Chapter 47: Scared Them Out
I went into the room to get a pen and paper, handed it to Zhang Xia's agent, San Taibao, and said in a deep voice:
Please write a word for Master Zhang.
San Taibao took the paper and pen impatiently with a stern expression. Then he bent down and Zhang Xia whispered in his ear. "San Taibao, write the words. Crumple them up and give them to me."
Fuck! Liu Qian was in public, trying to find a ring in an egg. I, Wan Shanhong, had already mastered it. I listened with my left ear, listened with my right, and threw the paper into the wind: "The 'Lu' in mainland China."
Everyone was so shocked that their eyes popped out of their heads.
Zhang Xia said sarcastically, "You've learned quite a few wild tricks."
I crossed my arms and said, "Master Zhang, what do you want to test?"
Zhang Xia smiled slyly: "Will it be sunny or rainy in ten days?"
At this moment, the whole audience burst into laughter, and the Third and Ninth Guardians laughed especially loudly.
I pretended to be dumb and said, "I haven't calculated this before."
Hahahaha…hahaha.
Ahahahaha…hahaha.
Zhang Xia, Li Xia, Wang Ermaizi, the Third Protector, the Ninth Protector... their laughter reached the sky.
Even the villagers who had originally wanted to see me make a fool of myself began to feel sorry for me. They all asked, "How do you test this?"
When they had laughed enough, I started laughing too.
I laughed out loud towards the sky, and the leaves shook and the chickens and dogs jumped.
When the whole place fell silent due to laughter, I said coldly:
"Although I don't know whether it will be sunny or rainy in ten days, I can call out a snake and ask."
Before they could react, I clapped my hands, muttered something, and then said loudly:
"Come quickly, Snake, and meet the three masters."
It's up to everyone to believe it or not.
My mother said in a deep voice, "Do you really have such a wild trick? Don't bite the villagers."
A large snake crawled out of the bushes in the distance, its red tongue lolling out. The weeds fell to the sides.
Suddenly, a giant snake emerged. The crowd fled in all directions like frightened birds. Blind Wang Er got up and ran. Blind Zhang and Blind Li urged the Third and Ninth Guardians to take them away quickly.
I shouted, "Three masters, snakes don't bite good people. They usually help people find their way, rescue them, and do good things. How could they hurt you? Please sit down, please sit down."
The three of them had no choice but to sit down.
I patted the snake's head, whispered a few incantations, coiled it up, and placed it under Wang Er's stool. Wang Er was so scared that he stood up again.
I laughed heartily. "Master Wang, what are you afraid of? Isn't it rumored in the martial arts world that you can tell life and death? You should tell life and death before you go out today. No one wants to die outside."
Everyone laughed wildly. My mother moved Wang Er to a different stool and soothed him, "Master Wang, sit here."
Blind Zhang and Blind Li said together, "Don't put the snake under our stool! Don't bully us two blind men!"
My mother apologized to them: "Don't worry, he was naughty as a child and liked to play pranks, but he still knew his limits."
At this time, I took the snake and put it under my stool. I said to Zhang Xia:
"The character 'Lu' has an ear on the left side, so it's both half 'Yang' and half 'Yin'. So, after ten days, it could be sunny or rainy, which means it's unpredictable and moody."
Since Blind Li couldn't see, he wasn't afraid of the snake spitting out its tongue. He didn't want to be lonely, so he came out as the third one.
He said in a pretentious tone, "Master Wan, please listen for me."
He asked Jiu Taibao to write it.
I took the piece of paper, listened with my left ear, listened with my right ear, and said the word "焉". What is the prediction?
Li Xia said, "I had a physical examination yesterday. Can you tell me what's wrong with my body?"
You want to tease me? Then I'll tease you too.
I pretended to be dumb again: "I'm not a doctor, I don't know what's wrong with you."
Li Xia finally won back a game and laughed:
"Don't you know how to tell fortunes? If you can't figure it out, can you at least analyze it for me from the literal meaning?"
My face suddenly darkened. "If you insist on my analysis, I won't be polite. This character looks like a horse, but it's not a horse. It's a sick horse. You were fine when you came, but now you can't move. You can't even stand up."
Li Xia's face was grim, and he cursed: "You are slandering me with your lies."
I raised my head and shouted to the heavens again: "Master Li, then you try and see if you can stand up."
Li Xia tried hard to stand up, but his legs seemed to have cartilage disease and no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't exert any strength.
Everyone shouted: "Push harder, push harder."
Li Xia used all his strength and finally collapsed in the chair.
Wang Er clasped his hands together and said, "Master Wan, this cannot be done. This cannot be done."
My mother was furious: "Shanhong, how could you treat guests like this?"
I laughed and said, "No, I was just joking with Master Li. He felt sorry for me and was worried that I wouldn't be able to make a living in the future, so he deliberately played along with me. When he saw me trying to help him, he immediately stood up."
Everyone gathered together to watch the fun.
I helped him up and Li Xia stood up.
The three guardians and the nine guardians were both wide-eyed.
I pulled the big snake out from under the stool, held it in my arms, and looked around the whole place with a wicked smile on my face:
"Three masters, there's one more step. Touch the snake's tongue. Everything will go smoothly in the next year. Your physiognomy and fortune-telling will be accurate. Even if you stumble, you'll just knock over a piece of gold."
Then he walked over holding the snake.
Wang Er was so frightened that he waved his hands repeatedly and said in a hurried tone: "Master Wan, Master Wan, let's go, let's go."
I laughed out loud. "Sit down for a moment. Life's good, everyone has enough to eat. The rice is already in the pot. If you don't eat it, will you feed the leftovers to the dog? Besides, my dog only eats shit."
Wang Er bowed with both hands, sweat on his face: "Goodbye! Goodbye for now."
The three of them formed a little train and, amid the laughter of the crowd, they moved along at a rapid pace. The group of young men followed, laughing and joking, as they retreated back to the town.
I said, "Fellow villagers, please go back. I can't control this snake anymore. I can only take care of it for an hour."
Everyone ran wildly, fearing that they would be bitten.
When everyone dispersed, my mother looked at me in surprise and asked, "Where did you learn these wild tricks?"
I smiled and said, "Mom, I'm not afraid of three blind men. But now two Thirteen Guardians are here. If I don't show them how powerful I am, they'll start fighting today. So, instead of saying three nice words, it's better to give them a slap in the face."
My mother frowned and said, "Don't go back to your hometown to open a shop. Those sashimi vendors are drug addicts and are also the protectors of the three of them. If anyone disobeys, they will come to your door and beat you up.
Today, you just resorted to some unruly tactics, otherwise, they would have made sure you were embarrassed."
I shook my head: "Mom, don't worry, I won't come back."
My mother said happily, "It's good that you scared them today. It will make me feel more at ease here. Otherwise, they would always bully us."
My eyes were a little moist. I thought to myself, I must work hard to bring my parents to the city as soon as possible.
The next day, I took my parents and rushed back to Wuxiang City.
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