Chapter 32
Mo Changying climbed Niangniang Mountain once and broke her patella. After surgery, she still had adhesion of the knee joint. According to the doctor's advice, she needed at least four months of rest. She was concerned about the motherland's university education plan, and with the firm will of "I will not leave the front line as long as I am not dead", she returned to the podium on crutches. However, she had leaders and colleagues to help her at school, but she was alone at home with only two orange cats to keep her company. Such a middle-aged life was something Mo Changying could never have imagined when she was 20 years old.
At the age when her love was budding, the people around her matched red with red and black with black, and married and fell in love only for revolution. However, she secretly hid Hegel's "Principles of the Philosophy of Right" and "Lectures on Aesthetics", secretly envying the sweet smell of petty-bourgeois love. Hegel said that unrequited love is love that only tortures oneself, sadism is love that only tortures others, and love is love that tortures others as well as oneself. This is exactly the kind of love she wants.
Despite her parents' opposition, she fell in love with the "□□ element" Chen Huaili. The two young people were like boiling water and fire. The moment they met, they could arouse passionate love and conflict. It was also like their horoscopes were incompatible. One was talking at cross purposes, and the other was always unable to fit in. Their first love died on its own without their father's interference.
After her breakup, her new husband pursued her with the same ferocity and swiftness of his marksmanship. He was tall and handsome, with twinkling peach blossom eyes. She was overjoyed, believing she had finally found the love of chivalry, and happily married. But within six months, his true colors were revealed. He lacked the humility and sacrifice of chivalry, only coercing and restraining her, driven by an extreme pursuit of honor. He deprived her of her personal freedom, restricted her social life, and tortured her in private with despicable methods, all because she saw through his viciousness and greed and refused to be a submissive wife.
The pain caused by the ugliness and betrayal of her partner was ten thousand times greater than the pain inflicted by outsiders. Her disillusionment with humanity began with her husband. Aside from her parents, family, and necessary colleagues and students at work, she no longer wanted to establish personal relationships with anyone. Her brother and sister-in-law worried that she might live alone and accidentally fall or faint, passing away without timely help. They hired a nanny for her. She took pity on the nanny, her husband dead and all alone, and treated her like a sister. But one morning, she discovered she had stolen the necklace her mother had given her. She recovered the necklace, chased the nanny away, and vowed never to let anyone enter her room again.
Without a nanny and refusing to return to her parents' home, her life after the injury became a problem. She had taken care of Mo Daoyan when he was a child, and the two had some emotional foundation. However, Mo Daoyan was self-disciplined and punctual. He didn't spend much time with her, nor did he waste her time. He was also cold and taciturn, and was only willing to listen to her free history lessons. He was a kind of caregiver that was hard to find even with a lantern.
The worries of recovering from injuries were alleviated by 60% because of Mo Daoyan's arrival.
But these were only his aunt's one-sided accounts, and they didn't fully reflect Mo Daoyan's state of mind. He came to care for his aunt because she was withdrawn and moody, and besides him, she didn't accept anyone else. If he left her to live on her own, her grandmother would be heartbroken if something happened. He didn't interrupt her teaching to avoid complications and extend his time here. He quickly dispelled his aunt's illusion that he was captivated by the allure of history with concrete examples. To allow her to rest fully and return to her best condition as quickly as possible, he suggested that she suspend her classes for three months and stay in a sanatorium. The conditions there were excellent, providing both professional medical care and the quiet environment she needed for recovery. They were far more reliable than his half-baked nanny.
Mo Changying found his proposal incredulous: "You want me to leave my job and stop teaching for three months?"
“Sharpening the knife does not delay the chopping of wood. Only by conserving your energy can you better devote yourself to teaching.”
“What about my classes?”
"Schools won't be closed down. Other teachers will cover the classes, or you can make up for it when you come back. It's only for three months."
"Three months, only? Would you say the same thing if it were advanced mathematics or university physics? Let me get this out of the way. In your eyes, history is just an unnecessary embellishment, something you can just cram for at the last minute. Whether classes are suspended or not won't affect students' futures, and it won't contribute to social progress at all. Daoyan, I feel so sorry for your wife. Do you never talk about literature, history, and philosophy in bed? You just do it mechanically..."
Mo Daoyan interrupted his aunt's wandering thoughts in time: "Professor Mo, please stick to the facts."
"I'm serious about how boring it would be to live with a technocrat. Your wife hasn't complained?"
"I'll discuss my family affairs later. Your Professor He is here."
A middle-aged man carrying two bags of supplements was standing downstairs of my aunt's house. He was Mo Changying's colleague He Bin, who specialized in the research of historical and cultural heritage. Professor He was of medium build, wearing a plain shirt, dark trousers, and a slightly worn woolen cardigan. His hair was combed meticulously, and although there were a few strands of silver hair in it, it did not make him look old, but instead added a bit of elegance.
While Mo Changying may not be as stunningly beautiful as Xia Ji, the alluring beauty of the Spring and Autumn Period, she was a household name on Wuling Street. Since ancient times, beautiful women have evoked many stories, and beauty can easily lead to turmoil. Aside from a few fleeting romances that saw her father and brother drive her away, she has three truly unforgettable relationships: her budding romance with Chen Huaili, her love-hate relationship with her ex-husband, and her early, though ultimately unrequited, relationship with He Bing. Later, thanks to Professor He's perseverance, they found their current love. However, what He Bing never foresaw was that Mo Changying only wanted to be in a relationship, not to enter into marriage. Just as she would allow Professor He into her home, she wouldn't invite him to dinner or make him part of her family.
Mo Changlin had advised his sister to remarry. Professor He was much more stable than her ex-husband and could be trusted with her lifelong love. Moreover, he had waited for her for over a decade. How many men in the world could do that? There was no need to be afraid of the rope for ten years after being bitten once. After all, the most vicious and ruthless people were a minority.
Mo Changying told her brother about the theory of civilization succession in "A Global History". The end of classical civilization laid the foundation for a new form of civilization, but the end of an old love cannot lay the foundation for a new love. Just like Jin Yuelin, there were three important women in his life. She couldn't be loyal to one of them, so how could she be sure that He Bin regarded her as the only one?
In truth, she had long since refused to monopolize the illusory title of "only," becoming a shackle on He Bing's pursuit of happiness. Staying together when love is strong and parting when it fades is a natural law. If she forced it, she'd only consider it a fluke to end up growing tired of each other, and the ultimate tragedy would be resentment. She'd jumped into the fire pit, experienced the torment of purgatory, unable to live or die, and her courage had long since been reduced to ashes in that burning inferno.
Love is a double-edged sword. If you don’t have it, you will regret it, but if you get it wrong, you will sacrifice your life.
She could no longer give the second life her father had given her to anyone else.
Professor He did not cross the threshold this time. He gave the things to Mo Daoyan, asked about Mo Changying's injury, asked him to take good care of her, and finally asked him to tell Mo Changying that this was his last visit and he would not come again. After all, he was a mortal man and needed to live a worldly life. His family arranged a marriage for him. The other party was an unmarried old girl, the principal of an elementary school in the next town. They had met and had some common hobbies. They both loved to eat salty tofu pudding and never tired of watching "The Garland under the Mountain". The wedding was scheduled for the beginning of next month.
Mo Daoyan repeated Professor He's words to his aunt word for word, including the modal particles: "Do you want him to stay for dinner? If so, I'll go get him back for you."
Mo Changying stood by the window, watching He Bin's gradually blurred figure, until it was completely obscured by the setting sun. She recalled Li Zehou's interpretation of the Wei and Jin dynasties' artistic styles in "The Process of Beauty," citing Tao Qian's "detachment from the world, indifferent and peaceful" and Ruan Ji's "unconditional sorrow and anger, generous and unrestrained" as two of the most representative artistic realms. She described herself as somewhere in between, both detached and generous. Then, with a cool yet penetrating tone, she responded to Mo Daoyan's concern for her emotions.
"So what if you get him back? Do you want me to get married and repeat the mistakes of my marriage? Or are you worried that if He Bing leaves, I will commit suicide? Daoyan, there is no need to imagine that someone who has been hurt by love still has illusions about love. From the beginning of our relationship, I made it clear that he was free and could stay for me or leave for others. This was the expected ending. Why can't I let it go? But I am not a plant. If a ginger cat gets lost, my heart will be empty for a while, let alone a person. But he is just a passing cloud. Your compassion should be reserved for those who need it."
"Don't be sympathetic. Where's the meal? What would you like to eat for dinner?"
"Alas, the chicken buns you made taste like chewing wax."
Mo Daoyan was good at cooking Western food and simple home cooking, but making buns was a bit of a chore: "I'll bring you scallion and pork buns from Cuixianglou tomorrow."
"The meat buns at Cuixianglou are too greasy, but never mind, it's better than nothing."
Mo Daoyan wrote down two numbers and handed them to his aunt: "I have to go back to the company later. If you have any questions, call this number. The other one is my new home number. If you can't get through to the company, call home."
Mo Changying folded the note into a small square and placed it under the phone. "For a phone number, the company number comes before the home number. This shows how important home is to you. A woman wants more than just material care; she longs for spiritual connection. Daoyan, give her more spiritual comfort. Being your wife is no easy task."
"I'll try, if she needs it."
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That night, before returning to the company, Mo Daoyan went home first. Tong Yufei opened the door for him. After he came in, she said that she had made a new key and returned the one he had given her before. The key had a key chain with a hand-woven red dolphin pendant. When she learned that he came from his aunt's house, she asked about his aunt's condition with concern. When she heard that his aunt wanted to eat meat buns, but the buns in Cuixianglou were not to her liking, she volunteered to make buns for his aunt to satisfy her craving.
He advised her to do things within her ability, as it was not her obligation to cook for her aunt. Besides, her aunt was picky about food, and it was likely that she would work for a long time in vain.
She said gently, "Aunt is your family, and she is also my family. I just want to give Aunt more choices. I don't want any credit. I will do it after get off work tomorrow."
Mo Daoyan went home primarily to get a change of clothes and shower. His aunt's house had a bathroom, but every time he showered there, his aunt would recite Ming Dynasty history to him outside the door, particularly the bloody massacres perpetrated by the Hongwu Emperor, Zhu Yuanzhang, to consolidate his rule. Her aunt's tales were vivid and lifelike, and those gory scenes often brought back nightmares. Last year, East Germany experienced a dramatic political upheaval, with the government announcing the opening of the Berlin Wall and the border between the two countries, triggering an unprecedented refugee crisis. He had once gone to help his mentor manage the estate and witnessed the bodies of refugees gnawed by rats in the cellar. The sight was so horrific that he always showered in a hurry, trying to escape the lingering shadows.
Tonight at his own home, with no one attending classes outside, he finished his shower, feeling relaxed. When he walked out of the bathroom, he saw his clothes neatly stacked on the sofa, the newly added hot water in the thermos emitting wisps of white steam, and a box of carefully peeled nuts next to it, which contained almonds, cashews and peanuts, all of which were great for nourishing the brain when staying up late.
If he moved faster, he could change his shoes, pick up his things and go out within a minute.
His wife was a beautiful and eloquent woman, so he couldn't neglect her. So he picked up the package and put it back, then said to Tong Yufei in the room, "I'll stay with you tonight."
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