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Li Xuanyue let time slip away due to laziness and indulgence. When the horror movie starring Shunan and Suiwen was released, Li Xuanyue had not yet decided on the release date. By the time she decided on a date, it was already autumn of the following year. It happened that one of the leading actors, Lu Jinfeng, was filming abroad. As a result, Lu Jinfeng missed all the offline promotional activities for the movie before its release.
Near the end of the year, urged by his mother, Lu Jinfeng returned home as soon as he got a role he liked abroad. At the simple family gathering, Li Xuanyue still did not show up. This time it was not that she was unwilling to come as usual, but that she had forgotten about it at all. While worrying about the multiple interpretations of "Light and Shadow", she endured the invasion of a cold and worried about how to treat Jiang Yingshan, who was temporarily planning to live in her house to take care of her.
Li Xuanyue looked at Jiang Yingshan's worried face. She couldn't say no, but she didn't want to accept it either. In the end, she turned sideways and said nothing.
Jiang Yingshan didn't ask any more questions and just stayed there.
Li Xuanyue understood her longing for companionship. She accepted her meticulous care, the caring words, the timely delivery of medicine. She watched her clumsily prepare meals in the kitchen, and before she knew it, her longing had become a need. Years later, thinking back on this day, Li Xuanyue felt as though she had stumbled a little… The phone rang, and she saw her mother calling, stood up and walked to the balcony. Then, reality struck. Before she could comprehend what was happening and try to get up, she heard hurried footsteps. Jiang Yingshan approached, cautiously and carefully helping her to her feet. Li Xuanyue inhaled her fragrance, and at a time when she was so sick that even the smell of anything was unpleasant, she felt a deep sense of reassurance. Years later, when she was about to fall, it was this fragrance that greeted her and caught her, preventing her from learning the lesson of those stumbles. It was as if that cold had never gone away, something had lingered naturally within her, and her heart remained as it had then, filled with the enduring peace of mind.
When she was helped up, the feeling of being dazed from the fall had not yet dissipated. Li Xuanyue looked at Jiang Yingshan, and the boundary between her feelings weakened. Her eyes couldn't help but feel sour, and her heart felt dizzy, as if she was tasting a strawberry that was too sour. The sourness left between her lips and teeth stimulated her brain. After swallowing, her stomach felt a strange chill.
Li Xuanyue calmly felt the undercurrent coursing through her body, as if she had glimpsed the future. Suddenly, her heart was filled with waves of passionate emotion, and soon, she continued to release this unrestricted emotion in countless unreasonable behaviors in the future. Jiang Yingshan had prematurely accepted all of this in the long wait. She looked at her, her heart filled with a determination equal to or even greater than that emotion. This had already existed in her life, as if even before they met, her chaotic heart had reminded her, foreshadowing the preciousness of the moment of chaos and stability, and doomed the madness that would follow their meeting.
…
The flight was booked for tomorrow morning. Lu Jinfeng rubbed his red, frozen hands and returned home to rest after dinner. The furnishings in the house were the same as when he left, except that some corners were filled with all kinds of things, probably because his mother and Zhan Song had been there.
He walked around the house and turned on all the lights to prevent any unexpected surprises like he had the year before. After a long time, when he didn't find anything unusual, he breathed a sigh of relief and turned off the lights one by one, leaving only one in the living room.
After warming up in the shower, Lu Jinfeng felt cold again as he emerged. He sat on the sofa, toweling his hair while aimlessly scrolling through the birthday greetings on his phone. It didn't take long for him to tire of watching. He picked up the remote, flicked on a movie, then hastily quit. His fingers lingered on the buttons several times, unable to contain their impatience. He finally clicked on the new horror film. Perhaps out of fear, he had never been particularly fond of that genre.
Even though he'd expected Bai Shunan's appearance, it still appeared too quickly. He stared at him on the screen, feeling uneasy and panicked, without even a hint of the nausea he'd felt back then. Perhaps fearing a sudden flash of something, he closed his eyes. The things he'd been thinking about before bed lately surfaced in his mind, and a hint of sleepiness clouded his vision. He raised his fingertips and touched a spot on his cheek, unable to recall the old feelings. The whispers echoing in his mind lingered on the words, "I love you."
The sound of rain and snow outside the window weakened along with the cold air. Water droplets dripping from his hair slid across his cheeks and soaked into his clothes. He opened his eyes slightly, but his vision remained hazy and blurred.
With every breath, a warmth is drawn deeper into the body, and the slowly rising mood also follows the trace and meanders towards one place.
Suddenly, he heard an urgent voice outside the window, just like his heart. He reached down with one hand and covered his eyes with the other.
His emotions and movements were in a state of disarray. With a few subtle tremors, he loosened his hand slightly, revealing his vacant yet clear eyes, like porcelain lying in a clear stream. He was on the verge of tears several times, his eyes filled with an unconcealable helplessness. His breaths were tinged with tears, but after several attempts at self-control, he lost the sound of sobs.
The palms of his hands shook, the lights flickered, and he regained his composure. Lu Jinfeng looked forward and saw Bai Shunan. In a trance, Bai Shunan seemed to really appear before him, watching him sobbing without emotion. The heat had not yet subsided, as if in this cold night, he had returned to a damp, rainy day. All his feelings were renewed, completely different from before. It was as if the sun shone on Qingli Road, and the hot breath invaded him. He walked on the road in a foreign country, once again going to the place where he had met him by chance. Dressed similarly to that time, he walked under the eaves and stopped at a place close to where Bai Shunan had stood. Lu Jinfeng looked forward, the dazzling dust swirling in the air. This time, it was not raining. He smelled the scent of dust in the boiling air.
His elbows gradually pressed against the pillow, trapped in the softness of the sinking place. This softness gave rise to a scorching heat. His hands, which had previously trembled and grasped at the air, now gripped the edge of the pillow tightly. A slight sweat formed on his forehead, a mixture of tiny tears and water falling. As the distinct sound of his breath drifted and echoed, his lips moved as he whispered something, a tangled mess of wishes and thoughts that was indistinguishable. His exhaled breath shattered the words, making them inaudible.
When the remaining sound of rain faded away, he let go.
He watched Bai Shunan fall into the lake and swallowed his saliva.
In the eyes that are blurred and hazy.
Finally, he let go.
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