sleepless
That night, Qi Shuo did not return to his home in the old city.
He walked aimlessly down the streets on a drizzly winter night, like a soulless shell.
The cold rain lashed against my face, mingling with my scalding tears, making it impossible to tell whether it was cold or hot.
He didn't know how long he had been walking, nor where he was going.
The image of that pale, fragile sleeping face behind the crack in the door kept replaying in my mind, as well as that broken, indistinct murmur in her sleep, Xiao Jue's tearful account, and that bloody night eight years ago...
All the pain, regret, and despair that he thought he had long since grown numb to and buried in the past, roared like a flood that had been released, completely engulfing him.
He hates it.
He hated Tan Zhong, that beast who had long since turned to ashes; he hated the injustice of fate; he hated his own powerlessness back then; he hated Xiao Jue's concealment; he hated Shan Shan's ruined life; and he hated himself for barely surviving and for becoming even more wretched after learning the truth.
He was in even greater pain. He was in pain that Qi Shan was still alive, yet living in a reality of endless nightmares; he was in pain that Xiao Jue had to bear the sins and torment of eight years alone; he was in pain that all three of them had been twisted into their current scarred and broken state by the same catastrophe.
The rain gradually stopped in the early hours of the morning.
Qi Shuo dragged his soaking wet and heavy body back to the "Encounter" restaurant. He didn't go in, but instead slid wearily against the cold wall by the back door, burying his face deep in his knees. The chill seeped into his bones through his damp clothes, but it was nothing compared to the bone-chilling coldness in his heart.
He was like a caged beast abandoned by the world, licking his wounds that had just been torn open and were causing him excruciating pain.
As dawn approached, he was so cold that he was barely conscious. He managed to stand up by leaning against the wall, used the spare key to open the back door, and hid in the empty restaurant.
He didn't turn on the light, but just curled up on a chair in the corner of the staff break room, staring at the sky gradually brightening outside the window, motionless, letting the overwhelming exhaustion and sense of emptiness engulf him.
It wasn't until Manager Chen came to open the store in the morning that he was shocked to find Qi Shuo completely soaked, pale-faced, and with vacant eyes, as if he were a different person.
Manager Chen was startled and quickly poured him some hot water and found him some clean clothes to change into, repeatedly asking him what was wrong.
Qi Shuo just shook his head without saying a word, changed his clothes, and began mechanically mopping the floor, wiping the table, and preparing ingredients, like a machine that was wound up but had lost its soul.
Seeing his dejected appearance, Manager Chen hesitated to speak, but ultimately just sighed and didn't ask any more questions. He simply took on more work in silence.
Qi Shuo spent the day in the restaurant like a walking corpse.
He blocked out all outside information, refusing to answer calls or reply to messages. Calls from Sister Jin, Qin Zhou, Xiao Jue… he ignored them all.
He didn't know how to face them, especially Sister Jin.
What would the woman who pulled him out of the mire and gave him a "home" think if she knew all this, knew that Qi Shan was still alive, and knew that Xiao Jue had kept it a secret for nine years? How would she view him? And how would she view Xiao Jue?
He dared not think about it.
As evening fell, the sky darkened again.
Qi Shuo took leave and left the restaurant early.
Instead of going home, he wandered aimlessly and unknowingly ended up near the bus route leading to Kangfu Hospital on the outskirts of the city.
He gazed at the white building in the distance, which appeared particularly solemn in the twilight, his feet seemingly rooted to the spot, unable to move an inch further.
Should he go see her? No, he dared not. What could he say? What could he do?
He could offer her nothing but more fear and excitement.
Xiao Jue is right, he doesn't even have the right to appear in front of her.
This realization was like a dull knife, repeatedly cutting into his heart. He squatted down beside the roadside green belt, buried his face in his hands, and his shoulders trembled slightly uncontrollably.
The rain started to fall sporadically again, wetting his hair and shoulders, but he didn't feel it.
After an unknown amount of time, a car's headlights approached from afar and slowly stopped in front of him. Qi Shuo did not look up.
The car door opened, and a pair of familiar shoes, slightly muddy, stopped in front of him. Then, a thick coat, still warm from his body, was gently draped over his cold, trembling shoulders.
Qi Shuo's body stiffened, and he slowly raised his head.
It's Xiao Jue.
He looked even more haggard than last night, with dark circles under his eyes, stubble on his chin, and bloodshot eyes, as if he hadn't slept all night.
He looked at Qi Shuo, his lips moved as if he wanted to say something, but in the end he said nothing. He just stood there silently, like a weathered, shaky sculpture.
Fine rain fell between the two of them, and silence, like a heavy curtain, separated them from the noisy world.
There were no questions, no explanations, and no comfort.
There was only a heavy, almost suffocating silence, and a sorrow that permeated the air and could not be washed away by the rain.
In the end, it was Xiao Jue who made the first move. He reached out, seemingly wanting to help Qi Shuo up, but stopped halfway, and said in a hoarse voice, "It's raining, don't stay here. I... will take you back, or, to my place?"
His voice was dry and hoarse, carrying a sense of cautious probing and exhaustion.
Qi Shuo stared at him for a few seconds, his empty gaze making Xiao Jue's heart race. Then, Qi Shuo slowly stood up, but didn't look at Xiao Jue. He simply turned around and walked mechanically, step by step, in the opposite direction from the hospital.
He flung off the coat Xiao Jue had draped over his shoulders, letting the cold rain lash his face and body.
Xiao Jue looked at his back, which was stiff and straight, yet exuded a sense of despair on the verge of collapse.
He didn't chase after him, but simply bent down to pick up the coat that had fallen to the ground and silently followed a few steps behind him, like a silent shadow.
The rain quickly soaked his hair and thin coat, but he was oblivious, his gaze fixed on the swaying figure in front of him, as if that was his only reference point in the world.
The two walked silently, one after the other, in the cold winter rain.
One walked ahead, his back to the world, a solitary figure; the other followed behind, his steps heavy. The streetlights cast long, long shadows of them, yet they were blurred in the rain, as if they might vanish at any moment.
On the other side, the old town.
Sister Jin was restless all day. Qi Shuo hadn't come home this morning, wasn't answering his phone, and wasn't replying to his messages. This was too unusual. She knew Qi Shuo wasn't the kind of kid who would disappear without a trace. The terrifying look on his face when he rushed out last night, and then that cryptic phone call from Xiao Jue later...
"He probably already knows." Xiao Jue's words weighed on her heart like a boulder.
She was restless, wanting to go to the "Encounter" restaurant, but afraid that Qi Shuo didn't want to be disturbed.
Various speculations churned in her mind, but she couldn't make sense of them. She could only wait anxiously, praying that nothing serious would happen.
By evening, there was still no news from Qi Shuo. Sister Jin couldn't sit still any longer. She picked up her phone, hesitated for a long time, and finally dialed Xiao Jue's number.
The phone rang for a long time before being answered, with the background sounds of whistling wind and fine rain.
"Xiao Jue, where are you? Is Qi Shuo with you?" Sister Jin asked anxiously.
There was a few seconds of silence on the other end of the phone before Xiao Jue's extremely tired and hoarse voice came through: "Sister Jin...we're fine. He's with me. We're not going back tonight."
"With you?" Sister Jin was taken aback, then became even more worried. "Where are you? What happened? How is Qi Shuo? Why does your voice sound like that?"
“We…are outside. Something’s come up, let’s talk it out.” Xiao Jue’s voice was very soft, as if it might be blown away by the wind at any moment. “He needs some time. I…need too. Sister Jin, I’m sorry for making you worry. We’ll go back tomorrow and explain everything to you.”
Jin wanted to ask more questions, but Xiao Jue had already whispered, "I'm hanging up now, it's raining heavily," and ended the call.
Hearing the busy tone from her phone, Sister Jin's heart sank to the bottom.
"Speak it out?" What needs to be "speaked out"? Xiao Jue's heavy tone, Qi Shuo's unusual all-night absence... she vaguely sensed that a huge storm, enough to change many things, was brewing between these two children, or perhaps among all of them, and was about to arrive.
She put down her phone, walked to the window, and frowned as she looked at the cold, pattering rain outside. Qin Zhou uneasily moved closer to her and whispered, "Sister Jin, what did Brother Xiao Jue say? Is Brother Shuo alright?"
Jin patted his head and forced a smile: "It's okay, they're together. They probably just... have some adult things to talk about. Go to sleep, you have school tomorrow."
Qin Zhou was skeptical, but seeing Sister Jin's solemn expression, he didn't dare to ask any more questions and obediently returned to his room.
Jin Jie, however, was wide awake. She sat on the sofa in the living room, listening to the rain pattering against the window, and remained silent.
At the same time, in a quiet bar near Beicheng University.
Ning Wan sat in the corner by the window. The lemonade in front of her had long since lost its bubbles, and the ice cubes had melted into water.
She unconsciously stirred her cup with the straw, her gaze unfocused on the rain-soaked, hazy street scene outside the window.
Lin Ye sat opposite her, having only taken a sip of his beer. The atmosphere between them was somewhat subdued.
"He still hasn't answered the phone?" Lin Ye broke the silence, his voice a little hoarse.
Ning Wan shook her head, her eyes dim: "No. I didn't reply to any messages either."
She paused, her voice even lower, "Lin Ye, I...did I do something wrong? That day in the park, I didn't say anything, I just ran away...He must think I'm cowardly and useless, right?"
Lin Ye looked at her pale face and the dark circles under her eyes, and sighed inwardly. He knew what Ning Wan was referring to. Qi Shuo's confession that night weighed heavily on everyone's hearts like a boulder.
Ning Wan's retreat and silence were less a sign of cowardice and more a sign of being overwhelmed by the brutal truth and fearful of the equally heavy secret she herself carried.
It wasn't that she didn't want to get close, but that she dared not, fearing that her equally unbearable past would become a new burden for Qi Shuo.
“Brother Qi Shuo…” Lin Ye carefully chose his words, “He needs time now. Many things cannot be explained simply by right or wrong.” He thought of Qing Ran in the hospital, of Brother Xiao Jue’s increasingly heavy figure, and of the storm that Brother Qi Shuo might face after learning the truth.
His own mind was in turmoil. The secret was too big, so big that he didn't know what to do, let alone how to comfort the girl in front of him who was also overwhelmed by her own worries.
“I know he needs time,” Ning Wan smiled bitterly, her eyes glistening with tears, “but I don’t even have the courage to give him time. I’m afraid that if I show up, I’ll remind him of his unpleasant past… Lin Ye, tell me, should I… not have gotten close to him at all?”
"Don't say that." Lin Ye interrupted her, his tone a little urgent. "Sister Ning Wan, you're not wrong. It's not wrong to like someone, to care about someone. It's just... sometimes, the timing isn't right, or everyone is carrying too heavy a burden." As he spoke, his voice lowered, as if he were speaking to Ning Wan, but also as if he were speaking to himself.
The two fell silent again. Soothing jazz music played in the bar, but it did nothing to ease the heaviness in their hearts.
They all had a vague feeling that something was happening, or had already happened.
Qi Shuo's disappearance is like a stone thrown into a calm lake; the ripples it creates are quietly spreading, affecting everyone connected to him.
Meanwhile, in another corner of the city, Tan Huaiyu sat alone in the empty, luxurious living room of his villa.
Outside the huge floor-to-ceiling windows, rain blurred the city lights. He didn't turn on the lights, but simply sat quietly in the darkness.
This afternoon, he went to the library. As usual, he sat in the corner where he could see Qi Shuo's usual spot and waited for a very long time.
The familiar figure didn't appear even as the closing music played. He asked the librarian, who said that the gentleman hadn't come that day.
An inexplicable unease gripped him.
Qi Shuo comes to the library almost every week around this time, rain or shine.
Was he sick? Or did something else happen?
This feeling of being out of touch terrified him.
It was as if the tiny, fragile connection he had carefully maintained, built up through silent observation, had suddenly been severed.
Qi Shuo disappeared from his world again, just like every time before, without warning or leaving a trace.
Darkness and silence washed over him like a tide, engulfing him. He curled up in the large sofa, burying his face in his knees, his body trembling slightly.
It wasn't coldness, but a deeper, bone-deep fear and emptiness.
He had finally seen a glimmer of light, a glimmer of hope again, was he about to lose it all? Qi Shuo... where are you? What happened?
Did I do something wrong again? Did you finally decide to abandon me completely?
The thought sent a chill down his spine.
He bit his lower lip hard until he tasted blood, barely managing to suppress the sob that was about to escape his throat.
No, it won't happen. Qi Shuo accepted the bookmark, tacitly allowing him to approach, and even... occasionally met his gaze. Although the response was cold and brief, it was already a salvation for him.
Something else must have happened. It must have.
He suddenly raised his head, and in the darkness, a stubborn and cold light gleamed in his amber eyes.
He couldn't just sit and wait to die. He needed to find out what had happened to Qi Shuo. He had to know, no matter the cost. He couldn't bear to lose him again.
The rain is still falling.
The pitter-patter of raindrops tapped against the glass window, and also against the hearts of every sleepless person.
On this cold winter night, the aftershocks of a secret are spreading; beneath the calm surface, undercurrents are surging.
Everyone stands at their own crossroads, pulled between the past, the present, and the unknown future, waiting for the dawn to break, or for another storm to descend.
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