Chapter 16
Lin Wan sat back in her seat. Despite trying her best to calm herself, she couldn't maintain her composure. This action was too strange. Lin Wan placed her hand on her burning face.
Jiang Nuo went to Switzerland for a trip and did not attend the so-called graduation ceremony. For her, the result of graduation was the most important, and the so-called ceremony was just an additional ceremony.
Lin Wan lowered his head and pounded his sore shoulders with his hands. Chen Yu on the stage had already started speaking.
Chen Yu was a natural fit for this kind of formal attire; the clean lines often made him seem particularly… respectable, with an inexplicable sense of aloofness and coolness. Lin Wan lowered her eyes quietly, searching carefully for the right adjective, but it always felt inadequate.
Chen Yu was not wearing a tie, and the top two buttons were loose, revealing the lines of his collarbone and shoulders.
After living in the same house for a year, Lin Wan had hardly gained any understanding of Chen Yu, and they still seemed like strangers.
The lecture hall was full of people. Graduates wearing bachelor's caps and parents holding flowers stood alternately on both sides. The air temperature was rising, but it did not seem noisy.
They are approaching the end of their high school years.
The speech ended with thunderous applause.
Chen Yu bowed and left the stage. Lin Wan looked at him, and their eyes met and collided in the air. The voice in his ears seemed to disappear for a moment, and there was silence and noise.
Lin Wan lowered his head.
Youth ends in a grand ceremony. It seems that I am the protagonist of youth, but it also seems that someone else is the protagonist.
It started raining again, Lin Wan thought on the steps.
The leaves appear particularly bright after being touched by rain. Even if the sky is as gloomy as hundreds of pale test papers stacked together, summer still appears in the world without hesitation.
For some reason, Lin Wan suddenly thought of Chen Yu.
The rain poured down on the ground, and water droplets hit the leaves around me and fell down again.
"Tick", "tick".
It sounds like the sound of a clock turning at a constant speed on the desk behind you.
At that time, the lights at home seemed to be always dazzling, and my eyes, which had been staring at the pages of books for a long time, were always sore and dry.
Lin Wan's grades were not always top-notch. For a long period of time in the middle of her senior year, her grades plummeted, at one point ranking outside the top 100.
Results like that meant she had to stay in the country.
Lin Wan couldn't figure out why. She had always studied this way, step by step, practicing repeatedly. But the difficulty of the questions suddenly increased to a new level, and she often couldn't remember the corresponding method when she picked up the pen.
It was as if she was trapped in a vicious circle in an instant. She launched a fierce attack to break out, but found that the circle seemed endless.
At one point, she wanted to seek help from others, and typed the problems she encountered into the chat box over and over again, wanting to tell Xu Su about the difficulties she encountered, but she deleted them again and again.
Lin Wan pondered the psychology behind her actions. She was too strong-willed. She didn't want anyone to see her helplessness and hesitation. She habitually presented herself to everyone in the most perfect and indestructible manner.
It has been like this since I was a child and has always been like this.
Lin Wan almost alienated herself from everyone, even her contact with Jiang Nuo. She locked herself in the room, reciting books and doing exercises over and over again.
Repeat, repeat, repeat, she had no choice.
But the result is still not ideal.
In the deepest cold of winter, Lin Wan sat on a chair on the balcony and memorized his lessons. Before his eyes were the lights of thousands of homes, and fireworks rose into the sky and bloomed in the dark and quiet night.
He flipped through the book again and again, but didn't read a single word.
Lin Wan stared at the grand fireworks in a daze, his hands tightly hugging his knees bent in front of him. Although his clothes were thick, the cold wind still continued to blow into his sleeves, freezing him like a dogtail grass in the cold wind.
Almost like muscle memory, Lin Wan walked towards Jiang Yuexing's studio, as if there was some strange magic there that could dispel all the physical fatigue and mental frustration overnight.
Lin Wan took off his heavy coat and sat on the chair that belonged to him in his childhood.
On New Year's Eve, she was alone at home. Lin Zhen was abroad discussing work, Aunt Chen and Xu Su had returned home, and Chen Yu had been invited to a party—but she had turned everyone down and stayed home to study.
How ridiculous! After putting in so much effort, I couldn't even pass Jiang Nuo's exam.
She seemed to have a problem, Lin Wan thought as he hugged his body.
"Mom, I miss you so much." She heard herself say, her voice echoing in the empty studio, empty like the huge void in her heart.
Her grades are the only criterion for defining her own value. Now that her grades have dropped, has she lost her value in existence?
The empty words told her: No; in fact, that's it.
As if possessed by a ghost, Lin Wan walked to Jiang Yuexing's easel. The easel was old, and the colors were particularly light in the places exposed to the sun. All the painting tools and paints were in the cabinet.
Lin Wan hadn't touched these things for many years. When he touched them again, the feeling was familiar yet completely unfamiliar.
When she put down the book and picked up the paintbrush hesitantly, the door of the studio was opened.
Someone walked in. Lin Wan put down his paintbrush as if in response and wanted to pick up the book that was close at hand, but when he met the gaze of the person who came in, he suddenly slowed down his movements.
——It’s Chen Yu. He came back so early.
Lin Wan stood there, looking at Chen Yu calmly. In an instant, she had an idea.
Chen Yu's face showed the familiar gentle smile: "Sister Jiang Nuo said you were home alone, so she asked me to go home early to help her check on you."
The studio light shone on his facial features, making them appear particularly deep and delicate, almost like a work of art.
"Can you be my model?" Lin Wan didn't respond and asked Chen Yu directly.
Chen Yu paused as he walked towards her. He glanced at the paintbrush in Lin Wan's hand and hesitated, "Painting?"
Lin Wan nodded: "Portrait."
Chen Yu said, "Okay, but Wanwan, you should call Sister Jiang Nuo back first."
He didn't know if it was because he looked particularly pitiful that day, or because Lin Wan seemed particularly tough that day, but Chen Yu agreed to her request without much thought.
Lin Wan called Jiang Nuo.
Jiang Nuo asked her a lot of questions and said a lot of things, asking her not to take the single gain or loss to heart. This was a lot of rambling, which was not in line with her usual cool and decisive personality.
Maybe through the screen, those words that are difficult to say face to face can be said naturally according to your mood.
Lin Wan hung up the phone. Fireworks continued to rise outside. She asked Chen Yu to take off his coat and sit on the chair.
Chen Yu rarely seemed stiff, his hands resting on his knees, looking particularly straight, lacking his usual relaxed and casual demeanor. However, Lin Wan found Chen Yu this way particularly approachable.
"Have you had dinner?" Chen Yu asked her.
Lin Wan placed the paint on the drawing board and held it casually: "Not yet, how about you?"
Unsatisfied with Chen Yu's posture, she put down her drawing board and walked towards him. His shirt was also worn very properly, buttoned to the top button. If it weren't for his handsome features, Lin Wan couldn't imagine what a disaster it would be.
Lin Wan reached out and unbuttoned his shirt, unbuttoning two of them.
She felt that Chen Yu's body stiffened for a moment, and he almost raised his hand to stop her, but he did not move at all and let her untie it.
She moved extremely carefully, ensuring there was no skin contact, and after unbuttoning the collar, she added, "It looks better if you unbutton both like this."
Her fingers curled together instantly, unsure of what to feel.
Chen Yu watched her movements quietly. After her hand left his body, he raised his eyes to look into hers. Lin Wan's somewhat embarrassed look was reflected in his light-colored pupils.
Lin Wan adjusted her hair, trying to put some distance between them.
"I haven't eaten either." Chen Yu said, "We can have New Year's Eve dinner together."
Fireworks rose and bloomed outside the window, and the gorgeous fireworks were reflected on the floor-to-ceiling glass, like slowly blooming flowers.
"Okay." Lin Wan replied.
Lin Wan didn't go over during the rest of the painting process, but instead stood in front of the easel and remotely guided Chen Yu's movements. The painting process went smoothly, just like when Jiang Yuexing painted for him.
Someone called his name from behind, and Lin Wan, who was originally immersed in his thoughts, turned around following the voice.
It’s strange to say, Chen Yu initially called her “Sister Xiaolin”, but at some point he started calling her “Lin Wan”, and sometimes he even went so far as to call her “Wan Wan” directly.
But it was just a name, Lin Wan wouldn't take it too seriously.
"Lin Wan, I didn't bring an umbrella." His expression was extremely natural, with a hint of annoyance.
"Then let's go together." Lin Wan shook the folding umbrella in his hand.
The last time they shared an umbrella together was a year ago, when Chen Yu had a fish allergy and Lin Wan had taken him to the hospital. Back then, Lin Wan had a hard time holding the umbrella over their heads. Unexpectedly, Chen Yu seemed to have grown taller by now.
The umbrella fluttered in the wind and rain in her hand, and water droplets poured in from all directions.
Chen Yu took the umbrella with expert precision, steadily shielding it from the rain. Lin Wan noticed that he seemed particularly cautious, simply gripping the top of the umbrella as he took it, keeping it well away from her hand.
For some reason, Lin Wan suddenly felt relieved.
"You spoke well." Lin Wan expressed his approval of Chen Yu's speaking ability. After all, being able to maintain composure and be at ease in front of thousands of people is an outstanding ability.
Under the umbrella, Chen Yu smiled at him modestly.
"Going to Beijing alone must be quite stressful." Lin Wan jumped across a puddle, which reflected the dead branches and their backs holding umbrellas.
Raindrops slid down the edge of the umbrella, creating ripples on the edge of the pool.
"Sister, we go to the same school." Under the black umbrella, Chen Yu's skin looked extremely white, and paired with a white shirt, it had a quite warm color.
Lin Wan's expression became a little stiff. She paused for a few seconds and turned around reluctantly.
"So, it's the same school." She repeated Chen Yu's words.
"Yes, we are destined to be together."
Chen Yu kept up with her pace and said to Lin Wan with a smile, that smile had the youthful vigor that was unique to young people.
Raindrops dripped from the edge of the umbrella and hit the crook of Lin Wan's neck. The cold rain was a bit biting. Lin Wan shrank his neck and responded vaguely.
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