Tender
Lu Jinfeng lowered his head and looked at Bai Shunan's hand. He stretched out his hand, then pulled it back a little, and tentatively moved forward a few inches. As the car swayed during the journey, Lu Jinfeng slowly placed his hand on Bai Shunan's fingertips. He lowered his eyes and looked at him gently, without his usual demeanor, with a gentle smile on his face. He found that the person who was about to or had already taken control of his life was still by his side, which made him feel a kind of wild joy. He couldn't help but smile, not disturbed by the silence at all, nor did he feel fear because of the unknown. He just felt that he was looking at him with a smile in his eyes, and he was smiling too, and that was all.
The rainstorm that had been foreshadowed arrived as expected. Lu Jinfeng followed Bai Shunan back to his home. He stood behind Bai Shunan and watched him put his hand on the light switch, then put it down and walked into the house that was submerged in the darkness of the night.
Lu Jinfeng vaguely saw Bai Shunan's outline and closed the door.
He couldn't see him clearly anymore. The darkness in the room soaked through his previous joy, almost drowning it completely. Lu Jinfeng stood there, completely without the casualness he had the first time. Instead, he looked uneasy, helplessly stroking the white scar on his finger. His thoughts were sometimes blank, sometimes so confused that he couldn't find a single thing to extend his imagination. The moment Lu Jinfeng noticed Bai Shunan turning around and approaching him, Bai Shunan leaned forward and kissed him accurately in the dark night.
Lu Jinfeng shrugged in surprise when he was kissed, but the intimacy was fleeting. After a moment of daze, Lu Jinfeng followed up with a kiss.
At this moment, the lights came on and everything was interrupted.
After a few slightly awkward encounters without any communication, Bai Shunan handed Lu Jinfeng some spare clothes for tonight.
Lu Jinfeng deliberately walked into the bathroom right after Bai Shunan had finished showering. After taking a leisurely shower, he changed into that set of clothes. Lu Jinfeng tugged at the collar and lowered his head to sniff the remaining warmth on the clothes. Affected by the warm water mist around him, he held up more fabric at the collar and buried it in his face, smelling a familiar and warm scent. The denied desire surfaced with the indulgence he regained. He wanted to see him.
He walked out of the bathroom. Although he had mustered up his courage, he still lingered in front of Bai Shunan's bedroom door for a long time before pushing open the door. The room was not completely dark. Some light faintly shone through the curtains into the room. He closed the door again, hesitated for a while, and walked over carefully. Lu Jinfeng looked at Bai Shunan's figure covered by the quilt, and made mental preparations for a long time before lying down on the bed.
As soon as he lay on the bed, the familiar scent of Bai Shunan enveloped him. Lu Jinfeng always felt that Bai Shunan deliberately left a place on the side for him. He looked at Bai Shunan who was sleeping with his back to him. No matter how he thought about it, he felt that it was so. When he thought about it this way, he couldn't help but feel happy.
The sound of heavy rain outside the window continued. Lu Jinfeng slowly moved closer to Bai Shunan. He felt satisfied, but at the same time, he couldn't really feel at ease because he was being harassed. Once he faced Bai Shunan, he realized how vulnerable he was. Lu Jinfeng waited for a while before whispering, "Look at me, Shunan, please, look at me?"
Bai Shunan turned around upon hearing this. He was currently troubled by his own irrationality and was also troubled by the question of right and wrong. Just as he realized that he was making excuses for his fear, he suddenly heard Lu Jinfeng say with a smile, "It's raining heavily outside, and we're at home..."
Bai Shunan looked up at Lu Jinfeng, and an unusual feeling arose in his heart, which diluted the troubles brought by his wild thoughts. He couldn't see him clearly, but he could feel that Lu Jinfeng was looking at him. This self-proclaimed certainty inexplicably made him relax.
"That's reassuring. Happy birthday, Shunan." He said the words he had been nervously waiting for for a long time with a smile, and then hurriedly diverted his attention and spoke incoherently, "I didn't expect this day to come..."
Hearing this, Bai Shunan lowered his head.
Lu Jinfeng continued to speak busily, "I saw you a long time ago, probably earlier than you thought. I remember you first sat in the seat I wanted to sit in. I remember the vines you drew were white... Did you care about me too?"
He did it again, saying something that had made him nervous for a long time, and then tried to change the subject and move on from this.
Bai Shunan thought about this and felt very strange. He spoke the truth without thinking, "I thought you were very strange at that time. I was about to fall down, but you were still so close to me."
Lu Jinfeng was a little emotional at this time. He smiled, but soon adjusted himself. "Although I don't really want to admit it, I don't really want to tell you, but you were the only one in my eyes at that time."
Bai Shunan's eyes flickered open, as if struck by something, knocking over his piled-up emotional box, his emotions suddenly intensifying. Lu Jinfeng had taken him back to the past, replaying something he'd deliberately forgotten, something completely overturned by Lu Jinfeng's dislike. He'd uncovered another possibility he'd never dared to test, and now that it was a reality, it settled firmly within him.
He leaned closer to Lu Jinfeng, who took the opportunity to hug him, letting Bai Shunan lie in his arms. Bai Shunan was overwhelmed by this intimacy and quietly had the idea of ​​retreating. He was afraid of the uncontrollable future, as if everything would be shattered in front of him in an instant and move away from him. But he still moved closer to Lu Jinfeng and said, "I've noticed that there's someone who's always watching me."
"Yeah, I've been watching you." Lu Jinfeng became nervous as he revealed his hidden true feelings. "So, that day, the day I found you following me, the day I was walking down the street with the cake in my arms, was it you who called the police?"
Bai Shunan leaned in Lu Jinfeng's arms and nodded. He felt as if his tongue was tied and he couldn't say anything. He felt as if he had completely lost his mind.
"Shun'an," Lu Jinfeng closed his eyes. He originally wanted to make Shun'an laugh, because he liked him to smile. But when the words came to his lips, he felt wronged and said with some resentment, "You don't miss me. Why don't you miss me and look for me?"
"I didn't miss you." Bai Shunan suddenly felt something was wrong. He didn't know how to coax Lu Jinfeng, and kissed Lu Jinfeng's cheek anxiously. Lu Jinfeng was stunned again. The smug joy he had recovered was weakened a little by the subsequent nervousness. He placed his hand on Shunan's fingertips, and he gently held his fingertips. After several moments of contemplation, he lowered his eyes and looked at him, waiting for the decision to end. At the critical moment, Lu Jinfeng's face was shy, and his tone was a little awkward: "You hugged me at that time, what did you say..."
As soon as Lu Jinfeng finished speaking, he buried his head deeper. Bai Shunan raised his head slightly, leaned forward and kissed him with a smile. After so many years, he finally realized what was going on. Bai Shunan kept saying, "I love you."
Lu Jinfeng subconsciously held Bai Shunan's hand tightly, and then let go hastily. Tears were already in his eyes. Lu Jinfeng felt the warmth on his cheeks. He wanted to hide his tears, but was afraid that Bai Shunan would want to kiss him. He hesitated, and the light in his eyes was bright and clear in the night. He looked at Bai Shunan pitifully, as if he wanted to kiss him. Bai Shunan soothed his cheek.
"I thought, I thought you wouldn't..."
"I still said it." Bai Shunan said softly, a little helpless, but more relieved.
At this time, Lu Jinfeng noticed that there were already tears in Bai Shunan's eyes. He looked at the tear marks on Shunan's face, and his heart suddenly softened. He felt a slight pain extending from the depths of his heart. He felt Shunan's breathing gently and sadly, affecting his own breathing. They gradually got closer until they were tightly and warmly together. Lu Jinfeng's tears fell on Bai Shunan's face. He couldn't tell whose wetness was on his face, and whose tears soaked his clothes. The dead branches and fallen leaves that had accumulated in each other's hearts for several years were wet, and melted in the warm eyes that revealed their hearts when they looked at each other.
Everything disappears, everything has a place to go.
Lu Jinfeng waited, closing his eyes and waiting until Bai Shunan, resting his head on his arm, completely relaxed and his breathing slowed. After a long moment, Lu Jinfeng finally opened his eyes. He saw Bai Shunan. In the dim light of the room, he could vaguely see him. He was still beside him. Lu Jinfeng stared at him for a long moment before slowly moving. He leaned closer to Bai Shunan and whispered softly in his ear, "I love you."
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