too influential, the infighting within the royal family will never cease. If Your Highness stops today, they will only push their luck further. Tomorrow, they might not be supporting Prince Jin, but rather installing a new emperor. Familial ties are sometimes... incredibly fragile in the face of overwhelming power and family interests. Your Highness is heartbroken over Li Tai's situation, but are the root causes solely yours? If it weren't for the instigation of powerful clans and the driving force of self-interest, how could the brothers have come to this?"
"The actions of Lord Changsun," Wang Yi said in a slightly cold tone, "were also a choice. He chose the continuation of his family and a different philosophy of governance from Your Highness's. People with different paths cannot work together; this has always been the case. Instead of being troubled by the betrayal of family ties, Your Highness should see the essence of it—a power struggle, regardless of kinship."
"As for His Highness Prince Jin," Wang Yi paused, looking out at the swirling snowflakes, "he is His Highness's younger brother, His Majesty's beloved son, and in the eyes of others, a 'resource' that can be exploited. His future depends half on his own heart and half... on how His Highness treats him. If His Highness distances himself from him and suppresses him out of suspicion, he will be pushing him to the opposite side; if His Highness can both uphold his own principles and treat him with the sincerity of an elder brother, guiding him towards the right path, perhaps the same mistakes can be avoided. However, the balance in this matter is extremely difficult to grasp."
She withdrew her gaze and looked at Li Chengqian again: "Your Highness feels tired and empty because this path is inherently lonely and requires bearing a burden that ordinary people cannot bear. The path of an emperor has always been like this. Your Highness has already come this far. Turning back or stopping would be beyond your control, and would make all your previous efforts go to waste, disappoint your followers, and make your opponents laugh."
"Your Highness has come here tonight not to ask for permission to 'stop,' but rather..." Wang Yi's voice finally carried a barely perceptible sigh, "...to confirm whether the path you have chosen still has the necessity and the courage to continue."
Li Chengqian was struck dumb, sitting there in a daze. Wang Yi's words were like a sharp scalpel, precisely dissecting his chaotic and tangled heart, nakedly exposing his hesitations, weaknesses, unrealistic expectations of family affection, and the decisions he had already made deep in his heart.
Yes, how could he possibly stop? Li Xiang's revenge was not yet complete, the threat from the powerful families was not yet eliminated, and he could not abandon the power base he had built with his own hands. He might be disappointed in his uncle and worried about Zhi Nu, but those could never be a reason for him to back down!
He was just... too tired. So tired that he needed to find a completely safe place to temporarily unload his burdens, catch his breath, and listen to the most calm, cruel, yet most truthful analysis from an outsider.
“Master…” Li Chengqian’s voice was low and hoarse, yet it seemed as if he had regained his strength, “I understand.”
He picked up the slightly cooled tea and drank it all in one gulp. The icy tea, however, invigorated him.
"I will continue on this path. What needs to be cleared will be cleared. What needs to be protected will be protected to the best of my ability." He put down his teacup, stood up, and his eyes regained their firmness and sharpness, but deep within them, there was still an indelible weariness and loneliness. "As for Zhinu... I will watch over him. As long as he doesn't make any mistakes, I... will always be his brother."
He put his cloak back on and nodded slightly to Wang Yi: "Thank you, Master. It's late at night, so I'll take my leave."
After saying that, he turned around and strode into the wind and snow. His back was straight, as if he had put on invisible armor again.
Wang Yi sat there, watching the figure disappear into the snow, motionless for a long time. The snow outside the window seemed to be falling even harder.
She knew that her words tonight might not be able to eliminate all of Li Chengqian's pain and loneliness, but at least they helped him reorient himself. This crown prince, about to ascend to the top, was destined to walk alone on that thorny and blood-stained road. And the predicament woven between family ties and power might accompany him for the rest of his life.
On a snowy night, a traveler returns home, his heart finding temporary peace. But the road ahead is long, and more storms await this lonely traveler on his imperial journey.
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