Overwintering
Faced with an unfamiliar environment, Cotton always wandered around. Zhong Mianqing wanted to look for it eight hundred times a day. It became common for her to see Cotton at her neighbor's house. When she found Cotton this time, she saw a woman there reluctantly teasing the cat. Zhong Mianqing was thinking about how to get rid of this hot potato, Cotton, while walking over slowly.
The woman noticed Zhong Mianqing approaching and said casually, "I don't like the color of this cat's fur."
Zhong Mianqing frowned upon hearing this, her expression visibly worse. She picked up Mianhua and said with a hint of mockery, "Have you ever considered that the reason your little son, who doesn't like cats, is so kind to Mianhua is because of her white fur."
The woman said calmly, "He's been acting a bit childish lately."
Seeing that there was no movement, she looked up and saw that Zhong Mianqing had already walked to the door. She looked at her back and thought of last night. She wanted to take care of Lu Jinfeng, but he had left too much. The moment she stood up and looked outside the door, all she saw was the snow illuminated by the lamp in front of the door, and the rest was pitch black.
She went to the kitchen and put the soup she had stewed in the morning into the thermos box. After a while, Li Xuanyue came and took away the thermos box.
She looked around, and the house where she lived every day and the people who lived in it all became unfamiliar, but this was where she lived. She looked at all this quietly, responding to all the changes with confusion and dissatisfaction, and in the blink of an eye, the house was forgetting her. She accepted this change, but felt threatened by the speed of the change. In an instant, everything around her seemed to have become relics, as if they could be snatched away at any time.
"Ding", the kettle started to operate according to the set insulation mode, and it seemed a little lively.
Flipping through the chat history, the conversation still stopped a few days ago. And the call that lasted less than two minutes three days ago had a minute of silence. She just opened her mouth and said, "You and that person..."
Then she heard him interrupt her decisively and coldly with "I love him".
She had never heard him speak to her like this before. Before hanging up, she tacitly accepted her own futility in the face of this change with a "I understand." She erected a wall stronger than ever to resist the onslaught of impermanence, secretly resolving not to speak to him again until he surrendered first. When the kettle started to chime, she realized she had used the same tactics on him as she had on her husband. Having participated in the entire process, she knew exactly where it was headed. She seemed to see the effects of those years of silence playing out before her, the fleeting words of conversation now playing out before her. The only noticeable change was that she was even more stubborn than before.
In terms of knowing Lu Jinfeng, she maintained the same confidence as Li Xuanyue. It would be better to say that when she was raising Li Xuanyue, she first showed her how she treated Lu Jinfeng. The unexpected arrival of Lu Jinfeng at that time finally brought about a child who, after years of struggle between her and her husband, could show the children how they would face if their position was lost. The behavior of her and her husband towards Lu Jinfeng contained hidden warnings that they were unaware of due to being too accustomed to it. Under this subtle influence, Li Xuanyue and Lu Yusi imitated her unconsciously, and the three of them could never really get close.
She poured warm water into the teacup and murmured, "It's just a little childish."
She looked at the house, which looked brand new in her eyes through the heat, with a faint smile on her lips. Her always foolish husband had missed the opportunity to discipline Lu Jinfeng due to improper education and lost his closeness. At this moment, who could he rely on? It couldn't be the person lying half-dead in the hospital bed. For the first time, she didn't hate her husband's stupidity so much.
She thought back to a time long ago, when Lu Jinfeng was a child and slept alone for the first time. She pretended to pass by his room, where he still didn't have the habit of closing the door. She turned off the small, dim lamp by his bed. She listened to him, still afraid of the dark, call out "Mom." She heard the answer she wanted to hear and quietly left. It's often hard to cry for yourself. She tapped the table lightly. She knew what Lu Jinfeng couldn't stand the most. "It won't be long."
…
When Lu Jinfeng came to his senses, he had already driven back to his home which he had not returned to for a long time. He walked into the house he owned after a long absence and turned on the lights in the living room. He stood there and looked at everything in front of him, which was neatly arranged, just the same as when he left a few months ago.
Rarely, life seems to have come to a standstill.
He became furious and kept smashing things around him like crazy. He smashed things calmly until a mess was in sight and he had no intention of stopping until everything was destroyed beyond recognition and he could hardly move. Then he stopped, as if he had just realized what he had done, and stared at everything in a trance.
The sound of his breathing echoed in the room, mixed with the smell of blood, stinging his lungs. As soon as Lu Jinfeng turned off the lights, he collapsed to the ground, exhausted, and curled up tightly against the wall.
The tingling pain at the tip of his tongue brought him back to his senses. He found his face wet with tears. He covered his mouth with both hands, trying hard not to cry out loud. Amidst his intermittent sobs, he whispered helplessly, "Why..."
"Why, tell me, why am I still crying all the time...Why, mother, tell me, why am I still crying all the time."
He understood on many nights that the mother he called out at night was not like calling for mother, but more like a mother who had lost the meaning that her memory originally gave her, a name that could be confessed.
"Tell me why I am not what you think I am, and you are not what I think I am..."
The questions that only emerged at night seemed less and less like questions to my mother.
"Why am I trapped in this kind of problem? Why can't I get out of it? Why would I rather suffer by myself? Why is it him? Why did he leave me again?" He faced his own desire painfully, "Don't leave me, don't leave me..."
He anxiously held up the clothes on his body and smelled them. The lingering blood in his memory diluted Shunan's scent. At that time, the wind was heavy, pressing his internal organs to the point of twisting them. The wetness from the footsteps soaked his clothes. He knelt there, his neck spasming for a long time.
His heart was throbbing with pain. Lu Jinfeng thought of Shun'an, still lying on that hospital bed, trapped there pitifully. And all this was because of him. Someone hurt the person he loved under the pretext of "loving him." He cried and said, "What should I do?"
With despair in his heart, he thought about the future for no reason and indulged in the addictive sadness. His eyes were dull and his body could not stop shaking. The dark eyes that reflected his tears at that time appeared in his eyes. His arms were filled with cold and sticky memories that he could not give up even if they faded. When he noticed it, the wet feeling would suddenly resurface without him realizing it in the future. Only then did he realize that the fear of blood had become a long and deep sequelae.
Lu Jinfeng suddenly realized that he had to go back to Shunan's house later. He had to go back. The cotton was still there. The cotton was still there. He couldn't ignore it. He couldn't ignore it.
He was in the chaotic house, among the items that were destroyed like ruins. In order to calm down for a moment, he shouted "Shun'an" over and over again in his collapse.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
