Chapter 531: Children’s premature love must be handled calmly
I began to tell Kong Haoran why students nowadays fall in love early.
He sat up straight and looked at me very seriously.
I counted them one by one on my fingers:
"First, improved living conditions have led to earlier puberty. With the increasing material wealth of society, and especially the widespread availability of various nutritional supplements, Chinese women are generally reaching puberty two to three years earlier than before the reform and opening-up era.
I've looked up information and found that the earliest girl started menstruating at age 9 and successfully became pregnant without knowing it. Currently, it's common for girls to start menstruating at age 12.
Kong Haoran blushed a little and said, "Her mother used to take care of it. After the divorce, I was too embarrassed to ask about these things."
"She's already 14. During the Qing Dynasty, she was perfectly capable of having children, whether you cared or not. She was essentially sexually mature."
Kong Haoran nodded.
"Secondly, the means of cultural dissemination are fast and convenient, which promotes sexual impulses. Modern media not only contains text descriptions of sexual matters, but also allows direct image searches.
"When you saw 'I Miss You' and were horrified, she might have watched the real-life video behind her back. Would you bang your head against the wall?"
Kong Haoran's face turned red as liver, and he asked: "No way? She is still so young..."
I said, "I didn't say definitely, I said maybe."
He still didn't give up and kept muttering: She won't, she won't, she shouldn't.
I ignored him and continued:
"This is what we call a changing era. Living in this era, she's influenced by external cultural factors and her own physical maturity, which can lead her to early love."
Kong Haoran said: "I admit this."
"Since you admit it, why make such a fuss?"
"I'm afraid she'll go astray."
I said seriously:
"Most girls wouldn't use the ramp, but it was the parents' overreaction that embarrassed her and made things worse.
As for your daughter, before you divorced, she was very happy. After your divorce, she lacked the love of both her mother and her father.
"There is absolutely no lack of fatherly love."
"That's what you think. In her eyes, her stepmother took away her mother's love and her father's love. So she turned to others for care.
Goethe said, "What girl does not have spring in her heart, and what boy does not fall in love?" In the hazy period of adolescence, she might just be with a boy classmate whom she likes and who likes her.
They just like to chat together, buy snacks together, and have a barbecue together.
It's not as serious as you think. But you, with your adult mindset, imagined her to be extremely dirty. This shows that you haven't changed, or perhaps it means that all men in the world haven't changed."
"Well, what do you mean?"
I said, "We are all men. Let's be clear. Influenced by thousands of years of Confucian culture, Chinese men are all a bit chauvinistic.
Male chauvinism manifests itself in the fact that in ancient times, men could marry multiple wives, which was considered normal. Since it was normal, men would take multiple wives and require them to be loyal to them.
This creates a strong possessiveness in men.
This possessiveness is not only towards his wife, but also towards his daughter. Possession of his daughter refers to the possession of her thoughts and soul.
This manifests itself in the fact that my daughter will definitely love me and will definitely listen to me.
At this time, your daughter suddenly falls in love early and has another person in her heart. She no longer regards you as her protector, so you are extremely angry and have only one thought in your mind: I must find that guy and beat him to death.
But how serious a crime did that boy commit? He, like you, just liked your daughter. But what you felt was that you were deeply violated.
Such a well-behaved daughter has her mind occupied by another young boy. The reason you are so angry is that what you have is shared by others.
Your authority to manage and control your daughter's thoughts has been challenged by another little kid, so you must turn things upside down and dig out the other person.
If you see this boy, you might even lose your mind and slap him hard a few times.
This means you haven't changed, your possessiveness hasn't changed. You won't think it's normal for your daughter to marry until her child reaches adulthood, when the boy is old enough to get married and the girl is old enough to get married.
So, your daughter is in the confused period of adolescence, and you are in the confused period of possession."
Kong Haoran blushed. After a long while, he said, "Your analysis makes some sense."
I said, "You have to approach this matter calmly. Don't get angry. The angrier you get, the more you'll want to check her phone and the more you'll want her to reveal who the other person is. That'll only make things worse."
"So what should I do?"
“Educate gently and gently.”
"Well, Mr. Wan, please be more specific."
"Well, first of all, you have to acknowledge that you haven't shown enough care for her. You should spend more time with her in the future.
Secondly, you should downplay the matter and tell your daughter that you were young once and confess that you also had a period of liking the opposite sex when you were in school.
It's normal for adolescents to be curious about and attracted to the opposite sex. It's not a sin on her part. But at this time, it's more important to establish lofty ideals.
Therefore, you should buy her more inspirational books to read and tell her more stories about how great people and celebrities had big dreams when they were young.
There are many ways to do this, depending on your situation. The only thing you need to do is respect her and not let everyone know that she's in a premature relationship.
Don't be impatient and don't imagine that this matter can be resolved overnight.
Premature love, like acne, is a part of youth. It will heal over time."
Kong Haoran smiled bitterly and said hesitantly, "Can you help me with some ideological work?"
I waved my hands repeatedly. "I just told you that the fewer people who know, the better. If you still let me teach her a lesson, she'll really resent you."
You are the only one who can educate me about this matter. Even Jiang Yiwei has to pretend to be deaf and dumb."
Kong Haoran said, "Teacher Wan, I'm glad I came here to ask you. Otherwise, I would have gotten so angry that I would have gone to her homeroom teacher to find out what happened. I must find that kid and give him a warning."
I laughed out loud.
Then he said, "If you go to college, you will be able to accept her dating, right?"
He said, “It’s better not to talk about it.”
I said, "Mr. Kong, you really need to change your mindset. You're going to college now, so don't try to stop me."
"Why?"
"Most women take the word 'love' more seriously than men. Men are mostly animals with lower bodies. They can separate love from sex.
A man can have sex with a woman even if he doesn't love her. Generally speaking, for women, love and sex go hand in hand. She has to like you before she'll have sex with you."
Kong Haoran moved his mouth.
I said, "Don't use individual cases against me; I'm talking about the general situation."
He nodded.
"Let me tell you a fact. Any woman who has never been in love before marriage, and whose marriage is based on age differences and similar conditions, without much inner passion, will definitely cheat after marriage."
His eyes widened: "No way?"
I smiled and said, "I'm talking about a high probability, because women are really emotional animals. They always hope to have a passionate love. If there is no love before marriage, there will be no love after marriage."
Kong Haoran said, "It's scary to talk to you."
I smiled and said, "Friends, let's talk honestly. I've stated before that this is a high probability, not a certainty."
Kong Haoran said: "I have gained a lot tonight. Thank you. I will do as you say."
As I sent him out, I reminded him again: "You must handle it calmly. This is the only way to deal with premature love."
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