late autumn
Bai Shunan's time alone gradually decreased after Lu Jinfeng entered his life. Every time Lu Jinfeng approached him, Bai Shunan didn't need to look back. The wind first blew the cool scent of Lu Jinfeng's perfume, with a faint chill of snow. He leaned back and could lie in his arms. Bai Shunan rarely did this.
The impulse and courage of that night stopped that night like the music coming to an abrupt end at its climax. The next day, he left home early for an audition that would not start until the afternoon. His thoughts were flickering. He knew that he did not want to alienate Lu Jinfeng, but he was afraid to face him.
Bai Shunan would suddenly think of Lu Jinfeng's words on this day. He didn't want to foolishly imagine them, but he was always caught up in those moments of evoked memories, realizing that at that moment, he really did like him. Bai Shunan would always be stunned for a moment at these moments, as if his heart was bitten by something, giving rise to a deep and intense emotion, causing a feeling that was almost spasmodic in his heart, making him deeply feel the flame of the past burning the future, connecting the fuse of the present, illuminating the days to come, a possibility of being cared for by hope.
When Bai Shunan returned home after the audition in the afternoon, Lu Jinfeng was still lying on the bed. The afternoon sun shone peacefully on him. Lu Jinfeng was curled up and sleeping, as if he was hugging himself, but one of his hands was stretched out in a place where Bai Shunan had been lying yesterday.
Lu Jinfeng's face was almost completely buried in the pillow, with only a little of his cheek near his ear exposed. The sunlight, as if reluctant to disturb him, fell only on the quilt covering him. Bai Shunan felt strangely moved, tears welling up in his calm eyes. He walked over, lay down beside him, reached out and held Lu Jinfeng's hand, tears slowly falling. At this time, Lu Jinfeng buried his head in the pillow in confusion and shook his head. He looked at Bai Shunan with sleepy eyes, his hair on his forehead was messy, but he looked very obedient, as if he had not yet woken up from the dream, "You're back."
"Well, I'm back."
Soon, Lu Jinfeng seemed to suddenly realize something and turned his head to bury it in the pillow again, but one of his hands subconsciously clenched, and before he knew it, his fingers were intertwined with Bai Shunan's.
They still slept in the same bed at night. Lu Jinfeng began to talk about daily things, sometimes even becoming incoherent due to shyness. Bai Shunan responded, feeling adorable by his appearance, and couldn't help but move closer to him. Later, Lu Jinfeng realized this and thought that Bai Shunan was mesmerized by his words, so he talked more and more, trying to get him closer. It wasn't until much later that Lu Jinfeng realized that it was his shy appearance that attracted Bai Shunan to move closer to him.
Bai Shunan would slowly start to talk about his own things, things that happened a long time ago, and he would tell them as long as Lu Jinfeng asked.
"...I remember you seemed to have a brother, right?"
"Well, we haven't seen each other for many years, and there are some unresolved issues between my brother and I. But how did you know?"
Lu Jinfeng's face flushed, and he lowered his head. "I always talk about you with others, and as I talk, I slowly get to know a lot about you. I didn't ask about you on purpose, but I was just curious about you at that time, so I couldn't help but ask others."
Bai Shunan listened, his heart once again moved by Lu Jinfeng's words. He didn't want others to talk about him, but if it was Lu Jinfeng, he wouldn't resist much in his heart. On the contrary, sometimes he would feel a little... satisfied. Bai Shunan wasn't sure, but he could accept it anyway. "Why don't you come and ask me?"
"By the way," Lu Jinfeng hurriedly changed the subject, his ears turning red and hot. He didn't want to say that he didn't dare. Lu Jinfeng quickly found something to talk about, "I also have a brother..."
Lu Jinfeng paused and talked about his family affairs: "His name is Lu Yusi. I don't get along with him and we don't keep in touch. I also have a sister, you know her too, that bastard Li Xuanyue..."
Bai Shunan was not surprised that Li Xuanyue was Lu Jinfeng's sister. His attention was completely occupied by Lu Jinfeng, and his emotions were also affected by him. He listened patiently and looked at the person in front of him sincerely.
"She and I don't get along, but because of work, we sometimes can't avoid contact. My dad doesn't care about me much. He tried to teach me a lesson once before, but as you can imagine, the result was not ideal. Also, because of that incident, we have a very bad relationship now. My mom sometimes controls me, well..." Lu Jinfeng was silent for a while. He wanted to hesitate for a while, but he didn't want Bai Shunan to wait any longer. Besides, Bai Shunan's bright eyes kept staring at him, which made him too satisfied and excited. He couldn't help but want to say something, so as not to let these eyes be attracted by other things. He just looked at him, "If I can't tell mom about our relationship now or in the future, will you blame me?"
"Are we together now?" Bai Shunan was still not sure about this. He pursed his lips slightly and asked nervously.
"What!" Lu Jinfeng was confused by this question. Looking at Bai Shunan's innocent and confused eyes, Lu Jinfeng almost cried, "Aren't we together yet?"
Bai Shunan's heart beat wildly when he heard this. He smiled slightly and said, "We are together."
"Yesterday," Lu Jinfeng's anger disappeared in an instant, "We were together yesterday."
"Yeah." Bai Shunan answered the previous question, "I don't blame you."
"You don't want everyone to know about our relationship?"
"It's fine now." Bai Shunan stepped forward and hugged Lu Jinfeng. He lowered his eyes to hide the thoughts flowing in his eyes.
“Sometimes I really want everyone to know.”
"Let's take it slow."
Lu Jinfeng, who was being held by Bai Shunan, was so afraid that Bai Shunan would hear his trembling heartbeat at this moment, as if he would lose some kind of bargaining chip. This uneasiness made Lu Jinfeng's thoughts deeply trapped in a kind of fickleness. He hoped that Bai Shunan was not sure how much he loved him, and he also hoped that Bai Shunan knew how much he loved him. He wanted him to know how he restrained the undercurrent of his heart to make him look calm and free tonight.
He was afraid and afraid, hiding things, but things always went against his wishes. Fortunately, Bai Shunan looked silly, so you probably couldn't see what he was thinking. Lu Jinfeng comforted himself while hugging Bai Shunan tighter.
They lay in bed, talking a lot, sharing the things they had missed, revealing some and hiding some, but they knew they would talk about it eventually. They discovered that they both loved the same movie, and they leaned against each other, making an appointment to go see it together when it was re-released at the end of the year.
On an autumn night with some faint signs of winter, they sighed in unison, "Winter is coming," and hugged each other for warmth. From the imaginary snowy nights in late autumn, they thought of summer. As they talked, it seemed as if the dry and hot sunlight had already shone on them, and as if the vision of watching the sunrise together had been realized. The first ray of dawn light broke through the clouds and was quietly reflected in the eyes of the lovers. As they thought about it, they fell asleep in each other's arms.
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