Feeling
The filming was done intermittently from the end of September to the beginning of December. The two girls had the majority of scenes in winter. Jiang Yingshan and Bai Shunan met more and more frequently, and her hostility towards him gradually weakened as they got along.
Jiang Yingshan walked to the smoking area and found Bai Shunan there. He didn't have any scenes today. She stood beside him, lit a cigarette, and teased, "Did Lu Jinfeng forget to bring something again?"
"Yeah." Bai Shunan looked at Jiang Yingshan. He hadn't paid much attention to Jiang Yingshan before. Compared to the first time they met, Jiang Yingshan now looked very haggard. "You've lost a lot of weight."
Jiang Yingshan closed his eyes, his face wrinkled. "The director asked me to do this. She said I was too young."
She didn't know what she was thinking about, and sighed through the smoke, "I want me to be thinner and not so energetic."
Jiang Yingshan, who had stayed up all night and cried many times, was visibly weak, and her eyes were red and swollen, which even makeup could not hide. She complained, "Why haven't we passed this damn play yet?"
The torture of this month has worn away Jiang Yingshan's vitality and the baby fat on her face. Her facial contours have gradually become clearer, no longer as smooth and beautiful as two months ago, but it has not weakened the spirit of her facial features, but has added a lot of beauty. After losing weight, the tension of her entire face has brought out a pitiful aura.
Bai Shunan had just thought of some words of comfort when he heard someone calling Jiang Yingshan's name. Jiang Yingshan put out his cigarette and said, "Right away."
Jiang Yingshan kept taking deep breaths, waiting for the director to shout "Action".
Jiang Yingshan looked back at Li Xuanyue and didn't see any sign of fatigue on her. At this moment, amid the countdown, a voice of "Action" rang out.
He Yu opened the door.
This was the first time He Yu returned home after divorcing Yun Cen.
When her mother saw her, she was surprised at first, then she remembered something and frowned slightly, her tone a little vague: "You're back?"
Then it changed to the tone that He Yu was familiar with, "Why didn't you tell me you were back?"
Mom, just last month, He Qiao and I broke up, and last year, Yun Cen’s lover also left him.
She wanted to say it so badly, but looking at her mother's eyes, she knew the disgust she would reveal, and a chill ran down her spine, holding back any words. She opened her mouth slightly, on the verge of tears, but there was something in her heart she couldn't hold back. It was the words that declared the end of her absurd and tormented life. She wanted to tell everyone, let the whole world know: "I'm divorced."
"Yeah……"
Her mother's calm tone was far beyond He Yu's expectations. She stopped where she was, feeling a little overwhelmed.
"Your sister told me earlier," the mother said, busy with her work. After a pause, she continued, "Do you remember Aunt Zhang? Her son is also divorced..."
The absurd feeling came over her again, and He Yu gasped slightly. She had already anticipated what her mother would say, and she interrupted anxiously, "I don't want to go home anymore."
"Why?" A flash of panic crossed the mother's face. "Don't mind me saying this or that. I'm doing this for your own good. Your father will be back soon. If you have something to do..."
"You clearly saw it all..."
The needle pierced my index finger and blood came out.
As soon as these words were spoken, everything began to spiral out of control. The buried threads of grief and pain kept tangling in the heart, forming countless knots that could not be untied, threatening to drive one to collapse. The constantly beating heart waited for some words to calm it, some uncontrollable words that were about to come out.
He Yu couldn't control her trembling hands. All the accumulated pain of the past few months, no, two years, squeezed her lungs, and the suffocating feeling became increasingly painful. She was on the verge of despair. Before she could speak, tears flowed. She reminded herself, "You clearly saw it..."
He Yu's voice choked.
My mother was still there, busy with the things at hand, silent.
She knew that her mother understood what she was talking about. Her trembling hands held on to the door, and she was about to fall to the ground helplessly. She had the urge to escape and run away again. At this moment, she remembered He Qiao's figure when he left her without looking back.
Before her mother could change the subject, she spoke first: "You clearly saw me and He Qiao kissing."
He Yu finally couldn't hold herself up anymore. She slowly squatted down, breaking down and crying. She raised her eyes and looked at her silent mother, "You know everything."
Finally, the bandaged wound began to bleed and the wound tore open again and again.
"So," she said, but after a moment's loss of composure, she returned to her normal self. She couldn't see the red of the blood on the black clothes her mother was mending, only the dryness of the fabric. She couldn't help but scratch that spot. "What do you want to say?"
She stood up and looked at her daughter. "Look at what you look like now. I really can't bear to see you. Do you really want to spend your whole life with a woman? I'm telling you, I will never agree. Don't be so willful..."
He Yu felt a deep sense of powerlessness, fatigue, and an urge to vomit. What she was hiding was the truth that her loved one knew. She swallowed all the words that came to her lips.
The rest was inaudible.
She stood up slowly. She was taller than her mother, but weaker.
"I miss He Qiao so much." She said what was in her heart. At this moment, it was the only thought in her mind. It didn't matter if everything was exposed.
This was also the last sentence she said to her mother. All subsequent communications were conveyed through other people's mouths.
In one-sided communication on the phone, there is always a sentence, "Isn't it just that you like men?", followed by "Why?" and "Why?"
"Card."
Jiang Yingshan wiped her tears and walked in front of Li Xuanyue, wanting to strangle her neck, "Is it over? Is it over? I really want to vomit."
"It's been, it's been."
After hearing this, Jiang Yingshan yawned comfortably.
After Jiang Yingshan left Li Xuanyue's sight, she turned to look at Ahua. The more she filmed these days, the more she felt something was wrong. She felt familiar with it since she first saw the script.
Li Xuanyue's mother had often sent her similar messages, though they were far less dramatic than the scripted ones. Li Xuanyue considered her mother an extremely intelligent person, possessing a broad understanding of everything, often saying things that struck her as insightful. However, she simply couldn't accept her homosexuality and couldn't stand Ah Hua. Growing up with restraint and indulgence, she first discovered the cruelty and stubbornness that had long been hidden in the gratified gaze she'd always given her.
The longer we wait, the more inseparable we become.
Thinking of her mother, Li Xuanyue felt nostalgic and shuddered. She half-jokingly said, "Ahua, you didn't write this script because you wanted to break up with me."
Ah Hua was stunned and smiled strangely, "Guess."
I don’t know when it started, but this movie seems to have become the result of revenge between the director and the screenwriter.
Ah Hua looked at Li Xuanyue. She had been looking at her more and more these days. The more determined she was, the more reluctant she was to let go, and the more she couldn't look away. It was both a result and a cause. She called out softly, "Xuanyue..."
Li Xuanyue turned to look at her and said "hmm" in confusion.
"I don't want to analyze, I want to feel."
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