Chapter Eighty-Nine: Old Feelings
Chen Guang drove Lin Yu away from the dimly lit underground parking garage, the roar of the motorcycle shattering the night.
He wasn't very familiar with the roads in Shanghai, so he simply gave up on navigation and drove wherever there were fewer people.
Lin Yu sat in the back seat, holding onto the car body in the way Chen Guang had taught her years ago, the night wind whistling past her ears.
This feeling is both strange and familiar, as if I have returned to my college days, but everything has changed.
On the way, I passed a camping bar hidden in a park in the middle of the street, a corner of the park was surrounded by warm yellow string lights.
Under the white sky, several beanbag chairs and camping chairs were scattered around. The beam of the projector pierced the night, projecting a half-finished movie onto the screen.
Chen Guang parked the car on the side of the road and turned off the engine. The two exchanged a glance and walked towards the light in tacit agreement.
Small groups of young people sat around low tables, chatting and laughing quietly, the ice cubes in their glasses clinking. Their laughter mingled with classic movie lines, drifting gently in the cool summer night breeze.
In Shanghai, open-air movie bars like this are not uncommon. Lin Yu didn't think there was anything special about this place, but her favorite movie, "Ashes of Time," was playing on the screen, so she was drawn in.
The two sat down on the empty camping chairs at the back. Chen Guang took out his phone, scanned the QR code on the table, and ordered two non-alcoholic specialty drinks.
Lin Yu curled up in the camping chair, and the movie was playing the scene where his sister-in-law was accusing Ouyang Feng: "Why wait until you can't have something before you try to get it? Since that's the case, I won't let you have it."
Chen Guang turned his head to observe Lin Yu's reaction, but she just stared blankly at the screen, her expression both focused and detached. The cold light from the projector condensed into a still, stagnant pool in her eyes.
The bartender brought over two cocktails and a plate of Japanese-style fries, and Chen Guang pushed one of them towards Lin Yu.
"After Sunset" presents a beautiful gradient of layers in the glass, with the dark red liquid resembling solidified twilight settling at the bottom, perfectly matching its name.
Lin Yu picked up the straw, stirred it a few times, and took a sip. The expected sweetness was not accompanied by any bitterness from the alcohol.
She frowned almost imperceptibly and turned to look at Chen Guang beside her. He was tilting his head back and chugging an ice-cold cola, his Adam's apple bobbing along his smooth neck, leaving her with only a profile outlined by the blue light of the screen.
Lin Yu suddenly felt a bit bored and put down her glass. She saw the bartender behind the counter pouring an amber-colored liquid into a shaker. She got up and walked over, resting her elbow lightly on the edge of the counter.
What's this cup called?
"A life of hedonism." The bartender's hands didn't stop, he only slightly raised his eyes. "Special."
Is it intense?
"Of course, you can tell from the name."
Lin Yu nodded, turned around and gestured with his chin towards Chen Guang in the booth. "Put it on his tab."
The bartender glanced in the direction she was pointing. "Just a moment, I'll make your next one."
"Okay, thanks." She smiled slightly, turned around, and returned to her seat.
A short while later, the bartender brought over a glass of clear, transparent liquid, which at first glance looked no different from ordinary ice water. Lin Yu picked it up and took a small sip. The intense bitterness instantly exploded between his teeth, and the burning sensation spread from his throat to his stomach.
In the flickering light, Chen Guang glanced at the wine glass in her hand, his Adam's apple bobbing slightly, but he said nothing. He turned back to the screen, where a close-up of Leslie Cheung's melancholic and handsome profile was displayed.
"The biggest trouble for people is having too good a memory."
A night breeze swept across the lawn, carrying the scent of grass and earth. Chen Guang suddenly spoke, his voice low and deep, almost blending into the background music of the movie.
"I never thought I'd have the chance to sit here with you like this, so calmly and peacefully." There was a hint of barely perceptible emotion and trepidation in her voice.
Lin Yu picked up his wine glass and sipped slowly, seemingly completely immersed in the emotional prison of unrequited love and regret depicted in the movie.
"So what?" she said calmly, without even glancing at him. "Our fates will not change."
As Chen Guang gazed at the flowing light and shadow on the screen and that captivating face, he was suddenly struck by a belated, sharp epiphany.
As some people say, people are always oblivious when they have something, but become acutely aware when they lose it.
He was filled with regret, wishing he could turn back time to six years ago. "I've never had a chance to ask you how you've been all these years."
"As you can see."
Their shadows were cast side by side on the grass, yet they always maintained a subtle, insurmountable distance.
Six years can indeed transform a person. Lin Yu became more outstanding, composed, and confident than he had been in his student days, but his once clear and bright eyes seemed to have lost some of their former brilliance.
“He…” Chen Guang’s gaze fell on the ring on Lin Yu’s middle finger, his voice hoarse. “Is he good to you?”
"It's good." Lin Yu swirled the wine glass in his hand, the ice cubes clinking against the glass.
The night breeze suddenly became thick and sticky. Chen Guang stared at the screen, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Do you love him?" Thinking of Lin Yu's dark circles under her eyes, he impulsively asked the question, momentarily losing his composure.
"What exactly are you trying to say?" The bottom of the glass slammed against the edge of the table. Lin Yu finally turned his head, his eyes reflecting the cold light of the screen, and looked directly at him.
"Let me go, Chen Guang, and let yourself go too."
"make life difficult for."
Chen Guang's mouth was full of bitterness. He turned to face Lin Yu's indifferent face, his voice low and suppressed. "If he had been good enough to you, he would be the one here now, not me."
He gently placed his hand on Lin Yu's shoulder. On the screen, a close-up of Huang Yaoshi tilting his head back and drinking the jar of "Drunken Life, Dreamlike Death" was playing.
"I've always hoped... you'd be better off without me."
"But when I discovered that you didn't seem happy, I actually... shamefully felt a sense of relief." He finally peeled back his most unbearable thoughts, exposing them to the deep night.
The saying "A man is a boy until he dies" is perfectly embodied in Chen Guang.
It's impossible for a human to remain forever in adolescence; it can only be a dog, perhaps the smartest of all dogs, but even the most intelligent dog is still a second-class creature.
Lin Yu felt a sudden, inexplicable irritation. Just as he was about to speak, he saw a stylishly dressed girl from the next table walk over with a wine glass in her hand.
"Excuse me!" The girl nodded to Lin Yu first, then looked intently at Chen Guang and handed him an exquisitely designed gold-embossed business card.
"Hello, we are a modeling agency."
"I think you have an exceptionally good appearance and a unique temperament. Would you be interested in taking on some freelance photo shoots or advertising jobs? The pay is very good."
Lin Yu turned his face away, continuing to stare at the movie screen as if it were none of his business. He neither wanted to join in the fun nor bothered to help Chen Guang out of the predicament.
Chen Guang ignored the girl, focusing instead on Lin Yu's mocking expression. After a long pause, he sighed and gave the newcomer an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, I work within the system, so it's not convenient for me. Thank you for your kindness."
A clear look of disappointment flashed across the girl's face, but she still placed her business card on their table, politely clinked glasses with the two men, and then gracefully left.
"Your charm hasn't diminished at all, Section Chief Chen." Lin Yu picked up his nearly empty wine glass again, his tone tinged with a hint of sarcasm, showing no intention of continuing the previous topic.
"When you get married for the second time, remember to send me an invitation. I'll definitely prepare a big gift."
"There won't be anyone else." Chen Guang shook his head, his bitter smile crumbling into dust in the night wind.
“This is your freedom, Chen Guang.” Lin Yu looked at the flowing sand dunes on the screen and remembered what Jiang Chuan had said to her when he was in Japan.
Sure enough, it's true that men saying sweet nothings is like farting—an uncontrollable physiological reaction. Farts don't hurt, they just make you feel disgusted, so no one takes responsibility for a fart.
"After the year-end inspection, you go back to Linjiang, and I'll stay in Shanghai. We'll eventually go our separate ways."
"Perhaps from the very beginning, you and I were never meant to be together." Lin Yu spoke the truth, shattering the carefully maintained, brief, and fragile illusion of warmth that had been carefully constructed that night.
“I’m sorry,” Chen Guang’s voice lowered, as if he were talking to himself, or as if it were a confession that was too long overdue. “For everything I did back then…”
Lin Yu wanted to ask him if he truly felt sorry, or if he simply wanted to unload the heavy burden of "apology" from his shoulders. But the words stuck in his throat, and the answer perhaps no longer mattered.
She took out her phone to check the time, but when she tapped the screen, she found it was completely black.
Press and hold the power button with your fingertip. A few seconds later, the phone lights up again, and the battery level in the upper right corner shows 80%. The notification bar is instantly filled with missed calls and unread messages.
She paused, then subconsciously looked up at Chen Guang, only to be met with his lowered eyelashes and an unreadable profile.
As the movie neared its end, Murong Yan's frantic and painful murmurs were swept away by the howling sandstorms of the desert.
"If one day I can't help but ask you, you must lie to me. No matter how unwilling you are, don't tell me that the person you love most isn't me."
Brigitte Lin's stunningly beautiful face was contorted in pain, magnified to the extreme on the screen, as if the despair itself was pressing down on her, suffocating her.
Lin Yu gripped her phone tightly; the unread messages and missed calls were like time bombs, pushing all her escapism and hesitation toward their final judgment.
......
Chen Guang dropped Lin Yu off near Jiang Chuan's house. Lin Yu jumped out of the car and walked home without looking back.
Chen Guang called her over, pulled out a small roll of sketch paper, carefully wrapped with a rubber band, from his pocket, and handed it to her.
"Birthday present."
Lin Yu took two steps back and took the paper roll. He untied the rubber band with his fingertips and unfolded the yellowed drawing paper.
The painting depicts her during her university years, with a ponytail, a white T-shirt, and her eyes crinkling into crescent moons as she smiles, radiating youthful energy.
While her painting skills weren't exactly superb, they captured her unique spirit. Now she's more refined and knows how to dress, but it seems she can no longer recapture the vibrant energy found in her paintings.
"You have quite a few hidden skills." Lin Yu said calmly, rolling up the drawing paper again and stuffing it into his pocket.
"When I was little, my family forced me to learn a little bit of everything. My paintings aren't very good, but the sentiment is what matters." He carefully considered his words.
"The sentiment?" Lin Yu repeated the word between his lips, then nodded noncommittally.
"Go back and rest early." She had mixed two kinds of alcohol, and now the aftereffects were kicking in, her temples throbbing with pain. She said this to Chen Guang, but in reality, it was herself who wanted to rest as soon as possible.
Chen Guang nodded, but felt a cold gaze fixed on him. He turned his head to look behind Lin Yu and paused. In a flash, he suddenly reached out and grabbed Lin Yu's arm, pulling her to his side.
Lin Yu frowned and tried to struggle, but the other man gripped her even tighter. "What are you doing?"
"It's nothing..." He smiled at Lin Yu, leaned forward, and brushed away imaginary dust from her shoulder. His gaze, however, went past her head, looking in the direction they had just passed, as if confirming whether the audience hiding in the shadows had received his "performance."
"Hurry up and go up... Good night!"
Lin Yu glanced at him suspiciously, then cautiously put her hands behind her back, nodded to him, and turned to leave quickly.
Chen Guang, still straddling the motorcycle with one leg on the ground, watched Lin Yu's figure disappear around the street corner. Only then did he slowly turn his head, facing the now empty shadows, and subtly curl the corners of his lips into a smile, as if silently declaring war.
He silently took out a cigarette case from his pocket, flicked the lighter between his fingers, and a flash of light appeared.
Tonight, mindful that Lin Yu disliked the smell of smoke, he had been holding back. Now, he took a deep drag, tilted his head back, and exhaled a wisp of smoke, finally suppressing his craving that had been dormant all night. In the rising smoke, he unconsciously squinted slightly.
This business trip to Shanghai wasn't originally his turn; he managed to snatch the opportunity from another colleague.
On the way here, he was still very nervous.
But the moment he saw Lin Yu again, saw the weariness and unhappiness hidden in her eyes, and saw the man who had been spying on them from the shadows, he suddenly realized clearly that he could not let her leave his life again.
Ashes fell softly onto the asphalt road. He gazed in the direction she had gone, his Adam's apple bobbing as if he had made a decision.
This time, he will not repeat the same mistake.
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