19. What we miss is that time
Wenhua didn't expect that Zhu Zhiyang came to see her because he had divorced not long ago. Wenhua heard about this from an old classmate. It's not appropriate for outsiders to interfere in matters between husband and wife, and they are not in a relationship where they can chat casually, so she didn't ask.
He said he came here to find a childhood friend, and the two of them were planning to start a business together. He would stay for about two or three days and asked her to come out and meet him.
The last time we met was during the winter break of my senior year. In my memory, Zhu Zhiyang still looked youthful. Seeing him now, his appearance wasn't much different, except for a hint of melancholy between his brows. After all, divorce is no small matter.
The two met in a Chinese restaurant.
Wenhua's relationship with her friends is the same. Even if they haven't been in touch for a long time, they still have endless things to talk about when they meet again. When she was in high school, some classmates privately said that she and Xiaoma were just fake sisters. They seemed to stick together all the time at school, but they were like strangers after school. She didn't understand the kind of friendship where even if they lived far away, they would still go a long way to go to school together. Fortunately, Xiaoma was the same.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" he asked.
"No," Wen Hua replied with a smile.
"How's your work? After so many years, have you found your own path?"
He had asked her the same question the year she graduated, asking her why she didn't choose to go home and what her goal was in going to a big city alone. She had no answer then, and she had no answer now.
Time is so cruel. I remember that Wenhua once thought that the boy in front of her was the only one who understood her the most and shared the same values as her. But how come he can't even talk to her properly now?
After not seeing each other for a few years, we are no longer the children who only worry about homework and exams. It would take a long time to talk about each other's experiences, so we can only talk about our common memories.
Zhu Zhiyang was a good student in high school. His grades were not very good, but he had a very good personality. On the contrary, Wen Hua was like a problem girl, always leading her classmates in mischief. When they talked about those childish past events, they both laughed heartily.
After dinner, he had an appointment, so they parted ways. The next afternoon, Zhu Zhiyang asked her out, and Wen Hua took a leave to accompany him around. In the middle of the trip, she received a call from Lin Zhengze, who said he wanted to take her to the newly opened Chongqing hotpot restaurant. She said she was accompanying her classmates and had no time.
In the evening, Zhu Zhiyang wanted to take her home. His hotel was quite far from her home. Wen Hua refused, but he insisted, "I took you home every time after graduating from high school. Do you remember? One time I came home too late and the iron gate of your community was locked. We squatted at the door and talked for a long time, and finally you climbed over the wall to get in."
The car stopped at the residential complex, she got out, and Zhu Zhiyang followed.
She knew he had something to say. She was too familiar with that look. She had looked at herself like that in the mirror many times and silently told herself that if she had taken the initiative, the outcome might have been different.
He lit a cigarette. Wen Hua thought of the handsome boy who had quietly accompanied her and patiently persuaded her to smoke less when she used to smoke secretly by the river. Now he had changed his role, and his smoking movements were very skillful, so she couldn't persuade him to stop.
"Wenhua, have you ever thought about whether we would be happy now if we were together in the beginning?"
"Have you thought about it?" Wen Hua asked.
"Often," he said seriously, looking into her eyes, "and you?"
She smiled, "I've thought about it. I thought about it when I was in college, and I thought about it after graduation. I had a very difficult time last year. One night I couldn't sleep and I kept thinking, if I hadn't treated you like that, we should have been together, and then go back to our hometown together after graduation. I would take the civil service exam and get a stable job. You are not good at taking exams, so maybe your parents will arrange for you to work in a hospital. We will get married a year after graduation and have a child within two years. Our parents will buy us a house, and then we will save money to buy a car. We can drink with friends at home and drive to the surrounding areas for outings on weekends. Both sets of parents can help us take care of the children, so it won't be too hard. That kind of life should be pretty good."
After hearing what she said, Zhu Zhiyang's eyes lit up obviously.
"But I don't think about that anymore. I used to think that way because life was so unsatisfactory, so I imagined a perfect picture and pretended that I had better options. I used to think that I had missed the right choice, but that wasn't the case."
"Zhu Zhiyang, I think what we miss is that time. The only worries in life are test papers and grades. Teachers and parents told us that the future is full of hope. We worked hard for that unknown hope. When we really reached the future, we found that everything was different." She raised her hand to hail a taxi and continued, "Zhu Zhiyang, everything will be fine. Don't worry about where to go. We were born and survived. There is no other way except to move forward."
The car stopped and Wen Hua invited him to get in, "We all miss the self we once worked hard for."
**
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