Chapter 417 I am not your sail
"Let me tell you about my past," she began.
She took a sip of tea and slowly recounted her life story. She was from the same province, having grown up in a small, underdeveloped county town. Her father and mother were both workers.
She has had a talent for art since she was in elementary school, and she was always present at any cultural and entertainment activities at school. From the first to the third year of junior high school, she was the class entertainment committee member.
She wrote excellent essays, but her math was terrible, and she didn't even get into high school. A relative introduced her to the county theater troupe.
I interrupted her and asked, "The county troupe is almost declining, why are you still going?"
“I love singing opera so much.”
"Oh—go on."
She said that she had been in the county troupe for three years and didn't feel it was hard at all. In a blink of an eye, she was already 18 years old. There was a provincial art performance, and each region had to select a program to participate in the provincial competition.
After the performance, someone waved to her, asked her about her situation, and expressed his willingness to keep her in the provincial troupe.
I said, "The person waving is Captain Gu."
"Yes, I was very happy at the time. I decided to stay here, thinking I would have great things to do here. However, the theatre industry was declining. Our troupe was barely surviving, and we had to rely on government funding to support it.
Every year, we only had a few fixed programs, like going to the countryside, promoting the center's work, and taking on commercial performances. Now, there are almost no commercial performances. Everyone is finding their own side hustle.
"Have you found a side job?"
She shook her head: "In the beginning, we young actors couldn't find a side job at all. The older actors had a lot of certificates, and some parents also asked people from the troupe to be tutors.
I wasn't qualified enough to teach erhu, piano, flute, or yangqin. Only last year did Director Gu recommend me to take a physical education class at a women's university.
Jiang Yiwei ran past a karaoke bar. To make money, karaoke bars would tease singers for half an hour before they came on stage, using sexually suggestive words. She could stand it, but I couldn't.
"So, you didn't go."
She nodded and continued, "Then I met you..."
She bit her lip and glanced at me furtively.
"Say it. It's okay."
"I think you're great."
"Why?"
"Because you said you wanted to guide us in rehearsing, I thought it was funny at the time, but then you shared your own creative ideas. I didn't expect you to be able to express a boring ceremony so perfectly with dance language. Later..."
"What happened next?"
"Then, it was as if you disappeared. After rehearsing that play, you never came to Qingya Pavilion again. Some men, once they knew us, would often come to Qingya Pavilion to treat us. In fact, they came to see us, so you became a mystery in my heart."
I laughed out loud.
"Later, I found out you had a girlfriend."
She stopped talking.
There was a silence.
I said, "Yes, my wife Xiaolin supported me unwaveringly during my most difficult period."
She nodded. "I felt very lonely in Shangzhou, so I asked Captain Gu to be my godmother. She told me everything. She said you are such a kind-hearted person, and that you fought hard for the role of Women's Director. So, I am even more..."
"I know." I was afraid she would say it out loud.
She said, "Every time I call you Teacher Wan, I always feel awkward."
I smiled slightly.
She stared at me seriously. "Really? I always feel like you're silently caring about me. That time, my godmother brought me to you for advice, and you suggested I start Douyin. This time, you told President Deng to ask me to be their spokesperson. I know it's a difficult task, but I'm touched by your suggestion."
I understand the feelings of a girl who has no one to rely on but refuses to go with the flow. I know she must have been upset today. So I asked, "Did someone leave a message on your TikTok saying something bad about you today?"
She nodded.
I opened her TikTok and the comments at the beginning were okay, but there were indeed some harsh words below.
I smiled and said, "You have to be strong. You're still growing up and you've become an internet celebrity. The attacks you receive are not just a little bit."
"But I haven't offended anyone."
"There are some people you don't even need to offend. They're frustrated outside, or they think society is treating them unfairly, so they're dissatisfied with everything and find fault with everything. They'll criticize everything they see. You need to be more resilient."
"Yiwei found a rich man who's more than ten years older than her. I don't want to live that kind of life. Xie Yan has connections and was transferred to the museum. I'm the only one who hasn't found a place to stay. Sometimes when I think about it, I cry secretly.
I made a TikTok and people scolded me. After thinking about it, I just wanted to talk to you. But you didn’t answer the phone, and I wanted to cry.
I said, "Qingfen, don't be so fragile. Let me help you analyze your personality."
She looked up at me.
"You've been outstanding since childhood, fond of literature and art, and good-looking. You've only heard praise, and your parents and relatives have always held you in high esteem. Naturally, you've developed a sense of superiority.
Beautiful women with a sense of superiority, please note, I am talking about beautiful women, often have a kind of self-deception, thinking that others must follow their will, that society will definitely open a special channel for them, and that you will be invincible and victorious.
This is indeed the case. Because beauty is a scarce resource, it is advantageous in many cases, but it is not a permanent pass.
For example, you are a famous beauty in a small county, but when you go to the upper state, where there are so many beautiful women, you feel a little lost.
You were born in a small county town and had some talents, but when you moved to the upper state, some people who had received a good family education since childhood, who were good at music, chess, calligraphy, painting, public speaking and hosting, were naturally a level higher than you. You felt even more lost.
It's not that I have any special affection for you. It's simply that I've received so much help from so many people along the way. They've given me so much warmth. Love always comes back, and I want to pass that warmth on to others.
Of course, the others mentioned here are limited. They refer to those who come to me for consultation, or those I know in life and work.
That's why Captain Gu brought you here and asked me to give you some advice. I kept saying one thing: when reading poetry, you must really read it.
Why do you need to really read it? It means you have the image and temperament of a talented woman, but you also need to have the essence of a talented woman, that is, to be truly talented and learned, and to have a refined temperament with a wealth of poetry and books.
You've only been studying for a few months, and when someone ridicules you, you feel deeply wronged and want to confide in me. Go back and look up the experiences of Cai Wenji and Li Qingzhao. Compared to them, you're much happier.
Learn to be strong. In this society, it's not easy for anyone, especially those of us who have worked hard in the countryside and have no support in the big city. We must strengthen ourselves and improve ourselves. We can't rely on others. Only when we are strong can we have a wider path forward!
I picked up my phone, looked at it, and said, "It's getting late. I have to go home. I won't keep you for dinner."
She stood up, smiled awkwardly, and nodded, "Okay. Sorry to bother you."
After sending her out, I let out a long sigh: It takes three generations for a person to see some improvement. Wan Shanhong, Wan Shanhong, you must not make any mistakes.
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