Chapter 137 Thoughts

After Prince Shao and Princess Yongtai left, Ming Huashang was also tempted. Unlike the princesses and princes who only wanted to have fun, she came after staying in Jingzhao Prefecture for a day and her energy was already exhausted. But she didn't have the face of Prince Shao, so she was very self-aware and didn't go to the host to make trouble. Instead, she retreated to a corner, endured the noise, and waited for the banquet to end.

Unexpectedly, she had not been sitting for a while when a maid came over and said, "Mrs. Ming Er, the Duke of Zhenguo's Mansion has sent a carriage to take you back to the mansion. The princess said that if you are tired, you can go back on your own."

Ming Huashang looked up in surprise. Princess Taiping was surrounded by people and obviously had no time to pay attention to her. Ming Huashang was a little flattered, wondering which living Bodhisattva had taken her along when doing good deeds. She would never miss the opportunity to go home. Ming Huashang asked the maid of the princess's mansion to greet Princess Taiping on her behalf, then she gathered her clothes and walked out.

After Ming Huashang got on the car, she found Zhaocai had followed. Zhaocai prepared tea and snacks in the car, and as soon as he saw Ming Huashang, he quickly put a cloak on her. Ming Huashang held the hot tea and asked, "Why are you here? Did your father send you here?"

"No, it was Erlangjun who sent someone to tell us that you were coming back, and asked us to prepare hot water and clothes and come to the princess's mansion to pick you up."

Ming Huachang was a little surprised, but it made sense after thinking about it. How could the Duke of Zhenguo be so thoughtful and considerate to prepare hot water clothes for his daughter? It must have been arranged by Ming Huazhang.

It turned out that the living Bodhisattva was none other than Ming Huazhang. He went to see Princess Taiping and asked Ming Huachang to leave first, and notified the Duke of Zhenguo's Mansion to prepare a car to pick her up, so that Ming Huachang could go home and rest earlier.

Ming Huashang had no idea about the whole process. He took care of everything before delivering the results to Ming Huashang. His level of meticulousness was even better than that of his father, the Duke of Zhenguo.

Ming Huashang took a sip of hot tea and felt inexplicably depressed.

Chang'an was empty at night, and Ming Huashang soon returned to the Duke of Zhenguo's Mansion. She entered the courtyard, and the other three maids heard her return and said, "Madam, drink the sobering soup first. The hot water is ready, warm yourself up before taking a bath, and you can go to sleep after taking a bath."

Ming Huashang realized that she had been arranged without saying anything. She sighed and asked, "Is this another order from my second brother?"

Jinbao and the others nodded. Ming Huashang had nothing to say and gave up, saying, "Okay, just do as he says. He's acting more and more like an old woman."

By the time Ming Huashang had finished packing, an hour had passed. Her body was very tired, but her mind was clear and she had no desire to sleep. Ming Huashang was confused and said to the maids, "I will sit here for a while. You all can go out."

Jixiang was startled, holding the handkerchief in his hand and said, "But, my lady, your hair is not yet tied up."

Ming Huashang took the white handkerchief and said, "I can do it myself. You guys go out first."

The four maids left in response. The door closed and the room returned to silence. Ming Huashang sighed deeply and wiped her hair with a handkerchief.

She kept replaying what Su Xingzhi said today in her mind. She was upset and confused, so she had no intention of wiping her hair. She threw the handkerchief on the ground and let her wet hair soak through her clothes. She held her chin and stared at the swaying fire in a daze.

Su Xingzhi said that his biological sister had died a long time ago, and Nanny Su said in person that Su Yuji was a member of the Ming family, so one of Ming Huashang and Ming Huazhang was fake.

Who could it be?

Ming Huashang was lost in thought when she suddenly shivered and realized that her wet hair had not been wiped for a long time and had soaked her back. She rubbed her arms and was about to go to sleep like this, when suddenly a pair of hands lifted her hair and then she felt a dry and warm touch on the back of her neck. A pair of hands holding a handkerchief slowly wiped the water droplets on her back.

"Didn't I tell you to go to bed early? Why are you sitting here without drying your hair?"

Ming Huashang was startled. She realized who was behind her and hurriedly stood up: "Second brother, why is it you? Let me do it..."

Ming Huazhang reached out and pressed her shoulders. He was usually as considerate as an old lady, but at this moment he was indescribably strong. He didn't use much force, but Ming Huachang didn't dare to resist for some reason.

He said, "You are always like this. You never take my words seriously. Let me help you."

Ming Huashang sat stiffly. Ming Huazhang wiped the water off her neck, changed for a clean handkerchief, tangled her long hair in his palm, and absorbed the moisture in it bit by bit.

Ming Huashang had just finished taking a shower and was only wearing a middle-length dress. As a result of her own behavior, the middle-length dress was stained with large stains of water, and the material became translucent, which did not have much concealing effect.

Ming Huachang's back was numb. For siblings, such behavior was too much of an overstep, not to mention that they were not siblings! Ming Huachang was restless and asked awkwardly, "Second brother, why are you here?"

"The banquet in His Majesty's Palace has just ended. I came to see you, but I didn't expect you were still awake." Ming Huazhang's voice was calm and quiet, just like usual. But this time, Ming Huashang suspected that he heard a hint of danger in it, like a volcano under the sea or a glacier before an avalanche, suppressing madness under its calmness.

Ming Huashang laughed dryly and said, "Second brother, you are so kind to me that I don't know how to repay you. Those girls who took out Zhaocai should be punished. You didn't even tell me that you were here."

"I told them not to pass the message on." Ming Huazhang said calmly, "You were so absorbed in your thoughts that I couldn't bear to disturb you. Shang Shang, what are you thinking about?"

How could Ming Huashang dare to say that she suspected that he was not her brother? She laughed twice and changed the subject stiffly: "I'm thinking about the case. Second brother, did you search the city today? Did you find anything new?"

Ming Huazhang's eyelashes were slightly closed, and he stared at the long hair entwined around his fingertips. The flickering candlelight made his eyes dark and deep, flickering.

The expression on his face was so calm that it could almost be described as indifferent. He said, "It's the same as before. There's nothing new to discover. On the contrary, Shang Shang, I heard from Xie Jichuan that you talked about your loved ones today?"

Ming Huashang angrily scolded Xie Jichuan, this traitor, why did he exaggerate? She said vaguely: "No, I think his mouth is too irritating, so I deliberately said that no one would like him. I deliberately irritated him, it can't be considered a chat."

Ming Huazhang responded in a low voice and asked, "Does Shang Shang have someone she likes?"

Ming Huashang was choked again. She finally managed to change the subject, but why did Ming Huazhang keep pursuing her?

Ming Huazhang was not so easy to fool. In the past, she would evade the main issues with him, but he was willing to go along with her. But today, he suddenly didn't want to pretend anymore.

Ming Huazhang simply asked directly, "Who did you give the flowers to at the banquet today?"

Ming Huashang quickly glanced at Ming Huazhang through the mirror. Unfortunately, he was taller than her, even when he was half-kneeling behind her, he was still half a head taller than her, so she couldn't see him clearly. She only vaguely felt that his expression was calm, his posture was calm, and he seemed to be in a stable mood.

Ming Huashang was relieved and said boldly, "Give it to Jiang Ling."

Ming Huazhang raised his eyebrows, his eyes unpredictable: "Really?"

Ming Huashang thought that Jiang Ling's brain would be so slow that he wouldn't even be able to remember the number after tonight, so how could he remember how many flowers he had received? So she swore, "It's true."

Ming Huazhang seemed to smile. He leaned over, picked up a rhino horn comb from the table, and slowly slid it from the roots to the ends of Ming Huashang's hair.

When he suddenly approached, Ming Huashang's back tensed reflexively, but he was just holding something, and the heat from his body entangled Ming Huashang's arm, and then separated at the touch. Ming Huashang felt him combing her hair, but she didn't feel relieved, and for some reason she became even more nervous.

Even the movement of his fingertips parting her black hair seemed to carry a different meaning. Ming Huashang was feeling uneasy when she suddenly heard a thunderclap in her ears: "When I was writing poetry, I saw you go out and you didn't come back until half an hour later. What did you do?"

Ming Huashang's scalp was throbbing, and she was frozen and unable to move. She quickly wondered what he had seen, or whether he was just showing concern for his sister. Ming Huashang thought about it for a long time, bit her lip, and smiled as if nothing had happened: "Nothing, the banquet hall is too stuffy, I'm going out to get some fresh air."

Ming Huazhang put down the rhino horn comb, leaned forward slightly, and rested one hand on the table. His movements were casual, his posture was calm, and his aura was as clear and clean as pine trees after snow, but Ming Huachang tensed up inexplicably.

He sat behind her, one arm resting on her side. This simple action was like a cage with three closed sides, leaving only one side blank for the prisoner. However, it was unclear whether that seemingly blank side was an exit to escape or a deeper trap.

Ming Huazhang stared at her with an ambiguous expression and said, "Shangshang, I'll give you one last chance. I just want to hear the truth. Who did you go to see?"

Ming Huashang quickly curled her fingers, clenched her palms, raised her eyes, looked at him in the mirror, and still smiled innocently: "No, I didn't see anyone."

Ming Huazhang sighed barely audibly, and said with regret: "Sister, your patience is still so poor."

When she was six years old, she was studying, but her handwriting was always not good enough, so she threw away her pen and stopped practicing; when she was ten years old, she was learning the piano, but she practiced a piece of music for half a month and still couldn't play it correctly, so she was too lazy to put in any more effort; when she was sixteen, she finally realized that she had to build a good relationship with her brother, but after only one year, she lost her patience.

Ever since Ming Huazhang learned that he was not a member of the Ming family and was considered an "outsider" to Ming Huachang, he took the initiative to distance himself from her. The Duke of Zhenguo was also afraid that Ming Huachang, who was born with a lazier side than others, would lead Ming Huachang astray, so he also intentionally separated them. Without a comparison group, Ming Huachang's laziness became more natural, and Ming Huachang could concentrate on learning how to be a gentleman and not lose the reputation of Zhanghuai Prince.

Before the age of four, they were inseparable and even slept together, but as they grew older, they gradually drifted apart. Originally, they could have maintained this distant and indifferent brother-sister relationship until the man got married and the woman got married and started her own family. Regardless of whether Ming Huazhang regained her status, he would silently protect her and help her husband and children.

可是，在兩人十六歲那年，她忽然跑過來纏着他，無論他去哪裏她都要跟着。明華章認認真真履行一個兄長的職責，可是他們根本不是兄妹，許多兄妹做來稀松平常的事，放在普通男女身上就會越界。

在明華章為此為難、苦惱、患得患失時，她卻像沒事人一樣，一口一個“阿兄”，用和對他一般無二的态度，跑去招惹其他男郎。

謝濟川，蘇行止，每個人都被她叫過兄長，每個人都得到過她的關心贊美。謝濟川好歹事出有因，但她對蘇行止完全是毫無因由的偏袒。

今日，甚至獻花給蘇行止，和蘇行止私下相約，明華章親眼看到她亦步亦趨追在蘇行止身後，主動拉上他的手臂。

明華章氣得都快炸了。他氣明華裳說着不想嫁人，卻終究還是動了春心；也氣蘇行止這厮不識擡舉，竟敢如此對她。

等怒氣過了一個極限後，就會越生氣越平靜。明華章平靜地和太平公主請辭，要送明華裳先回家，太平公主和他剛剛相認，不至于在這種事情上拂他的意思，便同意了。邵王在旁邊聽到，才跟着提出離開。

之後他平靜地給鎮國公府傳信，讓人為她準備醒酒解乏的東西。他甚至能理智地分析，少女在對情愛懵懂無知的時候，與自己的兄長生出好奇、暧昧，情有可原，她及時懸崖勒馬，選擇其他郎君，亦無可厚非。

可是，當初明明是她先來招惹他的。既然無意，為什麽要來招他？既然招惹，為何不能一直對他好，只對他好？

明華章說出這句話，可謂執意要将最後一層窗戶紙捅破，頗有一種得不到他想要的結果，那此生就不必再見面了的決絕。明華裳默然半晌，自得到預知夢後一直疑神疑鬼的情緒終于将她壓垮，她不再保持笑意，冷冷回眸，直勾勾望入明華章的眼睛：“那我問你，我應該如何對你？”

“我的好兄長。”

窗戶沒有關緊，猛地被風撞開，燈芯劇烈跳動了幾下，被冷氣撲滅。

室內無光，顯得窗外月光格外明亮。快到十五了，月亮日漸豐盈，溫柔地在天地間灑落銀輝，縷縷月光透過窗栅，積在地面上，像結了一層霜。

明華裳和明華章就坐在這樣的清霜月色中，相互對望，呼吸交聞，誰都不肯移開視線，但誰也沒有說話。

明華裳說完之後就冷靜下來，覺得自己有些沖動了，但并不後悔。

事已至此，她已經沒什麽不敢做的了。如今每一天都可能是她的最後一天，明華裳不想在自己死前回顧一生時，還在遺憾該勇敢的時候沒有勇敢，有好感的那個人沒有說出口。他們此生可以再不相見、形同陌路，但她一定要知道一個答案。

他到底是誰。他對她，究竟是責任，愧疚，還是喜歡？

明華裳爆發之後就坦然了，反而是明華章，陷入長久的沉默中。

明華裳能猜出來在他的預料之中，她善于觀察，又清醒通透，只要留心肯定能察覺出不對。他不清楚她具體是什麽時候知道的，但顯然，她早已心知肚明兩人不是真兄妹。

更多的話不必說，區別只在于答案。若他說是兄長，那明華裳就繼續議親嫁人，就算以後他身份公開，他們也只會是異姓兄妹；若他說是郎君，那就是坦露自己的不堪和惡劣，他處處以君子要求自己，卻對自己的妹妹生出不倫之心。

這份心思幽暗扭曲，不堪入目，她不願意接受是他活該，但萬一她願意，他們兩人就可以像以往十七年那樣，同府而居，同進同出，她不嫁人，他不娶妻，他們的世界不會有第三人打擾，一直到真相大白，或者他死的那天。

明華章當然希望明華裳永遠留在他身邊，不再為了應付長輩答應約會，不再和其他男郎議親。他不介意世人的非議和鎮國公的責備，他在明知道她是他“妹妹”的情況下，還是喜歡上她，是他意志不堅，是他明知故犯，他願意承擔罵名。

但是，罵名之後的路如何走，他卻不得不想。喜歡這兩個字說出來只需要一時沖動，但然後呢？

鎮國公府怎麽辦，章懷太子的冤案怎麽辦，那麽多人賭上身家性命，為他偷來的十七年怎麽辦？

局勢瞬息萬變，魏王虎視眈眈，李家本來就如履薄冰，如果他的身份在這種時候曝光，不光鎮國公府、謝家要舉族覆滅，連好不容易回到臺前的太子、相王也要受牽連，那麽多人為了還政于唐默默努力，他不能成為大唐的千古罪人。

他當然是信任明華裳的，他相信明華裳能夠保守秘密，絕不會将他的真實身份洩露出去。然而，太平公主正想用明華裳來做擋箭牌，魏王多半已經确定章懷太子的遺孤就在鎮國公府這對龍鳳胎內，如果這種時候明華裳死了，那這件事就永遠說不清楚了。

就算魏王懷疑明華裳并不是章懷太子的後人，那又能如何，死人不會開口，鎮國公和謝慎也不可能自己站出來找死。即便魏王将此事捅到女皇面前，當事人只需一口咬定不知道，女皇還能對一個疑似是自己孫女，但已經死去的娘子怎麽樣？

顯然只能不了了之。

必要時獻祭明華裳，就是如今知情人心照不宣的，最後一條退路。

如果明華章不知道也就罷了，可他偏偏知道太平公主的打算，這種時候告訴她真相，這叫愛嗎？不，這是虛僞，自私。

他當然可以憑着一時意氣，現在就告訴她一切，然後坦露自己心聲，告訴她他心悅于她，等女皇逝世、李家掌權，他的親生父親終于能洗清冤屈的那一天，他願意娶她為妻。他們可以不管世俗眼光，不顧禮法指責，把握現在，不求長久，只争朝夕。

可是，皇室鬥争不會因為他們的愛情就對他們網開一面。等魏王查到明華章身上，太平公主、謝家甚至鎮國公都想棄卒保車的時候，她要如何呢？

讓她深明大義，主動配合？還是不願意赴死，被扣上不忠不孝的帽子？

明華章做不到，他沒有辦法昧着良心說這是喜歡，給予她一響貪歡，然後用愛情騙着她赴死。有些話，說了就要負責任，他不能在自己無力為她掃平荊棘、承擔未來的時候，就自私地說出口。

明華章用力攥了攥拳，收回手，和她拉開距離。

他垂下眼眸，清冷的聲音中帶着啞意，說：“對不起。”

明華裳等了許久，滿懷期待卻只等到這一句。這無疑是拒絕了，作為一個女郎，但凡還有自尊心，就絕不該再糾纏不休，但明華裳控制不住伸手，拉住他的衣袖，懇切道：“你當真沒什麽對我說的？無論你在猶豫什麽，只要你說出來，我願意和你一起承擔。”

明華章手指緊緊繃着，他怕自己稍微松懈，手就會忍不住擁抱她。他用盡所有理智，強逼着自己将袖子從她手心抽出來。

這不是普通的，靠兩個人相互扶持就能渡過去的困難，這個代價是她的生命。

他的裳裳堅定又勇敢，善良又有鋒芒，他怕她知道了，會主動暴露，替他去死。

他不能賭。已經有太多人為他犧牲了，如果她也因他而死，他此生都無法原諒自己。

明華裳掌心落空，一瞬間心底仿佛破了個洞，風呼嘯着從中卷過，全身的血液都冰凍起來。

她可以不顧女子的自尊，主動一次、兩次，但她無論如何沒法在被甩開後，第三次去拉一個人的衣袖。

明華裳笑了笑，拿出成年姑娘的體面，說：“天色不早了，二兄早點回去吧。對了，明日我想偷一會懶，就不和二兄一起去京兆府了。二兄自己走就行，不必管我。”

明華章心底抽痛了下，這一刻他想到程荀，想到二房、三房。曾經他看到無論二房母女說什麽明華裳都笑語晏晏毫不生氣的樣子，還不滿明華裳怎麽如此沒氣性，如此好欺負，但今日他才知道，原來被這樣對待，是多麽悲哀。

因為不在意，所以能維持得體，連為對方牽動情緒都覺得浪費。他寧願她生氣、發脾氣，也好過現在，她的嘴唇還在微笑，但眼睛冰冷客套，再無情意。

仿佛他成了一個陌生人，從此消息不必第一個回，出門不必再叫他，她心情不高興，也不再和他說。

明華章嘴唇動了動，他突然有點恨自己的理智，這種時候依然冷靜地分析利弊，告訴他一時沖動會給自己，給她，給大局帶來多少麻煩。他的命是偷來的，快意恩仇太奢侈，他擁有不起。

最後明華章還是清醒下來，低聲說：“路上注意安全，好好休息，晚安。”

After Ming Huazhang left, Ming Huashang looked at the moonlight all over the floor, and suddenly collapsed on the couch, burying her knees and hugging herself. Zhaocai saw Ming Huazhang leaving, and tiptoed in. When he pushed the door open, he saw Ming Huashang curled up, and asked in panic, "Madam, what's wrong with you?"

Ming Huashang shook her head, her face still buried in her knees, and said, "It's nothing, I'm just a little tired. Turn off the light and go back to rest. I want to be alone for a while."

Zhaocai was about to say something, but stopped himself. Finally, he quietly pulled down the curtain, spread the bedding, moved the charcoal basin in front of Ming Huashang, and said, "My wife, I have never been to school and I don't understand any great principles. I can't understand many of your ideas. But I know that you will always be my second wife. No matter what happens between you and Erlang, I will stand by you. My wife, if you want to stay alone, you can stay alone. If you want to talk, call me anytime. Zhaocai is always here."

Tears welled up in Ming Huashang's eyes. She hummed softly and said, "I know. You can go back."

"Then I'll go." Zhaocai turned back every few steps, worriedly saying, "My lady, the couch is cool, you can go back and sit on it."

Zhaocai explained a lot and finally left. When the door closed, Ming Huashang raised her head, her eyes red and silent, but tears kept rolling down like a dam-breaking stream.

She kicked off her shoes, climbed onto the bed, and shed tears while wrapping herself in the quilt. Although Ming Huazhang didn't say it, who else could make the Duke of Zhenguo so cruel as to abandon his daughter? Combined with the background of the Xie family, Xie Jichuan's attitude towards Ming Huazhang, it is not difficult to associate him with the unjustly killed Prince Zhang Huai seventeen years ago.

Ming Huashang could understand why the Duke of Zhenguo sent his daughter away in order to protect the prince's descendants; she could also understand that when the outside world suspected the Ming family and had to choose between the two, he chose Ming Huazhang. However, Su Yuji still had Su Xingzhi who would never leave her, and she, her father who had doted on her the most since she was a child, made the right choice without hesitation. Her brother, whom she admired and respected the most and was willing to exchange his life for his, was still unwilling to tell her the truth at this point.

She didn't know why she had that prophetic dream, but she knew that it was very likely to happen, and even had happened. In the dream, she died silently, and she was puzzled for a long time, wondering what she had done to anger the gods and people, and whether it was necessary to kill him. For this reason, she suspected Su Yuji, the Duke of Zhenguo, the second and third wives, and even the maids around her, but she never suspected Ming Huazhang.

I didn't kill Boren, but he died because of me. He certainly didn't do it on purpose, but it's undeniable that she died because of him. The only difference is whether it was his relatives who killed her or his enemies who killed her.

She was luckier than she was in her dreams, knowing the ending a year in advance. She tried hard to save herself, but the more she disbelieved in fate, the more she was shocked by its cruelty.

If she is unwilling to die, then the ones who will die are him, the Duke of Zhenguo, the Xie family, and many more loyal officials who silently protect the orphan of Li Tang. Is it worth it to use the lives of many others in exchange for her life?

Ming Huashang had no choice. Time went by and she was seventeen again, the year of her death. At the beginning of this year, when the New Year's fireworks rang out, Ming Huashang looked at Ming Huazhang who leaned over to block the firecrackers for her, and she had actually given up resisting.

Although she didn't know the details of the child swap at that time, she had already sensed that her death in her dream was related to the struggle for imperial power. She decided to face her own death calmly. Because of the difference in status and information asymmetry, she didn't even know when the princes and princesses were going to kill her. She could only live every day as if it were her last day and try her best not to leave any regrets for herself.

Ming Huachang often wondered what loyalty and filial piety were. The Duke of Zhenguo exchanged his own child for the orphan of the crown prince and tried his best to educate the young master. If this could be passed down in the future, it would surely be a righteous act praised by the court and the public. But no one would remember that one of his daughters was exiled to the countryside and lived in someone else's cage for seventeen years; the other daughter was raised by him since she was a child, but on the day when the great waves came, she was abandoned without hesitation, paying back the seventeen years of glory and wealth with her life.

Ming Huashang had no intention of blaming the Duke of Zhenguo, nor did she have any ground for resentment towards Ming Huazhang. It seemed that everyone had no choice but to try their best to make the right choice. However, what she wanted was nothing more than a word of truth from her family.

The Duke of Zhenguo didn't say anything, and Ming Huazhang didn't say anything either. Her only sister might still be resenting her.