Mottled old things
The feeling of spring comes slowly. By May, the snowmen piled in front of the house have not melted yet, leaving a small pile of snow there slowly melting.
My mother gradually became familiar with the new neighbors. They sat in front of the house, basking in the sun and chatting, while Shunan played with his toy car nearby.
The neighbor teased Shunan, but saw that he didn't react. "Your child doesn't talk much, unlike mine. He makes so much noise every day that I can't sleep well."
The mother glanced at Shunan and said, "When Shunan first learned to speak, he was very talkative and noisy every day."
Memories flooded her mind, and she lowered her head and smiled: "Back then, I always called him a chatterbox. Now that he's a few years older, he talks very little."
"Then," the neighbor frowned and asked in confusion, "was it stimulated by something?"
The mother was slightly stunned by the neighbor's question. More past events flooded into her mind, piecing together all the overlooked details. She looked at Bai Shunan and said, "I don't know."
The mother remembered that because of the debt, she and her husband were too busy with work every day. They had no time to take care of Bai Shunan and no money to hire a nanny. As for her parents, they were too far away and had a bad relationship, so she couldn't ask for help. So it was basically Shunnian who took care of Shunan, but Shunnian had to go to school and could only take care of him during the holidays. She didn't know how Shunan spent the rest of the time, and she didn't have the extra energy to find out at that time.
After the neighbor left, the mother wanted to cook some porridge. However, the rice had been cooking in the pot for a long time, but there was no sign of porridge. She stared blankly at the pot, which looked like soaked rice. She leaned aside and thought, lost in thought.
When she came to her senses, she saw the pot boiling, with more and more bubbles coming out. When the lid was about to be lifted, she hurriedly lifted it. In a moment of carelessness, she scalded her hand with the steam. She screamed, and the piece of food in her hand quickly turned red.
At this time, Bai Shunan was startled by the sound. He saw his injured mother and ran over hurriedly. Bai Shunan looked at his mother's scalded red hand, held it gently, and blew air into it slowly.
The mother's hand trembled and she broke free from Bai Shunan, "Don't touch me."
She turned the faucet and ran cold water over her hands, her face showing the struggle in her heart. When she realized what she had done, her face suddenly became panic-stricken, but in an instant she calmed down and murmured softly, "This is not good."
Turning around, Shunan was still there, looking up at her. The mother felt ashamed for a moment, and in a moment, this shame turned into grievance.
The pot was boiling, and her heart was in agony. Looking at Shunan's smiling face, her mother seemed determined to make him sad too. She cried, but only her heart knew how clear-headed and cold she was at that moment. It was as if a block of unmeltable ice had formed inside her, freezing her from the inside. Her words were also cold, "Shunan, I'm very sad, and you're still by my side."
She squatted down, grabbed Shunan's arm, and continued, "Why don't you speak? Why don't you cry?"
She hated that he didn't speak, but she was also extremely glad that he didn't speak at this moment. If he really said something, how would she deal with it? What she hated ended up easing her mood.
"It shouldn't be like this..." The mother poured out her dissatisfaction until Bai Shunan pushed her away. She paused for a second and saw herself clearly. At this moment, she was confused, like a child who had no home and had lost his way. "Shunan, why can't I like you anymore?"
She truly shed tears from the bottom of her heart.
When Bai Shunan was younger and even cried all day long, she still thought he was cute and loved him very much. But now that he is obviously well-behaved and sensible, she no longer has that kind of love in her heart, and even the feeling of a mother is gone. She no longer loves her child, and she can no longer love her child.
She hated Shunnian's rebelliousness, and she hated Shunan's understanding.
Everything is an eyesore.
She knew clearly why Shunan spoke less and less. Before they moved, debt collectors knew the address and sometimes came to collect debts. She knew that Shunan must have encountered them when he was alone at home. What did she do after she returned home? She deliberately ignored the messy house and subconsciously blamed the children.
She took the sleeping Shunan out of the closet more than once, and sometimes found him under the bed. It was rare for her to see him as soon as she got home.
He always falls asleep curled up with his ears covered.
Perhaps out of guilt, she kept ignoring things, ignoring actions and words, so that everything unusual would become normal over time, and she thought it would just not matter.
Mother stood up and the porridge she cooked was already thick enough to resemble porridge.
Shunan will forget it when he grows up, she thought.
She stirred the porridge in the pot and looked down at him. Shunan noticed his mother's gaze and looked up at her with a pure and cute smile. He gently put down his hands that were covering his ears.
"I really hate..." myself.
She swallowed her tears and said nothing more.
He would forget, he was only six years old.
…
Li Xuanyue sat in front of the computer desk, picked up the ice cream on the table, scooped a spoonful into his mouth, slid the mouse to click on a movie, and when he saw Bai Shunan appear, Li Xuanyue couldn't help but raised his eyebrows.
At that time, Bai Shunan's skin was fair and rosy, and he was very eye-catching in the crowd. He played a lively and sunny role, but there was a visibly dissonance between the two. Li Xuanyue secretly thought that there was still a big problem with his acting skills.
She could clearly feel Bai Shunan's panic when facing the camera, and she couldn't ignore the existence of the camera.
After watching some clips, Li Xuanyue switched to the next movie. The quiet role was more suitable for Bai Shunan in his early days. His introverted and indifferent temperament began to show, but whenever he played a role with a little vitality, he would appear a little cramped. Although he was handsome, his acting skills were really poor and his own charm was greatly reduced. Therefore, when he became a background board, he would easily become the focus.
Looking at his indifferent side in the camera.
"I really want to film the scene where a woman forcefully kisses him~" Li Xuanyue sighed as she watched, and then she clicked on the next movie. Obviously, there was a director who had the same idea as her. She saw such a scene in this cult film, which was from Bai Shunan's movies in recent years. At this time, he had completely made it impossible to feel the presence of the camera.
"Have you decided on him?" Ah Hua came in with a cup of hot milk. She put the cup on the table and immediately saw the ice cream on the table. She frowned and sat on the chair next to Li Xuanyue. "It's getting colder now, so eat less cold food at night."
Li Xuanyue then clicked the mouse and opened the next movie. "It will probably be him."
"Actually, you don't think Bai Shunan is suitable, do you?"
"Well," Li Xuanyue answered truthfully, "He doesn't quite match my expectations of Qi Ci."
"Don't force yourself, and don't try to please me. This is your movie."
Li Xuanyue glanced at Ah Hua and switched to the next movie. "Lu Jinfeng didn't meet my expectations either. He's too good for the role of Yun Cen. I'm afraid it will be difficult to give an objective evaluation of him then."
Ah Hua lowered her head. "Even though he's not a very good person, I think he's suitable."
"Why?"
Ah Hua looked at Li Xuanyue and shook her head, not saying the reason: "Secret."
Li Xuanyue chuckled. When she learned the secret later, she felt it was both reasonable and surprising, even funny. She also vaguely understood that if she knew the secret now, they would have separated even earlier. "You haven't worked with him, so you don't know. He always likes to change the script according to his own understanding."
Ah Hua: "...You rarely tell me about your own affairs."
"Why are we here?" Li Xuanyue stretched and then scooped another spoonful of ice cream. "By the way, don't worry. I didn't force it."
In the movie playing on the computer, Bai Shunan played another lively role. This time, the effect of his performance was more like how he interacted with people in real life, which was unexpectedly appropriate.
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