Dreams on a Spring Night (Part 3)
"How could I possibly hate him?" Bai Shunan stared at Lu Jinfeng, who was getting married to Jiang Yingshan. A hazy flashback of memories froze him. No matter how hard he tried to recall the details, he couldn't quite recall them. It was like a dream, so blurry. How did the conversation end? He remembered replying, "You idiot." Lu Jinfeng raised his hand and smacked him on the head.
After a moment of silence, the two smiled at each other. Lu Jinfeng said in a laugh, "Seeing you smile, I sometimes smile too." As soon as he finished speaking, shyness caught up with his brain. In order to change the subject, he thought, "Don't you want to be friends with me?" But when he opened his mouth, he said, "Do you like the sea?"
A terrible ocean documentary.
"fine."
"Would you like to go to the aquarium with me?"
It’s terrible that I can’t control my mouth and can’t take back my words.
Bai Shunan looked at Lu Jinfeng's face which was so close to him and said "hmm" softly.
Don't want to die.
…
Bai Shunan walked ahead, and Lu Jinfeng followed behind, stepping on Bai Shunan's shadow. How could a person leave his own shadow? His thoughts once again returned to the starting point. Bai Shunan stopped and stood in front of the viewing curtain wall. The blue light fell on his face, and he quietly watched the many fish swimming in front of him.
Lu Jinfeng took a few steps forward and walked to Bai Shunan's side. He pulled down his mask slightly and looked at the scenery in front of him absent-mindedly, his eyes focused on the white bubbles slowly rising in the water. He kept thinking about what he saw when he visited Bai Shunan on set a few days ago. Once again, the fear of loss subtly tormented his heart, which wanted to explore. "Shunan, are we still friends?"
Bai Shunan looked back at Lu Jinfeng and nodded seriously. Perhaps being friends would be really beneficial for them.
Lu Jinfeng's gaze fell on the front, watching the big fish devour the smaller ones. He tilted his head to look, and the ripples in the water reflected on Bai Shunan's face. Lu Jinfeng's expression remained unchanged, like the constantly undulating water before him. His expression seemed to remain in a moment of indifference. He spoke calmly, "Then love me, Shunan. Love me even when I grow old... Let me be your most cherished friend."
Friends don't care about the aging body. They don't care about his beauty or ugliness, his gains or losses.
Lu Jinfeng didn't want to hear the answer "You'll look good even when you're old". He was so selfish that he put himself in a destructive situation. Although he had already wanted to escape, he still wanted to get an answer that even he couldn't get rid of, a special answer that would not tarnish the sincerity in his heart when he spoke, that unique answer.
He wanted to obtain that special something that could satisfy his heart, and he longed for it so much that he was afraid he would no longer need it. So he allowed the unfilled emptiness to merge with his longing.
Bai Shunan's heart skipped a beat after hearing this. He realized that Lu Jinfeng really did possess some kind of destructive power that could easily overturn his existing ideas. "Lu Jinfeng, you're right..."
When Lu Jinfeng heard Bai Shunan's words, he felt like crossing the line. He was not satisfied with this.
He loves Bai Shunan.
When spring arrived and he saw him again, his mind wasn't filled with the joy of seeing his friend. Instead, a deep sense of pain played havoc with his thoughts, while a restrained, secret joy held him back. Until he finally realized it, his mind was tormented by this contradictory yet seemingly autonomous behavior. Once he realized it, the distress deepened. He delved into a question he couldn't escape, a question that had led him to a mistake that haunts him to this day. Back then, he'd thought he needed love, but what about now? From the moment he began playing the role, he'd compulsively looked at Baek Sun-an with the same conscious heart he'd used to seeing a lover. Later, this behavior became a habit, often a heart he didn't realize. He couldn't tell if he was actually in love, and countless times, when he was deeply troubled, memories fueled it, transforming it into another image. Was it an illusion?
Although he often wanted to hug Bai Shunan, kiss him, and express his love with long and cheesy love words, letting those love words penetrate into Bai Shunan's mind and make him dizzy.
My face turns red when I hear his voice.
Thinking of this, Lu Jinfeng's heart was beating wildly, and the thoughts in his mind reached a climax and began to grow wildly. He wanted to possess him and caress him.
I also want to hear him say with his voice that I love him and need him.
Use those same sweet words to knock him out.
Send to the softness visible to the naked eye like clouds, and the illusion when touched.
He needed Bai Shunan to need him, which would indefinitely prolong his vanity when he gained love, and leave hatred far behind, slowly condensing into a small dot on the horizon until it disappeared.
At that time, his heart was filled with love. At that time, Bai Shunan must have given him enough love, countless love.
It was no longer his imagination, his guess. It was reality, the moment when fantasy and reality met, that was the best resting place for the heart.
He wanted to die early, at the moment when Bai Shunan loved him the most.
But no, how could he really leave him after having him.
He realized the horror of his own selfishness, never considering that it might all be his illusion, and that when he realized something was wrong and left him... Lu Jinfeng realized in time that Bai Shunan didn't love him, and his heart instantly turned cold. Before everything was clear, anything could lead him into an unpredictable trap.
Bai Shunan repeated, "You're right... I didn't make the distinction."
Lu Jinfeng understood what Bai Shunan said. He chuckled with mockery. He kept asking himself in his heart, why did he let himself get stuck in this miserable situation? Instead of doing this, he might as well get out of it first. In the dramatic change of thinking, when Lu Jinfeng was deeply tortured by the despair of unclear love, he inevitably realized how powerful he was. It was obvious that his heart had become so crazy.
At this time, Ao Yi took the lead again, how could Bai Shunan not love him.
Another quarrel caused by marriage, Qi Ci sat on the ground leaning against the wall, Yun Cen walked over and sat down next to him.
Facing the mess on the ground, Bai Shunan closed his eyes and exhaled a puff of smoke. He looked at the debris on the ground and said, "I have always been looking forward to the future. You always talk about the past."
A sentence that is not in the script.
Lu Jinfeng turned his head to look at him, and Bai Shunan looked at him at this moment. Lu Jinfeng seemed to see Bai Shunan appear in front of him that day, saying "I can't tell".
I can't tell the difference, but so what.
Lu Jinfeng closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. The trembling and trance in his heart continued until he returned to the hotel.
How could one separate oneself from the shadows of the past? He recalled the car accident, the blankest part of his memory, even the pain was blank. When he woke up, he was already in the hospital. The first few days after waking up were like childhood memories, filled with the beauty of tampered memories. He felt that blankness again.
An old movie played on TV, accompanying him to sleep. "...This whole thing is really not that complicated, how can it be that complicated..."
He will leave me, he will definitely leave me again, so I have to leave him first, I have to. Tomorrow? No, the filming hasn't finished yet. Do I have to wait until the filming is finished? Lu Jinfeng calmed down and regained his composure, thinking that it seemed like an appropriate time.
Suddenly, an inexplicable feeling hit him quickly and violently, leaving him no room to escape.
He sat there in a trance, as if he had lost his soul.
The next day, he put on the suit that Yun Cen wore at his wedding and suddenly burst into tears.
"What’s wrong with you?"
"I thought about you getting married..."
Bai Shunan gently wiped away his tears.
Lu Jinfeng watched Bai Shunan smile, silently complaining in his heart. When did he discover this? He looked at Bai Shunan with a hint of resentment. If he cried, Bai Shunan would come forward and wipe away his tears, just like he would wipe away his tears. Originally, he could have regarded this as a punishment for him... He will leave me. This thought flashed through Lu Jinfeng's mind again. He recalled the various things he had done when he visited Bai Shunan on set. "Actually, Shunan, it doesn't matter if you get married."
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