Chapter 101: Start to Regret
A gust of wind blew outside the window, blowing up a few fallen leaves.
Song Yunhe was silent for a few breaths before he continued to flip through the account book, his eyes falling on the latest page -
"Jewelry and headwear: 538 taels of silver; summer clothes: 432 taels of silver; food expenses: 30 taels of silver..."
His fingertips lingered on the line of numbers for a long time, and he could no longer help thinking of Qingwu. When she was there, the monthly household allowance never exceeded thirty taels.
Now he seemed to understand what it meant to be considerate and what it meant to be a good wife...
"My dear..." the old butler called softly.
Song Yunhe came back to his senses. He couldn't help but clench the account book tightly, squeezing it until his knuckles turned white and the book was twisted.
He thought of Qingwu's eyes that always held a clear smile, the soup she had made for him, and the many times he would come home late and see her waiting in the corridor...
Song Yunhe suddenly lowered his head and looked at his sleeve. He didn't know when the gown had been torn. He wanted to throw it away, but Qingwu stopped him and took out a needle and thread to carefully mend it.
Her hands were extremely skillful, and she embroidered a white crane on the patched area, which not only looked perfect but also looked quite elegant and interesting.
He almost forgot it, but when he saw the little white crane hidden under his sleeve, Song Yunhe's eyes suddenly became warm.
And what about Xi Qingtong?
Song Yunhe's gaze fell on the glaring number again, and the heat in his eyes gradually faded away.
She slept until noon every day, and if he was not at mealtime, she would finish her meal by herself. When he came back, there were only leftovers, and she had to ask the kitchen to reheat the food.
Five hundred taels of jewelry, four hundred taels of clothes, and yet she still felt his company was not enough! Where was she from what he had thought she was?
How could he not feel uncomfortable comparing the two?
"My dear..." The old housekeeper saw his gloomy face and knew that the master had heard it. This was good. The master should have seen the new wife's true face earlier and disciplined her properly. If she was allowed to do so, the Song family would be in danger.
Song Yunhe took a deep breath and suppressed the emotions surging in his heart: "Uncle Song, go down first."
After the old butler left the study, Song Yunhe punched the table, causing the teacups to clink.
His fingers trembled slightly, and after a few breaths, he frantically pushed aside the pile of books on his desk. At the bottom was a copy of the Book of Songs, its spine yellowed and curled.
He took a deep breath and slowly opened the book. A broken dried peony flower lay quietly between the pages. It was the same flower that Qingwu had thrown from the building during the parade on the day he won the third place in the imperial examination.
He remembered it clearly: Qingwu was wearing a lilac-colored shirt, smiling brightly, and threw it towards him with force. He tried his best to catch it and pinned it on his hat.
That day, he carried the peony through the Meridian Gate, paid homage to the emperor, and spent the most glorious day of his life.
Later, on the night when the marriage exchange was agreed, the peony was again severely crushed by Xi Qingtong's embroidered shoes.
He couldn't understand why he picked up the withered flower and why he put it in his most treasured book.
Now that he thinks about it... maybe deep down in his heart, he is still thinking about Qingwu, the girl he married in a formal ceremony.
Song Yunhe suddenly realized this and looked at the peony again.
But now the petals have long since dried up and lost their color, and the edges still show signs of being trampled on.
The man with a gloomy face gently touched the edge of the petals with his fingertips, fearing that if he used a little more force, it would break. As he touched the cracks on the petals, Song Yunhe suddenly felt a sharp pain in his heart.
"I really..." His voice choked in his throat.
Song Yunhe suddenly hugged his head, and this thought struck his mind like thunder - perhaps he liked Qingwu.
It's not because she looks exactly like Qingtong, nor because she is the daughter of the Xi family, but because she truly likes him.
When she was with him, her gentle and peaceful company; when she cooked for him, her delicious and tempting meals; when she waited in the corridor with a lantern every night when he came home late, the warm yellow light flickered in her eyes...
These fragmented moments, these gentle moments that he took for granted, had already been deeply engraved in his heart without him realizing it.
Song Yunhe's throat rolled, and when he looked at the peonies mixed in the pages of the book, he finally understood that what he treasured was not a dried flower, but the true love that could never be returned and was betrayed by his own hands.
There's no going back.
He was not that conceited. He acquiesced to the exchange between the two. At that moment, according to Qingwu's not-so-submissive nature, he would never forgive him.
Realizing this, Song Yunhe sat in the room until night and did not show up for dinner. Xi Qingtong was unaware of it and just asked someone about it before leaving it alone.
Song Yunhe tossed and turned in his study room that night, unable to sleep. The moonlight outside the window was like water, casting a cold glow on the Book of Songs on the desk.
When Yinzhu came with a lantern to ask, he just said that he had found an ancient book and wanted to read it at night by lamplight. The little maid did not ask any more questions and turned around to go back and report.
Xi Qingtong only lazily hummed "hmm" when she heard this, turned over and went back to sleep. She was already suffering from back pain from her menstrual period, so how could she care about these things? She couldn't have sex anyway, so wasn't that just right?
"Go down." She told Yinzhu drowsily, her voice thick with sleep. "Remember to ask the kitchen to stew some red dates and bird's nest tomorrow to replenish my energy and blood."
Although Song Yunhe didn't care, he waited for a long time but no one came to ask. He then remembered that when he stayed up late in the study, Qingwu would always bring him a cup of calming soup.
She never said anything, but quietly ground his ink or added a piece of clothing. Sometimes, when she saw he was truly exhausted, she would gently advise him, "My dear, it's time to rest."
The candle flame popped, bringing Song Yunhe's thoughts back to reality. He smiled bitterly and shook his head, feeling extremely disappointed.
Song Yunhe could understand that Tong'er loved beauty and spent a lot of money. She was used to that kind of life before. But she was not as considerate as Qingwu and always said such contemptuous words. Song Yunhe couldn't help but doubt Xi Qingtong's heart. With those words and actions, did she really love him?
Song Yunhe also thought that Xi Qingtong expressed her admiration for him because she didn't want to live a hard life in the palace, but she also showed her affection to him before the crown prince was deposed...
It should be that he is just young and ignorant, with a spoiled personality...
Song Yunhe tried to convince himself, perhaps he had to convince himself, otherwise regret would overwhelm him.
But he was still inevitably depressed and emotionally confused, unable to sleep. So Song Yunhe got up, put on his clothes, and walked around the house to relax. He walked all the way to the small garden at the back, and suddenly heard low sobbing sounds.
He turned around the flowers and plants and saw a little maid curled up in the corner crying.
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