Dead End
Life was like a calm lake in autumn, its surface undisturbed, but deep within, subtle changes were taking place. Qi Shuo's life seemed to have truly returned to a normal track.
He goes to work, gets off work, and is occasionally dragged by Sister Jin to the supermarket to shop. On weekends, he endures the noise of Qin Zhou and Song Yungui playing games in his room, or is dragged out for aimless drives by Xiao Jue and Lin Ye.
He remained taciturn, but the suffocating silence and sense of alienation were gradually dissipating. He began to try to accept this imperfect world again, and to accept himself, wounded yet still struggling to breathe.
It was a late autumn evening, and darkness fell early. The streetlights were already on, casting a dim, yellowish glow on the ground. Qi Shuo had just finished his work at the restaurant, changed out of his uniform, and came out to see Xiao Jue leaning against his car, waiting for him. A cigarette was between his fingers, the crimson flame flickering in the twilight.
"Off work?" Xiao Jue saw him, stubbed out his cigarette, and opened the car door. "Come on, let's go to the riverbank for some fresh air."
Qi Shuo didn't say anything and silently got into the passenger seat. The car didn't head towards the river, but instead drove slowly along the quiet streets of the city.
Neither of them spoke. Soft music filled the carriage, and a tacit understanding between old friends permeated the air.
After driving for a while, Xiao Jue parked the car beside a quiet, tree-lined road. He rolled down the window, letting in the cool evening breeze, carrying the scent of fallen leaves and earth.
He hesitated for a moment, then took out the small dark blue velvet box from the inside pocket of his coat and handed it to Qi Shuo.
“This,” Xiao Jue’s voice was particularly clear in the quiet carriage, “Tan Huaiyu asked me to give this to you. He waited for a long time at the alley entrance on his birthday night.”
Qi Shuo's gaze fell on the box, and he paused. He didn't take it immediately, and his face showed no obvious expression, but deep in his eyes, there seemed to be an extremely subtle fluctuation, so quick that it was impossible to detect.
A few seconds later, he reached out and calmly took the box, his fingertips touching the cool velvet surface.
He didn't open it, but simply held the box in his palm, his gaze fixed on the receding shadows of the sycamore trees outside the window.
Xiao Jue was somewhat surprised by his calmness.
He thought Qi Shuo would refuse, or at least show disgust and resistance. He turned his head, looking at Qi Shuo's cold and hard profile, and asked half-jokingly and half-probingly, "What? You don't hate him anymore?"
The question was asked casually, yet it was like a pebble thrown into Qi Shuo's still heart.
Does he hate it? That name, along with all the bloody, painful, and betrayal memories associated with it, was once branded deep within his soul, burning day and night.
He remained silent, fragments of the past churning in his mind—the image of his mother falling from the building, his sister's piercing cries, Tan Zhong's ferocious laughter, and that snowy night, the empty and sorrowful eyes of eight-year-old Tan Huaiyu as she tugged at his clothes…
He lowered his eyelashes gently, concealing the turbulent emotions surging in his eyes.
Then, he did something that surprised Xiao Jue even more—he opened his palm towards Xiao Jue.
"Give me a cigarette." Qi Shuo's voice was very soft, with a rare, almost tired hoarseness.
Xiao Jue was completely stunned.
He had known Qi Shuo for so many years, from his childhood to the present, and Qi Shuo had never smoked; in fact, one could say he hated the smell of smoke.
He himself had been under too much pressure from the law firm and life in recent years, and only occasionally smoked a cigarette to relieve the stress when he couldn't take it anymore. Even so, Qi Shuo often complained about it. If it weren't for their years of brotherhood, he had no doubt that Qi Shuo would have isolated him as a source of pollution long ago.
“You…” Xiao Jue frowned, not moving. “You know this is no good thing.”
What worried him more was whether Qi Shuo's emotions had become turbulent again and he needed to numb himself in this way.
Besides, if Sister Jin found out that he handed a cigarette to Qi Shuo, she would skin him alive.
Qi Shuo looked at Xiao Jue's wary and worried eyes, and slowly withdrew his outstretched hand. He didn't insist, but simply raised his hand and irritably rubbed his hair, which had grown quite a bit and was almost covering his eyes.
Then, he let out a soft sigh, as if to release all the pent-up emotions in his chest. He turned his head to look at Xiao Jue, his eyes filled with a complex clarity and relief that Xiao Jue had never seen before.
“It’s not that I don’t hate anymore.” Qi Shuo’s voice regained its calmness, but carried a weariness and understanding that transcended the years. “It’s just… I don’t care as much anymore.”
He paused, his gaze seemingly passing through the car window and reaching into the distant void.
“I shouldn’t attribute all the blame to a child who was only eight years old at the time. Nor should I… transfer my hatred for Tan Zhong onto him.”
He spoke slowly, as if sorting out a knot in his heart that had been tangled for years, “Tan Zhong died a long time ago. He died in prison, when… I hated him the most.”
“I should have felt relieved.” Qi Shuo’s lips curled into a faint, self-deprecating smile. “But I didn’t. Instead, I pushed myself harder and harder, treating everything related to him as a curse, trapping myself in the cage of the past.”
"Looking back now, that was the crux of the whole situation." He shook his head, his voice as soft as a sigh. "It's unnecessary. Really... it's unnecessary."
After saying all this, he seemed to have unloaded a heavy burden, and his whole body relaxed.
He suddenly turned to the side, reached out and lightly punched Xiao Jue's shoulder, revealing a long-lost smile that was both roguish and energetic, just like when they were young and playing around.
"Hey, stop talking nonsense! I'm starving, it's on me! It's that 'Old John's Pizza' in the east of town, I've been craving it so many times since I was a kid, I'm making sure to fulfill that dream today!"
Xiao Jue was taken aback by his sudden change, then chuckled, rubbing his shoulder that had been punched, and deliberately grinned as he complained, "Damn it! You're bullying me again because you're tall, aren't you! It's a good thing I stopped growing a long time ago, otherwise you would have crushed me into a level two cripple!"
The two exchanged a smile, and the previous heavy atmosphere instantly vanished. Xiao Jue started the car and drove towards the east of the city. The afterglow of the setting sun shone through the car window, bathing their profiles in a warm golden light.
Looking through the rearview mirror at the relaxed smile on Qi Shuo's lips, and at the no longer lifeless look in his eyes as he gazed out the window, Xiao Jue felt the heavy weight that had been hanging over his heart for so long finally lift.
In a daze, he seemed to see many years ago, two boys wearing orange and white school uniforms and carrying heavy schoolbags, walking arm in arm on the way home from school, arguing endlessly about whether to eat fried rice for dinner or save money to buy a pizza, shouting that they were hungry and shouting that they were free, with an endless, glittering future in front of them.
Only at this moment did Xiao Jue truly realize that Qi Shuo was slowly letting go.
He hasn't forgotten the pain; rather, he has chosen to reconcile with it and with himself. He will get better and better.
Qi Shuo, you should have been happy long ago.
Xiao Jue said silently to himself.
That evening, Xiao Jue did not return to his apartment, but instead drove to a well-equipped private rehabilitation hospital in the suburbs.
The smell of disinfectant filled the air, and the corridor was so quiet that you could hear your own footsteps.
He walked confidently to a private hospital room and gently pushed open the door.
Only a dim bedside lamp was on in the ward, casting a soft light on the bed.
A small, thin girl was sleeping peacefully, breathing evenly, her long eyelashes casting shadows on her pale cheeks.
Her hair was somewhat thinned from being bedridden for a long time, but it was neatly combed.
Nine. Due to an accident, the girl suffered severe brain damage and extreme psychological trauma, and her mental age was permanently stuck at six years old. She needs long-term rehabilitation treatment and special care.
Xiao Jue walked over quietly, first carefully tucking the blanket around her, then using a cotton swab dipped in warm water to gently moisten her slightly chapped lips.
Then, he skillfully went into the bathroom attached to the ward and washed the soiled sheets and clothes that the caregiver had changed out of that evening.
After he finished all that, the caregiver came in and carefully wiped Qi Shan's body and gave her evening care.
Xiao Jue sat quietly on the chair by the bed, his gaze softly fixed on her sleeping face. Time seemed to stand still for this girl.
She still retains the innocence of a child, but this innocence came at a terrible price.
Looking at the face that bore a resemblance to Qi Shuo's, yet was incredibly fragile, Xiao Jue's gaze gradually deepened as he fell into a long period of contemplation.
For the past nine years, he has devoted almost all his savings and most of his energy to her treatment and care, as if it were a form of atonement and a promise.
He kept this secret, he kept the girl, and he kept the unspeakable heaviness in his heart.
It wasn't until the ward door was gently pushed open and Lin Ye's figure appeared in the doorway that his thoughts were brought back to reality.
Lin Ye walked in quietly, glanced at the girl on the hospital bed, then sat down quietly in the chair next to Xiao Jue and asked in a low voice, "Brother, how is she today?"
Xiao Jue snapped out of his daze, gently shook his head at Lin Ye, signaling him to speak softly, and whispered, "He just fell asleep, and his condition is relatively stable."
As soon as he finished speaking, the girl on the hospital bed seemed to be disturbed by the slight movement. Her eyelashes fluttered a few times, and she opened her eyes groggily.
When she saw Xiao Jue and Lin Ye by the bedside, a sweet and dependent smile immediately appeared on her pale face, and her voice was soft and sleepy: "Brother Xiao Jue... Brother Xiao Ye... You're here..."
The serious look on Xiao Jue's face was instantly replaced by tender affection.
He immediately got up and sat on the edge of the bed, carefully pulling her small body into his arms as if holding a fragile treasure. He gently patted her back with one hand, his voice so soft it could melt your heart: "Baby, did I wake you up? How about I tell you something fun? There's a really interesting case at the law firm today..."
He began to tell the girl funny stories from his work in simple and vivid language, occasionally interspersed with a few clumsy funny faces, which made her giggle and laugh as clear as silver bells, which was especially touching in the quiet ward.
She leaned against Xiao Jue's chest, her big eyes sparkling, as if he were her whole world.
No one noticed that Lin Ye, sitting to the side, had a complex and indescribable expression on his face.
He watched as Xiao Jue gazed at the girl with an almost devout tenderness, and saw the girl's complete trust in Xiao Jue. A trace of unfathomable heartache and...worry flashed deep in his eyes.
He moved his lips as if he wanted to say something, but in the end, all his words turned into a very soft sigh that almost disappeared into the air.
Brother, Qi Shuo is slowly moving on, trying to let go of the past and embrace a new life.
And you?
How long will you keep this secret and this heavy responsibility?
This deadlock that has trapped Qi Shuo for nine years, and has also trapped you for nine years...
What do you want from me to finally move on?
Inside the ward, under the warm light, Xiao Jue's gentle whispers and the girl's carefree laughter filled the air. Outside, the deep night and the silent future stretched out before them. Hope and constraint, new life and perseverance, formed a silent yet powerful contrast at this moment.
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