Chapter 22
Chen Ruchao and Mo Daoyan had a wonderful time together. When she was young, her parents were locked up for questioning, and she and her sister were taken in by Uncle Mo to live with him. She developed a rash and a high fever from her anger, and Mo Daoyan, still a child, stayed by her bedside day and night, coaxing her to take her medicine and sleep. No matter how hard she worked, she could never be number one, and she was always unhappy. To comfort her, he became a half-philosopher. Even the sun doesn't shine on places, and if everyone were to be the sun, Houyi's efforts would be in vain. She was indignant, wondering how he could be number one? He replied that Mo Daoxing was the second oldest. His jokes weren't funny, sometimes repeated over and over, but she never tired of hearing them, always laughing uncontrollably. Because of her parents' class background, she was singled out, beaten, and harassed by hooligans from the suburbs. He stood in her way time and again, fighting ten people at once, and even when he was stabbed in the stomach, blood gushing out, he never flinched.
He was very gentle to her, even when she was unreasonable sometimes, he would not say anything extreme even if he was obviously angry. He was not an extroverted and honest person, on the contrary he was often indifferent, including to Mo Daoxing and Chen Jueyao, and there were very few tender moments between them. Therefore, the kindness he showed to her was considered special and exclusive by her, and was a precious and exclusive favor.
When a young girl is in love, she regards those as love.
When she was in college, the school prohibited dating, and the school rule of expulsion was written into the student code. However, underground romances continued to emerge and persisted despite the ban. Many boys also expressed their love to her. With a trace of selfishness, she used Mo Daoyan as a shield. Some people went to Mo Daoyan to verify it. Mo Daoyan had a serious conversation with her, clarifying that he treated her no differently than he treated Chen Jueyao and Mo Daoxing. Mo Daoxing was her biological brother, so naturally he was closer to her. He didn't often get angry with her when she made mistakes because he taught her according to her aptitude. She had too much self-esteem, and being scolded would only make her feel frustrated, which made things worse. If warmth could be used as a criterion for closeness, Chen Huaili was more like his father than Mo Changlin, but his father was only Mo Changlin.
When she learned that he was going to get engaged, she asked with great sorrow, "Where did I lose?"
He said decisively: "Only when we start from the same starting line can we win or lose. I never put you on that line."
She stayed in the intensive care unit for eighteen days. On the day she was transferred to the general ward, he came to the hospital to see her and gave her the message of "good health and successful career". After she was discharged from the hospital, she learned that he had married as scheduled and had flown to the other side of the ocean. Medical students are in a six-year program, and she had not graduated at that time. The career message did not sound like it was for her, but rather like his own expectations. He only thought about his career and future.
He is so selfish and cruel.
It took her three years to let him go, and she kept pushing herself for more than a thousand days and nights. She wanted to be the sun, to illuminate her own sun. Two years later, she graduated and became a glorious people's doctor. She wandered around in the impermanence of life, saw many infatuated men and resentful women being worn down by life, and her love, hatred, and vengeance being corrupted into a mess. She was glad to have escaped death. Life is precious, and no one is worth risking your life for. There are still many things people can do in this world.
Time flew by like a fleeting white horse. She returned from her ordeal. Hearing Mo Daoyan's name no longer frightened her. Seeing his wife calm and composed, he could even laugh and chat in person. She thought she'd reconciled with the past. But then, news of his divorce and the details of his absence from home, like a sudden storm, ripped the once-calm surface of a lake into a tidal wave. Everything was so illogical that she couldn't help but reason backward. She'd assumed the perfume Mo Daoyan had given her, which Jueyao had claimed was stolen by mistake, belonged to his wife. But if he loved her, how could he have gotten it back? He'd married with uncertainty about the future, and his wife might have become a casualty of his departure. Was his rejection, in some sense, a way of protecting her? She hadn't lost to anyone, but to time. And he had returned, with a career to strive for and plenty of time.
She had clearly already crossed over, but when he glanced back, she couldn't help but run towards him. She hated herself for being useless, but that hatred was shattered by the surging secret love. However, every failure taught her a lesson. She would no longer blindly give herself to him. Even if she had to retreat, she would make sure of his feelings and never fall in the same place twice. But his answer made her completely despair. He said he was attracted to his wife because of her beauty, even if it was love at first sight? She wouldn't be so desperate. Superficial attraction is nothing more than chasing after a figure or a face. A figure can be measured, but whether a face is ugly or beautiful is a matter of opinion. She would not belittle herself and lower herself to compare with another woman, but she and Tong Yufei are two different types.
If a person is born with a preference for apples, it would be foolish to show him how sweet pears are.
She was able to go to college, and her moments of intelligence far outnumbered her moments of stupidity. She discovered Mo Daoyan's inconsistencies: "Since you've already made up your mind, why don't you give each other more time? You're not the type to waste time on relationships. If you divorce her and start over with someone else, wouldn't that be a waste of time? They say people get tired of the old and love the new, but considering the time you've actually been together, she can't really be considered an old friend. Mo Daoyan, she's waited for you for five years, and yet you're throwing away someone's feelings like a piece of clothing. Don't you think that's cruel?"
Mo Daoyan suddenly asked, "Have you known Tong Yufei for a long time?"
"Without old friends, can't you speak a fair word?"
There are no old friends; the enemy of my enemy is my friend. She saw him as a heartless man who abandoned her after having an affair. Tong Yufei was a victim of his, so she stood up for him. But she didn't understand Tong Yufei. Tong Yufei wouldn't treat her as a friend, nor was she a lovestruck woman. He extinguished the Da Zhongjiu in his hand and said calmly, "Ruchao, I'm not your patient, so I don't need to report everything to you, but you said something that summed it up very accurately. I should spend more time with her. Say hello to my uncle and aunt for me. I'm leaving first."
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The lights were still on at home on New Year's Eve, and the small western-style building was brightly lit, as bright as day. Tong Yufei took two cold-relief pills, wrapped himself in a camel-hair blanket, and curled up on the sofa to watch TV. Half awake, he watched "Learning to Sing" by Jiang Kun and Tang Jiezhong. When he woke up after a nap, the crosstalk performers were Niu Qun and Feng Gong.
While watching the skit "Blind Date", the gate of the courtyard opened and someone pushed the door open.
Tong Yufei straightened up and saw that Mo Daoyan was alone and had returned early: "Why did you come back alone?"
Mo Daoyan left the table, citing his need to take care of Tong Yufei. When he got home, he didn't ask her about her situation. She could laugh heartily at a dull skit, so it must be nothing serious. Someone who takes care of others is likely to take care of themselves. He poured her a glass of water, replacing her cold one with a hot one. Then, he walked over to the sofa and sat down, saying something meaningless: "They're still at Teacher Chen's house."
She was originally half lying on the sofa with her legs slightly bent. When Mo Daoyan sat over, his hand fell on her ankle. She shuddered in surprise and sat up straight in her slippers. She was wearing a pair of black and white heart-shaped panda socks, with a white body and black cuffs. There was a three-dimensional red heart on the panda. When she shrank back, the eye-catching heart trembled along with her, like a beating heart.
Mo Daoyan didn't think those socks were cute. Instead, they looked artificial, like an adult wearing children's socks, and were extremely inconsistent with her watercolor coat. Fortunately, he didn't want the pair of bear gloves, otherwise he would have worn those socks on his feet too, with a bear and a panda, making him look like a zoo.
The wind started to blow outside, and the strong wind was howling and slamming against the doors and windows.
After the skit, the children's show "Peking Opera Disco" began. Amidst the boisterous music, Mo Daoyan suddenly said, "I've met someone I'm compatible with."
She was waiting for the next show, but was distracted and said casually, "Zhang Mingmin is going to sing, the Hong Kong singer who sang "Chinese Heart."
She regretted it after she finished speaking. She could say that she didn't want to hear anything unhappy during the New Year, but she couldn't use songs to block it out. It seemed that his affairs were not as important as her listening to songs. He was not her husband, but an dispensable outsider, a servile subordinate. Even if the subordinate came to report, the leader could not be so arrogant. The meaning of his last ultimatum was clear, and he had no patience to waste any more time. It was she who kept putting it off and was secretive, always using irrelevant words to avoid the real problem, thinking that this would maintain the status quo. With such talent in practicing Tai Chi, even Zhang Sanfeng would be eclipsed, but he was not a sparring partner.
She racked her brains to think of something to say to mitigate the arrogance she had unintentionally revealed, but it was too late. Mo Daoyan's eyes darkened, darker than the reefs at the bottom of the river. He leaned over and picked up the TV remote control on the hardwood coffee table and pressed the power off button. The TV screen instantly went black, and only endless silence remained in the room.
Mo Daoyan forced a smile at her, making her feel uneasy. "Has anyone ever told you that you don't need makeup? Just put on a little powder and you can make a stunning appearance and make people laugh."
She tried her best to save the situation and forced a smile: "It's a good deed to make you laugh. Comedy is difficult."
Mo Daoyan ignored her words and said casually, "In the study of human personality and behavior, although I prefer Maslow's theory of self-actualization, seeing your behavioral specimens, I can't completely disbelieve in genetic determinism. Genes can sometimes be stubborn and unreasonable, just like your father. No matter how elegant the name he gave you, it can't change your vulgar nature."
Tong Yufei expected him to say something harsh, but not outright insulting her father. "Speaking isn't like writing a report. Every word and sentence has to be flawless. Is it a capital offense if I occasionally fail to express my meaning? If I said something wrong, I'll just apologize. If you're unhappy, just curse back. There's really no need to hurt others with words. It's not as if you're offending your parents."
"Did you fail to express yourself clearly, or did you express yourself too clearly? Qiao Zhuocheng was rude, but when you scolded his family, did you realize that the consequences would not affect them? Now that you've been whipped, do you feel the pain? You don't even have the most basic manners when talking to others. If a son doesn't teach his father, his son will suffer. What did I say wrong? I haven't even mentioned that your father pretends to be a scholar, and you wear a gouache coat to act dignified. Are you a monkey in a human's clothing? Have you ever looked in the mirror? Who do you think you are? Do you want to be Eliza in Shaw's Pygmalion? You married the wrong person. There are no linguists here who enjoy reforming others."
Mo Daoyan threw the remote control back on the coffee table and glanced at the heart on her socks.
"Oh, my fair lady."
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