Chapter 137 Thoughts
After Prince Shao and Princess Yongtai left, Ming Huashang was also tempted. Unlike the princesses and princes who only wanted to have fun, she came after staying in Jingzhao Prefecture for a day and her energy was already exhausted. But she didn't have the face of Prince Shao, so she was very self-aware and didn't go to the host to make trouble. Instead, she retreated to a corner, endured the noise, and waited for the banquet to end.
Unexpectedly, she had not been sitting for a while when a maid came over and said, "Mrs. Ming Er, the Duke of Zhenguo's Mansion has sent a carriage to take you back to the mansion. The princess said that if you are tired, you can go back on your own."
Ming Huashang looked up in surprise. Princess Taiping was surrounded by people and obviously had no time to pay attention to her. Ming Huashang was a little flattered, wondering which living Bodhisattva had taken her along when doing good deeds. She would never miss the opportunity to go home. Ming Huashang asked the maid of the princess's mansion to greet Princess Taiping on her behalf, then she gathered her clothes and walked out.
After Ming Huashang got on the car, she found Zhaocai had followed. Zhaocai prepared tea and snacks in the car, and as soon as he saw Ming Huashang, he quickly put a cloak on her. Ming Huashang held the hot tea and asked, "Why are you here? Did your father send you here?"
"No, it was Erlangjun who sent someone to tell us that you were coming back, and asked us to prepare hot water and clothes and come to the princess's mansion to pick you up."
Ming Huachang was a little surprised, but it made sense after thinking about it. How could the Duke of Zhenguo be so thoughtful and considerate to prepare hot water clothes for his daughter? It must have been arranged by Ming Huazhang.
It turned out that the living Bodhisattva was none other than Ming Huazhang. He went to see Princess Taiping and asked Ming Huachang to leave first, and notified the Duke of Zhenguo's Mansion to prepare a car to pick her up, so that Ming Huachang could go home and rest earlier.
Ming Huashang had no idea about the whole process. He took care of everything before delivering the results to Ming Huashang. His level of meticulousness was even better than that of his father, the Duke of Zhenguo.
Ming Huashang took a sip of hot tea and felt inexplicably depressed.
Chang'an was empty at night, and Ming Huashang soon returned to the Duke of Zhenguo's Mansion. She entered the courtyard, and the other three maids heard her return and said, "Madam, drink the sobering soup first. The hot water is ready, warm yourself up before taking a bath, and you can go to sleep after taking a bath."
Ming Huashang realized that she had been arranged without saying anything. She sighed and asked, "Is this another order from my second brother?"
Jinbao and the others nodded. Ming Huashang had nothing to say and gave up, saying, "Okay, just do as he says. He's acting more and more like an old woman."
By the time Ming Huashang had finished packing, an hour had passed. Her body was very tired, but her mind was clear and she had no desire to sleep. Ming Huashang was confused and said to the maids, "I will sit here for a while. You all can go out."
Jixiang was startled, holding the handkerchief in his hand and said, "But, my lady, your hair is not yet tied up."
Ming Huashang took the white handkerchief and said, "I can do it myself. You guys go out first."
The four maids left in response. The door closed and the room returned to silence. Ming Huashang sighed deeply and wiped her hair with a handkerchief.
She kept confused replaying what Su Xingzhi said today in her mind. She was upset and, so she had no intention of wiping her hair. She threw the handkerchief on the ground and let her wet hair soak through her clothes. She held her chin and stared at the swaying fire in a daze.
Su Xingzhi said that his biological sister had died a long time ago, and Nanny Su said in person that Su Yuji was a member of the Ming family, so one of Ming Huashang and Ming Huazhang was fake.
Who could it be?
Ming Huashang was lost in thought when she suddenly shivered and realized that her wet hair had not been wiped for a long time and had soaked her back. She rubbed her arms and was about to go to sleep like this, when suddenly a pair of hands lifted her hair and then she felt a dry and warm touch on the back of her neck. A pair of hands holding a handkerchief slowly wiped the water droplets on her back.
"Didn't I tell you to go to bed early? Why are you sitting here without drying your hair?"
Ming Huashang was startled. She realized who was behind her and hurriedly stood up: "Second brother, why is it you? Let me do it..."
Ming Huazhang reached out and pressed her shoulders. He was usually as considerate as an old lady, but at this moment he was indescribably strong. He didn't use much force, but Ming Huachang didn't dare to resist for some reason.
He said, "You are always like this. You never take my words seriously. Let me help you."
Ming Huashang sat stiffly. Ming Huazhang wiped the water off her neck, changed for a clean handkerchief, tangled her long hair in his palm, and absorbed the moisture in it bit by bit.
Ming Huashang had just finished taking a shower and was only wearing a middle-length dress. As a result of her own behavior, the middle-length dress was stained with large stains of water, and the material became translucent, which did not have much concealing effect.
Ming Huachang's back was numb. For siblings, such behavior was too much of an overstep, not to mention that they were not siblings! Ming Huachang was restless and asked awkwardly, "Second brother, why are you here?"
"The banquet in His Majesty's Palace has just ended. I came to see you, but I didn't expect you were still awake." Ming Huazhang's voice was calm and quiet, just like usual. But this time, Ming Huashang suspected that he heard a hint of danger in it, like a volcano under the sea or a glacier before an avalanche, suppressing madness under its calmness.
Ming Huashang laughed dryly and said, "Second brother, you are so kind to me that I don't know how to repay you. Those girls who took out Zhaocai should be punished. You didn't even tell me that you were here."
"I told them not to pass the message on." Ming Huazhang said calmly, "You were so absorbed in your thoughts that I couldn't bear to disturb you. Shang Shang, what are you thinking about?"
How could Ming Huashang dare to say that she suspected that he was not her brother? She laughed twice and changed the subject stiffly: "I'm thinking about the case. Second brother, did you search the city today? Did you find anything new?"
Ming Huazhang's eyelashes were slightly closed, and he stared at the long hair entwined around his fingertips. The flickering candlelight made his eyes dark and deep, flickering.
The expression on his face was so calm that it could almost be described as indifferent. He said, "It's the same as before. There's nothing new to discover. On the contrary, Shang Shang, I heard from Xie Jichuan that you talked about your loved ones today?"
Ming Huashang angrily scolded Xie Jichuan, this traitor, why did he exaggerate? She said vaguely: "No, I think his mouth is too irritating, so I deliberately said that no one would like him. I deliberately irritated him, it can't be considered a chat."
Ming Huazhang responded in a low voice and asked, "Does Shang Shang have someone she likes?"
Ming Huashang was choked again. She finally managed to change the subject, but why did Ming Huazhang keep pursuing her?
Ming Huazhang was not so easy to fool. In the past, she would evade the main issues with him, but he was willing to go along with her. But today, he suddenly didn't want to pretend anymore.
Ming Huazhang simply asked directly, "Who did you give the flowers to at the banquet today?"
Ming Huashang quickly glanced at Ming Huazhang through the mirror. Unfortunately, he was taller than her, even when he was half-kneeling behind her, he was still half a head taller than her, so she couldn't see him clearly. She only vaguely felt that his expression was calm, his posture was calm, and he seemed to be in a stable mood.
Ming Huashang was relieved and said boldly, "Give it to Jiang Ling."
Ming Huazhang raised his eyebrows, his eyes unpredictable: "Really?"
Ming Huashang thought that Jiang Ling's brain would be so slow that he wouldn't even be able to remember the number after tonight, so how could he remember how many flowers he had received? So she swore, "It's true."
Ming Huazhang seemed to smile. He leaned over, picked up a rhino horn comb from the table, and slowly slid it from the roots to the ends of Ming Huashang's hair.
When he suddenly approached, Ming Huashang's back tensed reflexively, but he was just holding something, and the heat from his body entangled Ming Huashang's arm, and then separated at the touch. Ming Huashang felt him combing her hair, but she didn't feel relieved, and for some reason she became even more nervous.
Even the movement of his fingertips parting her black hair seemed to carry a different meaning. Ming Huashang was feeling uneasy when she suddenly heard a thunderclap in her ears: "When I was writing poetry, I saw you go out and you didn't come back until half an hour later. What did you do?"
Ming Huashang's scalp was throbbing, and she was frozen and unable to move. She quickly wondered what he had seen, or whether he was just showing concern for his sister. Ming Huashang thought about it for a long time, bit her lip, and smiled as if nothing had happened: "Nothing, the banquet hall is too stuffy, I'm going out to get some fresh air."
Ming Huazhang put down the rhino horn comb, leaned forward slightly, and rested one hand on the table. His movements were casual, his posture was calm, and his aura was as clear and clean as pine trees after snow, but Ming Huachang tensed up inexplicably.
He sat behind her, one arm resting on her side. This simple action was like a cage with three closed sides, leaving only one side blank for the prisoner. However, it was unclear whether that seemingly blank side was an exit to escape or a deeper trap.
Ming Huazhang stared at her with an ambiguous expression and said, "Shangshang, I'll give you one last chance. I just want to hear the truth. Who did you go to see?"
Ming Huashang quickly curled her fingers, clenched her palms, raised her eyes, looked at him in the mirror, and still smiled innocently: "No, I didn't see anyone."
Ming Huazhang sighed barely audibly, and said with regret: "Sister, your patience is still so poor."
When she was six years old, she was studying, but her handwriting was always not good enough, so she threw away her pen and stopped practicing; when she was ten years old, she was learning the piano, but she practiced a piece of music for half a month and still couldn't play it correctly, so she was too lazy to put in any more effort; when she was sixteen, she finally realized that she had to build a good relationship with her brother, but after only one year, she lost her patience.
Ever since Ming Huazhang learned that he was not a member of the Ming family and was considered an "outsider" to Ming Huachang, he took the initiative to distance himself from her. The Duke of Zhenguo was also afraid that Ming Huachang, who was born with a lazier side than others, would lead Ming Huachang astray, so he also intentionally separated them. Without a comparison group, Ming Huachang's laziness became more natural, and Ming Huachang could concentrate on learning how to be a gentleman and not lose the reputation of Prince Zhanghuai.
Before the age of four, they were inseparable and even slept together, but as they grew older, they gradually drifted apart. Originally, they could have maintained this distant and indifferent brother-sister relationship until the man got married and the woman got married and started her own family. Regardless of whether Ming Huazhang regained her status, he would silently protect her and help her husband and children.
However, when they were both sixteen years old, she suddenly came to him and followed him wherever he went. Ming Huazhang fulfilled his responsibilities as an older brother seriously, but they were not siblings at all. Many things that siblings did were normal, but ordinary men and women would cross the line.
When Ming Huazhang was in trouble, distressed and worried about gains and losses, she acted as if nothing had happened, calling him "brother" all the time and treating him the same as before, and went to flirt with other men.
Xie Jichuan, Su Xingzhi, everyone was called brother by her, everyone received her care and praise. Xie Jichuan had his reasons, but she was biased towards Su Xingzhi without any reason.
Today, she even gave flowers to Su Xingzhi and made a private appointment with Su Xingzhi. Ming Huazhang saw with his own eyes that she followed Su Xingzhi closely and took his arm on her own initiative.
Ming Huazhang was so angry that he almost exploded. He was angry that Ming Huachang said she didn't want to get married, but she still fell in love with him in the end; he was also angry that Su Xingzhi had no manners and dared to treat her like this.
When anger reaches a certain limit, the more angry you are, the calmer you will become. Ming Huazhang calmly asked for his resignation from Princess Taiping and wanted to send Ming Huachang home first. Princess Taiping had just met him and would not offend him on such a matter, so she agreed. Prince Shao heard this and then asked to leave.
Afterwards, he calmly sent a message to the Duke of Zhenguo's Mansion, asking them to prepare something to sober her up. He could even rationally analyze that it was understandable for the girl to be curious and ambiguous with her brother when she was ignorant of love, and it was also understandable that she stopped in time and chose another man.
But, it was clearly she who provoked him first. If she had no intention, why did she provoke him? Since she provoked him, why couldn't she always be nice to him, and only to him?
Ming Huazhang said this, and it can be said that he was determined to break the last layer of window paper. It was like a determination that if he couldn't get the result he wanted, then there would be no need to see each other again in this life. Ming Huachang was silent for a while. The suspicious mood she had been in since she got the prophetic dream finally overwhelmed her. She no longer maintained a smile, turned back coldly, and stared into Ming Huazhang's eyes: "Then let me ask you, how should I treat you?"
"My good brother."
The window was not closed tightly and was suddenly blown open by the wind. The wick of the lamp flickered violently a few times and was extinguished by the cold air.
There was no light in the room, which made the moonlight outside the window seem particularly bright. It was almost the fifteenth day of the lunar month, and the moon was getting fuller and fuller, gently casting its silver light between heaven and earth. The moonlight penetrated the window grilles and accumulated on the ground, like a layer of frost.
Ming Huashang and Ming Huazhang sat in the clear frosty moonlight, looking at each other, breathing and smelling each other. Neither of them was willing to look away, but neither of them spoke.
Ming Huashang calmed down after she finished speaking. She felt that she had been a little impulsive, but she did not regret it.
Now that things have come to this, there is nothing she dares not do. Every day now could be her last day. Ming Huashang does not want to look back on her life before she dies and still regret that she was not brave enough when she should have been, and that she did not speak out to the person she liked. They may never meet again in this life and become strangers, but she must know an answer.
Who is he? Is his feeling towards her a responsibility, guilt, or love?
Ming Huachang calmed down after her outburst, but Ming Huazhang fell into a long silence.
Ming Huashang's guess was within his expectation. She was observant and clear-headed. She would definitely notice something was wrong if she paid attention. He didn't know exactly when she knew it, but it was obvious that she had already known that the two were not real siblings.
There was no need to say more, the only difference was the answer. If he said he was her brother, then Ming Huashang would continue to discuss marriage, and even if his identity was made public in the future, they would only be siblings with different surnames; if he said he was her husband, then it would be a revelation of his own unbearableness and inferiority, that he always held himself to be a gentleman, but had an incestuous heart towards his own sister.
This mind was dark and twisted, and it was disgusting. She was unwilling to accept that he deserved it, but if she was willing, the two of them could live in the same house, go out together, and she would not marry, and he would not take a wife. There would be no third person to disturb their world until the truth came out, or the day he died.
Ming Huazhang certainly hoped that Ming Huachang would stay with him forever, and no longer agree to dates to please his elders, and no longer discuss marriage with other men. He did not mind the criticism of the world and the blame of the Duke of Zhenguo. He fell in love with her even though he knew she was his "sister". He was weak-willed and he did it knowingly, and he was willing to bear the blame.
However, he had to think about what to do after the insult. It only took a moment of impulse to say the word "like", but then what?
What should be done with the Duke of Zhenguo's Mansion? What should be done with the unjust case of Crown Prince Zhang Huai? What should be done with the seventeen years that so many people had stolen for him at risk of their lives?
The situation is changing rapidly, the King of Wei is eyeing them covetously, and the Li family is already walking on thin ice. If his identity is exposed at this time, not only will the Duke of Zhenguo and the Xie family be destroyed, but even the Crown Prince and the Prince of Xiang who have finally returned to the stage will be implicated. So many people have worked silently to return power to the Tang Dynasty, and he cannot become the eternal sinner of the Tang Dynasty.
Of course, he trusted Ming Huashang, and believed that Ming Huashang could keep the secret and would never reveal his true identity. However, Princess Taiping was just trying to use Ming Huashang as a shield, and the King of Wei had probably already determined that the orphan of Prince Zhang Huai was in the twins in the Duke of Zhenguo's mansion. If Ming Huashang died at this time, the matter would never be clear.
Even if the King of Wei suspected that Ming Huashang was not the descendant of Prince Zhang Huai, so what? The dead would not speak, and it was impossible for the Duke of Zhenguo and Xie Shen to stand up and seek death. Even if the King of Wei brought this matter to the attention of the Queen, the person concerned only needed to insist that he did not know. How could the Queen still treat a woman who was suspected to be her granddaughter but had already died?
Obviously, it can only be left unresolved.
Offering sacrifice to Ming Huashang when necessary is the last way out, which is tacitly understood by those who know the situation.
If Ming Huazhang didn't know, it would be fine, but he knew Princess Taiping's plan. Telling her the truth at this time, is this love? No, this is hypocrisy and selfishness.
Of course, he could tell her everything now, just because he was in a bad mood, and then reveal his true feelings to her, telling her that he loved her and that he would marry her when the empress died, the Li family took power, and his biological father was finally able to clear his name. They could ignore the world's eyes and the accusations of etiquette and law, and seize the present moment, not seeking a long-term relationship, but only seizing the day.
However, the royal struggle will not let them off the hook just because of their love. When the King of Wei finds out about Ming Huazhang, and Princess Taiping, the Xie family, and even the Duke of Zhenguo all want to sacrifice their lives to save the car, what should she do?
Will she understand the greater good and cooperate? Or will she be unwilling to die and be labeled as unfaithful and unfilial?
Ming Huazhang couldn't do it. He couldn't lie to his conscience and say that he loved her, giving her a taste of pleasure, and then using love to trick her into death. Some words should be taken responsibility for, and he couldn't say them selfishly when he was powerless to clear the thorns for her and take responsibility for her future.
Ming Huazhang clenched his fists tightly, withdrew his hands, and distanced himself from her.
He lowered his eyes and said in a cold voice with a hint of hoarseness, "I'm sorry."
Ming Huashang waited for a long time, full of expectation, but only waited for this sentence. This was undoubtedly a rejection. As a girl, if she still had self-esteem, she should never pester him. But Ming Huashang couldn't control herself and stretched out her hand, pulling his sleeve, and said earnestly: "You really don't have anything to say to me? No matter what you are hesitating about, as long as you say it, I am willing to share the responsibility with you."
Ming Huazhang clenched his fingers tightly, afraid that if he relaxed a little, he would be unable to hold back and hug her. He used all his reason to force himself to pull his sleeve out of her palm.
This was not an ordinary difficulty that could be overcome by two people supporting each other; the price was her life.
His Shang Shang was resolute and brave, kind and sharp. He was afraid that if she knew, she would expose herself and die for him.
He couldn't gamble. Too many people had already sacrificed their lives for him. If she died because of him, he would never be able to forgive himself in his lifetime.
Ming Huachang's palm missed, and for an instant it felt as if a hole had been broken in his heart. The wind blew through it, and all the blood in his body froze.
She could disregard her womanly pride and take the initiative once or twice, but she could never pull a man's sleeve for a third time after being pushed away.
Ming Huashang smiled, and said with the dignity of an adult girl, "It's getting late, you should go back early. By the way, I want to take a break tomorrow, so I won't go to Jingzhao Prefecture with you. You can go by yourself, don't worry about me."
Ming Huazhang felt a pain in his heart. At this moment, he thought of Cheng Xun, the second and third wives. He had seen Ming Huachang smiling and not getting angry no matter what the second wife and her daughter said. He was dissatisfied with Ming Huachang for being so weak-tempered and easy to bully, but today he realized how sad it was to be treated like this.
Because he didn't care, he was able to maintain his decorum, and even felt it was a waste to get emotional for the other party. He would rather she was angry and lost her temper than now, her lips were still smiling, but her eyes were cold and polite, no longer affectionate.
It was as if he had become a stranger. From then on, she didn't have to reply to his messages first, she didn't have to call him when she went out, and she no longer talked to him when she was unhappy.
Ming Huazhang's lips moved. He suddenly hated his own rationality. He still calmly analyzed the pros and cons at this time, telling himself how much trouble his momentary impulse would bring to himself, her, and the overall situation. His life was stolen, and it was too luxurious for him to take revenge.
Finally, Ming Huazhang finally came to his senses and whispered, "Be careful on the road, have a good rest, good night."
After Ming Huazhang left, Ming Huashang looked at the moonlight all over the floor, and suddenly collapsed on the couch, burying her knees and hugging herself. Zhaocai saw Ming Huazhang leaving, and tiptoed in. When he pushed the door open, he saw Ming Huashang curled up, and asked in panic, "Madam, what's wrong with you?"
Ming Huashang shook her head, her face still buried in her knees, and said, "It's nothing, I'm just a little tired. Turn off the light and go back to rest. I want to be alone for a while."
Zhaocai was about to say something, but stopped himself. Finally, he quietly pulled down the curtain, spread the bedding, moved the charcoal basin in front of Ming Huashang, and said, "My wife, I have never been to school and I don't understand any great principles. I can't understand many of your ideas. But I know that you will always be my second wife. No matter what happens between you and Erlang, I will stand by you. My wife, if you want to stay alone, you can stay alone. If you want to talk, call me anytime. Zhaocai is always here."
Tears welled up in Ming Huashang's eyes. She hummed softly and said, "I know. You can go back."
"Then I'll go." Zhaocai turned back every few steps, worriedly saying, "My lady, the couch is cool, you can go back and sit on it."
Zhaocai explained a lot and finally left. When the door closed, Ming Huashang raised her head, her eyes red and silent, but tears kept rolling down like a dam-breaking stream.
She kicked off her shoes, climbed onto the bed, and shed tears while wrapping herself in the quilt. Although Ming Huazhang didn't say it, who else could make the Duke of Zhenguo so cruel as to abandon his daughter? Combined with the background of the Xie family, Xie Jichuan's attitude towards Ming Huazhang, it is not difficult to associate him with the unjustly killed Prince Zhang Huai seventeen years ago.
Ming Huashang could understand why the Duke of Zhenguo sent his daughter away in order to protect the prince's descendants; she could also understand that when the outside world suspected the Ming family and had to choose between the two, he chose Ming Huazhang. However, Su Yuji still had Su Xingzhi who would never leave her, and she, her father who had doted on her the most since she was a child, made the right choice without hesitation. Her brother, whom she admired and respected the most and was willing to exchange his life for him, was still unwilling to tell her the truth at this point.
She didn't know why she had that prophetic dream, but she knew that it was very likely to happen, and even had happened. In the dream, she died silently, and she was puzzled for a long time, wondering what she had done to anger the gods and people, and whether it was necessary to kill him. For this reason, she suspected Su Yuji, the Duke of Zhenguo, the second and third wives, and even the maids around her, but she never suspected Ming Huazhang.
I didn't kill Boren, but he died because of me. He certainly didn't do it on purpose, but it's undeniable that she died because of him. The only difference is whether it was his relatives who killed her or his enemies who killed her.
She was luckier than she was in her dreams, knowing the ending a year in advance. She tried hard to save herself, but the more she disbelieved in fate, the more she was shocked by its cruelty.
If she is unwilling to die, then the ones who will die are him, the Duke of Zhenguo, the Xie family, and many more loyal officials who silently protect the orphan of Li Tang. Is it worth it to use the lives of many others in exchange for her life?
Ming Huashang had no choice. Time went by and she was seventeen again, the year of her death. At the beginning of this year, when the New Year's fireworks rang out, Ming Huashang looked at Ming Huazhang who leaned over to block the firecrackers for her, and she had actually given up resisting.
Although she didn't know the details of the child swap at that time, she had already sensed that her death in her dream was related to the struggle for imperial power. She decided to face her own death calmly. Because of the difference in status and information asymmetry, she didn't even know when the princes and princesses were going to kill her. She could only live every day as if it were her last day and try her best not to leave any regrets for herself.
Ming Huachang often wondered what loyalty and filial piety were. The Duke of Zhenguo exchanged his own child for the orphan of the crown prince and tried his best to educate the young master. If this could be passed down in the future, it would surely be a righteous act praised by the court and the public. But no one would remember that one of his daughters was exiled to the countryside and lived in someone else's cage for seventeen years; the other daughter was raised by him since she was a child, but on the day when the great waves came, she was abandoned without hesitation, paying back the seventeen years of glory and wealth with her life.
Ming Huashang had no intention of blaming the Duke of Zhenguo, nor did she have any ground for resentment towards Ming Huazhang. It seemed that everyone had no choice but to try their best to make the right choice. However, what she wanted was nothing more than a word of truth from her family.
The Duke of Zhenguo didn't say anything, and Ming Huazhang didn't say anything either. Her only sister might still be resenting her.
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