All I want is for you to live.
“It is rare in history for a large clan to have its entire property confiscated, let alone for a historian to do so. What you are saying is simply unbelievable,” Cheng Junshi said slowly.
“If it’s rare, then it means it definitely exists.” Tang Qi looked at him: “Don’t rush to deny it. We’ll only know the truth after we’ve investigated.”
Upon hearing this, Cheng Junshi raised his head and asked, "What else do you want to investigate?"
Tang Qi grinned broadly, waved his hand, winked at Cheng Junshi, and said, "Since we're already here, and it hasn't even been an incense stick's time yet, why don't we watch a little longer?"
After saying that, he plunged into the bamboo forest, while Cheng Junshi leaned against the side and quietly watched over him.
After searching for an unknown amount of time, Tang Qi stretched and yawned, saying, "Now I know what it means to bury your head in the sand."
Cheng Junshi didn't move, but merely glanced at him, waiting for Tang Qi to continue.
After Tang Qi put all the bamboo slips away, he strode over, blew out the last bit of incense on the table, and continued speaking as he and Cheng Junshi walked out: "Those historical records span two dynasties. Besides Xi Kai, the famous people on them are Xi Gu Yun, Xi Chang Ji, and Xi Kong."
Tang Qi lowered his gaze and continued, "The historical records probably start from when the late emperor was the crown prince, and all the historians who signed them up to the present day have the surname Xi."
“I’ve never heard of any of these names,” Cheng Junshi said, frowning.
Tang Qi followed behind Cheng Junshi with his head down. The two walked quickly through the secret pavilion. Once they were out of the inner court, Tang Qi relaxed and said, "Don't even mention you, I haven't either. When we return from a victorious military campaign, we need to submit the marching log to be recorded in history. I haven't been able to contact the historians for so long."
"What were your old marching logs?"
“Normally I report directly to His Majesty, and the military records are passed on to the historians through His Majesty.” Tang Qi suddenly laughed and said, “At the time, I thought it was because His Majesty valued me, but now I think it should be called being wary.”
He then looked at Cheng Junshi and said, "If the names in the historical records we just looked at are all true, the Xi family wouldn't be so unknown. At least, you and I would know some of them."
"So you mean—historical records have been altered?" Cheng Junshi asked, frowning.
"You said it yourself, so even if it seems unbelievable, you probably think it's very likely, right?" Tang Qi smiled at him.
"If Your Majesty were to revise the history books, what would you be guarding against?"
Tang Qi, with his hands folded behind his head, swaggered down the middle of the road. Hearing his question, he chuckled and said, "There are many things you can guard against. Aren't you the best example?"
Cheng Junshi turned his head to look at him, and Tang Qi returned the look, raising an eyebrow and asking him, "In order to investigate your aunt's affairs, do you frequently visit the Secret Pavilion?"
Cheng Junshi nodded.
"Quite a few people must know you're investigating this, right? Didn't they all tell you not to investigate, not to continue?" Seeing that Cheng Junshi didn't speak, Tang Qi knew he was right, so he snorted and continued, "That's how they are. They're afraid of your investigation, but even more afraid of the truth."
“What you can find out is only what they want you to see,” Tang Qi’s eyes suddenly darkened. “The truly useful information has long been hidden away and will never see the light of day again.”
These were two near-death experiences that taught him a lesson.
"All those years of your work have probably been in vain. His Majesty dared to let you into the Secret Pavilion because he was certain you couldn't find anything. What you can see, or rather, what you can access, is nothing more than a play they tailored for you." Tang Qi sighed and turned to look at him with a deep gaze, saying, "Cheng Wang, if you continue to be exposed under their noses, you'll never be able to leave the stage they've set up."
He took a few more steps forward, and Cheng Junshi followed behind, listening to Tang Qi's slow voice: "Twelve years is a long time, enough for you to give yourself an explanation. Cheng Wang, you can stop here if you want, but it's better to pretend you don't know anything. At least you won't have to worry about living."
Cheng Junshi quickened his pace to catch up, standing shoulder to shoulder with him, and said, "But I don't want to stop."
Tang Qi chuckled again, turning her head to look at him: "So what do you want? To die like me?"
His voice sounded like he was laughing, but those who heard it felt extremely bitter inside.
"Many things are not as simple as you think. You do it, you spend time, or even risk your life, but does that guarantee success?" Tang Qi continued to laugh: "No, there's no such thing as a free lunch. If losing my life could get me what I want, I would gladly die eight hundred times and be reduced to ashes."
"More often than not, people lose their lives and everything else, while the things they want are still hanging in the sky." He looked up and said slowly and softly, "There won't be that many people who get what they want."
"So what about you now? What do you plan to do? Are you going to go somewhere and start a farm?" Cheng Junshi asked after hearing his question.
He didn't think Tang Qi was advising him; rather, it seemed more like she was talking to him. Sure enough, Tang Qi didn't respond for a long time after Cheng Jun finished speaking.
He remained silent the whole way, and the two walked side by side for a long time. Suddenly, Tang Qi cursed, then closed his eyes, looked up, and said in a deep voice, "I'm not reconciled."
They dare not die, yet they cannot live enough.
All of this boils down to one sentence: I am not reconciled.
"Then let's try again," Cheng Junshi said, his eyes fixed straight ahead.
"Ha—" Tang Qi laughed out loud, while Cheng Junshi continued slowly, "Anyway, it won't be worse than it is now."
“It’s impossible for me to give up now. Even if the final outcome is death, I want to experience it for myself. You don’t need to persuade me,” Cheng Junshi’s gaze shifted to Tang Qi. “I won’t try to persuade you either.”
“You can do whatever you want, even die,” Cheng Junshi suddenly laughed out loud: “Anyway, I can’t live.”
Tang Qi was taken aback at first, then suddenly lowered his head and chuckled several times. Finally, he put his arm around Cheng Junshi's shoulder and couldn't help but laugh, saying, "Cheng Wang, do you know what you just said sounds like?"
Cheng Junshi gave him a questioning look, and then heard Tang Qi slowly utter, "Like a double suicide."
Cheng Junshi stiffened, and after thinking for a moment, he said seriously, "It's not impossible."
Tang Qi chuckled for a while at his serious expression before saying, "With Shaoqing clearing the way for me, my death is not in vain."
Cheng Junshi also laughed, and with a smirk, he looked at him and said, "Who knows, I might be the one to die for you."
Unexpectedly, Tang Qi shook her head, her brows and eyes relaxing for once: "No, I can't bear to."
"If I die, Shaoqing, you'd better live well. At least until you're old and gray, so that if I make you angry again in the underworld, you won't be able to run away." Tang Qi's voice was still cheerful. Cheng Junshi snorted and looked at him: "Even if I'm seventy or eighty, I can still catch up with you."
Tang Qi chuckled again, laughing for a while before finally becoming serious. "The matter of the historian is probably not simple. Do you have any plans?"
"I know someone who might have a lead."
Tang Qi followed Cheng Junshi to the door of the "acquaintance" he mentioned and stood there stunned for a long time.
"Your dad is your dad, why are you making it sound so mysterious? I thought it was someone else entirely." Tang Qi said speechlessly, pouting, at the gate of the Cheng residence.
Cheng Junshi stepped inside first. Seeing that Tang Qi hadn't moved, he turned around, frowned, and said to him strangely, "No one's stopping you this time, come on."
Tang Qi scratched his nose, his eyes glancing up and down at the plaque above the Cheng residence, his feet hesitating, unsure whether to move or not. Perhaps it was because he had just gone too far with his nonsense to Cheng Junshi, but Tang Qi now felt a strange sense of unease about meeting Cheng Du—like meeting his parents for the first time.
Tang Qi suddenly realized what she had been thinking, her ears turning bright red in an instant. She coughed awkwardly a few times. Was she crazy? What was she thinking? Tang Qi wanted to slap herself a few times right then and there to calm down.
Cheng Junshi, of course, had no idea what he was thinking. He frowned and called out to Tang Qi several times before finally stepping into the mansion with him.
Cheng Du was in the study. As soon as Cheng Junshi appeared at the door, he looked up and snorted, "Are you broke or dead? What could possibly make you come all the way from Luocheng to Jingzhou?"
"I'll be waiting for you in the tea room." Cheng Junshi said this and then walked out, with Tang Qi following naturally.
There was more than enough room for two people at the tea table, but Tang Qi, as the third person, felt a bit out of place. He was so embarrassed that he wanted to run away on the spot. Cheng Wang, oblivious to his discomfort, took a teacup, poured tea, and pushed it in front of him, practically feeding it to Tang Qi.
Tang Qi could only give an awkward smile.
—Cheng Wang, I beg you, can you please take a look at your father? Can't you at least make him a cup of tea? The way your father looks at me is practically killing me.
Cheng Du snorted before speaking to Cheng Junshi: "What are you doing here? Does the mansion in Luocheng lack you for food and clothing?"
"I want to resign from my official post."
"Pfft—" Tang Qi spat out a mouthful of tea. Cheng Junshi immediately patted his back, but Tang Qi haphazardly tried to stop him. He coughed several times before exclaiming in surprise, "You want to resign?!"
Cheng Junshi didn't feel anything was wrong at all, and nodded slightly under the gazes of the two people.
"Why?" Although Cheng Du asked Cheng Junshi, his eyes unconsciously glanced at Tang Qi. Needless to say, he must have thought that Tang Qi had led Cheng Junshi astray.
"Yeah, why?" Tang Qi asked sincerely, looking completely bewildered.
Wait, what's going on? Cheng Junshi didn't mention it once the whole way!
“Father, I went to the Secret Pavilion and checked the historical records of Zhaoming, and Taiming, and even earlier,” he stared into Cheng Du’s eyes and asked, “the historical records have been altered, haven’t they?”
Cheng Du paused for a moment without speaking, then Cheng Junshi said again, "You knew all along, didn't you?"
"You've known this ever since my mother's accident, haven't you?"
Cheng Junshi's voice grew louder and louder, and Cheng Du stood rooted to the spot. The three questions left Tang Qi speechless, his mouth agape in an "o" shape as he stood there dumbfounded.
Should I excuse myself for a moment?
"Um..." Tang Qi touched the tip of her nose and was about to get up and say, "I have something to do, so I'll take my leave first," but she was startled back to where she was by Cheng Du's shout.
"Didn't I warn you long ago to stop bringing this up? Why can't you listen to me? Wang'er, can't you just let yourself go?"
Cheng Junshi remained calm, staring intently into Cheng Du's eyes. Whenever the two discussed this matter, the tension was always so palpable that neither was willing to back down.
Standing between them, enveloped by a chilling aura, Tang Qi felt rather uncomfortable. Seeing that the atmosphere was still tense, Tang Qi had no choice but to step in and smooth things over, saying, "Um... Uncle, please don't be angry. We have come to visit today because we really have something we would like to discuss with you."
“I know you don’t want Cheng Wang to continue investigating the late Madam’s case because you’re worried about him getting into trouble. But you should know his personality best. After all these years, it’s too easy for him to give up. Anything, anyone, any word can be used as an excuse. If Cheng Wang had wavered even a little bit, he wouldn’t have chosen to persist until now.”
He looked at Cheng Du and smiled gently, saying, "Actually, many things can no longer be simply considered 'things' at this point; they are more like obsessions. If you don't find out the truth while you're alive, you won't be at peace even after you die."
Cheng Du remained silent for a moment before suddenly speaking loudly to Cheng Junshi: "But do you know—!"
“I know,” Cheng Junshi interrupted him, his gaze deep. “I know I might die, but I’m not afraid. My mother can’t die without a clear explanation. They want to cover up the truth about my mother, and I won’t accept that.”
“Father, I know you’re worried about me. But the situation is changing. We can’t stay safe by simply retreating. If we’re always pampered, we’ll only be turned into someone else’s puppet. I don’t want that.”
"So what do you want? To fight this era to the end?" Cheng Du sneered and looked at him, saying, "There are plenty of people in the world who have suffered setbacks and lost their lives. What's the use? Who changed this era? It's better for you to live a peaceful life than anything else."
Cheng Junshi remained silent, and Cheng Du sighed again and continued, "Father only wants to see you grow up well, nothing else matters. I just want you to live, Wang'er, I just want you to live."
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