daisy
That night, no one slept at Sister Jin's house.
Qingran cried herself to sleep and fell into a deep sleep in Sister Jin's arms. But even in her sleep, her small body would tremble from time to time as if startled, and her brows would furrow.
Sister Jin stayed by her bedside, almost never leaving her side, her eyes red and swollen.
Qi Shuo sat on the sofa in the living room all night, his ashtray overflowing with cigarette butts. He was like a silent volcano suppressing magma, just waiting for dawn to erupt.
Xiao Jue and Tan Huaiyu stayed in the living room until late at night, and only left with heavy hearts after confirming that Qing Ran was temporarily safe.
The hallway was already empty. As Tan Huaiyu went downstairs, his gaze swept over the corner where Shen Ci had sat. It was empty, with only a few dried, barely recognizable water stains on the floor tiles, silently telling the story of someone who had broken down there.
The next day, the senior management of Beicheng No.1 Middle School were furious.
Shen Ci openly assaulted a colleague in the office, a egregious act. However, an investigation quickly unfolded, revealing that Teacher Zhao had spread extremely vile rumors in the office, maliciously slandering and insulting students and their families, particularly concerning the protection of minors and their severe psychological trauma. The viciousness and depravity of his language were appalling, not only a serious violation of professional ethics but also potentially illegal. Several teachers present at the scene testified, recounting the events.
While Shen Ci's actions were certainly wrong, there were reasons for them, and given that he had been subjected to extreme verbal provocation, they were understandable.
Teacher Zhao was suspended on the spot, pending further action. She will most likely be dismissed and may face legal consequences.
Shen Ci was given a major demerit, suspended from class for a week, sent home to reflect, and required to submit a profound self-criticism to the school.
This outcome is a balance achieved after a power struggle among multiple parties. Tan Huaiyu used some connections he didn't want to use, but would ruthlessly exploit if necessary, to ensure that Teacher Zhao had absolutely no chance of turning the tide.
Taking into account Shen Ci's consistently excellent performance, the serious nature of the incident, and the potential public opinion risks, the school also made a decision to relatively protect Shen Ci.
After all, a teacher who protects the vulnerable is more in line with the school's values than a foul-mouthed, shameless scoundrel.
However, punishment and suspension from school were the least important things to Shen Ci.
He locked himself in his teachers' apartment for three whole days. He turned off his phone and cut off all contact with the outside world.
The room was dark, the curtains were drawn, and only the dim light from outside the window outlined his motionless silhouette curled up in the corner of the sofa.
He had a stubble beard, sunken eyes, and an unhealthy grayish-white complexion.
In his mind, only a few images kept replaying: Qing Ran's empty eyes, the calm "Ran Ran is dirty," the resolute sound of the door closing, and... Tan Huaiyu's last complex glance at him.
And those filthy words, like venomous snakes, burrowed into his ears, gnawing at his nerves.
He tried to recall her smile, her clear voice calling "Brother Chen," her slightly furrowed brow as she focused on the puzzle, and the gentle look in her eyes as she touched the daisy petals in the sunlight... But all these beautiful images were always covered and shattered by the coldness and despair of the final moment.
It was him.
He failed to notice the danger, he exposed her to that filthy environment, he failed to cover her ears immediately, he... forced her to confront that bloody past once again, and perhaps, because of his out-of-control rage and entanglement at the time, she equated Brother Shen with the person who reminded her of her dirty past.
This realization caused him unbearable pain.
He didn't know what to do. He wanted to see her, so much so that he was going crazy. He wanted to kneel before her and tell her a thousand times, ten thousand times, "You're not dirty, you're the best." He wanted to give his life to bring a smile back to her face.
But he dared not. He feared that his presence would frighten her further, make her more withdrawn, and remind her of that terrible afternoon.
He was like a prisoner trapped in an abyss of despair, surrounded by cold walls, with only a sliver of light overhead, yet he didn't even have the courage to reach out and touch it, fearing that the light would be extinguished because of him.
On the fourth day, after repeatedly charging his phone, Shen Ci finally managed to turn it on with trembling hands.
Countless missed calls and messages flooded in. Some were from the school, some from colleagues, some from friends who cared about him, but most were from Sister Jin and Tan Huaiyu.
Jin Jie's message was brief, her tone tired but restrained. She told him that Qingran had been very quiet these past few days, neither crying nor making a fuss, but also hardly speaking, eating very little, and often spacing out. She told him... not to rush over yet, but to wait until Ranran's emotions had stabilized.
Tan Huaiyu provided more information, describing Qingran's condition in more detail and subtly mentioning that Qingran had taken the initiative to talk to him that night, as well as the question she had asked.
The last message was sent this morning: [Teacher Shen, Ranran asked Aunt Jin today if the daisies needed watering. She looked out the window for a long time.]
daisy.
A faint ripple finally appeared in Shen Ci's lifeless eyes.
He suddenly stood up from the sofa. Because he hadn't eaten or moved around for a long time, his vision went black for a moment, and he staggered a few steps before regaining his balance.
He rushed into the bathroom, splashed his face with icy water, and looked at the haggard, sunken-eyed man in the mirror, gritting his teeth.
This can't go on. He can't just collapse like this.
Qingran is still there, she is still in pain, she is still struggling.
He cannot give up simply because of his despair and cowardice.
Even if she no longer needs him, even if she is afraid of him, even if she never smiles at him again... he still has to do something.
For her sake, even the slightest possibility, the slightest possibility, would make her feel a little better.
Shen Ci shaved quickly, changed into clean clothes, and although his face was still pale, the stagnant despair in his eyes was replaced by a desperate, painful determination. He grabbed his car keys and rushed out the door.
He didn't go to Sister Jin's house, nor did he go to school. He went to the largest flower market on the outskirts of the city.
More than an hour later, he returned, carrying several large cardboard boxes filled with various varieties of potted daisies, some white, some yellow, some pink, and some rare green.
He also bought a brand new, light yellow watering can with little clouds printed on it, and a bag of the best fertilizer.
He returned to the faculty apartment, but instead of going upstairs, he carefully placed the daisies, pot by pot, in the sunniest patch of ground next to the apartment building entrance.
There were only a few holly bushes there, making it look a bit monotonous. He arranged the daisies into an irregular, but pleasing, arc, like a small, silent, blooming smile.
Then, he retreated behind a pillar not far away, stood quietly, and waited, clutching the new watering can tightly in his hand.
He didn't know if she would come. He didn't know if Sister Jin or Qi Shuo would allow her to go out. He didn't even know if seeing these daisies would remind her of the quiet, warm times they shared, or would it bring back other unpleasant memories.
But that was all he could do. It was the only clumsy way he could think of at that moment, an attempt to send a little bit of warmth and a signal that everything was normal.
Time passed by, minute by minute. The autumn sunlight gradually warmed.
Occasionally, residents would come and go, glancing curiously at the suddenly appearing daisy patch and the young man standing silently behind the pillar, his refined demeanor barely concealing his weariness.
Chen Ci's heart was tormented by the constant ups and downs of waiting.
Just when he was almost about to give up, thinking he wouldn't be able to wait until today—
The apartment building door was pushed open from the outside.
Sister Jin took Qingran's hand and walked out.
Qingran was still wearing that pale yellow sweater, with a beige cardigan over it. Her face was thinner than a few days ago, her chin pointed, and her eyes were still a little red and swollen, but her gaze was no longer as completely empty as it had been that afternoon. She just looked very quiet and tired, with a kind of detached aloofness as if she were isolated from the world. She lowered her head slightly, letting Sister Jin lead her, her steps somewhat slow.
Shen Ci held his breath instantly. He gripped the watering can tightly in his hand, his knuckles turning white, his heart pounding wildly in his chest, as if it would burst his ribs and jump out.
He stared intently and greedily at that figure. Three days felt like three years, or even thirty years.
She had lost weight, she looked haggard, and she seemed so fragile, as if a gust of wind could blow her over.
Jin Jie also saw the suddenly appearing daisy patch, paused for a moment, then scanned the area and quickly spotted Shen Ci behind the pillar. Her eyes were filled with complex emotions, including a sigh, helplessness, and a hint of... a very faint, almost imperceptible wavering.
She lowered her head and whispered something in Qingran's ear.
Following Sister Jin's signal, Qingran slowly raised her head, her gaze somewhat blank as she looked at the patch of daisies.
She stopped walking.
Shen Ci's heart was in his throat. He could almost hear the sound of his blood rushing through his veins.
Qingran quietly watched the daisies stretching their branches and leaves and holding shy flower buds under the autumn sun.
Sunlight shone on her pale face, casting a faint golden hue on her eyelashes. She gazed at them for a long, long time, so long that Shen Ci felt time had frozen.
Then he saw her gaze, very slowly, shift from the daisies and begin to scan her surroundings.
Finally, those amber eyes, still slightly red and swollen, with a hint of barely perceptible wariness and confusion, fell on the pillar where he was hiding.
The moment their eyes met.
Shen Ci was jolted, almost unable to control himself and rushed out.
He wanted to call her name, kneel down, say sorry, tell her he bought the flowers, and ask her if she liked them...
But he dared not. He was afraid that any sudden movement or sound would scare her away.
He could only stand there stiffly, staring back at her with intense, greedy eyes, conveying a thousand unspoken words—pain, guilt, longing, and a humble, desperate yearning for forgiveness and closeness.
Qingran's gaze lingered on his face for a few seconds.
The gaze was calm, devoid of intense emotions, disgust, or fear, but also lacking the usual dependence and joy; it held only a detached calm, as if surveying something unfamiliar.
Then, she quickly looked away and returned her gaze to the daisies.
She let go of Sister Jin's hand, took two steps forward, and squatted down.
Shen Ci's heart almost stopped beating.
He saw her extend a finger, just as she had done when they first met in a corner of the campus, and very, very lightly, touch the outermost petals of a white daisy.
His movements were careful, with a long-lost, focused gentleness.
Then, she turned her head to look at Sister Jin, her voice soft and slightly hoarse, but clearly reaching Shen Ci's ears:
"Hua Hua... is thirsty."
Jin Jie almost burst into tears again. She quickly nodded, "Yes, they're thirsty. Shall we water them?"
"Okay." Qingran nodded gently.
Sister Jin looked around, seemingly troubled because she hadn't brought any tools.
Just then, Shen Ci finally moved. As if he had used up all his courage and strength, he slowly walked out from behind the pillar.
His footsteps were light and slow, as if afraid of disturbing something. He stopped a few steps away from Qingran and Sister Jin, and did not approach them again.
Then, he slowly and gently placed the brand-new, light yellow watering can with little clouds printed on it on the ground within Qingran's reach.
His movements were slow, his gaze remained lowered, and he didn't look at Qingran again, as if he were just putting down something insignificant.
After putting it down, he immediately took two steps back, creating distance again. Throughout the entire process, he didn't say a word, nor did he make a loud noise.
Qingran's gaze followed his movements. She looked at the watering can that had suddenly appeared, then slowly raised her eyes to look at Shen Ci, who had stepped back a few paces, his head slightly lowered, his profile taut.
The air was so quiet that only the rustling of the wind through the leaves and the faint sound of traffic in the distance could be heard.
Shen Ci could feel her gaze on him. The gaze wasn't burning, but it made him stiffen all over, his back straight, and he even breathed very softly.
He waited, awaiting her judgment: would he accept her, or reject her? Would he flee in fear, or... just like that day, turn away indifferently?
Time stretched on endlessly once again.
Finally, Qingran withdrew her gaze. She didn't reach for the watering can, nor did she look at Shen Ci again.
She simply lowered her head again, looked at the daisies in front of her, and then said to Sister Jin in a very soft voice:
"Water it."
Sister Jin quickly responded, stepped forward, picked up the watering can, and went to the tap next to her to fill it with water.
Qingran squatted there quietly, watching Sister Jin water the plants. Sunlight shone on her, casting a soft halo around her.
She tilted her head slightly, her expression focused, as if the whole world consisted only of these flowers in front of her that needed nourishment.
Shen Ci remained standing still, motionless, like a child being punished.
He looked at Qingran's quiet profile, at her focused gaze, at the sunlight dancing on her hair... His heart, which had been cold and stiff for three days, seemed to be injected with a warm, bittersweet current, and began to beat slowly and laboriously again.
She didn't send him away.
She did not show any fear.
She even...acquiesced to the use of the kettle he had left there.
This may not mean anything.
Perhaps she was simply engrossed in her own world and had no time to think about anything else.
Perhaps, forgiveness and reacceptance are still a long way off.
But this was the first ray of faint dawn that Shen Ci had seen in three days, piercing through the thick, dark clouds.
That's enough.
At least for this moment, he could still stand here, in a place where he could see her, watching her do what she liked.
Even if it's just watching from afar.
Even if she no longer needs him.
He was willing to spend the rest of his time protecting the silent daisy garden he had personally arranged for her, and the girl who was quietly crouching beside the garden, who needed to be treated gently by the whole world.
The autumn sun shines brightly, and daisies are in bud.
The long winter seems far from over, but some things are already beginning to loosen and heal very slowly in unseen corners.
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