There is always something
"After you finish this semester, we will go to live with your grandfather, and I will arrange the transfer." The mother said the decision she had thought about for many days at the dinner table.
Bai Shunnian ran back to his room after eating a few bites. Ever since their last conversation ended in a bad mood, he has been angry with Shunan, and now, he is also a little angry with his mother.
The days passed like this, and the holidays were getting closer and closer.
During the winter solstice, the neighbors sent over some dumplings they had made themselves.
The mother looked at the dumplings turning over and over in the boiling water. They were round and plump, a bit like Shunnian and Shunan when they were children. Thinking of this, she took out the insulated lunch box and put two servings of dumplings in it.
I weighed the amount and felt it was not enough, so I cooked a few more dumplings and put them in the lunch box.
She looked back at the snow outside the window, found two scarves in the room and put them in the bag. After thinking for a while, she put two apples in.
She opened the door, held the door handle, and felt her hands were cold, so she turned around and put two pairs of gloves into the bag.
When she finally walked out, it was still bright outside. She looked at the frosty ground and felt that it was a bit slippery to walk on, so she decided not to ride a bike. After all, the schools of her two children were very close.
The mother took a few steps and decided to go to Shunnian's place first, as it was closer to the school.
After walking for about ten minutes, she walked up the stairs holding the handrail. Seeing Shunnian coming out of the classroom, she let go of the handrail and waved to Shunnian, "Shunnian."
Bai Shunnian hurried over, his tone still a little awkward: "Mom, why are you here?"
The mother took out a scarf and put it on Shunnian. Soon Shunnian's glasses fogged up. "Today is the winter solstice. Let's eat dumplings."
Bai Shunnian could not see his mother clearly. His mother's face always seemed blurry in his eyes. He pulled his scarf down, suppressed the corners of his lips that were about to rise, and put on gloves reluctantly.
"One is for Shunan." Then the mother took out the lunch box and handed it to Shunnian. Knowing that the two brothers had been angry recently, she said, "I'll take you to find him."
The junior high school was not far from the elementary school. Although Shunnian looked a little awkward, he took everything from his mother's hands and ran and walked. Soon he arrived at Shun'an School. He took the guard and waved to his mother before running into the school.
The mother looked at the sky and saw that it was not completely dark yet. She wanted to let the two of them be alone for a while to ease the relationship, so she did not go to school and waited for Shunnian outside.
When it was dark, Bai Shunnian finally came out. His mother looked at his smiling face and the empty lunch box he brought back, and knew how much they enjoyed their meal. "Come on, I'll go back to school with you."
Seeing Bai Shunnian walking proudly, his mother was afraid that he would slip, so she took him by the hand. Bai Shunnian was a little shy at first, but his mother said something to divert his attention, "Make peace with Shunan."
"What are you talking about? We have never had any conflicts." After Bai Shunnian found Shunan, he looked at Shunan's red cheeks due to the cold and felt distressed. He didn't care about anything else. He remembered that Shunan was only eleven years old this year.
Bai Shunnian quickly became curious about another thing, "Mom, what are grandpa's parents like?"
The mother recalled: "It was very spacious, very white, and there was warm sunshine."
"It was a bit noisy." A nostalgic look appeared on her face. The mother didn't want to cry in front of her child, so she kept restraining herself and distracted herself from watching the road.
"Where are grandpa and grandma?"
The mother was silent for a moment. "They're all very fierce, but sometimes they can be very nice."
"Mom, I really don't want to go to their place. Isn't it good for the three of us to stay here?"
The mother sighed and said, "Let me think about it."
That night, Shunnian's homeroom teacher came to Shunnian's dormitory and woke him up as quietly as possible. He helped the dazed Shunnian put on his clothes and walked him out of the dormitory. "Shunnian, your grandparents will come to see you tomorrow."
The cold wind kept blowing, and Bai Shunnian huddled up, feeling a little uncomfortable in his heart. He asked in confusion, "Why?"
The head teacher stood there for a while, trying to speak several times but stopping himself. Finally, he felt that this was not going to work, so he said with a hardened heart, "Your mother accidentally fell on the way home and never woke up."
Bai Shunnian was stunned and speechless. He felt as if his breath was taken away by something. He gasped for breath, but still couldn't breathe. Finally, he felt as if a certain part of his heart was severely peeled off, and the situation was relieved, but the wound continued to swell and continue to fester.
Finally, he passed out.
Unlike a fall that could be defended, he unconsciously blocked out all his feelings and fell into a coma. Now, there was no pain at all.
There is nothing left.
The next day, Bai Shunnian picked up Bai Shunan from school. He held his hand and walked on the road, just like yesterday when his mother held his hand for fear that he would fall. Only then did he understand why his mother was so calm after his father's death. She couldn't collapse.
Now, he can't collapse either.
He told Bai Shunan calmly: "Shunan, no matter what happens, we must survive."
He said this.
Bai Shunan nodded, half understanding. He knew something was happening, but he didn't know what. This time, perhaps because he was deliberately avoiding it deep down, he had never expected it to be his mother's death, just like he hadn't expected a separation later.
After their grandparents picked them up, they took them to another city without saying anything. They first stayed at their uncle's house for a while. Their aunt tried to look at them kindly despite her big belly, but their uncle's family's reluctance had already been written into the layout of their house.
My grandparents sent them back to their old house, where my mother grew up. It was located in a small alley. Because no one had lived in the house for a long time, it was covered with dust and cobwebs.
After settling them, grandma hurried back to my uncle's house, and grandpa stayed with them for a few days.
Uncle helped them arrange the transfer. Before leaving the old house, Grandpa gave Shunnian a card. He would deposit some money into it every month, but he couldn't give anything else. The insurmountable distance of time and the existing concern lay between them, and a few words couldn't bring relief. He said a lot before leaving, but Bai Shunnian was so confused at the time that he only caught one sentence: "Time passes by."
When he finished speaking, he was the only one awake in the house. Shunan had been crying and fainted several times. He cried himself sick and kept calling "Mom" in a daze. Bai Shunnian was watching over him, repeating "I'm here" over and over again.
After a night, Bai Shunnian finally smiled as he touched Shunan's forehead, which was no longer as hot. A spot on his hand felt warm, and he looked over. It was the light that was warming it. Bai Shunnian looked up at the sunlight streaming in from the window, caressing his pale face. His thick eyelashes cast a shadow, but his fragility still couldn't escape the sunlight's pursuit. He murmured softly to himself, "Take me home, Mom."
The ethereal sound dissipated in the air.
It was winter again, and this winter with more sunshine almost froze them both to death.
But having survived, the desire to live is stronger than anything else.
After this illness, Shunan no longer looked heartbroken as before. He always sat quietly somewhere. Shunnian watched him and thought it was a good thing. If he kept crying, he really couldn't do anything about it.
But the more he looked at Shunan, the more familiar he became.
"Shun'an," Shunnian called his attention, "We have to survive no matter what. No matter what happens in the future, as long as we are together, we can get through it. Believe me, everything will be fine..."
He followed the good news and said, "We will live happily and happily."
"Brother, will it really be okay in the future? I always feel," Bai Shunan looked at Bai Shunan with a smile, "I won't be happy."
"What nonsense are you talking about?" Bai Shunnian patted Bai Shunan's head, and Bai Shunan laughed even more happily. Shunnian looked at him and laughed, his eyes welling up. He hugged Shunan and said, "You will be happy, you have me. Everything will be fine."
Shunnian didn't know what kind of compromise it was, he sighed softly: "Come back to life, Shunan."
After arriving in the city where the filming took place, Bai Shunan didn't go straight to the hotel. He kept walking forward. The surroundings had undergone tremendous changes, but he could only rely on his memory. At one point, he stopped moving forward. Now, if Bai Shunan really wanted to recall something, in his eyes, it was not worth mentioning.
But looking up, I see the branches of the vine growing out of the wall...
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